arrrr hes stood me up twice now!!! i cant take this anymore

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simhthmss

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MY BF WAS MEANT TO TURN UP LAST WEEK and im a guy and he likes me feminine, i have chronic back pain so just like when he stood me up last week i spent TEN HOURS shaving, veeting myself head to toe, nail polishing, preparing a home made romantic meal with valentines presents and candles today, i even bought real truffles to put in the meal, thatl just get eaten by me...alone crying into it now.

waiting for him was magical, it was only a few hours til i get human contact i was high with love and exitement ive waited literally years (nobody has given me any romantic physical contact in years) for and after all that at the time hes meant to ******* well ARRIVE another of these weird random appointments that keeps him standing me up appears at 7pm??? what and who arranges an appointment with you at 7pm? nowheres open!

...again like last time he wants to come over still but, the romance is broken, waiting next time wont be magical itl be after days of severe suicidal depression ill just be extremely impatient next time, its just taken any affectionate or romantic feelings i have and shattered them, tbh i just feel obligated to have him over now, it wont feel special ill just be annoyed, i dont want him NEAR me at the moment....do i let him visit again he could just do it again,... his company isnt looking so appealing now.

this last year has been the worst of my life, a spiral of one crushing blow after another, mother has a stroke, lose all my friends, got bullied and evicted...i wanted one bit of pleasure...i cant see myself feeling very romantic when he finally turns up and i dont think i believe these apointments

this guy has before told me hell accept me anyway i can i spent a day dressing fully female spent all my savings on the train ticket, another time he made me lug my own computer up there as he wouldnt let me use his hes in wiltshire (long way from me if you dont know the uk) and ive social anxiety and it takes 5 hours of hell to get to him on a train both times i did that i got a LONG email criticising every single thing i did when i was there, it cost me all my savings and im on disability, he owned his own business when i visited 2-3 years ago and he wouldnt even help me with the train faire then i get home after going thru hell to be with him to find i had been 'reviewed by him'....and it was scathingly cruel and he was totally oblivious to how hurtfull he was being.

ive considered dumping him hundreds of times but its the only way im ever going to just get hugged or a hand to hold and my life has been painfully lacking in physical contact and i badly need it itl literally driving me to suicide... even my dead wife had to go away for long periods and id only get a few days here and a few days there, my life has been very loveless really and i cant take this kind of crap , hes shattered the romance i was brimming over with and i cant see me being very happy when he finally turns up i dunno if i want him to bother now...

i dont want opinions either way on what to do with the ****** or if im letting him come over now i just have no one else to talk to and am just looking for some kind words please:-(
 
Hugs...I really am sorry. He sounds like an SOB if you ask me, but I understand the sheer excitement of physical contact and then to be cruelly let down yet again by him. BS. Feel free to message me anytime...:)
 
-self harm and drug trigger warning-

ive not let a slither of it out here tbh... i had to severely restrain my rage so it wasnt just pure boiled hot fury on a computer screen... i want to slash my arms up, i wanna tear someonews throat out and drink the blood then grab the nearest heroin dealer give him all my money, tell my bf to fresia off and comfortably slide back to my first and most consistent love i ever had, morphine....and yes that love is just as abusive as most of the other ones ive had


thank you ringwood and jaguarundi for ur support


the joke is its just a rescheduling to him he wont hurt or cry or slash his arms or take a tonne of drugs, he didnt even call; just an emotionless text.

i feel more like a woman than a man most of the time and i genuinely wish i were born female really...you know i would like advice from any ladies wtf to do with him please?

i want to end it really but later ill be too compassionate so itl have to be one where i dont hurt him too much any ideas?

lonilyness is better than this its genuine torture, my body physically aches for a touch ive slaved for 10 hours in anticipation of and hes not even called to console me or anything. im very non violent, loving and empathetic and this is the first time in my life i genuinely want to really hurt someone....and ive been raped and was too compassionate to press charges, ive never before wanted to torture someone despite my litany of past abusers

its even gone though my mind ...we do bdsm stuff, ive even considered just going mental on him when i tie him up, i wont but its very very tempting, real agony not 'fun' pain if i can stand to look at the ******* enough to have him in my flat that is
 
really sorry you have to go through this, it's a horrible pain, I hope you find a thought of light that brings you away from the thoughts of the last post
 
