I don't wont to be shared with another man.. ESPECIALLY A MARRIED ONE.

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

Midnight Sky

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 3, 2013
Messages
246
Reaction score
0
Location
Georgia
Long story short.. I've been dealing with this at work for several years now and only this year, this particular woman was getting more aggressive with her "advances". This isn't exclusive to married women. There has been quite a few girls I met in the past, that have came to me like this, while already being with someone.

As lonely and totally feeling unwanted as I am, I am not desperate. And I WONT resort to taking part in infidelity.

This might be "ok" with people who are into this(I think it's called polygamy?) But I'm not. And I wont be.

It makes me feel like you only see me as half a man. While you want all the romance from me, that your man ain't giving you, you're still giving him all the sex. And you certainly will not leave/divorce him to be with me. ← That right there is what bothers me most of all. I'm not gonna be a home wrecker, or mess with another man's woman.

I'm not selling myself short. It's not right, it's not fair, and the pain gets too much to bare. I CAN'T enjoy(ie. I can't enjoy YOU) all the 'leading on' and flirting, BECAUSE WE'LL NEVER BE TOGETHER. Either you want all of me, and only me, or you aren't getting any of me.
 
Does this lady use this site? o_O' Good on you though. Don't settle for whatever is going on here. No good can come from this in the end.
 
Midnight Sky said:
Long story short.. I've been dealing with this at work for several years now and only this year, this particular woman was getting more aggressive with her "advances". This isn't exclusive to married women. There has been quite a few girls I met in the past, that have came to me like this, while already being with someone.

As lonely and totally feeling unwanted as I am, I am not desperate. And I WONT resort to taking part in infidelity.

This might be "ok" with people who are into this(I think it's called polygamy?) But I'm not. And I wont be.

It makes me feel like you only see me as half a man. While you want all the romance from me, that your man ain't giving you, you're still giving him all the sex. And you certainly will not leave/divorce him to be with me. ← That right there is what bothers me most of all. I'm not gonna be a home wrecker, or mess with another man's woman.

I'm not selling myself short. It's not right, it's not fair, and the pain gets too much to bare. I CAN'T enjoy(ie. I can't enjoy YOU) all the 'leading on' and flirting, BECAUSE WE'LL NEVER BE TOGETHER. Either you want all of me, and only me, or you aren't getting any of me.

That's a great attitude you have about that, Midnight!
It sucks that you have to deal with that kind of crap at work though.
 
Gutted said:
Does this lady use this site? o_O' Good on you though. Don't settle for whatever is going on here. No good can come from this in the end.

No, she doesn't.

I'm the kind of person who will take the fight to you face to face anyway. And we've already had a mini argument about this. But she wouldn't respect it at first and thought I was just joking around. Hugs are fine, I always need those. But the other touchy feely stuff was pissing me off. She keeps her hands to herself now. And probably thinks: "Wow, he got nobody but he's all "HANDS OFF" ". Oh you're right! HANDS ON HIM, HANDS OFF ME.
 
Midnight Sky said:
Long story short.. I've been dealing with this at work for several years now and only this year, this particular woman was getting more aggressive with her "advances". This isn't exclusive to married women. There has been quite a few girls I met in the past, that have came to me like this, while already being with someone.

As lonely and totally feeling unwanted as I am, I am not desperate. And I WONT resort to taking part in infidelity.

This might be "ok" with people who are into this(I think it's called polygamy?) But I'm not. And I wont be.

It makes me feel like you only see me as half a man. While you want all the romance from me, that your man ain't giving you, you're still giving him all the sex. And you certainly will not leave/divorce him to be with me. ← That right there is what bothers me most of all. I'm not gonna be a home wrecker, or mess with another man's woman.

I'm not selling myself short. It's not right, it's not fair, and the pain gets too much to bare. I CAN'T enjoy(ie. I can't enjoy YOU) all the 'leading on' and flirting, BECAUSE WE'LL NEVER BE TOGETHER. Either you want all of me, and only me, or you aren't getting any of me.

My close friend in real life got his first relationship in his life--he's 32--with a woman similar to what you describe. She works with him and basically "chose" him one day, although it was never physical contact, it was done via instant messaging! She is married with 3 kids. She claims she hasn't had sex with her husband in 8+ months, she claims they have no romance left between them, it's a state of pseudo-separation (but not actual.) My friend only knows what she tells him, of course.

