I'm having persistent mental pain today

I'm really tired of spending my days monotonously. I wish I could have some fun and get filled with joys just like others. Okay today my classmate told me several days ago that he has moved to the district where I live. I was really excited and I thought I finally could make a friend. I was very eager to go together with him and I was even daydreaming about having a fun with him. As I crave a companionship of someone, I recommended him to go together with me after class. Our class has only 20 students and we've been in same class for 3 years so i was really sure that we would accept. He was confused at the moment but said okay. My biology class was dismissed very early today so i decided to wait for his physics class to be over. I was super excited, because I always go alone. It was like what i daydream is coming true. I waited for an hour- only thinking about what to do with him, finally i reminded him. However he was like " oh no how can i get rid of him? what can i say ? " it was all written over his face. That was quite disrespectful expression. I asked him if he had anything to with his clique, he had nothing to do. I tried to persuade him " oh come please' then " just today please" then " please i beg you ". I made a fool of myself. I looked like as if i'm nothing. I realised how worthless and nothing to them. I'm pretty sure they realised how lonely i am. It was such a big shame. After that I said Okay and went out, keeping my head held high. As soon as i turned the corner, i almost cried ; so painful and lonely. If my whole life will be always like what i'm going through I would definitely commit a suicide. I showed him my brilliant poem about loneliness and he said that was fantastic; actually the point was to make him the idea of my loneliness so he might be more close with me. I still feel terrible pain and i wanna cry. Totally disheartened.

I'm going to be very honest about my opinion here, Bebeski, and please remember that this is only my opinion. I have found by experience that people, even other lonely people, can get really intimidated by clinginess. Unfortunately, people don't want to be around depressed or lonely people much these days, or even if they do, a first impression like the one you did is not what someone really wants to see from a potential new friend. People look for fun and positive people to interact with, and by showing him your "real" side way too early you actually put him off. To be perfectly honest with you, even I would react the same way, and I usually like people like you as friends. I'm not saying you should "pretend", but since you seek people for company, maybe you could try get into the "companionship" state next time.

Hello Bebeski, I am so sorry that things went so wrong for you. It must have hurt you so much when your classmate brushed you off. And I can imagine that you are now wishing that you hadn't begged him. (I once begged someone very many years ago and I still cringe now when I think back to it.) Loneliness can be so devastating though and it can be impossible to think clearly when we see a chance for companionship slipping away.
To an extent, I agree with Seeker, that clinginess can be intimidating to others as it can come across as emotionally overwhelming. Although it feels like a Herculean task and it can also feel that you are not being yourself, it can be better to hide feelings of deep loneliness at first, and only gradually start to confide in someone about how you are really feeling when you get to know them better. You will have the chance to work out if they are trustworthy as well and if they are likely to be understanding.
I am sending you a hug and hope that you feel a bit better now that you have confided with us here.

Thank you guys.

Seeker said:

I'm going to be very honest about my opinion here, Bebeski, and please remember that this is only my opinion. I have found by experience that people, even other lonely people, can get really intimidated by clinginess. Unfortunately, people don't want to be around depressed or lonely people much these days, or even if they do, a first impression like the one you did is not what someone really wants to see from a potential new friend. People look for fun and positive people to interact with, and by showing him your "real" side way too early you actually put him off. To be perfectly honest with you, even I would react the same way, and I usually like people like you as friends. I'm not saying you should "pretend", but since you seek people for company, maybe you could try get into the "companionship" state next time.

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Okay Seeker. Thanks. If my classmate feels lonely I would give a big warm hug to that person and spend a whole to cheer him/her up as best as I can. It is so true that people usually look for fun instead of taking a care for someone. Personally, I think, My classmates must be a different species of human or just blinded. Actually the one i want to become friends with is a really good guy. He got nice looks and kind behaviours. He is just not like other jerks in my class. I wish I could kill his clique friends so he will be my friend-haha so horrible. He promised me he will go together tomorrow, but I feel like I don't want it at all. Actually I wanted his companionship so bad, but I now i feel like I'd better be alone. There's still some mental pain on my chest. Oh god, When i gotta be strong and independent.

I don't really have anything new to say here Bebeskii.....basically I agree with the previous comments. Neediness can be off putting to people. And I'm afraid that overt neediness can also be an invitation for unscrupulous people to take advantage of you......in all kinds of ways.

That probably doesn't help you and I'm sorry for that.

I'm sorry this happened to you, I tend to get the same way anytime someone wants to hang out with me. I get super excited and think of how much fun I'll have with them. A incident actually happened on Halloween where I was invited to a Halloween party, she told me she would pick me up. I got ready, dressed up in a costume and everything, 8 pm came around and she never came to pick me up. Tired contacting her but didn't hear back from her. In the end I took off my costume, got a shower and ended up going to bed. I didn't show my family how deeply hurt I was, but I was crying inside.

Hopefully things smooth over for you between you and you're friend. You're not worthless, please know that. Just wanted to let you know I relate. Most people tend to turn their heads at people who are lonely or sad, but there is hope out there. Don't give up too soon.

~Big Hug to you~

WallflowerGirl83 said:

I'm sorry this happened to you, I tend to get the same way anytime someone wants to hang out with me. I get super excited and think of how much fun I'll have with them. A incident actually happened on Halloween where I was invited to a Halloween party, she told me she would pick me up. I got ready, dressed up in a costume and everything, 8 pm came around and she never came to pick me up. Tired contacting her but didn't hear back from her. In the end I took off my costume, got a shower and ended up going to bed. I didn't show my family how deeply hurt I was, but I was crying inside.

Hopefully things smooth over for you between you and you're friend. You're not worthless, please know that. Just wanted to let you know I relate. Most people tend to turn their heads at people who are lonely or sad, but there is hope out there. Don't give up too soon.

~Big Hug to you~

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We totally relate. I'm sorry that person did not pick you up. I will never give up. I feel that my future holds something bright and brilliant

It took up 3 days to heal. I think this experience made me stronger. Next time I won't get sad if someone pushes away. I still always go home directly from school, but that's fine.