DeliciouScience
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- Jan 15, 2014
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I over-think things. I don't really see it as over-thinking things, because everyone who thinks they aren't over-thinking things yet disagrees with someone else is usually thinking in just a slightly different direction. AKA: Over-thinking doesn't really exist, only bad thinking. However, people say I over-think things, so I guess that's a quick way to describe what I do. XD
But anyways, I'll get to the point. My mind goes crazy when it comes to relationships, or, well... my lack of more 'intimate' ones. I have a fine relationship with my family, and a little sister who adores me, and some fine school friends, but I've never gotten farther than that... I've never even taken very many steps towards whatever is further than that, and it bugs me.
So, ultimately, in laymen terms, I've evaluated that I want some sort of relationship.
And here is where I hit the snag. There are too many perspectives on this issue, and I'm completely lost. Here's a taste of my internal monologue on the subject:
I want a relationship, which means I should try to get one right?
But people who work too hard at getting relationships are only in it for the relationship, and not in it for the other person, which is the wrong way to go about it.
So, I should not try for a relationship? And just hope one comes at me?
That seems awfully silly, to wish for something but make no effort for it.
So how can one try for a relationship but not be focused on 'getting a relationship'? Seems like doublethink... which I can do I suppose, but it is a little hard on the brain.
Or, maybe I'm too focused on relationships in general? But, really, aren't I just being honest about what I want? People who aren't honest about what they want are lying to themselves, and THATs not a good thing...
And then theres the fact that I've never had a relationship even though I've been both 'attempting' and 'not attempting' one for a while. This leads to another lovely confused internal monologue:
Maybe I'm ugly? But, that doesn't seem right... I've seen ugly people and attractive people, and I'm not horrendous... and besides, if less physically attractive people can get into relationships then It's not all about looks. So I have a horrible personality? Well thats nice... But what am I suppose to do? I figure I'm an ok person. Theres only so much self-evaluation that can be done when you have all that weird bias of "Am I judging myself too hard? or too easy" so that's crazy difficult. No one seems to complain at me to my face, I don't get in fights unless it's an important topic for class, and then of course they are arguments, not physical fights... so I know I'm head-strong, but I've met people who were more head-strong than I who seemed to be doing fine so I can't think that girls just hate head-strong me...
I suppose I don't have much muscle... but guys with less muscle than I do are just fine... but people say "girls like muscles"... however I don't have much time for that. Besides, the question "would you date you?" comes to mind, and I really don't care if a girl doesn't have muscle...
I'm clean! I know that much. I'm cleaner than most guys I know. Yay, a single positive in a world of confusion. Still... I guess being clean doesn't help much considering my permanent zero-level relationship status.
Maybe I'm picky? But I really only have 2 rules: She has to be interested in me (because how would it work otherwsie) and look 'cute' to me... And my definition of cute includes a lot of girls most people say 'meh' on... so I feel like that's not the issue.
So... yeah. Apparently I 'over-think' things, but I bet people will respond with either "Don't worry about relationships" or "Just keep trying" which are polar opposites and require 'thinking' to come to terms with.
However, I welcome all responses! Thanks.
But anyways, I'll get to the point. My mind goes crazy when it comes to relationships, or, well... my lack of more 'intimate' ones. I have a fine relationship with my family, and a little sister who adores me, and some fine school friends, but I've never gotten farther than that... I've never even taken very many steps towards whatever is further than that, and it bugs me.
So, ultimately, in laymen terms, I've evaluated that I want some sort of relationship.
And here is where I hit the snag. There are too many perspectives on this issue, and I'm completely lost. Here's a taste of my internal monologue on the subject:
I want a relationship, which means I should try to get one right?
But people who work too hard at getting relationships are only in it for the relationship, and not in it for the other person, which is the wrong way to go about it.
So, I should not try for a relationship? And just hope one comes at me?
That seems awfully silly, to wish for something but make no effort for it.
So how can one try for a relationship but not be focused on 'getting a relationship'? Seems like doublethink... which I can do I suppose, but it is a little hard on the brain.
Or, maybe I'm too focused on relationships in general? But, really, aren't I just being honest about what I want? People who aren't honest about what they want are lying to themselves, and THATs not a good thing...
And then theres the fact that I've never had a relationship even though I've been both 'attempting' and 'not attempting' one for a while. This leads to another lovely confused internal monologue:
Maybe I'm ugly? But, that doesn't seem right... I've seen ugly people and attractive people, and I'm not horrendous... and besides, if less physically attractive people can get into relationships then It's not all about looks. So I have a horrible personality? Well thats nice... But what am I suppose to do? I figure I'm an ok person. Theres only so much self-evaluation that can be done when you have all that weird bias of "Am I judging myself too hard? or too easy" so that's crazy difficult. No one seems to complain at me to my face, I don't get in fights unless it's an important topic for class, and then of course they are arguments, not physical fights... so I know I'm head-strong, but I've met people who were more head-strong than I who seemed to be doing fine so I can't think that girls just hate head-strong me...
I suppose I don't have much muscle... but guys with less muscle than I do are just fine... but people say "girls like muscles"... however I don't have much time for that. Besides, the question "would you date you?" comes to mind, and I really don't care if a girl doesn't have muscle...
I'm clean! I know that much. I'm cleaner than most guys I know. Yay, a single positive in a world of confusion. Still... I guess being clean doesn't help much considering my permanent zero-level relationship status.
Maybe I'm picky? But I really only have 2 rules: She has to be interested in me (because how would it work otherwsie) and look 'cute' to me... And my definition of cute includes a lot of girls most people say 'meh' on... so I feel like that's not the issue.
So... yeah. Apparently I 'over-think' things, but I bet people will respond with either "Don't worry about relationships" or "Just keep trying" which are polar opposites and require 'thinking' to come to terms with.
However, I welcome all responses! Thanks.