I can't celebrate my birthday...anyone feel the same?

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HappyYogi

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It's my birthday today. I am turning 47.

For some reason, probably self esteem reasons, I cannot celebrate my birthday. I can't ask others to "do" anything for it so I just don't. Perhaps I worry they won't come thru for me and I'll feel rejected. I don't know. For as long as I can remember I have not been comfortable with my birthday and asking others to "celebrate" it it with me even as I am willing to celebrate other's birthdays. Of course, it could be due to when I had my last family celebration I walked in happy and wanting to connect and walked out wanting to slit my wrists feeling rejected and ignored.

Anyone feel the same?

I actually WANT to be more "fun" but I can't. I AM a fun person with other celebrations. In fact, I have my own meetup group and I plan get togethers all of the time and I really enjoy bringing fun and joy into people's lives...I just can't do it for myself.

The only thing I ask for on my birthday is to feel some peace and some positive feelings. I don't ask for much. Onetime I told a sister of mine (who I don't talk to anymore) that I was happy to have a clean house on my birthday. Her reply "you don't ask for much".

I honestly would prefer for birthdays to go away and to not have any attention or expectations.

Don't get me wrong, I am OK today. I am not totally depressed. It's a sunny day and I'll probably get three calls and a nice visit with my landscaper (we are friends) but that is all I want, really. And then I want it to go away. Then I try to nurture myself in some way....buy a book I want or whatever. I think today, after all my chores, I'll try to do some sewing something creative.

I wish I could heal this but I don't know how really. Anyone feel the same?
 
Happy birthday.

People have different ideas of fun, you can get this peace and some positive feelings from things you enjoy doing. You don't have to live up to other people's expectations or ideas of 'fun'.
 
I know. I have no problem accepting that I am different and I am very independent. I don't think that is my problem.

I wish I had the self esteem to gather people together on my birthday so I don't feel so alone. For more fun. To feel more balanced.

When I see others do this, joyfully, happily and reaping the rewards I wish I could be like them.




9006 said:
Happy birthday.

People have different ideas of fun, you can get this peace and some positive feelings from things you enjoy doing. You don't have to live up to other people's expectations or ideas of 'fun'.
 
HappyYogi said:
I know. I have no problem accepting that I am different and I am very independent. I don't think that is my problem.

I wish I had the self esteem to gather people together on my birthday so I don't feel so alone. For more fun. To feel more balanced.

When I see others do this, joyfully, happily and reaping the rewards I wish I could be like them.




9006 said:
Happy birthday.

People have different ideas of fun, you can get this peace and some positive feelings from things you enjoy doing. You don't have to live up to other people's expectations or ideas of 'fun'.

Happy birthday! Where is your thread, so I can send you a cake? I am sorry you feel like this, but yes, it's your party, if you want to watch the landscape or do nothing and stay in the sun, that is absolutely great.
Perhaps you need to celebrate with someone different than your family so you don't have to feel like slicing your wrists? I can totally relate to the feeling though.
 
I'm 27, I don't really like getting older anymore. I'm dreading 30. I mean, I like living. But I hate the idea that my one and only youth is forever gone, and that I wasted much of it making myself feel bad about things and not being as good as I could be or letting myself have as much fun as I could have had.
 
HappyYogi said:
It's my birthday today. I am turning 47.

For some reason, probably self esteem reasons, I cannot celebrate my birthday. I can't ask others to "do" anything for it so I just don't. Perhaps I worry they won't come thru for me and I'll feel rejected. I don't know. For as long as I can remember I have not been comfortable with my birthday and asking others to "celebrate" it it with me even as I am willing to celebrate other's birthdays. Of course, it could be due to when I had my last family celebration I walked in happy and wanting to connect and walked out wanting to slit my wrists feeling rejected and ignored.

Anyone feel the same?

I actually WANT to be more "fun" but I can't. I AM a fun person with other celebrations. In fact, I have my own meetup group and I plan get togethers all of the time and I really enjoy bringing fun and joy into people's lives...I just can't do it for myself.

The only thing I ask for on my birthday is to feel some peace and some positive feelings. I don't ask for much. Onetime I told a sister of mine (who I don't talk to anymore) that I was happy to have a clean house on my birthday. Her reply "you don't ask for much".

I honestly would prefer for birthdays to go away and to not have any attention or expectations.

Don't get me wrong, I am OK today. I am not totally depressed. It's a sunny day and I'll probably get three calls and a nice visit with my landscaper (we are friends) but that is all I want, really. And then I want it to go away. Then I try to nurture myself in some way....buy a book I want or whatever. I think today, after all my chores, I'll try to do some sewing something creative.

