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Case

Well-known member
Joined
May 22, 2013
Messages
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Location
Southern California
I have no one in my life that I feel that I can turn to about my loneliness. Facebook was once my last refuge for human connection, but in time, it has become a repository of people I once hung out with, people I once lived near or worked with or had relationships with.

Few of these people see me on a regular basis, and most of them never see me at all.

FB became a site I visited where I was desperate for any kind of contact with a human I knew. I would post things about myself solely to get "Likes," and if I didn't get any, I'd descend into a pit of isolation. I always felt that FB somehow made me feel connected. Unfortunately, it's a false connection.

When "Joe" or "Jane Blow" clicks "Like" on my status updates, it's not like they are meeting me for coffee, asking about my day, or telling me about their lives. It's a minimalistic effort, at best, to be a part of my life. To them, it may be enough to maintain whatever friendship they think they have with me, but when we talk about meeting up like we said we would, they're always busy. So, I stopped trying to hang out, and that only makes things worse.

Now, it's the holidays and I see FB friends doing holiday parties, having family gatherings, going to see nieces and nephews in musicals or plays, and all of it reminds me of how little I have going on in my own life. It becomes unbearable, and so I disabled my account.

One part of me hopes that someone will notice that I am gone and try to ring me up or text me and ask me why I'm not on FB anymore. I realize that's a passive cry out for help, but I don't care. To me, the benefits of being on FB were decreasing, and the pain of seeing other people living lives I wish I had a taste of was too much.

Maybe this will help me focus on non-social activities, at least until the New Year. Then, who knows? I may go back on FB and realize that no one missed me.
 
That's very sensible, I've always said that if you have problems with loneliness or depression or whatever to stay away from social media sites.
 
I can very much relate to this except mine wasn't Facebook, it was an online PC game. I have removed myself and deleted everything and all the people that said they cared etc, haven't even noticed I've gone.

It really made my day when they spoke to me or wanted to play, but then I realised that the only time they contacted me was when none of their other friends were online. I was just a fill in until someone else came along.

I honestly thought a couple of them would notice, especially the ones I am doing some artwork for, but no.

I'm sorry, I don't have any advice for you, but I do understand how you feel.
 
Hi I am new here but can relate to your post, I struggle with lack of friends and have no family to support me so things like public holidays are a big struggle and every year is the same. I had awful difficulties dealing with Facebook and would get really down when seeing pictures of people having fun at parties etc, but you have to think to yourself why do they put those pictures on facebook in the first place is it to prove to themselves that they are having fun or is it to show everyone else what a great life they have why do they feel the need to do this. I got sick of it in the end and sick of the endless people revealing their daily life and what they were doing minute by minute it can be worse than face to face chit chat ( which im not good at) so in the end i closed down my original facebook and opened up a new one and only added people which were an inspiration and people that I could follow who were also interested in the things I was into for example I have taken up cycling so I started adding people who liked world cycling and have I find I have things in common and have people on my Facebook from all over the world, even though i may never meet these people, I follow their journeys and am inspired by the lives they lead and hope to do my own bike tour one day. I use Facebook as a tool rather than an everyday diary for things which really no one is interested in only the person who is writing it. I still have people I know on there but I tend to hide what they write just so I do not have to read there fake world and I do not offend them by them thinking that i deleted them from my page. I have no true friends but Facebook can be used as a tool for a hobby or interest you may have, It has worked well for me and was the best thing I did was deleting my old facebook account. I'm always up for making new friends so if you wish to add me when your back on facebook then private message me and i'll add you. Open up a new facebook and only add people who you feel you want to chat to people who are interesting positive and inspiring.
 
You don't need Facebook. Well done for getting rid. True friends will stay in touch with you one way or another. Not only on social networks.
 
First of all I think it needs to be mentioned that you're way too AWESOMESUPERCOOL for being a Whovian.

But also, I can really relate to the isolating experience of using FB. The irony of social media sites..

I agree with the other members, FB can be a nice way to keep in touch and engage with people, if its made up of people who really care about you and are supportive or if you belong to a particular group and everyone communicates there.

So I'll say kudos to you and I hope you'll find this a liberating experience :)
 
Stonelands said:
If you're hoping that some of these people will text or call you then why not make the first move yourself?

Thanks to those replies. I'll respond in more detail during a break in work.

Stonelands: I get tired of being the one to contact ppl. I wonder why no one makes the effort themselves and it bums me out. Plus, when I get lonely, I have less energy to take that initiative. I can solve it by ignoring the one-sided contacting and simply text or call them myself, but my psyche at the moment prevents that.
 
I took a break from Facebook before and it was freeing. I came back after a while though, because I do have some people who I like to drop a line every now and then.

If you ever go back to Facebook, I don't suggest going on it when you're in a negative frame of mind. Everyone wants to look happy on FB and what you are seeing are the highlights in their lives, not their problems. I mean, it's easy to understand that intellectually, but not so much when you feel lonely and are browsing. Also, those smiling friends you see in photos may have a strained relationship...you never know. *hugs*
 
Case said:
Stonelands said:
If you're hoping that some of these people will text or call you then why not make the first move yourself?

Thanks to those replies. I'll respond in more detail during a break in work.

