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Saying NO to loneliness! My Journal
Why am I starting a journal?
It’s time to face my fears.

I’m not satisfied with my dating life or my social life. For a long time I've tried passively learning the skills I believed would improve those areas of my life. But there's only so much you can learn from sitting behind your computer reading dating websites, watching pickup videos on youtube or reading self help books.

The only way I can make the progression I want is by putting myself out there, taking the responsibility, embracing the challenges and uncomfortable situations. I've decided it's time to commit to taking consistent action instead of succumbing to my irrational fears and excuses that have held me back for so long.

I need to step out of my comfort zone and start taking risks. From this point forward I will throw myself into social situations I would normally avoid, approach lots of girls, learn from my mistakes and try to have fun in the process.

The biggest challenge will be getting started and committing to this. I hope this journal will help keep me accountable and be a way to measure my growth. Maybe it will also inspire others on here to take the action required to improve areas of their life they aren't satisfied with.

What will I write about?
I'll try to update this journal at least once a week with stories about approaching girls, pushing myself out of my comfort zone and meeting new people. I'll write about both my successes and failures. I'll also include observations and lessons I think could help other people on here.

Who should read my journal?
I welcome anyone to read my journal and I'm open to feedback, criticism and questions from anyone. Any guys on here who want to meet more girls, will hopefully be able to learn something from this journal. I see a lot of guys on here who aren't sure how to approach or aren't sure if girls even want to be approached, this journal should help answer those questions.

People should remember that I'm a 21 year old who has only ever had one girlfriend (not for very long), had social skills of a duck (my social skills still aren't great), doesn't have many close friends, has always been shy around most people and has always lacked self esteem.

If I can push through this and improve this area of my life, anyone on here can.

“There are two types of pain you will go through in life, the pain of discipline and the pain of regret. Discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tonnes.” - Jim Rohn
This is a great idea. I think you are brave and I wish you luck.
You already know I'll be reading this thread Smile
Time to use your journal as a lesson on life. Best of luck and teach me so I may emulate.
This sounds like a brilliant idea! Good luck!! Smile I'll be checking back for more updates.
I sometimes wear your face as a mask to encourage myself. It's not weird!
Thanks for the support guys! Means a lot. First entry should be up tomorrow.
Thursday evening

For about six months I’ve seen this girl I went to school with, usually once a week at my gym. I’ve wanted to speak to her but I’ve always avoided it because I was afraid she wouldn’t remember me.

Thursday evening I see her at the gym again and I decide if I’m committing to this action taking, I need to say hello. As soon as I got a chance, I went over and spoke to her. She remembered who I was and she seemed interested to hear what I’ve been doing since school. Now I’ve broken the ice it should be easier to talk to her again when I see her at the gym.


I went down to the shopping mall on Friday. My mini challenge for the day was to approach and girl and ask if I could borrow her phone to call a friend. Just trying to get used to approaching random girls, especially during the daytime which I’ve never been able to do.

I was walking around for almost 30 minutes and saw so many girls I could have approached but my mind kept coming up with stupid excuses not to. Finally I see this one really cute girl waiting at a juice bar by herself. I must have stood nearby for almost 2 minutes trying to convince myself to go up to her. I managed to calm my nerves and ask her to borrow her phone. I introduced myself to her and she was really nice. I could have kept talking to her but I was just pleased to have done the approach so after I used the phone I said goodbye.

Friday night

The plan for Friday night was to go into town and meet up with a friend. Even though I would’ve much prefered to stay at home, watch TV and go to bed this night, I thought I can’t start making excuses already and forced myself to go. My friend couldn’t get into town until later so I just went in by myself until he got there.

The first bar I went in to was really quite, there were mostly older people in there. I got a glass of water and walked around looking for someone to talk to but couldn’t find anyone and left after about 10 minutes.

The second place I went into was a lot busier. I wandered around for quite a while looking for people to talk to but still kept coming up with excuses not to. I was walking to the bar to get a water and I noticed a group of three girls next to me who looked really excited about something. I asked the one closest next to me what all the commotion was about. She said they had just finished their uni exams. I spoke to her for maybe a minute and then her friends started walking off and she followed them. I should have either followed them and kept talking or tried to involve the friends at first but the music was so loud which made it hard to do.

A few minutes later I was walking around when this cute blonde girl, probably a bit older than me started patting me on the face. I turned around and started talking to her for a while.

I have this bad habit when I’m talking to a girl at a bar or club with really loud music and I go into what I call ‘gay best friend mode.’ I'm like ‘óhhh yeahhhh, cooool, woww yeahhh me tooo!’ It’s because I can’t talk like I normally do because the musics so loud and I can’t think of what to say. Guys reading this, never go into gay best friends’s so lame. As you can probably predict the girl walked off pretty soon.

Even though these both walked away it didn’t really phase me and my state actually improved because I’d actually been talking to people. For a few minutes I actually felt like talking to random people but I didn’t take advantage of this. I ended up leaving fairly early because I was tired.