I wish I could heal this but I don't know how really. Anyone feel the same?

Happy belated birthday. I'm also 47. Should be a good year. Let's hope so, at least.

I retreat on my birthday. I grew up really shy and I did not like drawing attention to myself. An early memory I have is when I was about 4 or 5 years old. My Dad tried to coax me into putting my hands in some cake and smearing it on my face so he could get the obligatory "messy child" birthday photo. But I wouldn't do it and I started crying because his insistence scared me. Then, my Mom interceded. My Dad then stomped out of the room with his camera, angry at me for ruining his photo-op.

Ever since then, I have had an aversion to anyone celebrating my birthday. It's so bad that I will literally leave town just to get away from everyone. I'm nice to people at work who shake my hand or simple say "Happy Birthday," but I've made it perfectly clear that I do not want decorations, a cake, or any fuss. They always want to take me out to lunch, but I refuse. They are all good people, but I know that they probably feel disappointed that they can't use my birthday as an excuse to eat out for lunch.

I am nice about it when people bring it up, mostly on Facebook. The few friends I know who care to do something for me know me enough to keep it low-key, and I appreciate their understanding.

So for me it's an annual anxiety, and I empathize with you.
 
Thank you for sharing. I think you were the only one who got my post...even though the others meant well. Yes, it's an anxiety. Yes. Except for me I hardly feel worthy to ask others to celebrate my birthday. That is where the pain is for me.


Case said:
HappyYogi said:
It's my birthday today. I am turning 47.

For some reason, probably self esteem reasons, I cannot celebrate my birthday. I can't ask others to "do" anything for it so I just don't. Perhaps I worry they won't come thru for me and I'll feel rejected. I don't know. For as long as I can remember I have not been comfortable with my birthday and asking others to "celebrate" it it with me even as I am willing to celebrate other's birthdays. Of course, it could be due to when I had my last family celebration I walked in happy and wanting to connect and walked out wanting to slit my wrists feeling rejected and ignored.

Anyone feel the same?

I actually WANT to be more "fun" but I can't. I AM a fun person with other celebrations. In fact, I have my own meetup group and I plan get togethers all of the time and I really enjoy bringing fun and joy into people's lives...I just can't do it for myself.

The only thing I ask for on my birthday is to feel some peace and some positive feelings. I don't ask for much. Onetime I told a sister of mine (who I don't talk to anymore) that I was happy to have a clean house on my birthday. Her reply "you don't ask for much".

I honestly would prefer for birthdays to go away and to not have any attention or expectations.

Don't get me wrong, I am OK today. I am not totally depressed. It's a sunny day and I'll probably get three calls and a nice visit with my landscaper (we are friends) but that is all I want, really. And then I want it to go away. Then I try to nurture myself in some way....buy a book I want or whatever. I think today, after all my chores, I'll try to do some sewing something creative.

I wish I could heal this but I don't know how really. Anyone feel the same?

Happy belated birthday. I'm also 47. Should be a good year. Let's hope so, at least.

I retreat on my birthday. I grew up really shy and I did not like drawing attention to myself. An early memory I have is when I was about 4 or 5 years old. My Dad tried to coax me into putting my hands in some cake and smearing it on my face so he could get the obligatory "messy child" birthday photo. But I wouldn't do it and I started crying because his insistence scared me. Then, my Mom interceded. My Dad then stomped out of the room with his camera, angry at me for ruining his photo-op.

Ever since then, I have had an aversion to anyone celebrating my birthday. It's so bad that I will literally leave town just to get away from everyone. I'm nice to people at work who shake my hand or simple say "Happy Birthday," but I've made it perfectly clear that I do not want decorations, a cake, or any fuss. They always want to take me out to lunch, but I refuse. They are all good people, but I know that they probably feel disappointed that they can't use my birthday as an excuse to eat out for lunch.

I am nice about it when people bring it up, mostly on Facebook. The few friends I know who care to do something for me know me enough to keep it low-key, and I appreciate their understanding.

So for me it's an annual anxiety, and I empathize with you.
 
Lol I didn't even get a happy birthday from 97% of people I know... That 3%, contained my parents and my spouse. I guess my birthday lost its appeal since it became a weight precariously anchored above my head with a strained rope -_- I suck at math, and my grades were slipping. Got a C and I was not allowed the birthdsy party that had been planned... (this was grade 5/6 when I was being bullied terribly by a couple teachers and a few students).

