I'm a 48 year old man and I now have a 20 year old girl friend

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Alienated

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As far from your delusion as I can get
If you what to know why, and how ??

She can't stand guys her age, because they are so childish, self, self centered, egotistical, and ignorant.

I just treated her like a lady, and she is moving in for the summer.

Think about it....... I will be busy... and it won't be thinking.... Now you know why they say wisdom comes with age, if any could have listened.... They might have learned something, but that will never happen, it can't.
 
Alienated said:
If you what to know why, and how ??

She can't stand guys her age, because they are so childish, self, self centered, egotistical, and ignorant.

I just treated her like a lady, and she is moving in for the summer.

Think about it....... I will be busy... and it won't be thinking.... Now you know why they say wisdom comes with age, if any could have listened.... They might have learned something !!!

I really do wish you luck. My story is not a happy one. I had a relationship at the age of 40 with a 20 year old student. Her parents thought I was the scum of the earth even though I wasn't the one who pursued the relationship. My girlfriend's sister threatened to kill me, which is ALWAYS fun. And I learned that my GF was a self-mutilator, deeply depressed, and suicidal at the slightest indication of conflict.

That experience had it's good side, but there was enough bad that I will now only date women closer to my age. The 20 year gap also meant that I had practically nothing in common with her except a love of sex. References I made from my childhood frequently went over her head, and her childhood references only caused me to reminisce about what I was doing at that time, making me feel old and her feel disconnected.

I do wish you all the good fortune in the world. As for me, I'm done with the 20-year olds for good. :)
 
Case said:
References I made from my childhood frequently went over her head...

Yes, it gets a little old hearing "That was before my time."
 
Minus said:
Case said:
References I made from my childhood frequently went over her head...

Yes, it gets a little old hearing "That was before my time."

Well, she'd usually respond with, "WOW, you are old." lol That put it all into perspective for me.

But seriously, she claimed to enjoy hearing me talk about the decades before she was born. For me, I just wanted someone who knew what I'd experienced without me having to explain it. Hence the vow to never date too far from my age.
 
The old me from 5 years ago would have said something like what's the point of this? I would have been skeptical. The odds are you are guaranteed to break up. She's into you because she has daddy issues. I mean you are the right age that you could easily have a kid her age or older. She's into you because you have money and she's a poor 20 year old. In ten years you'll be closing in on 60 and she'll still be a young 30 year old. You are destined to break up as she is going to want to do things you just can't realistically keep up with. Etc.

BUT as I've gotten older, I've come to realize that it really doesn't matter. There are always a hundred different reasons why something will not work. If you have that one good reason then it doesn't matter. She makes you happy which is probably the single most important thing in life. When I was younger I would never live in the moment. Now in the last 10 years I've realized never living in the moment, I've never really lived.

I wish you the best of luck, and I'm glad you found someone.
 
lostatsea said:
BUT as I've gotten older, I've come to realize that it really doesn't matter.

How can you be happy with someone if they know there's an ulterior motive or that she has issues?
 
I really do wish you luck. My story is not a happy one. I had a relationship at the age of 40 with a 20 year old student. Her parents thought I was the scum of the earth even though I wasn't the one who pursued the relationship. My girlfriend's sister threatened to kill me, which is ALWAYS fun. And I learned that my GF was a self-mutilator, deeply depressed, and suicidal at the slightest indication of conflict.

That experience had it's good side, but there was enough bad that I will now only date women closer to my age. The 20 year gap also meant that I had practically nothing in common with her except a love of sex. References I made from my childhood frequently went over her head, and her childhood references only caused me to reminisce about what I was doing at that time, making me feel old and her feel disconnected.

I do wish you all the good fortune in the world. As for me, I'm done with the 20-year olds for good. :)
[/quote]

Actually yes... she has allot of problems... Has BDD, and has mutilated herself... But since I am retired I can spend 24/7 with her. And I have 16 years psychology study. I am going to try and help her.

And I also have a blood disorder and am dying... She is going to make me comfortable, and we are going to have each other to care for. She has lived in isolation for 5 years, and I have for 7...

She is so insecure she won't leave her house without a vail, she can't work, has no experience, and her folks want her out.

I just don't want to die alone, talking on forums for the rest of the little time I have left. She's real, and will be here. It's more of a deal with each other... we need each other. Can't think of a better way to start.

And as far as being happy... She offers more than this place... Right ?
 
ardour said:
lostatsea said:
BUT as I've gotten older, I've come to realize that it really doesn't matter.

How can you be happy with someone if they know there's an ulterior motive or that she has issues?

That's the point. You don't know that she has ulterior motives or issues. Most people including my former self would just naturally assume so. The truth is you never know how something is going to end up.

But always assuming the worst will just stop you from even trying. You won't experience anything. You won't live.

Not everything has to be the stereotypical model of how to live life. Not everything had to lead to something. Sometimes it's just best to live in the moment. Appreciate the opportunities you have in front of you and take advantage of them. Enjoy it. Have fun. Let whatever will happen, happen. You might end up surprising yourself.
 
Alienated said:
If you what to know why, and how ??

She can't stand guys her age, because they are so childish, self, self centered, egotistical, and ignorant.

I just treated her like a lady, and she is moving in for the summer.

