Do you wish women would approach you first?

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

Mike413

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 13, 2013
Messages
217
Reaction score
0
Location
PA. USA
Hey folks. I haven't posted in here in a while but this is something I wanted to post. I know I have struggled with this in the past and to some degree still do and I know I have posted similar things in the past. Anyway, here it goes.

Obviously this is geared towards the male members here but if it's applicable to you as a woman then hey that's ok too. :)

I have seen posts by guys in the past on this site that have led me to believe that they secretly(or maybe not so secretly)wish women would approach them first.

I know some women will be tempted to say that they do approach men first but please refrain from saying that for the purposes of what this thread is about. Plus, most of the time that's not the case no matter how much some of you will protest. :D

So what guys on here secretly wish or expect(or not so secretly)that some ravishing beauty will spot you out of nowhere and just be dying to meet you and ask you out on a date. It's not reality imo but I know some of you guys out there hope that will happen. Please fess up now. :)

Actually, I suppose any guy would like that to happen maybe a better question would be how many guys on here expect that to happen? I definitely don't expect it to happen. It doesn't even happen online where it conceivably could so it sure as heck is less likely to happen in person.

I hate to burst your bubble but it's probably not going to happen unless you play in a band or something.
 
I'm not particularly attractive and I have never been in a band, but I've actually met most of my partners through them initiating conversation with me. They didn't come straight up to me and ask me out on a date, but they struck up a conversation and seemed interested and that just seemed to lead naturally into us being together.

For the purposes of your thread, I'd be more than happy for a woman to approach me and let me know they're interested, but I know from previous experience that many of my old friends would find this to be a turn off.
 
Mike413 said:
So what guys on here secretly wish or expect(or not so secretly)that some ravishing beauty will spot you out of nowhere and just be dying to meet you and ask you out on a date.

What if she wasn't a "ravishing beauty?" Would you still want her to approach you? Just curious....
 
Mike413 said:
Hey folks. I haven't posted in here in a while but this is something I wanted to post. I know I have struggled with this in the past and to some degree still do and I know I have posted similar things in the past. Anyway, here it goes.

Obviously this is geared towards the male members here but if it's applicable to you as a woman then hey that's ok too. :)

I have seen posts by guys in the past on this site that have led me to believe that they secretly(or maybe not so secretly)wish women would approach them first.

I know some women will be tempted to say that they do approach men first but please refrain from saying that for the purposes of what this thread is about. Plus, most of the time that's not the case no matter how much some of you will protest. :D

So what guys on here secretly wish or expect(or not so secretly)that some ravishing beauty will spot you out of nowhere and just be dying to meet you and ask you out on a date. It's not reality imo but I know some of you guys out there hope that will happen. Please fess up now. :)

Actually, I suppose any guy would like that to happen maybe a better question would be how many guys on here expect that to happen? I definitely don't expect it to happen. It doesn't even happen online where it conceivably could so it sure as heck is less likely to happen in person.

I hate to burst your bubble but it's probably not going to happen unless you play in a band or something.

of course I want women to approach me first, makes things a lot easier. I don't expect it to happen often though. I suppose that woman on Boxing day was one. Not seen her since which is a shame.
 
Yes, I do. Partly because I am too shy for my own good when it comes to this and partly because I feel like they only would if they were the nerdy/geeky type since I sort of wear my nerd badge on my sleeve, lol.
 
Well guys I'm sorry but it doesn't work that way. In our society(but also in the history of civilization)it is the man who is expected to approach and initiate conversations with the woman first. I didn't make these rules. :D You also have to look at it from an evolutionary and biological standpoint. Men are typically stronger and more aggressive(by nature) so it stands to reason that we would be the ones making the first move(most of the time). Again, please don't shoot the messenger. :) Although I do believe the two sexes are equal the fact is we are different and have different needs and also have different purposes and functions. This goes back thousands if not millions of years.

Look at it this way. You can hope a woman will approach you in the same way you can hope to win the lottery or whatever. I wish I had a billion dollars, a bunch of exotic sports cars, my own personal exotic island, etc etc. Sitting back and waiting for something to happen isn't going to make it happen. Good luck to the guy who has had women approach him. I've rarely had it happen but I do get that occasionally it happens. My main point is that you can't rely on it especially if you want to be successful with women.
 
Mike413 said:
Well guys I'm sorry but it doesn't work that way. In our society(but also in the history of civilization)it is the man who is expected to approach and initiate conversations with the woman first. I didn't make these rules. :D You also have to look at it from an evolutionary and biological standpoint. Men are typically stronger and more aggressive(by nature) so it stands to reason that we would be the ones making the first move(most of the time). Again, please don't shoot the messenger. :) Although I do believe the two sexes are equal the fact is we are different and have different needs and also have different purposes and functions. This goes back thousands if not millions of years.

Look at it this way. You can hope a woman will approach you in the same way you can hope to win the lottery or whatever. I wish I had a billion dollars, a bunch of exotic sports cars, my own personal exotic island, etc etc. Sitting back and waiting for something to happen isn't going to make it happen. Good luck to the guy who has had women approach him. I've rarely had it happen but I do get that occasionally it happens. My main point is that you can't rely on it especially if you want to be successful with women.