If you ever come across that "you don't ask for much" bull... I always turn around and say "may not seem like much to YOU but it means a whole lot to ME!" lol. I have to be quick with turning my family's usually snarky or huffy phrases around. I already see me dreading my kid's birthdays, and that is due to religious means... Or rather lack of (great grandma's religious we aren't... We will leave it at that :p)
 
I also don't celebrate my birthday.

Probably due to the fact besides my mother I don't have anyone to 'celebrate' it with.

Last time I had a birthday party with friends was when I was 16 (I'm now 36)

However, I understand that the majority of people do like celebrating their birthday so I always make an effort when it comes to their birthdays.
 
Because of how I was raised, birthday celebrations are silly. The whole concept is stupid ( to me) but if its important to someone I know, I make an effort to get a Happy Birthday out to them.
 
I just had a kid recently... It really aught to be a "Happy holy-crap-you-popped-out-a-watermelon Day!" lol. :(
 
"I wish I could heal this but I don't know how really. Anyone feel the same? "

Yes. It is like you took the words out of my mouth.
 
I'd be willing to celebrate my birthday with people who I am close with. But I have a hard time feeling close to anybody, and my family never celebrated them much, so no celebrations for me.
 
Nowadays I don't care my birthday, in fact I'm not counting days but, when my loved ones get another year, I do call or pay a visit to hug them.

I do remember my Ex wife birthday, yet I try to forget those I loved 

I'm happy I live and I'm pendient to ser if there is a chance, in the afterlife. Here I have nothing to cling to. 😉
 
Yeah. I don’t celebrate my birthday. Mainly because I don’t have anyone to celebrate it with. I used to do something for myself ... but myself a present, take myself out for dinner ... but I got sick of doing that. It just highlighted how alone I was. My family has never celebrated my birthday, it was always treated as more of an annoyance than anything else, and there are no friends to go out with or anything. Even if there were, I think I would find it uncomfortable to be made a fuss over.

Still, in a way, part of me wants to be made a fuss over. I guess it is more that I wish there was someone who acknowledged my birthday ... or even knew when it was.
 
I never celebrate it. I ******* hate that I was born. My b day is just another shitty day. At least when my b day comes around i'm a year closer to dying. One positive thing. :shy:


 
iu
:p
 
HappyYogi said:
It's my birthday today. I am turning 47.

For some reason, probably self esteem reasons, I cannot celebrate my birthday.  I can't ask others to "do" anything for it so I just don't.  Perhaps I worry they won't come thru for me and I'll feel rejected.  I don't know. For as long as I can remember I have not been comfortable with my birthday and asking others to "celebrate" it it with me even as I am willing to celebrate other's birthdays.  Of course, it could be due to when I had my last family celebration I walked in happy and wanting to connect and walked out wanting to slit my wrists feeling rejected and ignored.

Anyone feel the same?

I actually WANT to be more "fun" but I can't.  I AM a fun person with other celebrations. In fact, I have my own meetup group and I plan get togethers all of the time and I really enjoy bringing fun and joy into people's lives...I just can't do it for myself.

The only thing I ask for on my birthday is to feel some peace and some positive feelings. I don't ask for much.  Onetime I told a sister of mine (who I don't talk to anymore) that I was happy to have a clean house on my birthday. Her reply "you don't ask for much".

I honestly would prefer for birthdays to go away and to not have any attention or expectations.

Don't get me wrong, I am OK today.  I am not totally depressed. It's a sunny day and I'll probably get three calls and a nice visit with my landscaper (we are friends) but that is all I want, really. And then I want it to go away.  Then I try to nurture myself in some way....buy a book I want or whatever. I think today, after all my chores, I'll try to do some sewing something creative.

I wish I could heal this but I don't know how really.  Anyone feel the same?

I definitely know what you're feeling in terms of wanting Birthdays to go away. When people say 'What are you doing for your birthday?', I have to make stuff up to sound vaguely interesting, when in reality, I just want to be on my own or with my VERY closest friends and family. I'm relatively young as well (early 20s) so it's as if people expect me to say 'Yeah we're all going to the club to get wasted!' or something. Very mentally draining...
 
i never celebrate my birthday, my narcissists will not remember it and won't celebrate it.
in my belief, we don't celebrate birthday. so yay.
when my birthday pass is just another day also it's a reminder for me that i'm going to die soon, i'm an old person so that's a good thing to keep me in track.
good thing is nobody is asking me to celebrate it since i'm worthless in their term.
me and my spouse don't care about birthday so no worries.
 

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