What Happened When I Answered The Phone

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

Case

Well-known member
Joined
May 22, 2013
Messages
1,152
Reaction score
7
Location
Southern California
This just happened to me, and I needed to type it out to get it out of my system.

Six years ago, I had a relationship with a young lady I will name "E."

E was a fun, vibrant, very generous and happy person. She was energetic and athletic, and we had great fun together. Unfortunately, that was her PUBLIC persona. Her private persona was much darker and scarier.

E had serious, mental problems. She was a "cutter" and she had frequent suicidal ideations whenever she became agitated. E would often fly into uncontrollable spates of crying and/or screaming for hours on end. When I was her boyfriend, dealing with her was the most stressful thing I could have imagined.

She also had a manipulative side, and that was when I ended our relationship. Even though E was beautiful, smart, and very nice, she was also troubled, manipulative, and she needed medical help. It took me a while to realize that it was not my job to save her, so I left her.

Fast-forward to the present. About a month ago, when I was at a particular low point, she texted me out of the blue. I didn't have her in my phone, but I immediately knew it was her. Normally, I would have ignored it. This time, due to my own state of loneliness, I answered the text. We arranged to meet, and it went well but she wasn't doing well. While we were friendly, there were tears in her eyes as we discussed her most recent breakup.

E says she takes meds now and she was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, although her ex-BF said she had Borderline Personality Disorder. (I must say that BPD does seem to fit her very well.)

Anyway, this very evening, she called me. Before today, I have always let her phone calls hit my voice mail. I don't know why, but this time I answered it. (I have a history of long, painful phone calls with this woman, so I was surprised that I answered.)

E was sobbing heavily. This made my heart sink, and I thought, "Oh, no. Not again." She had just seen her ex-boyfriend with another woman, and she flew into one of her emotional spirals. Apparently, while her ex was moving on with his life, E was still holding out hope that he'd take her back. Seeing him with the girlfriend set her off on a terrible path.

I didn't know where she was, but she left little clues. I knew she was on some hiking trail "on a hill" somewhere. She was standing in front of a tree. This was a tree that she had "prepared" earlier. On the tree, she had attached a rope. Apparently, the plan was to hang herself. She had to hike up for 30 minutes just to get to her "tree."

Then, she had called me.

Over the course of an hour, I was able to talk her down from non-stop sobbing to an occasional sniffle. I was as calm as could be, despite this NOT-normal situation. (I've dealt with another suicidal person before.)

I got her to agree that she would not kill herself, and she started walking back down to her car when she heard something.

This was highly unusual, and she sounded scared. Here she was on a hiking trail in So. Cal. IN THE DARK, after hours (thus, breaking the law,) and she was practically inching her way down this trail when she heard someone else nearby.

Before I could say anything, she said, "I have to go," but instead of hanging up on me, it sounded like she just threw her phone into a purse or her back pocket. What I heard next was like trying to piece together a cardboard puzzle that was wet and mushy from a long downpour of rain.

I heard nothing more than garbled voices. Then, the phone shifted so I could hear a snippet of conversation.

It sounded like the ex-boyfriend had somehow found her on this trail. (I'm still trying to process this.) E was alternately argumentative and dismissive. Then, I heard her say with a laugh, "You would've never found it anyway." I believe she was referring to her "suicide tree." It seems her ex knew about the trail, AND her "tree," but how he knew she'd be there at that moment puzzled me. Clearly, there was more going on than I knew.

And then I decided to hang up the phone. At this point, I don't know what happened. I'm reasonably sure she's with someone who won't hurt her, and she said her ex cared about her. So, maybe this was his way of stopping what he thought was her inevitable "final act."

I might have just earned the "Do-Gooder Award of the Week" for that act of selflessness, talking a suicidal woman out of killing herself, but I can't be doing this crap. I have enough stress of my own life than to take on her stress on top of it.

(heavy sigh)
 
I've never been in that situation so I won't even attempt to say I know how you must be feeling right now. It was kind of you to try and help her though.


hug4U.jpg
 
I don't want to be overly cynical here but you mentioned that she is manipulative. Do you think she could have been doing what she did for attention? I hope me asking this doesn't offend you.
 
Stonelands said:
I don't want to be overly cynical here but you mentioned that she is manipulative. Do you think she could have been doing what she did for attention? I hope me asking this doesn't offend you.

It doesn't offend me, Stonelands. I don't think this was just an attention-getting ploy. Her phone call was a "cry for help," which is common with people who have suicidal ideations. But I have no doubt in my mind that she was very close to completing the act. She was irrational, emotional, self-loathing, she had a plan, and I'm glad that I answered the phone.

I think my biggest fear was the possibility of hearing her do it over the phone. I'm just glad she's okay for now.
 
It's funny how things work out. You usually let it go to voicemail. If you did that tonight, who knows what might have happened. But you didn't and it seemed to work itself out.

I would say that you were/are most definitely in a toxic relationship. She seems to perpetually get herself into these situations and you're her lifeline. I'm not sure what you could do to get yourself out though. Constantly helping her willl just make her call you more. But not helping her could be very bad, since it seems like she doesn't really have anybody else.
 
I'd keep an eye on her closely. I had a friend earlier this year who had suicide prevention teams called to his unit. He committed suicide about a month later. I wish I'd thought more of it when he told me that things had got that bad but I thought he was turning himself around. My how I wish I'd done more to try and help him.
 

Latest posts

Back
Top