Think about it....... I will be busy... and it won't be thinking.... Now you know why they say wisdom comes with age, if any could have listened.... They might have learned something, but that will never happen, it can't.

good luck with it !
 
Only the two of you know what you want, and need, its easy to judge looking in without knowing. And I'd normaly be very skeptical, but good luck, hope it turns well and that you both work it out
 
Alienated said:
Actually yes... she has allot of problems... Has BDD, and has mutilated herself... But since I am retired I can spend 24/7 with her. And I have 16 years psychology study. I am going to try and help her.

And I also have a blood disorder and am dying... She is going to make me comfortable, and we are going to have each other to care for. She has lived in isolation for 5 years, and I have for 7...

She is so insecure she won't leave her house without a vail, she can't work, has no experience, and her folks want her out.

I just don't want to die alone, talking on forums for the rest of the little time I have left. She's real, and will be here. It's more of a deal with each other... we need each other. Can't think of a better way to start.

And as far as being happy... She offers more than this place... Right ?

Bless you Alienated, we can all only do the best we can and I wish you the best of luck, and kudos to you for having the courage to try this out.
I wish you always to remember to keep things towards the light and sane, and yes, why not, people can be helpful towards each other and care for each other regardless of age.
 
So what do her family and friends think about this? Also you said she's moving in for the summer, why not now instead of waiting 4 months? If you're dying from a blood disorder, why wait?
Good luck and I hope we don't see you on Dr. Phil in the fall. Seriously.

-Teresa
 
Alienated said:
If you what to know why, and how ??

She can't stand guys her age, because they are so childish, self, self centered, egotistical, and ignorant.

I just treated her like a lady, and she is moving in for the summer.

Think about it....... I will be busy... and it won't be thinking.... Now you know why they say wisdom comes with age, if any could have listened.... They might have learned something, but that will never happen, it can't.

Well you gave valuable advice for young guys, so if they know to listen they will benefit from this. But maybe as you said "will never happen"
 
If you are both happy thats what counts the most.

Good luck.
 
I tend to use the general rule that is used when determining age gap relationships. It's half your age + 7.

Half of 31 + 7, equals 22.5. Which you always round up when you get an uneven number, so I can date as young as 23. This will be rounded up to just 23 next year, so next year I can still date the same age.

I wouldn't date anybody younger, because they don't have the emotional maturity. I would go crazy with a 20 year old, to be honest...yes, sure, the sex would be fantastic, but I would have nothing to talk about.

Half of 48 + 7 is equal to 31, which is more appropriate for you, OP. However, I'm not going to throw stones, because it's awesome that you can still score a hot 20 year old at your age. :)
 
Jeez. Getting someone that young as a man in today's western world is no simple feat. So props. Can't even hate.
 
SofiasMami said:
So what do her family and friends think about this? Also you said she's moving in for the summer, why not now instead of waiting 4 months? If you're dying from a blood disorder, why wait?
Good luck and I hope we don't see you on Dr. Phil in the fall. Seriously.

-Teresa


Well a few reasons for waiting.... In the winter I can't show her around and enjoy the country. Right now I am stuck in my own driveway because of ice storm.... In the summer we can take walks in some cool places, and I am even going to take her to a public Diamond mine we have here. You keep what you find, but you have to poke around in the dirt and mud.

And I plan on humping the crap out of her at a local waterfall, and park, and lake, and river, and any other place that looks good !! She say's she into that kind of thing, it turns her on.. :D

And it gives us more time to work out the details, and get to know each other better. And she has to wait for her passport, and get plane ticket. She is from Canada !!

Her family don't care, because you know how selfish people are anymore !! She is miserable there, I am offering her a ESCAPE !!
 
Would you say this was more likely to happen because you both have . . . things that create a potential for common ground to be broken and for a bond to be built on that foundation? I'm not trying to be nosy; you don't have to answer. I'm just curious, is all.
 
The Underdog said:
Would you say this was more likely to happen because you both have . . . things that create a potential for common ground to be broken and for a bond to be built on that foundation? I'm not trying to be nosy; you don't have to answer. I'm just curious, is all.


Those are VERY good questions... And no your not being nosy.

This has got to be the strangest thing I have ever heard of, and ask myself the same things.

It started as me trying to help her on another forum, she was a very tormented girl. We became close because we each serve a essential need for each other, we need each other !!

I need someone to care for, and she needs someone to care for her. I came from a horrible back-round too of self hate, loathing, and destructiveness ... But I found a way out, and I tend to guide and show her how to live. And in turn she gives me a reason to live.

And lets not forget the obvious ... she's 20, and I haven't had a relationship since before she was born.... She's willing, and I am NOT going to say no !! I live in the USA, and feel the same way about American women as the rest of the world... :club:

She is as shy and timid as anyone I have ever seen, is lady like, listens to every word I say, and adores me. I am going to die with a BIG SMILE on my face, but won't have any blood in it... If you know what I mean ..
:D

I have nothing to lose, but everything to gain. After 7 years in isolation, I am not going to die alone. Because I couldn't find anyone that cares... And I have looked, and found NOTHING WORTH KNOWING.... But she does really care... And that's good enough reason for me to try. I found another human, not a plastic Hedonist from Hell that only pretends... She is willing to actually take action and do something... Not send Emo-con smileys to say I care, and forget about them faster than the page can reload.

So to answer your question... She's the only one that cared enough to show up !!
 
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