Why Is It So Hard To Find Someone You Like As Much As They Like You??

In my life, I've had women who adored me, but I didn't adore them.

There are women who I adored, but these women didn't adore me.

I've only had two long-term relationships, and both of them were women who pursued me. In fact, you could say that they were obsessed with me in a very unhealthy way. And in some strange way, I wound up in relationships with both of them. Did I lack the self-esteem to find the woman who liked me the same way I liked her? I don't know because any time I pursued a woman, it ended in failure. Clearly, I seem to pick the wrong women to direct my energy toward.

The point I'm making is that I've never had a relationship where my interest in her matched her interest in me. It was NEVER balanced. Somehow, I find that hoping for this balance is foolhardy and nonsensical, and it's the reason I don't date now. I feel that finding this balance is like finding the holy grail.

What do you think? Did you ever find a partner who matched your intensity, your energy, your obsession? Or, are you like me in that you've never experienced that balance yet?

Case said:

In my life, I've had women who adored me, but I didn't adore them.

There are women who I adored, but these women didn't adore me.

I've only had two long-term relationships, and both of them were women who pursued me. In fact, you could say that they were obsessed with me in a very unhealthy way. And in some strange way, I wound up in relationships with both of them. Did I lack the self-esteem to find the woman who liked me the same way I liked her? I don't know because any time I pursued a woman, it ended in failure. Clearly, I seem to pick the wrong women to direct my energy toward.

The point I'm making is that I've never had a relationship where my interest in her matched her interest in me. It was NEVER balanced. Somehow, I find that hoping for this balance is foolhardy and nonsensical, and it's the reason I don't date now. I feel that finding this balance is like finding the holy grail.

What do you think? Did you ever find a partner who matched your intensity, your energy, your obsession? Or, are you like me in that you've never experienced that balance yet?

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Yup. ^^ This, exactly (so far).

Edit: I mean about the balance thing. I don't think anyone I've ever been with ever "adored" me.

Ha; I wish I had this problem.

Maybe I'm just cynical at this point, but I don't think that balance exists at all. One side of the couple will always love/give/care more than the other one.

Gerardo said:

Maybe I'm just cynical at this point, but I don't think that balance exists at all. One side of the couple will always love/give/care more than the other one.

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Hmm. Maybe there are some couples who love each other as much as the other. Who knows.

Gerardo said:

Maybe I'm just cynical at this point, but I don't think that balance exists at all. One side of the couple will always love/give/care more than the other one.

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I've known many couples who have this balance. If I didn't know couples who showed an equal amount of caring/love to each other, I'd also have been skeptical.

quite naturally two people do not want the exact same things in a relationship. this is not always about how intently you love or like someone - it's often about what one wants from the relationship itself.

in my experience, usually one side likes the other more. but if there's mutual interest it can develop into a connection that is very balanced, as long as the communication is good. and when that connection is made there's no need to dwell on whoever likes the other best.

these are just my two cents.

I can't say I've really experienced this balance. But if I do, I'll know its worth holding onto :] Good luck to you. Keep searching!

Case said:

Did you ever find a partner who matched your intensity, your energy, your obsession?

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Twice... Once, a girl asked me out & another, it was more of mutual thing... We both looked at each other & knew right off the bat we were gonna end up together... Not really gonna get into details because it brings up a very painful memory... But we've both enjoyed the relationship while it lasted...

My last mate was intensely in love with me in the beginning. Much stronger feelings than I had for her because I was kinda scared and shocked that anyone felt that way about me. As time progressed, I feel like we matched in how we felt. We had the same goals and dreams with the same intensity. Towards the end, my intensity grew while hers petered out.

i often feel like this... most of my relationships were people that were into me. And that might sound arrogant but often i suspect they might be into me for reasons other than just me. maybe i remind them of someone they once really liked. perhaps i have a family that they are interested in...but most of the time it ends because i just don't like them enough to put up with them.

i rarely find anyone i do like... I think i might just have impossible standards.

VeganAtheist said:

As time progressed, I feel like we matched in how we felt. We had the same goals and dreams with the same intensity. Towards the end, my intensity grew while hers petered out.

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One of my long-term relationships ended similarly. Over the course of that relationship, I grew fonder, but eventually, she wanted something different. Sometimes, it makes me wonder if my next relationship will go the same way.

Do you feel that way sometimes?

LonelySutton said:

i often feel like this... most of my relationships were people that were into me. And that might sound arrogant but often i suspect they might be into me for reasons other than just me. maybe i remind them of someone they once really liked. perhaps i have a family that they are interested in...but most of the time it ends because i just don't like them enough to put up with them.

i rarely find anyone i do like... I think i might just have impossible standards.

