(article) What makes you "click" with someone else

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Vulerability without a strong personality and set of beliefs looks like what it takes to make oneself a victim. Although I find (in public situations) if you look too "lost", most people just wanna get away from you faster to avoid kinda having to take care of you.
 
Goblin said:
And I'm curious about opinions? What role do you think vulnerability plays in forming friendships, and have you noticed anything of interest?

A friend of mine (that moved to another state some months back) and I were actually discussing something related to this just last night.
We worked together for about five years, but became friends almost instantly when I went to work there. We don't really have all that much in common, but for some reason, we just "clicked." We chatted a bit about some of the funny things that happened when we worked together and it dawned on both of us that we REALLY didn't have much in common, other than we agreed on a lot of viewpoints and we both shared a good work ethic. The things that we agreed that made us click almost immediately were that we were both easy to talk to, were good listeners and were open to sharing out personal lives with one another. We were both married (at the time) so we did have that in common and of course work.
So, in sharing our personal lives with one another, I think that it did indeed make us a bit "vulnerable" to each other (either of us could have chosen to judge the other - for whatever reason) and I think that's what made us such good friends.

I guess the same theory would likely apply to romantic relationships as well.
 
EveWasFramed said:
I guess the same theory would likely apply to romantic relationships as well.

Undoubtably-

As for friendships, my best friend and I bonded over our depression, and that lost feeling you get when you get the rug pulled from under you. We kind of skipped through a lot of those steps rapidly because we had a lot to say and share which nobody else would understand. Having a lot in common helped but it was probably our most vulnerable time in our lives thus far.

Worked like a charm. ;)
 
As someone who comes from a climate where most people I know aren't very emotionally open, I will say meeting someone who is willing to be that vulnerable with me is extremely bond forming. It is an interesting article. If you think about it on a macro level it just makes sense. Putting yourself out there and letting yourself be vulnerable will make people like you better as they see you coming from a more personal, less fake level.

As for what makes people click, for me it's a mindset. Do we have shared interests? Great. But do we look at them the same way, so that we could actually talk about them. I find that I really like people I can just talk to endlessly about nothing. That's all mindset. The biggest part of that mindset for me is humor. Can we just laugh at everything and nothing? If we can, it's an instant bond guaranteed.
 
Indifferent said:
EveWasFramed said:
I guess the same theory would likely apply to romantic relationships as well.

Undoubtably-

As for friendships, my best friend and I bonded over our depression, and that lost feeling you get when you get the rug pulled from under you. We kind of skipped through a lot of those steps rapidly because we had a lot to say and share which nobody else would understand. Having a lot in common helped but it was probably our most vulnerable time in our lives thus far.

Worked like a charm. ;)

I had a similar experience. We could have found a number of reasons to judge each other - it's been said here already - but the support from someone who knew almost exactly what we were going through was much more important. I think there's a kind of security in knowing that someone has seen you at your worst and still likes who you are, because that part never really needs to be hidden again.

Kind of a "free pass" past the barriers and all that.
 
This is interesting. I have one friend, a woman who I worked with a while ago, and we just "clicked." She was snarky with me almost immediately after we met. Not flirtatious, mind you, but just playfully rude. We'd banter back and forth a bit, and I liked her spunk and verve.

I was her manager, and one day we were working together in a small room in our workplace when she confessed to me some difficulties she'd been having in in her personal life. She wanted advice, but she also wanted reassurance that everything was going to be okay. I suppose she saw that I was not the type to judge her, and I gave her some advice, we hugged, and her sudden vulnerability set in motion a strong bond of friendship that has lasted for almost 10 years.

I do feel that when people reveal personal truths about themselves that it can have a tremendous effect on solidifying a relationship.
 
Case said:
I do feel that when people reveal personal truths about themselves that it can have a tremendous effect on solidifying a relationship.
That could work. However chat rooms aren't the best place to go about putting this into practice.
 
The Underdog said:
Case said:
I do feel that when people reveal personal truths about themselves that it can have a tremendous effect on solidifying a relationship.
That could work. However chat rooms aren't the best place to go about putting this into practice.

I agree. I prefer face-to-face conversation for those deeper conversations. :)
 
it's about understanding - if someone "gets" me that's it. And acceptance of course, what is the point of "getting" someone if only to mock them?
 
This article confuses me. I'm not sure I buy it... because the whole "peak" interactions thing just reminded me of a girl at university who came on way too strong and sent me some crazy love letters which contained many a "peak" statement. We'd been for lunch once and fooled around a bit... then I'm reading a letter saying how much I'm hurting her for not spending every waking second with her. It was like... whoa! The whole experience made her come off as very needy and way too easily attached. To me... this article is suggesting this emotionally vulnerability makes friends... I would contend that it will drive people away.
 
Nightwing said:
This article confuses me. I'm not sure I buy it... because the whole "peak" interactions thing just reminded me of a girl at university who came on way too strong and sent me some crazy love letters which contained many a "peak" statement. We'd been for lunch once and fooled around a bit... then I'm reading a letter saying how much I'm hurting her for not spending every waking second with her. It was like... whoa! The whole experience made her come off as very needy and way too easily attached. To me... this article is suggesting this emotionally vulnerability makes friends... I would contend that it will drive people away.

Let's just say peak interactions within reasonable personal boundaries, then. :p

I imagine there are quite a few peak statements which are honest, original, and vulnerable, but don't express overwhelming feeling and need for someone in a context that makes them uncomfortable. “I guess at heart I’m terrified I’m going to lose you,” or something similar, wouldn't be as uncomfortable to hear from a fiance or a friend as from a classmate. Probably not the best example.
 

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