A good rant is great to let out the negative stuff you have had building up inside . Thing is, if you do something bad to yourself or others, you have let him win. So hang in there, ok
 
i do bad things to myself every day...ill just do more is all if im honest, ive also run out of my medical mj im in agony after hours of contorting myself into every shape to remove my body hair and i genuinely need that if i take opiate painkillers ill soon be smoking, injecting and drinking opium/heroin so all i got for the severe and constant pain is medical mj its supposed to turn up any day now please please be tomorrow im gonna get wasted n hopefully sleep as long as i can, theres no pain in sleep...i dont dream
 
Not sure what I can say to that. I get arthritis pain in my knee, but nothing like what is going on for you. I am so sorry you are in such a bad way. I can't say I know how you feel .. Not really, it would not be true and such a cliché. I can't take NSAID painkillers cos I am asthmatic, and when the knee swells and heats up and aches, nothing much works. I think you are brave to keep off the painkillers you know will harm you. Don't know yr time zone, so have a good day or a good night.
 
When I was on the dating scene, I remember what an absolute pain in the ass it was to get dolled up before a date. Shaving, plucking, waxing, teasing, trimming, smoothing, adjusting, washing, powdering, god I could go on for hours. All that and I never met someone I really hit it off with. So I feel your pain on that for sure.
But I'm more worried about the darker pain that you had the courage to share with us.
I'm not sure if I have any words of wisdom at the moment but I can tell you that during the last man-fiasco I had a few months back, I decided it's not worth it to get on an emotional high thinking about what might be, then crashing down lower than where I started in the first place. I don't do emotional roller coasters very well.
Can I also just say this guy sounds like an *******. Cut him off from contact and let him wonder what happened.

-Teresa
 
sofia'smamma writes I decided it's not worth it to get on an emotional high thinking about what might be, then crashing down lower than where I started in the first place. I don't do emotional roller coasters very well
I relate to that comment entirely. Not good for anyone, that cycle, kind of emotional 'boom or bust' feelings. The anticipation, the getting dolled up - how he will love what you have done just for him. Then, he never notices or makes a flip comment about your hair or something. Or doesn't even turn up (yik).So then the 'bust' phase - the low is so extraordinarily bad, disappointed expectations - so draining.

I was listening to a BBC radio program some time back, where people who had been taken hostage talked about surviving the experience. One guy (captured in a war zone scenario) describes how the biggest thing he could do for himself to help him survive was to avoid emotional highs and lows. So, his captors would promise to release him tomorrow, then not do so. If he avoided the high of expectation, he could avoid the trough of despair. I thought at the time about the relationship to dating, funnily enough, but then forgot (age and decrepitude).

Not that I think love and dating is war, mind you. The war is with yourself, so to speak.:)
 
I'm sorry you had to go through all that, sim. :( *hugs*

Please take care of yourself though, you deserve better. Hope you're feeling better now.
 
he may be comming thursday, he thinks 1 extra day together makes up for it...this isnt dating btw ive been with him for 4 years thats why i was certain he'd be here this has never happened before

i found out why, he booked HIMSELF in for a therapy session! i thought it was some mandatory work thing! he severely hurt me for something he coulda done when he left a couple days later anyway??? wtf!


oh by the way i got my free medical mj today, its some small consolation anyway; i'm still miserable, (i'm one of the few people in the uk to have a home office immunity from prosecution for cannabis possession as soon as my name is checked on any police computer in the car that will pop up saying i have been granted home office immunity from arrest or prosecution for cannabis, they can of course bust me for anything else)

i was best mates with a professor of philosophy at Cambridge university that i used to debate and discuss philosophy with and he got most of the medical and scientific community including the professors of anything vaguely related....human rights, ethics, eu law and human rights, pharmacology, medical professors, psychologists, psychiatrists he knew them all well so they were glad to help and it was from Cambridge university which is the most prestigious uni in the country, its the Harvard of Europe, many foreigners attend as its apparently highly impressive in other countries like china and India to have a degree from Cambridge.
anyway he got everyone to petition the home office along with letters from them explaining why it will improve my health from each party too, and after continually sending all of that to the then Theresa May the then home secretary i got it!

we dont have legal mj in plant form here only prescribed THC tongue sprays which have horrible side effects so you cant get a prescription for the plant itself like say California so i thought outside of the box. if you are in the UK and want help getting immunity for you genuine medical problem for which cannabis and would like help petitioning the home office let me know i'll tell you how to really bug the hell out of them till they give you one, i've managed it with another member of my online cannabis compassion club...just so moddies know i'm just offering to show them how to petition the home office i will NOT be giving out details of my compassion club donator or how to obtain cannabis online in ANY way
 
Considering recreational pot is legal in 2 US states and there's pot dispensaries everywhere here in California AND you can smell people smoking it while walking down the street in my town, I doubt you 'll get in trouble for mentioning pot here.

