Problems

just curious to see how many self harmers there is and maybe hear some stories

well for me it all started in high school being bullied i had knifes pointed at me and hit by people all on top of being just over all hated by most people i made some bad mistakes with some 18+ photos of a ex when we got into a huge fight... now that i look back at it was such a stupid thing i did and i really really regret doing what i did so saying that, if your angry think things through before you do you wont regret it after that happened i start skipping alot of school days i spend way too much time smoking,drinking thats where my "lonelyness" started this is all when i was in grade 7... failed that year and the next year am pretty sure i failed too i wasent there for half the year.. since i left i havent been to the school other then once for some sort of crap to try and get me back into school i was extremely nervous and was checking over my shoulder the whole time i dident wanna run into anyone that i used to know it was terrifying as you can probably see already my english suffered massively because of not going to school from the time i left school till now ive spend my life sleeping away the day and staying up on the pc all night on youtube or what not trying to get my mind off my problems like how ill never get back to school and that means ill probably never get a job and trying to get my mind of cutting i was cutting for a good couple months till i just gave up on everything i was getting out of the house about once a month or so i had met a very nice girl from the reptile community we would talk all day and night and she made me so happy but sadly shes in her 20s now or somthing and has a boyfriend that i introduced to her and we havent talked since they started dating but i have to respect what shes doing its her life not mine and she saved my life a few times after that i spent a while cutting or punching myself till i starting playing video games online like conquer and that took my mind off things and from there ive met 2 good friends one has a boyfriend once again that i introduced her to and she is always gone and busy to so havent talked to her in awhile she is doing some online bf/gf thing with this guy and the other friend is some one i talk to when ever i can shes very nice and helps keep me sane yes her her her ive never had a male friend nor a friend my age.. all the girls mentioned above are in there 20s but it still works out well,despite having a good friend around i was cutting once again and i was at one point cutting parts of skin and flesh off my body with razor blades stopped that for a while and then i moved on to burning cause cutting wasent good enough i dident feel punished enough i deserved more pain i couldent even feel the cutting anymore but burning was new and i could feel it after a while my lighters ran out of fuel and i quit burning and couple days later started cutting and i realized how much i miss all the blood but ive quit some what i cut just a few times every 1-2 days still slightly suicidal but thats ok cutting is a really addicting thing and i wouldent wish it on anyone i can see how destoryed my body is i have cuts all over my chest shoulder legs and a few on my arms am rather tan because of the native in my family so white scars stick out alot on me


so my question is does anyone else have problems like this i self harm on and off my mind makes things up and such and ill feel stupid and cut or think of how much easier it would be if i just hung myself i would wonder what would people think? how long would it take for people to notice ? would people even care or notice? i wonder if anyone would come to my funeral, would the people who bullied me ever feel remorse?

i hope i dident worry anyone or anything but this is just a peak into my mind... hopefully some stories will stop me from cutting even more since my life has just been getting darker and darker and ive been wanting to start cutting again

thanks for lookin!