Now my friend has been with this woman and intimate for more than 5 straight months. It does weigh on his conscience that he is involved in an affair of sorts, but that is the only consequence I have seen so far. He is not concerned about future consequences, rumors, workplace issues, and has no problem knowing it is a temporary relationship.

My friend is usually someone with decent moral values, a genuinely nice guy who will go out of his way to help people. But he is/was also very lonely and knows that, at 32 never having had a relationship, he wasn't willing to decline what may very well be his only chance at intimacy. (Not when an attractive woman picks him up, anyway!)

In a sense.. if the same situation happened to some of us 30+ virgins here.. I wonder how many would hold true to claims of righteousness, and how many would have caved in like my friend. (Let he who is without sin, throw the first stone :p )
 
She has told me a lot of things about her marriage that I find unbelievable. 1 being that she claims her husband is tired of having sex. And denies her of it quite a lot. She's the kind of woman that likes to do it often. She has admitted to be driven to being bisexual and has dated a girl on the side before. So I'm thinking this can't be true. What man is going to complain about too much sex? I think there's other stuff she hasn't told me though.

I understand why she stays with him. They own a house, 2 cars and have kids, and he gets paid well. She benefits from the marriage from a financial standpoint.

I'll give her credit, yes. I'll be fair and say that at least I know that my thinking that I'm unattractive is not entirely true. She's also older than me.

It's not too bad at work. We're not on bad terms.

Edit: I talked to my mom about this some months ago, and she said while its noble of me to think this way, there will be others who aren't as noble. Translation: We all have needs and will eventually give into them.
My mom forgets, that if I strongly wont do something I don't wont to do. She also believes, my level of righteousness can be a problem for myself. >_>

Yeah, I want a lover. Yes I want to end my virginity. Hell yes there are several ways, easy ways of taking care of that. But I don't wont those ways and that's that.
 
It's a great way of thinking.

I don't blame people for it sometimes though. Some people can feel trapped in relationships because of children, or other things. They seek out that affection, just like many here seek out to end their loneliness. The thing about affairs though, it will either eventually die out, or come to the point of choosing (you or me).

It's not fair to be messed around with like that, but sometimes it's worth looking at it from their point of view. If it's only for physical reasons then I full on agree with you about the situation. If it's an emotional type of affair, her feelings are for you etc, then obviously I can understand her side.

Stick to your guns though bud.
 
Midnight Sky said:
Long story short.. I've been dealing with this at work for several years now and only this year, this particular woman was getting more aggressive with her "advances". This isn't exclusive to married women. There has been quite a few girls I met in the past, that have came to me like this, while already being with someone.

As lonely and totally feeling unwanted as I am, I am not desperate. And I WONT resort to taking part in infidelity.

This might be "ok" with people who are into this(I think it's called polygamy?) But I'm not. And I wont be.

It makes me feel like you only see me as half a man. While you want all the romance from me, that your man ain't giving you, you're still giving him all the sex. And you certainly will not leave/divorce him to be with me. ← That right there is what bothers me most of all. I'm not gonna be a home wrecker, or mess with another man's woman.

I'm not selling myself short. It's not right, it's not fair, and the pain gets too much to bare. I CAN'T enjoy(ie. I can't enjoy YOU) all the 'leading on' and flirting, BECAUSE WE'LL NEVER BE TOGETHER. Either you want all of me, and only me, or you aren't getting any of me.

Good on you! I agree, I would not be party to that either.
 
Midnight Sky said:
She has told me a lot of things about her marriage that I find unbelievable. 1 being that she claims her husband is tired of having sex. And denies her of it quite a lot. She's the kind of woman that likes to do it often. She has admitted to be driven to being bisexual and has dated a girl on the side before. So I'm thinking this can't be true. What man is going to complain about too much sex? I think there's other stuff she hasn't told me though.

