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Time doesn't always make things better
#1
In May of this year I was engaged to someone I thought and planned to spend my life with. Then I find out she was cheating on me and I get messages from her saying "well sometimes if you love something you have to let it go", or "you could have anyone you want". Those hurt because I didn't want someone else I wanted to spend my life with her and I figured she wanted the same from me. But I found out how easily I could be replaced.

Now it is November it's been 6 months now sense that happened. There still isn't a single day that I don't think about her, wonder if she ever thinks about me but I know it doesn't matter. The thing is I was told after it ended the 3 things that will help me is finding someone else, finding activities to keep your mind busy and time. And what have I done since then, I took a cross country trip, meet a ton of people in different cultures, and I have returned to college. I have gone out on dates with 7 different women. All I find myself doing is bouncing from one person to another because I wont allow myself to develop feelings for someone. Now it's been 6 months and yet it still hurts just the same. I still have to force myself not to cry when I think about her.
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#2
Hey Mike, I'm really sorry you had something like this happen to you. I've been cheated by a girl I loved before as well and it took me 7 months to get over it, so I totally understand how you feel. What made me get over it was another girl I met, which I came to love even more, because she was miles ahead of the previous one. My point is, since you are having dates, maybe you could start paying more attention to the new women you meet, maybe one of them has more to offer than your ex ever had. You also already realize that you didn't mean all that much to your ex if she cheated on you and then showered you with cliche movie lines to try to justify her actions, which really are beyond justification, especially since you two were engaged. Does this kind of person deserve your thoughts? I think not. At the end of the day, at least you didn't get to be cheated after getting married, so things could definitely had been much worse.
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#3
(11-03-2013, 06:21 AM)Seeker Wrote: Hey Mike, I'm really sorry you had something like this happen to you. I've been cheated by a girl I loved before as well and it took me 7 months to get over it, so I totally understand how you feel. What made me get over it was another girl I met, which I came to love even more, because she was miles ahead of the previous one. My point is, since you are having dates, maybe you could start paying more attention to the new women you meet, maybe one of them has more to offer than your ex ever had. You also already realize that you didn't mean all that much to your ex if she cheated on you and then showered you with cliche movie lines to try to justify her actions, which really are beyond justification, especially since you two were engaged. Does this kind of person deserve your thoughts? I think not. At the end of the day, at least you didn't get to be cheated after getting married, so things could definitely had been much worse.

Thanks. The problem I have was my ex was very affectionate we would always tell one another how much we love one another and after 2 and a half years 1 day I am suddenly nothing to her. The women I have meet are not like her, the one I am going out with now I am convienced has no respect for me, every time we go out she expects me to pay for her meal does not even offer to pay. Now she wants me to her something because she used all her money on shopping. Before her it was some girl I meet on the first date who wanted to already get married and have children. It hurts me because I feel like I shouldn't even be in these situations I should be with the person I loved.
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#4
The problem is that you're stuck in the past. You keep talking about the love you USED to have. There is a reason that you write in the past tense, and this is because you have retained the image of the girl from the time she used to love you. You need to realize that this is not the case anymore, and make a conscious decision to lock the door to your past and throw away the key. As for the women you are dating right now, they only take advantage of your wallet because you allow them to do so, ultimately it is up to YOU to stop tolerating this kind of behavior and remove them from your life as soon as possible.
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#5
Just because it's been 6 months doesn't mean it'll never happen, it takes more time than others for some people but it just reflects the feeling you had towards this person. I don't think you ever forget the relationships that meant a lot to you, I still think about some I had in the past sometimes but it's not something you should dwell on.

You'll find someone again someday.
[Image: 2vj1q3q.jpg]
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#6
Love takes time to heal when you're hurting so much. (I just quoted a line from a Mariah Carey song) But yeah it will take time, and even when you do find someone new who fills that emptiness inside you may still look back and feel a loss there, someone you loved and cared for betrayed your love and trust. That's not easy to come back from.
_______________________________________________________________________
Sickos never scare me. Least they're committed.  
Never Give Up!  Never Surrender!

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#7
(11-03-2013, 11:34 PM)Sci-Fi Wrote: Love takes time to heal when you're hurting so much. (I just quoted a line from a Mariah Carey song) But yeah it will take time, and even when you do find someone new who fills that emptiness inside you may still look back and feel a loss there, someone you loved and cared for betrayed your love and trust. That's not easy to come back from.

This.

I realised something though in my experience. If the person I loved kept hurting me over and over again, deliberately, it did make it easier to move on because of the pain. But then it's like one of the two options: less hurt (compared to the next option) for a longer period of time, or a whole lot of hurt (oh and I mean, a whole lot of it) for a shorter period of time. I went through the latter before. Either option still sucks though.

I'm sorry you are still hurting, Mike. Stay strong, I hope you'll be at peace some day sooner rather than later.
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#8
Time does make things better. It's a different amount of time for different people and for different situations.

I've never been engaged or anything but I fell in love with someone once who I had never met before. I thought we were going to meet and be together forever because I loved him. It didn't work out and it took me almost a year to finally stop feeling sad about it when I thought of him. The first six months I would randomly just cry when I thought of him because I was so fixated on how perfect I thought he was for me. If I had been honest with myself I would have also focused on why he wasn't perfect for me and it would have been easier to move on from it.

Dwelling on things you can't change definitely won't help you get over anything. It's the hardest thing sometimes to just accept how things turn out but it's something you have to do in order to heal. Until then you're just going to make yourself more miserable then you need to be.

I'm sorry you're still so sad about this. I hope you find a way to move on and feel better soon.
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#9
Running from one person to another puts the brain in 'intimate' mode (whatever, something like that) which IMO is toxic if you really want to get over your ex. What do I know, I've never had a girlfriend, but it seems like common sense. Time doesn't work? Maybe you just need more of it.

(11-03-2013, 06:21 AM)Seeker Wrote: What made me get over it was another girl I met, which I came to love even more, because she was miles ahead of the previous one. My point is, since you are having dates, maybe you could start paying more attention to the new women you meet, maybe one of them has more to offer than your ex ever had.

Disagree, at present diving into new relationships reinforces the OP's need for validation from another.

(11-03-2013, 06:21 AM)Seeker Wrote: You also already realize that you didn't mean all that much to your ex if she cheated on you and then showered you with cliche movie lines to try to justify her actions, which really are beyond justification, especially since you two were engaged. Does this kind of person deserve your thoughts?

Absolutely not, but it can't be as easy easy as resolving not to think about them. She still owns his heart, and probably just as important his self-esteem.
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#10
(11-04-2013, 09:11 AM)Bei Wrote: Dwelling on things you can't change definitely won't help you get over anything. It's the hardest thing sometimes to just accept how things turn out but it's something you have to do in order to heal. Until then you're just going to make yourself more miserable then you need to be.

So true.
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