-Teresa
 
People who stand people up are the worst. The last friend I had several years ago used to stand me up all the time. I finally ditched her and have refused to let people mistreat me like that. Don't settle! If you see him again please jab kick his shins repeatedly. He deserves it.
 
I'm sorry he stood you up like that, that's horrible. :(

~hugs~

Hope you're feeling better now. Maybe you should tell him how you feel about this, you don't need to be with someone who treats you like this.

You deserve better my dear.
 
oki
have a dilemma now, ive been hurt so much by this guy over the years and ive grown easily breakable, and i take a long time to recover and he wants to come here thursday...today!

and i still feel freshly humiliated and stood up its tempting to get him here to shout at him to fresia off home but the point is as usual he thinks everythings fine and im like some rag doll you can throw me about and pull my arms off and i wont feel a thing...

i think this will take weeks to heal minimum and he wants to be here today and i just dont want anyone here i wanna be alone to recover from what lately has been and endless string of horrible things happening to me and this one is gonna take more than a couple days i dont want him here anymore theres no excitement, romance, or intimate feelings in me there were....in infinite abundance on the day he was supposed to be here, but hes got the worst personality trait of only ever seeing what happens from his point of view, whenever im hurt cause hes screwed me over again he just doesn't get that i hurt! and he will blame ME for calling today off, its him that ruined this, the whole thing feels broken.

so many times hes done things similar to this and showed no sign that he even knew i have any feelings...in short he thinks hes coming today, i dont want him within 50 miles of me, he as always will pretend im the one being unreasonable and that im just trying to be mean and ive no right to be angry, on other things hes done in the past thats always his angle; hell when he cheated on me he basically blamed that on me!

if he turned up on Monday he would have found heaven id have pounced on him, now he'll get someone who wont even hold his hand, so whats the point in him visiting?

he'll think its revenge as he never gets my feelings and yes as soon as he told me hes not coming i sent a huge tirade of a text over how hurt i was, i got not reply or apology to it. so basically its no different to him though its just like im an appointment he gets to screw not a partner

on the day i told him exactly how much im hurting he gave me NO comfort he didn't call me to see if im alright considering im oh i dunno CONSTANTLY SUICIDAL thats what hurts the most, if he called me up and tried to comfort me or do something so i feel better id maybe be feeling ok about his visit but i just find myself more and more angry...you dont dangle something ive been waiting 3 years for let me spend 10 hours looking nice then take it away from me not just on the day but at the time he was supposed to arrive....i was running around like i won the **** lottery till he called it off! the last year ive cried everyday from sheer gnawing loneliness its the one thing i wanted in the world and had craved for months

i have this stupid trait of just giving in to what people want so i dont hurt em and he will milk this good if i cancel it, he does that.

i genuinely dont know what to do, hed maybe be ok in a month but a couple days? i feel like its only just happened! its for both our sakes but he wont get that, if he comes there will be no romance, no excitement, frankly i want to hit him atm so on his end i KNOW it will be a wasted visit but he simply never understands that i plain have feelings!

i really dont know how to stop him coming and have him turn up another time....if i want to carry this relationship on, he'll get ample warning and a real genuine reason off me at least!

i honestly dont know how to do it, im about the worst person to impart bad news but i just dont want him here i dunno how i do it ...im no good at hurting people, even total bastards
 
Just be honest, why don't you? Tell him you're not feeling so great today and would rather he come over another day. Done.
 
youre right i just dont like hurting people but i'll hurt him more in person as i slap his hand away or turn away when he wants to kiss me i guess its best for him too...
 
i just found out my landlords REALLY not happy about my huge shower needed to shave my legs and everywhere else, they said not to let energy usage get any higher and for him i take a multiple hour powershower what was i thinking? last time they said theyll evict me if the power use goes too high again...i totally forgot!

amd also im an idiot, im furious with him yet hes invited himself round and i told him im still really hurt from what he did n he said i just needed some 'cheering up' ive emailed and texted him in detail how much he hurt me but ive yet to see him take on any guilt, i wrote liker 15 texts telling him i dont want him here in various ways but i never sent them....i dunno whats wrong with me i need help im in some weird spiral here

i feel like a shmuck i'll likely not be on here from 10 tonight till monday
 

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