Not that I'm advocating for adultery here, but she may not be lying about the sex problem. I recently read an article about how some wives want it more than their husbands and that sometimes it's them with the higher sex drives. http://www.salon.com/2013/04/28/when_she_wants_sex_more/
 
murmi97 said:
Midnight Sky said:
She has told me a lot of things about her marriage that I find unbelievable. 1 being that she claims her husband is tired of having sex. And denies her of it quite a lot. She's the kind of woman that likes to do it often. She has admitted to be driven to being bisexual and has dated a girl on the side before. So I'm thinking this can't be true. What man is going to complain about too much sex? I think there's other stuff she hasn't told me though.

Not that I'm advocating for adultery here, but she may not be lying about the sex problem. I recently read an article about how some wives want it more than their husbands and that sometimes it's them with the higher sex drives.

^ I know a woman like that as well, and she's complained about those same problems with her last two boyfriends (she also cheated on them both). Not every guy has a high sex drive.
 
Midnight Sky said:
Long story short.. I've been dealing with this at work for several years now and only this year, this particular woman was getting more aggressive with her "advances". This isn't exclusive to married women. There has been quite a few girls I met in the past, that have came to me like this, while already being with someone.

As lonely and totally feeling unwanted as I am, I am not desperate. And I WONT resort to taking part in infidelity.

This might be "ok" with people who are into this(I think it's called polygamy?) But I'm not. And I wont be.

It makes me feel like you only see me as half a man. While you want all the romance from me, that your man ain't giving you, you're still giving him all the sex. And you certainly will not leave/divorce him to be with me. ← That right there is what bothers me most of all. I'm not gonna be a home wrecker, or mess with another man's woman.

I'm not selling myself short. It's not right, it's not fair, and the pain gets too much to bare. I CAN'T enjoy(ie. I can't enjoy YOU) all the 'leading on' and flirting, BECAUSE WE'LL NEVER BE TOGETHER. Either you want all of me, and only me, or you aren't getting any of me.


Ah... it's not merely for the pain it might cause you but what you're doing to their husbands - another man, another human being, by taking part in infidelity.

Okay, if not you it would probably be another guy, but would you really want that on your conscience.
 
And then with all this BS, there is a resounding question that screams in my mind everytime..

Why can't it be a single woman?
 
ardour said:
Ah... it's not merely for the pain it might cause you but what you're doing to their husbands - another man, another human being, by taking part in infidelity.

Okay, if not you it would probably be another guy, but would you really want that on your conscience.

Yes.. but... sometimes even "great" lonely men have fallen into this kind of thing. I don't mean prickly, introverted, socially clueless folks (like myself), not that type--I mean average guys who do a good deed every day, have an active social life, almost always mean well, but for one reason or other, never had a gf, never had physical closeness.

Am I suggesting someone should allow themselves to break the code of honor and get into this situation, for fear of being swallowed up by loneliness and uncertainty of future desirability? No. But I can understand why someone would.

As for the husband... the wife tells my friend "he wouldn't mind."
 
Batman55 said:
ardour said:
Ah... it's not merely for the pain it might cause you but what you're doing to their husbands - another man, another human being, by taking part in infidelity.

Okay, if not you it would probably be another guy, but would you really want that on your conscience.

Yes.. but... sometimes even "great" lonely men have fallen into this kind of thing.

Great or not so great, makes no difference. Wrong is still wrong, no matter the reasons and it generally causes a fairly large amount of destruction.
Even though you can understand why someone WOULD do something, doesn't mean they SHOULD have done it. Just my two cents....
 
EveWasFramed said:
Great or not so great, makes no difference. Wrong is still wrong, no matter the reasons and it generally causes a fairly large amount of destruction.
Even though you can understand why someone WOULD do something, doesn't mean they SHOULD have done it. Just my two cents....

Wrong is indeed wrong. Even I--staunch defender of the downtrodden, lonely guy--would say it is wrong. My overall point is that the temptation of such a scenario is great for these guys. I would only be a fool to say it wouldn't be tempting for me, at least.

About the destruction, I would like your three cents (another cent if I may? :p). With my friend, I haven't seen much on his end. One time he said he can't sleep at night, he's afraid the husband might "beat him up" or something, but that's all I've seen. So it weighs on him, but otherwise.. he seems "better" in some way, like he's become more confident in his own skin. (I can't help but wonder if a lack of intimacy was contributing to his insecurity?)

About the wife, I don't know enough about that, but it is a situation where it would be extremely difficult to leave the marriage because of the kids and the finances.
 

Latest posts

Back
Top