Stonelands: I get tired of being the one to contact ppl. I wonder why no one makes the effort themselves and it bums me out. Plus, when I get lonely, I have less energy to take that initiative. I can solve it by ignoring the one-sided contacting and simply text or call them myself, but my psyche at the moment prevents that.

This here is a major problem I have with my current social situation. Taking the initiative is one thing. It's another when you're the only one holding your end of the rope. People these days want you to chase after them. I stopped giving into this a long time ago and have to say I've felt much better than I did when I was doing all the chasing.

In short: People that are serious about you will come to you. This is the sign you look for when wanting to establish a bond of any kind. I usually give someone a week to get back to me, before I consider them not serious. You've done your part with constant contacting on your end(and know not to be excessive as that is a turn off) and have shown interest.

About facebook - I've deactivated mine at least 10 times. And now I've got it active on a permanent basis. There's more to FB than just socializing. It's a good way to also display my interests. When it became obvious that the majority of the people on FB is more concerned about their friend list counter, and circle jerk cliques, I stopped caring about the social aspect of it.
 
A person I once knew felt the exact same way you did. She had 500 friends and felt like there was nobody she could talk to. So she didn't. She constantly felt like facebook was pointless, and whenever she signed on she was annoyed at all these status updates about people she didn't really care about and she thought didn't really care about her.

Then she changed. She realized that people have their own lives to live. It's not that they don't necessarily care, but we're not the only ones with problems. So she started reaching out. Sending messages to people. If your facebook friends aren't meeting you for coffee, how about asking them to meet for coffee instead. She took the initiative to be more social and to use facebook. She started iming people who were on, just to chat.

On a side note you should be happy you have friends liking your posts. You're saying it's not enough, and it is just a click, but there are a lot of people who post things and get almost no likes.
 
lostatsea said:
A person I once knew felt the exact same way you did. She had 500 friends and felt like there was nobody she could talk to. So she didn't. She constantly felt like facebook was pointless, and whenever she signed on she was annoyed at all these status updates about people she didn't really care about and she thought didn't really care about her.

Then she changed. She realized that people have their own lives to live. It's not that they don't necessarily care, but we're not the only ones with problems. So she started reaching out. Sending messages to people. If your facebook friends aren't meeting you for coffee, how about asking them to meet for coffee instead. She took the initiative to be more social and to use facebook. She started iming people who were on, just to chat.

On a side note you should be happy you have friends liking your posts. You're saying it's not enough, and it is just a click, but there are a lot of people who post things and get almost no likes.


The problem with this is that people could easily start to see you as a pest, someone they may eventually want to un-friend or even block.
 
It's that fear that your describing which stops people from even trying.

In the end people who are willing to unfriend and block you just for talking to them aren't worth having on your friends list anyway.
 
Thanks for all the replies, everyone.

I wanted to make it clear that I am not dismissing Facebook as a concept. If I was more accepting of being alone, this would not be an issue, and I'd be fine with FB. But because I feel loneliness and isolation, seeing what other people are doing (especially during the holidays) makes me feel even more withdrawn because I wish I had these opportunities to have fun or be social. I know that I'm not at that place right now to be able to do these things, however.

Imagine a starving child staring through the window of a bakery. He stares at all of the amazing food that he cannot have, and it makes him sad. I see all of these social creatures on my friends list partying it up, posting fun pics, having fun lives, and here I am looking at this like the kid at the window.

I'm not sure how long I'll be off it. I do have a dinner planned with a friend on Wednesday, and the beauty about that this friend is not on Facebook. We made these plans offline. I just wish I had more of those chances.
 
It has been four months since I deleted my Facebook entirely. Before then I had deactivated it a few times here and there when my emotions crashed so I can understand you doing it as well. Part of me hoped people would notice I was gone even though I doubted anyone would. That thought by itself was one reason I wanted to be rid of Facebook for good. I didn't like the way it made me think. Leaving a site just for a possible ego boost down the road so I could return later when the weather was better...it made me feel pathetic. So that, along with the immense jealousy I had for all my friends made me see that Facebook just isn't the right thing for me. Not now and probably not ever.

After all this time, I can't say I miss it all that much. Life goes on just the same without it. My meager social life then is my non-existent social life now and it really doesn't feel all that different. Nobody cared and I kept breathing.

The longer you go without it, the less you'll care. If you can reclaim some kind of social life that doesn't involve FB, then I say go for it in full force!
 
I have FB. I use it to keep up with my family because that's the only way I get to see what they're up to. :p
Otherwise, I wouldnt have it at all.
 
EveWasFramed said:
I have FB. I use it to keep up with my family because that's the only way I get to see what they're up to. :p
Otherwise, I wouldnt have it at all.

Does that mean you wouldn't accept my friend request :p

Rejected again!
 
I use Facebook as a blog, and to network with other musicians. Other than that, I have no use for it. People call or email me when they want to get together.
 
ardour said:
EveWasFramed said:
I have FB. I use it to keep up with my family because that's the only way I get to see what they're up to. :p
Otherwise, I wouldnt have it at all.

Does that mean you wouldn't accept my friend request :p

Rejected again!

:p You can't be rejected cuz you never asked. :D
 

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