When you feel like you don't matter

What do you do when you feel like you don't matter to other people?

I've been getting this feeling often lately that I'm putting more effort into relationships than other people are -- and it really hurts when I can't count on someone when I'm going through a rough time.

Right now I don't have the energy to focus on making new relationships...so what do you do besides that?

What I've learned over the years that no matter who comes into your life there is only one person you can rely on, yourself. In the end that's all you have and all that really matters. There are way to many people out there these days that fake interest in you making you think they care. Once they are done with you and have gotten what they want out of you they drop you like a ton of bricks. You have to learn to care for yourself, love yourself, and respect yourself, no one is going to do that for you.

Sci-Fi said:

What I've learned over the years that no matter who comes into your life there is only one person you can rely on, yourself. In the end that's all you have and all that really matters. There are way to many people out there these days that fake interest in you making you think they care. Once they are done with you and have gotten what they want out of you they drop you like a ton of bricks. You have to learn to care for yourself, love yourself, and respect yourself, no one is going to do that for you.

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so true

edamame721 said:

I've been getting this feeling often lately that I'm putting more effort into relationships than other people are -- and it really hurts when I can't count on someone when I'm going through a rough time.

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i'd suggest you to try to discipline yourself in a way that makes you count on yourself. You do not need others to feel better. Do things you like, and dont expect others to be there for you. It may break you, or it may make you stronger. If you wait others to support you, you will become dependent on them which would cause you depression and self esteme issues. Try to be independent. As a bonus people will be attrated to you. (seems like people are more attracted to independent individuals).

edamame721 said:

I've been getting this feeling often lately that I'm putting more effort into relationships than other people are -- and it really hurts when I can't count on someone when I'm going through a rough time.

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I've recently had a rough few months because for this. But like Sci-Fi said:

Sci-Fi said:

What I've learned over the years that no matter who comes into your life there is only one person you can rely on, yourself.

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It took me a while to realize this. Then I ended up wondering why I wasted so much time on people who were not willing to make the effort with me, even though I was always there for them. My 'friends' have sent me a few messages since I chose to stop speaking to them for this reason but I have not responded. Because frankly, they just want something or to be nosy. I wish there was more I could say to make you feel better. If it helps, perhaps you could start keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings? I started doing it a couple of months ago, it's helping but I'm not there yet.

I hope everything gets better for you

Sci-Fi said:

What I've learned over the years that no matter who comes into your life there is only one person you can rely on, yourself. In the end that's all you have and all that really matters. There are way to many people out there these days that fake interest in you making you think they care. Once they are done with you and have gotten what they want out of you they drop you like a ton of bricks. You have to learn to care for yourself, love yourself, and respect yourself, no one is going to do that for you.

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I agree totally. And as I've gotten older, it's become easier to spot and weed out people that are only around when you serve a purpose for them.

-Teresa

edamame721 said:

What do you do when you feel like you don't matter to other people?

I've been getting this feeling often lately that I'm putting more effort into relationships than other people are -- and it really hurts when I can't count on someone when I'm going through a rough time.

Right now I don't have the energy to focus on making new relationships...so what do you do besides that?

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I feel like I can relate. Cos I feel like this almost every night.

Sometimes it is easier to hide it and just push it aside. Other times it kinda gets to me and then I start dipping mood-wise. It's bad. I usually just force myself to sleep when it happens.. cos only then will I stop thinking.. or over-thinking negative things.

What do I do if I can't sleep? Most of the time it is difficult to sleep, yes, and I just end up crying myself to sleep.. which kinda helps cos the crying and the swollen eyes make me tired enough to just fall asleep.

I don't know what other ways could help.. :\

Sci-Fi said:

What I've learned over the years that no matter who comes into your life there is only one person you can rely on, yourself. In the end that's all you have and all that really matters. There are way to many people out there these days that fake interest in you making you think they care. Once they are done with you and have gotten what they want out of you they drop you like a ton of bricks. You have to learn to care for yourself, love yourself, and respect yourself, no one is going to do that for you.

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I agree with this 100%. I hate thinking this way, but it is the truth.

I also agree with what Sci-Fi wrote. I have a bunch of people at work that want me to go out drinking with them and I know its just so they can dig into my personal life. Its so obvious ! Once I answer their questions and satisfy their curiosity I won't be invited out any more, I won't be an interest anymore. They'll get their laughs(cuz my life is kind of pathetic) and I'll feel used.
Hard to trust people when this happens .... over and over.

Likewise, I've felt that I don't matter to the people I've been around with. This feeling's really made me lonely but I stopped stressing myself about things beyond my control. If I don't matter to them, why should I waste my time and energy on them as well? Always think and feel complete even if you're alone. People come and go in our lives and those who choose to stay with you are the ones worthy of your time.

that happens all the time, sometimes I think it's because we don't know each other enough, then I remember that the few times in life when I did find someone to whom I mattered (and who mattered to me) it was pretty immediate, after two weeks we were already best friends, so unless some life events happen (like someone losing their partner, or going through a rough period etc) those people are not going to change their attitude and get closer, so I guess the alternative is only find new friends

Drama said:

i'd suggest you to try to discipline yourself in a way that makes you count on yourself. You do not need others to feel better. Do things you like, and dont expect others to be there for you. It may break you, or it may make you stronger. If you wait others to support you, you will become dependent on them which would cause you depression and self esteme issues. Try to be independent. As a bonus people will be attrated to you. (seems like people are more attracted to independent individuals).

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The catch is... some people don't have a good self-concept. They haven't found a purpose or a path, they lack a well-integrated identity... now, I'm not speaking of the OP, as I don't know if this is relevant for her. But it tends to be a problem for me.. it is something I've become more aware of lately and I'm trying to recalibrate my thoughts, but it is difficult. So it goes without saying, I've very often looked for validation of my worth from other people, whether that be family members or online friends, etc.

I think if you want to stop looking for your self-worth in other places, you need to feel "worthy" yourself. But it's not so easy for some, esp. if you're an uncertain and indecisive person. What, then, is the answer for someone like that?