Passively Conflicted

So, my best friend came over for the first time in something like two months, and I bought some alcohol so we could get drunk and listen to music together like we normally do. We drank all the beer, drank all the orange juice, and he kept drinking the vodka straight afterwords because he's an alcoholic and we had half a jug left over; understandable. Then, of course, he became too drunk. I'm used to this side of him, he falls over and I help him up, needs some kind of stabilizer on his way to the bathroom, clean up vomit, let him talk when he's saying something etc etc etc. More lately, since his "important" girlfriend left him this past year, he also starts crying a lot. Which, again, I can deal with. However, this past time we drank he made a pass at me, and I don't know how to talk to him about it because I feel like we should.

He's been talking about possibly dating this really cute transgender girl he talks to every night, and I told him I'd date a transgender girl if I was into her, so I give my full support. I'm pretty sure though this is opening up into him questioning his sexuality more seriously. He told me one of the guys we met from NWTC was interested in dating him, he's not sure about wanting to but the kid (he's older than us) is really nice, and he didn't say no he was just honest and said maybe because he's never been in a relationship like that and doesn't know how he feels about it. He's been bouncing back from telling me things like that and then a few hours later saying something involving the word straight.

If he's bisexual, that's fine, but I feel like he should have the information from what happened between him and I. Apparently, and I believe him, he doesn't remember the night too well. He blacks out a lot when he drinks, he's forgotten entire conversations we've had, even a full interaction once when I came over at 4am when he was talking about suicide. But he reached inside my pants twice and grabbed my ass, and tried kissing me a couple times, and told me he thought I was pretty and I'm fairly sure he said he'd have sex with me, so I feel like this information could be useful to him. I dealt with the situation well when it was happening but we were drunk then. I'm a little concerned it'll mess up our friendship because I don't know what he'll say about it or if he'll get awkward or whatever.

Honestly I wouldn't tell him. He would most likely deny it saying something along the lines of "I never said/did that" or "bro, you know I was drunk." He will find his own sexuality eventually. If you wanted to help him along you could make subtle "gay" remarks like asking him if he thinks so and so is attractive. On the other hand if him making passes at you and him grabbing your ass is offensive/uncomfortable to you (I mean there are things you can tolerate and things you can't) then you should tell him or adjust your two's behavior. ie don't go on drinking binges.

Says Indifferent

I'm a little concerned it'll mess up our friendship because I don't know what he'll say about it or if he'll get awkward or whatever.

Click to expand...

It will only get awkward for you if you let it get awkward for you. If he tries it again, the old 'I'm flattered by your interest but I'm not gay' line is a good standby.

What should be a good deal more concerning to you than his sexuality is

I bought some alcohol so we could get drunk and listen to music together like we normally do. We drank all the beer, drank all the orange juice, and he kept drinking the vodka straight afterwords because he's an alcoholic

Click to expand...

If you think this best friend of yours has a drink problem (and if he is blacking out 'a lot' when he drinks then yes, he HAS a SERIOUS problem with drink) then what are you thinking in putting alcohol anywhere near him when he is with you?

Sorry to be a bit full-on here, but is that the action of a friend? This guy needs help with his drink problem. Maybe it stems from conflicted sexuality - or not. But good grief Indifferent - don't be indifferent on this one.

Dr. Strangelove said:

"bro, you know I was drunk."

Click to expand...

I was pretty alright with it, I wasn't mean when it happened, and we hung out the next day like any other day. I might as well just tell him and see what happens. He's not a bro so I can't imagine him using that excuse. If he does I'm going to laugh just a tiny bit.

jaguarundi said:

If you think this best friend of yours has a drink problem (and if he is blacking out 'a lot' when he drinks then yes, he HAS a SERIOUS problem with drink) then what are you thinking in putting alcohol anywhere near him when he is with you?

Sorry to be a bit full-on here, but is that the action of a friend? This guy needs help with his drink problem. Maybe it stems from conflicted sexuality - or not.

Click to expand...

I'm not going to shove help into him with something he doesn't want help with right now. When he quits drinking I don't bring alcohol anywhere near him and I fully support those decisions. I've never provided alcohol to any of his relapses and they didn't work because he doesn't want them to work. He's tried going sober three times since I've met him and he has no reason to quit other than himself. I don't have to justify why he drinks, or why I enjoy drinking with him, how I'm his best friend, or why every once and awhile we get black-out drunk together. I monitor how much alcohol I have in my house before he comes over so I don't wake up the next day to him still going because I know how he functions. He's come a long way from drinking every single night and trying to commit suicide like clockwork. Never drinking again though for no reason whatsoever sounds stupid and improbable to happen. He's 22. He can think for himself. He can make his own decisions. We had a BEER when we went out the next day for tacos too, LORDY LORDY LORDY!

Let's take all the lonely suicidal alcoholics in the world and tell them they need to stop drinking for their personal health.

This was a long time ago but I'd like to say my friend is doing better. I confronted him about this incident and he told me basically he thinks drunk him was trying to use me to make himself feel better. Which sounds horrible but I think is understandable. He's moved across the country to be with his current girlfriend, is able to express himself more politically in a larger city which he likes, is no longer drinking, and is the happiest he's ever been. We had a brief falling out for a few weeks about two years ago but I think that was partly on himself and living together for a year in bad circumstances. He appreciates everything I've done for him in the years we were together on a daily basis and I think we've helped each other grow in a lot of ways. I'm proud of him and wish him nothing but the best.

Erm...  I'm a pretty open minded guy.  Where he chooses to insert his Johnson is up to him (so long as it's adult and consenting).

But he grabs your bottom, and you have to clean up his vomit.  C'mon.  You know what to do.



Edit:  didn't realise the OP was a few years old.  Good luck.