I don't agree with you
 
Discussed ad nauseum. Society says that it's up to men to deal with rejection and humiliation. So why would women want to approach if they don't need to?
 
Triple Bogey said:
Mike413 said:
Well guys I'm sorry but it doesn't work that way. In our society(but also in the history of civilization)it is the man who is expected to approach and initiate conversations with the woman first. I didn't make these rules. :D You also have to look at it from an evolutionary and biological standpoint. Men are typically stronger and more aggressive(by nature) so it stands to reason that we would be the ones making the first move(most of the time). Again, please don't shoot the messenger. :) Although I do believe the two sexes are equal the fact is we are different and have different needs and also have different purposes and functions. This goes back thousands if not millions of years.

Look at it this way. You can hope a woman will approach you in the same way you can hope to win the lottery or whatever. I wish I had a billion dollars, a bunch of exotic sports cars, my own personal exotic island, etc etc. Sitting back and waiting for something to happen isn't going to make it happen. Good luck to the guy who has had women approach him. I've rarely had it happen but I do get that occasionally it happens. My main point is that you can't rely on it especially if you want to be successful with women.

I don't agree with you

It doesn't matter if you agree with me or not. Most of this is not stuff I just came up with. But it's cool. You have women approaching you every hour on the hour. Every guy on here should be as lucky as you.:D


ardour said:
Discussed ad nauseum. Society says that it's up to men to deal with rejection and humiliation. So why would women want to approach if they don't need to?

Yep. Society says it's up to men to deal with it. That is my point. THere's not much here to disagree with. But don't make it seem so bad. You can figure this stuff out and often you can figure out if a woman is going to reject you before hand or not.

But the second thing you said is also true. Why would women approach if they didn't have to. If you are able to get someone to do something you don't have to then you wouldn't do it either. If I knew a maid was going to come into my apartment wash my dishes, vacuum my floor and clean up everything do you think I would bother doing it? No. Of course not.
 
There is so much wrong with this thread I don't even want to comment. Just watch how you phrase things or we won't have to worry about it long.
 
EveWasFramed said:
What if she wasn't a "ravishing beauty?" Would you still want her to approach you? Just curious....

If there were no attraction then sure, it would be awkward. On the other hand it counts as a favourable assessment from the opposite sex, the kind of positive attention some of us never experience.
 
ardour said:
EveWasFramed said:
What if she wasn't a "ravishing beauty?" Would you still want her to approach you? Just curious....

If there were no attraction then sure, it would be awkward. On the other hand it counts as a favourable assessment from the opposite sex, the kind of positive attention some of us never experience.

No, no, no.
Don't miss my point here.
Not being at all attracted to someone and someone being a "ravishing beauty" are two entirely different things.

Also, why wouldn't that kind of attention from a woman who wasn't a "ravishing beauty" be considered a favorable assessment as well?

The point of my post was a very tired one that is often made here on this forum but ignore or overlooked.
I can't say what the actual percentage is, but if I had to toss out a guess, I'd say that anytime a thread like one (or somewhat similar ones) are made, the same kind of comments are made at least 50% of the time, if not more.
For example, I've seen (not exact quotes, but close)...

I get tongue-tied when I try to talk to a beautiful woman...
Some ravishing beauty will spot you out of nowhere...
I get nervous when a pretty girl talks to me....

The list could go on and on. On some level, even if people don't realize it, they are putting appearance front and center. Why do people get "tongue-tied" when a "pretty" girl talks to them and not an "average" girl? Why don't the statements just say, "I get tongue-tied when a girl talks to me?"
Im not pointing fingers at anyone or suggesting that appreciating physical beauty is a BAD thing. It's perfectly normal in fact. I just don't think that people actually realize what their own comments can sometimes say about them.
And NO - Im not suggesting that you shouldn't be attracted to the person you're interested in - you obviously should be.
And when I say "you" I don't mean you, Ardour, but people in general (both sexes).
*sigh* Like I said...it's a tired point, and one that not too many will bother to even consider.
 
What guy does *not* want a woman to approach them?

.....

Do I expect it to happen at some point? Maybe when I was younger and far more naive than I am now. So no. But I do "hope" it will happen once I make myself more available, rather than my longterm habit of just avoiding as many social situations as I can. Once again, though, the reality is the ball is in my court.
 
EveWasFramed said:
ardour said:
EveWasFramed said:
What if she wasn't a "ravishing beauty?" Would you still want her to approach you? Just curious....

If there were no attraction then sure, it would be awkward. On the other hand it counts as a favourable assessment from the opposite sex, the kind of positive attention some of us never experience.

No, no, no.
Don't miss my point here.
Not being at all attracted to someone and someone being a "ravishing beauty" are two entirely different things.

Also, why wouldn't that kind of attention from a woman who wasn't a "ravishing beauty" be considered a favorable assessment as well?

