How do you stop the doubts creeping in ?

This customer who comes in my shop, mostly on Saturdays. She seems sweet, shy and my type. Chatting to her is tricky since it's only a few minutes every week. I know bits about her. My next question was to ask her what her job was.

So today on the shop floor we almost bump into each other. We have a chat and I ask her what she did. (She's a tax collector !) - so we have a laugh about that and after a few minutes of talking I say 'bye' and she says she's next coming in on Saturday.

At that moment I was convinced she was interested in me. Loads of things, the shock on her face when we bumped into each other, the way she chatted like she wanted to and it meant something, the way she said 'bye', her body language. It seems certain to me.

Yet a few hours later as I am writing this, I am now unsure. I know by tomorrow I will have convinced myself she isn't interested and then on Saturday if she comes in, I will have convinced myself even more that I mean nothing at all to her and it's all in my head. More bullshit dreamed up to pretend I am interesting or attractive. My mind works like this. It always has !

So anybody got any tips to stop this happening ?

How about if you do that I'll come over to your place and slap you silly with a wet fish!!!

C'mon - stay positive, you've seen something, felt something that could be good, stay with it and find out!!!

I would say on balance you'll hurt more if you keep looking back wishing you'd done something.

Good luck!!!

Yeah, you just gotta try to stay positive, tell those negative thoughts in your head to shut up. That's what I do, sometimes there is a whole argument going on in there until I give up and focus my energy on something else.

Edward W said:

How about if you do that I'll come over to your place and slap you silly with a wet fish!!!

C'mon - stay positive, you've seen something, felt something that could be good, stay with it and find out!!!

I would say on balance you'll hurt more if you keep looking back wishing you'd done something.

Good luck!!!

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I hope I do stay positive because I think today was a step in the right direction. I want to find out her name next, I know it begins with A (she wrote it on this raffle ticket) before xmas.

^ Well that's your 'in' then. You can start with, 'Hey, we keep meeting and I don't even know your name! Mine is Mr Bogey' *Nice smile* (Grin and point at namebadge if you have to wear one)

Edward W said:

^ Well that's your 'in' then. You can start with, 'Hey, we keep meeting and I don't even know your name! Mine is Mr Bogey' *Nice smile* (Grin and point at namebadge if you have to wear one)

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thanks

I will let you know what happens

Your thinking process over this is common, there's nothing anyone can really say to change this instantly. You just need to remind yourself why you thought she liked you in the first place , but most of all do not over think it or constantly replay it in your head.

it seems that at the moment you are focusing outside of yourself, like "will she like me" and such. If you concentrate on what YOU want : do you want to spend time with this person? for what reasons? Do you think you are lovable? How can you make yourself more lovable to yourself?
And just accept that you cannot control what others think of you, and what they think of you especially if they don't know you has nothing to do with you, it's not personal.
This way, it will become much easier to just "go for it", and if you wish to deepen the relationship with this person thinking like this will help you to be more relaxed when you see her again. If she is interested, you will know, just concentrate on yourself and on showing her "your" interest, in a polite way of course, that is the only think you have control on.
Thinking too much about things on which you have no control takes away a lot of energy, and when you meet her again you will be a nervous wreck, you don't want that, you want to be in control of yourself. That tract is very attractive to women.

Peaches said:

it seems that at the moment you are focusing outside of yourself, like "will she like me" and such. If you concentrate on what YOU want : do you want to spend time with this person? for what reasons? Do you think you are lovable? How can you make yourself more lovable to yourself?
And just accept that you cannot control what others think of you, and what they think of you especially if they don't know you has nothing to do with you, it's not personal.
This way, it will become much easier to just "go for it", and if you wish to deepen the relationship with this person thinking like this will help you to be more relaxed when you see her again. If she is interested, you will know, just concentrate on yourself and on showing her "your" interest, in a polite way of course, that is the only think you have control on.
Thinking too much about things on which you have no control takes away a lot of energy, and when you meet her again you will be a nervous wreck, you don't want that, you want to be in control of yourself. That tract is very attractive to women.

