Paranoia is keeping me from feeling normal

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In my head
Hey everyone, its been a while.

I started college back in August, and it has been the most life changing thing that has ever happened to me. Back in high school and middle school, I had some serious problems making new friends and the friends that I did have were either incredibly abusive or they were too strange for me to really connect with. Now that I am in college, I have met people who I think I can relate to. We all share many common interests and we are quite open about our problems with one another. I trusted them enough to even let them know about my depersonalization disorder, and I always thought that would be a secret that I would take to the grave. These people are some of the greatest people I have ever met, and I would feel terrible if I lost any of them.

But there is always a lingering thought that haunts me. It's one that I am positive is not true, but it always makes me feel sick when I think about it: what if they don't really like me? It seems like a stupid thought to have, especially since they have never shown any real sign of distrust of me, but this thought always haunts me. Nearly every single friend I have had has messed me over in some way or another (either by physically hurting me or by mentally hurting me), and I feel like this might be coming back to hurt me now when I am so close to being normal. I want to be able to put my full trust into them, but this thought is keeping me at a distance.

How do I make these stupid thoughts? I want to be able to trust people again :(
 
I have paranoia like this nearly every day. What if they're screwing with me? What if they don't really like me? What if they're talking and laughing about me behind my back. These stupid question always seem to haunt me after I become relatively good friends with someone. I can't tell you a sure fire way to get rid of the paranoia because I can't even help my self there. The only thing I do is try to think nothing of it. I don't even try to convince my self that these things aren't true, I just ignore it. I blow the thought away any time it comes to mind just to keep my self from going nuts and losing the people that actually do consider me a friend.
 
I have the same situation. But, this is in my workplace. I don't communicate with the people that I know because they might say something behind my back, though, they would say something even if I didn't talk with them. Yokel is right. Try your best not to think of them if they don't like you. If you think you can trust them, go ahead. If you don't, shake them off. There will be a lot of people who will understand you. I just only have one friend in my workplace and I'm always happy when I talk to her.
 
I'm not sure if I'm a paranoid person - sometimes I can be but I'm really more of a worry-wart (hmm, are they the same thing?).

Yokel said:
I blow the thought away any time it comes to mind just to keep my self from going nuts and losing the people that actually do consider me a friend.

This is what I do try to do when I start thinking negative - distraction / sleep usually works for me really. It's bad though, some nights I just can't get rid of them and they make my mood go down. Try to find things to do to take your mind of those paranoid thoughts, like watching a show, or movie, or tv.. or anything really. Good luck.
 

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