The point of my post was a very tired one that is often made here on this forum but ignore or overlooked.
I can't say what the actual percentage is, but if I had to toss out a guess, I'd say that anytime a thread like one (or somewhat similar ones) are made, the same kind of comments are made at least 50% of the time, if not more.
For example, I've seen (not exact quotes, but close)...

I get tongue-tied when I try to talk to a beautiful woman...
Some ravishing beauty will spot you out of nowhere...
I get nervous when a pretty girl talks to me....

The list could go on and on. On some level, even if people don't realize it, they are putting appearance front and center. Why do people get "tongue-tied" when a "pretty" girl talks to them and not an "average" girl? Why don't the statements just say, "I get tongue-tied when a girl talks to me?"
Im not pointing fingers at anyone or suggesting that appreciating physical beauty is a BAD thing. It's perfectly normal in fact. I just don't think that people actually realize what their own comments can sometimes say about them.
And NO - Im not suggesting that you shouldn't be attracted to the person you're interested in - you obviously should be.
And when I say "you" I don't mean you, Ardour, but people in general (both sexes).
*sigh* Like I said...it's a tired point, and one that not too many will bother to even consider.

You misinterpreted ; any attention would be good as far as I'm concerned even if it were from someone I didn't happen to find that (immediately) attractive, because it says that someone is capable of finding *me* attractive...which is good news.

Otherwise I agree with you here.
 
EveWasFramed said:
No, no, no.
Don't miss my point here.
Not being at all attracted to someone and someone being a "ravishing beauty" are two entirely different things.

Also, why wouldn't that kind of attention from a woman who wasn't a "ravishing beauty" be considered a favorable assessment as well?

The point of my post was a very tired one that is often made here on this forum but ignore or overlooked.
I can't say what the actual percentage is, but if I had to toss out a guess, I'd say that anytime a thread like one (or somewhat similar ones) are made, the same kind of comments are made at least 50% of the time, if not more.
For example, I've seen (not exact quotes, but close)...

I get tongue-tied when I try to talk to a beautiful woman...
Some ravishing beauty will spot you out of nowhere...
I get nervous when a pretty girl talks to me....

The list could go on and on. On some level, even if people don't realize it, they are putting appearance front and center. Why do people get "tongue-tied" when a "pretty" girl talks to them and not an "average" girl? Why don't the statements just say, "I get tongue-tied when a girl talks to me?"
Im not pointing fingers at anyone or suggesting that appreciating physical beauty is a BAD thing. It's perfectly normal in fact. I just don't think that people actually realize what their own comments can sometimes say about them.
And NO - Im not suggesting that you shouldn't be attracted to the person you're interested in - you obviously should be.
And when I say "you" I don't mean you, Ardour, but people in general (both sexes).
*sigh* Like I said...it's a tired point, and one that not too many will bother to even consider.
It's because, whether you like it or not, there is a difference between talking to an "average" girl and talking to a "ravishingly" beautiful girl. If a girl is "ravishingly" beautiful she has an intimidation factor that "average" girls don't. The stakes for the man, metaphorically, are raised when communicating with an attractive girl. Suddenly a million thoughts go through your head. How am I dressed? How's my breath? Why is she actually talking to me? What do I say? etc. This overload on the brain is what causes the guy to be tongue tied. Of course, these thoughts also go through your head when talking to an "average" girl but they are no where near the intensity you experience when talking to somebody attractive.
 
ardour said:
You misinterpreted ; any attention would be good as far as I'm concerned even if it were from from someone I didn't happen to find that (immediately) attractive, because it says that someone is capable of finding *me* attractive...which is good news.

Otherwise I agree with you here.

Oh I see what you're saying there. But most most of my comments weren't actually even about your post - sorry. :p

Otherwise I agree with you here.

Great minds think alike? :p
 
Sci-Fi said:
There is so much wrong with this thread I don't even want to comment. Just watch how you phrase things or we won't have to worry about it long.

Hey, you might want to watch how you phrase things too. In other words, be more specific about your criticisms.
 
Mike413 said:
Sci-Fi said:
There is so much wrong with this thread I don't even want to comment. Just watch how you phrase things or we won't have to worry about it long.

Hey, you might want to watch how you phrase things too. In other words, be more specific about your criticisms.

Im quite sure he means the way threads like this quickly turn into gender stereotyping and/or gender bashing. Is that specific enough for you?
 
Excuse me? I wasn't making any criticism so you should watch how you talk to people who make a general warning to those who know exactly what I mean. Don't get ignorant.
 
Do I wish women would approach me first? Sure, but I also wish it was colder where I live because I dislike hot weather. Is there anything I can do about it? No. So, I don't waste my time fretting about it.

Just like gender roles in dating, I can't change what society expects from me. I can only change myself. It's like a board game. I can either play by the rules laid out before me, or I can reject these rules and avoid the game entirely. In society, if I reject social rules, I would have to deal with the difficulties of going against the grain.

Currently, I am not interested in approaching women for anything other than friendship. Maybe if I were interested in an amorous path, this topic would affect me more.
 

Latest posts

Back
Top