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today was a surprize because I didn't expect her to come in. But I was glad I could chat to her like I can to other women. I am normally (especially at work) a chatty, flirty bugger. Talking and joking with customers and staff is something I enjoy. When it's a woman I like in a romantic way, that's when I find things more difficult.

it was impossible to talk to her, way too busy, to many customers to serve.
And I didn't get to serve her again.
However when I was doing some lottery for somebody else, I looked up and she was looking straight at me, almost starring. I gave her my biggest smile and said 'Hi'
I think that was positive. Maybe she is a touch shy, looking at me like that ?

One tip is to not think about this woman too much. If you think and think and think about someone, eventually you will think bad things about them.

Gutted said:

One tip is to not think about this woman too much. If you think and think and think about someone, eventually you will think bad things about them.

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to be honest I am not really.
She seems nice but I hardly know her.

Try to do what comes natural to you and if you have a feeling she is interested, then she just might. I don't see why someone would consistently stare like that and come back each week (telling you that as well) if she wasn't.

Okiedokes said:

Try to do what comes natural to you and if you have a feeling she is interested, then she just might. I don't see why someone would consistently stare like that and come back each week (telling you that as well) if she wasn't.

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no she doesn't always stare, it was just today. I think she was just looking at me to say 'hello' that's all.

lol, for a non English mother tongue 'flirty bugger' sounds quite a show

Talked to her today, she came to my till. It was nice and she looked happy. We asked each other a few questions. I said 'see you next week'
All good !

You don't. You let the doubts creep in, but you DON'T let them OVERPOWER you!

I have been positive about this all week. I thought if I got the chance I would ask her for a coffee.
She came in while the shop was quiet. I was stood behind the till and the door is only yards away.
An 'Hello' was on my lips. However she didn't even glance at me, smile or anything. She went off with a shopping basket. I knew then she wasn't interested.
It's obvious. A few minutes later when I served her, I couldn't really be bothered to chat that much. Just did my job, I asked the normal questions. I made a comment about some sweets
she buys every week and she replied 'there were a treat for him because he likes them' - obviously her partner or some bloke she's got.
Glad I didn't waste my time asking her for a coffee. Not that bothered, she was hard to talk to.

Poor old you! You liked this woman, and it sounds like maybe she led you on..

'there were a treat for him because he likes them' - obviously her partner or some bloke she's got.

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Well, probably. She could just be a flirty woman who liked winding you up a bit, because she knew that you were interested in her, and it flattered her- maybe her partner doesn't give her enough attention. It happens.

Ok, so even accepting she may be a flirty woman, with a partner, but consider this -
-- even if it was only flirting, or attention-seeking on her part - hey baby, she flirted with YOU! So kudos - she could have just ignored you. And she didn't just ignore you - so, she must have found you interesting, cute - or a really nice guy... Onwards and upwards... OK?

jaguarundi said:

Poor old you! You liked this woman, and it sounds like maybe she led you on..

'there were a treat for him because he likes them' - obviously her partner or some bloke she's got.

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Well, probably. She could just be a flirty woman who liked winding you up a bit, because she knew that you were interested in her, and it flattered her- maybe her partner doesn't give her enough attention. It happens.

Ok, so even accepting she may be a flirty woman, with a partner, but consider this -
-- even if it was only flirting, or attention-seeking on her part - hey baby, she flirted with YOU! So kudos - she could have just ignored you. And she didn't just ignore you - so, she must have found you interesting, cute - or a really nice guy... Onwards and upwards... OK?

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I didn't like her that much. She seemed interesting because she was quiet and a bit shy. I don't think she flirted with me either. It was just customer to cashier bullshit. I flirt a lot more with other women customers. That was my point, other women customers pay me way more attention. Most of it shouldn't be taken seriously though. It's just banter.