Infatuation and depression

Have you ever experienced the kind that can't be ignored or dulled with distractions. Where the knowledge that you're never going to be a part of this person's life is enough to send you into the depths?

I been around the most lovely person for the last few months but feel as if I'm barely an acquaintance to her (she is about to leave) Most of the time my loneliness, lack of life experience and general unattractiveness doesn't bother me that much, I get through. That is until someone I want but could never be anything to enters the picture, then it hurts like little else, like depression that makes it hard to be enthusiastic about anything.

I can relate to this, although thankfully I don't get depressed. I just feel a slight sadness. Don't let it keep you down. The right person could come along and you being sad could mean you miss out. Give out a good positive vibe.

ardour said:

Have you ever experienced the kind that can't be ignored or dulled with distractions. Where the knowledge that you're never going to be a part of this person's life is enough to send you into the depths?

I been around the most lovely person for the last few months but feel as if I'm barely an acquaintance to them. (they are about to leave) Most of the time my loneliness, lack of life experience and general unattractiveness doesn't bother me that much, I get through. That is until someone I want but could never be anything to enters the picture, then it hurts like little else, like depression that makes it hard to be enthusiastic about anything.

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Ive had similar feelings before. It sucks. Unfortunately, there's not much you can do about it but wait for the feeling to begin to dull and then finally leave.
Sorry you're feeling that way, ardour. *hug*

I have had this feeling too....tough time, huh!

I think we all get this feeling...

Let's look at it this way. I am to assume that the person you are talking about is single. Let's say that this person is married, would you still have the feeling? Or does the feeling only manifest because [you have a chance]?

What if, this person chooses to be single, which has nothing to do with you, just like how they choose to be in a relationship with someone or married.

There are many many [most wonderful] person for each of us here in this world. In reality, it's more of a choice than anything. "Infatuation is when you find someone absolutely perfect, love is when you realize they aren't but it doesn't matter." <-- because you [choose] that it doesn't matter. It doesn't just 'doesn't matter' on its own.

ardour said:

Have you ever experienced the kind that can't be ignored or dulled with distractions. Where the knowledge that you're never going to be a part of this person's life is enough to send you into the depths?

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I never had this issue until my mid-30's. It was slowly killing me inside. Now that I'm 40, it's stopped slowly killing me and it's sped up and completely destroying me mentally, emotionally, and now physically.

ardour said:

Have you ever experienced the kind that can't be ignored or dulled with distractions. Where the knowledge that you're never going to be a part of this person's life is enough to send you into the depths?

I been around the most lovely person for the last few months but feel as if I'm barely an acquaintance to her (she is about to leave) Most of the time my loneliness, lack of life experience and general unattractiveness doesn't bother me that much, I get through. That is until someone I want but could never be anything to enters the picture, then it hurts like little else, like depression that makes it hard to be enthusiastic about anything.

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oh yes and it hurts like hell. That knowing your nowhere near good enough. I think infatuations and crushes don't last long though, a few months at the most.

I like it when I have no woman on my mind, (just like now), much less stress !

ardour said:

That is until someone I want but could never be anything to enters the picture, then it hurts like little else, like depression that makes it hard to be enthusiastic about anything.

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These are pretty much the feelings I am wrestling with every day.

"not being good enough"

You mean not having money, a college degree, ambition, independence, etc? Such things will be the deal breaker for some, but far from all.

More likely the issue is something far simpler: having confidence, being secure in your own skin, having something that slightly resembles a social life. Simple things for most guys, but not for us, apparently.

Batman55 said:

"not being good enough"

You mean not having money, a college degree, ambition, independence, etc? Such things will be the deal breaker for some, but far from all.

More likely the issue is something far simpler: having confidence, being secure in your own skin, having something that slightly resembles a social life. Simple things for most guys, but not for us, apparently.

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it is all about confidence but how can you gain it when nothing good happens ?

You can't fake it. I wish I could think back on some good event from the past involving a woman but there isn't any. It's just years of failure and disappointments.

Triple Bogey said:

it is all about confidence but how can you gain it when nothing good happens ?

You can't fake it. I wish I could think back on some good event from the past involving a woman but there isn't any. It's just years of failure and disappointments.

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The average guy is not very successful, but it seems to me plenty of average guys express confidence and security pretty darn well. I've known quite a few guys that have no right to act like they're important, no logical reason to inflate themselves, but they still do it anyway. Would they be faking it? Or is it just that they took better to the mainstream social model, which essentially preaches that confidence is a highly valued trait in men--and, in a sense, the norm? I would say the latter is probably the best answer, but if you take the logical route, you could also say much of what they do is "acting." Somehow, it just feels natural to them, though.

Wow I thought I was the only one who felt like this. I've been madly in love with a guy for over a year but I know nothing will ever come out of it and it devastates me every time I think about it. I am obsessed with him 24/7 and think of nothing else. The only thing I look forward to is seeing him on the weekends and thinking "Maybe TONIGHT will be the night!". We have fun together, have tons in common, and would make a perfect couple.

I met him about 3 years ago. He was a friend of friends and we all hit it off and wound up hanging out every weekend. One day I just woke up and was in love... not sure why or when it happened. After that I started getting all nervous around him, dressing nice, and started going to the gym. My friend told him right to his face that I liked him but he's never said a word about it. Over the past year other friends have told him and again, he gives no response. I don't know whether he's attracted to me or not.

On Halloween we all went out and got drunk and him & I wound up doing some really raunchy dancing. Our friends were like OMG Maybe they will finally get together! But of course nothing was ever mentioned after that.

I try and force myself to stop thinking about him but it's impossible. I thought that after a year of torturing myself I would get over it but it just gets worse.

I analyze everything he says and does, every post on Facebook, etc. This teenager crap is ridiculous. I'm 42 and he's 44!