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I don't think it's arrogant to say that people were into you. It's the truth. The same happened to me. As with you, I'm not sure what they fell in love with, but in neither case did I come close to sharing their intense feelings for me.

Why do you think you have impossible standards? What standards have you found difficult to find in a partner?

You should be on equal ground with a person or else that is degrading. Its mostly the inferior who dislike the superior, but there are other reasons roughly 10% of the time.

Case said:

One of my long-term relationships ended similarly. Over the course of that relationship, I grew fonder, but eventually, she wanted something different. Sometimes, it makes me wonder if my next relationship will go the same way.

Do you feel that way sometimes?

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To be honest, I don't see it happening that way again. I don't see someone loving me with the same intensity again. I don't see myself loving someone with the same intensity either.

But then again, it is hard to see through these clouds.

They way mine ended was with 2 of the women having sudden amnesia and saying we were never in a relationship, and 6 out of 6 women did Love Fraud to me. This caused me PTSD and things like vomiting, shaking, and other effects. Every women I was ever involved with committed sociopathic darkness & evil.

Besides two with sudden-amnesia, one had affair with a married man with children. They would be the same way every day then suddenly turn satanic and do things like laughing hangup calls, send me pics of stick figures crying, want my death to occur & the like. One suddenly started saying she drinks blood.

The issue is, you cant "choose" the right people to be involved with, if 100% of all people ever interested were of sociopathic darkness & evil. The number has to be less than 100% to "choose". I would be happy to have a non-psychopath show interest, but That has not yet ever occurred before even though I met a few hundred to a thousand women of many types using many methods.

It may not be others experience, but just about all people I have ever known were demonic.

Yes in the past I seemed to have gotten the same thing. They cared for me a lot but I didn't feel quite the same. You have to have a certain connection with someone in order for a real relationship to work and it's hard to find it sometimes but you'll find someone. Just continue to put yourself out there, talk to different woman. Don't settle for anyone right away, make sure you feel the same way that they feel for you. =) It took me a long time for connect with anyone but I finally did end up finding that person and I was very happy when I did. =) I love him and I don't plan on letting him go for anyone else. <3

So far I have only experienced not only Love-Fraud and extreme evil, but all bad experiences in life, since birth, no matter what was done or tried. I literally have never experienced in good in life, to date. I do not know why.

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I had a few hundred people disappear suddenly from me, for no apparent reason, from somewhat fast to moderate timing, and some after longer times. I have never been on equal ground with another human in my life. I wouldn't know why since i never commit any wrongs, and am a communicator, not an autistic or sociopath. This most definitely does destroy life into extreme PTSD and physical illness symptoms. But there is no subsitutes or solutions for it except to end the problem its self. No substitutes work.

But i have tried hundreds of different things in many ways over decades, and have never had a positive result from any attempt I have ever made in my life.

tone303 said:

So far I have only experienced not only Love-Fraud and extreme evil, but all bad experiences in life, since birth, no matter what was done or tried. I literally have never experienced in good in life, to date. I do not know why.

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I've never heard of the term, "love fraud." Could you elaborate on what this means? It would help me understand your comments a little bit more. Thanks.

I think it's important to have realistic expectations. You absolutely have to enjoy being with the person but your chemistry level on a scale of 1 to 10 does not have to be a 10, it can be a 6. And the other person can like/love you with 8 on the scale while you only like/love the person with 6 and a half or vice versa and it can still be a successful relationship. If you rely on having to have super intense feelings for someone then you're a dopamine addict and you will choose this over compatibility. This is dangerous. Be careful.

Case said:

tone303 said:

So far I have only experienced not only Love-Fraud and extreme evil, but all bad experiences in life, since birth, no matter what was done or tried. I literally have never experienced in good in life, to date. I do not know why.

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I've never heard of the term, "love fraud." Could you elaborate on what this means? It would help me understand your comments a little bit more. Thanks.

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example, some you are close to and with a considerable time suddenly dumps you and has "amnesia" about you and her, after done using you, then disappears forever after doing laughing hangup calls and stuff ... someone you are with 2 years doing similar, etc. Love Fraud, the partner never Loved you, it was all fraud, being used then thrown away in the garbage when done using.

Someone who tells you they Love you everyday then changes overnight for no reason, has an affair with a married man, says things of extreme hatred and evil, and disappears forever -- and this having occurred with no fights, no red flags, no warning signs, no reason and literally over night.

Love Fraud, if you know what Love is and Fraud is, you know what Love Fraud is -- being frauded about Love, used, and thrown in the garbage when done being used.

I for instance had 6 out of 6 women all being Love Fraud, 2 of them were 2 year long Love fraud. 2 of the 6 had amnesia about us, denied even physical remnants of a relationship, for example me saying "what about this Love letter that you hand wrote me" and her saying a forged it, then doing more evil, then disappearing forever.