Positives: Went out even though I didn’t feel like it

Saturday night

I couldn't find anyone else to go out with so I decided to go out by myself just for a few hours. The first bar I went into was really small and I was possibly the youngest person in there. While I was waiting to get a water from the bar, a guy started talking to me. His friend came over and talked to me as well. These were good guys, the type of guys I would normally like hanging out with. I spoke to them for about 10 minutes, which helped me to relax more and get into a more social mood.

Later I walked over to another fairly small bar. It's a good place because the music isn't too loud and there's not too many drunken idiots there. After walking around for a while, I spot a group of four girls standing together. I approach them and tell them my other friends aren't there so I'm adopting them as my new best friends.
Two of them were fairly receptive but the other two looked a bit unsure. One of them was like 'ohh awesome...' in a kind of sarcastic tone. I quickly got her on my side by calling her out on this and telling her she should've been more enthusiastic about meeting me. After this she was really cool.

Now that I'd won over the whole group I focused most of my attention on one of the girls I was standing next to. I ended up speaking to her and the others for 20 minutes or so.

Even though this interaction was far from perfect and there was so much more I could've done, it was still 50 times better than the interactions I had the night before. Besides a few awkward moments where I wasn't sure what to say or do, I was pretty solid overall. The main thing was I did the approach, I can work on the finer details once I'm able to approach consistently.

Positives: Approached and won over a group of four attractive girls
Stayed calm and collected throughout the interaction - didn't go into gay best friend mode!


So that's my first three days of this journey. I didn't talk to as many new people as I would have liked but I did four approaches, which is four more approaches than I usually do in three days.

After Friday night I was starting to get a bit down on myself and having self doubts. But after that interaction with those girls last night, I'm feeling a lot better about it. It's amazing how a small decision like approaching a group of four girls can result in such a big change in your outlook on things.

It's also amazing how much you learn from actively seeking out new social experiences. There is so much I can take away from those interactions I've had over the past three days and you just can't get that from reading about this stuff.
Nice going. I think everyone knows that the biggest thing stopping people from just going up and talking to someone is fear. The 3rd night was easier than the 1st right? I look forward to seeing how this ends up.
I'm glad you're doing this. And I believe it will helps others who read your journal as well. =)
Good luck with your journal! ~hugs~
Thanks Wallflowergirl! Really appreciate the support Smile

Great night out

It’s been a fairly quiet week so far, I haven’t been doing anything interesting until last night.

So my friend and I decided we should go out and (try to) hit on girls on a Thursday night. The first pub we go into, we spot these two girls sitting together at a table. We both go over there and start talking to them and we all hit it off really well.

We stay at that pub talking to these girls for about 30 minutes, we get to know them, do shots with them and everything goes well. I was in a social mood and wasn’t having any trouble talking to them and keeping the conversation going, which is something I usually struggle a lot with.

We all decide to go to this nightclub down the road which is popular on Thursdays. When we get there, I wanted to see if I could get anywhere with one of the two girls. She was stunning, easily one of the most attractive girls in the club that night and she was really cool too.

We go over to the dancefloor, where she tells me she has a boyfriend. Shit. I tell her she should introduce me to all her cute friends. She says she will be my wing lady and help me pick up girls. Awesome, I’ve always wanted this to happen.

My new wing lady finds a group of four girls and starts talking to them. I go over and introduce myself. I talk to all of the girls in the group and there was one who I connected well with. We chat for a while then she says they’re going upstairs and I should come with them. She grabs my hand and we go to the upstairs area.

I talk and dance with her for a while but I felt like she was losing interest. I know I could have pushed it further with this girl and afterwards I sort of wished I did. But I was also talking to another girl from their group who was showing a lot more signs of interest.

I drag this girl away from the rest of the group. At this point I was in the perfect state. All the right words were coming out of my mouth, I was having fun, I wasn’t overthinking everything like I usually do and this girl loved it. If I could be like this with every girl I met, I would be golden. We makeout and exchange phone numbers. Soon her friends dragged her away so I went back to find my friend and wing lady.

A bit later that girl texted me asking where I was. We met again on the dance floor. We flirted and made out again for a while, then she went back to her friends again.

My buddy had taken off somewhere with wing lady’s friend so I mostly hung out with wing lady for the rest of the night so she wouldn’t be alone. I talked to about another four or five groups of girls during the night, with some assistance from my wing lady. It was actually fairly easy to go up and talk to these girls because I was in such a good, social mood. It helps having an extremely attractive girl with you too, so you don’t look like that creepy guy by himself hitting on all the girls.

So overall this was a great night. Nights like this are rare for me but hopefully they will become more common soon. I talked to lots of new people during the night, both guys and girls and I had a couple of great interactions. It’s so much easier to be social and talk to girls when you get in the right state.

Now I just need to find a way to get into that state more often in social situations. Alcohol maybe? Those shots at the start of the night probably helped but I think the main thing is talking to people right from the start of the night and not taking myself too seriously.
Bars and nightclubs the only place to go to meet them... I suppose means, I won't meet them! Big Grin

But anyway, good job, it takes a lot of guts to try these things

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