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Chris 2

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I have thought long and hard about it, and I decided that when I have enough money, I will do it. I know it may be long and painful but it also a shame that I was born looking the way I am. I don't call myself ugly as I don't see ugliness in the mirror, and it just so painful for me to go into detail of why I feel I am ugly. But it more than I look horribly weird, my face structure is cricket, and it seem GOD or whoever he is did not finish his job. Simply put I look like honeysuckle, I don't look Asian, I don't look Black, I don't look Hispanic, I don't look white, basically I don't look human. And what worry me is that with this current look, I won't be able to have a girlfriend nor will I find confidence when i'm around people.

The lies goes on in my family. I once again told them about how i can't smile and basically show them yet they still refuse to say that anything is wrong with me, and that they say I'm perfectly fine and even go as far as saying I am handsome, but the truth can't be any farther away. I am absolutely sick of my family playing with my mind. I had it, it over. I can see why I was made fun off since grade school and being constantly bully for look weird, and now that I see myself I don't blame them. Even my far off friend made fun of me, and said hey don't take it seriously. But I do and it so painful getting out of bed and facing people. I don't how people judge me, but I am scare honeysuckle less.

And people say well you know you got to deal with it because it your face, but I don't think anyone understand the severity of what I look like, and I still shock at what I look like. It horrible to not be able to smile, so much worst that I don't even look right. Maybe the only fear I have now is my family opinion, and they screw me up so badly that it so hard. But I can't live like this, deep down they have no idea what I suffer on a daily basis, and it to the point that I have to use sleeping pill so that beside doing homework I waste the day so that I don't feel miserable.

I don't why I look like this nor do I know why I have SA and can't smile and was bully constantly, ridicule, hated on, excluded, made rumor on? But all I know is GOD hates me, he a *****, and that he is also the devil. And I do I am a mistake no matter how much you guys say it isn't, and it hurt.
 
I can not comment on what you look like cos I have not seen you but I do know there are plenty of guys that are not good looking at all that have girls. If you look weird in some way then just as long as you have the personality to mach it then I would say it should not make no difference. But I stand by what I said to you in the other thread and that is I think if you think it well make a big difference and able you to do what is to most of us a simple thing like smile then I say go and get it done.
 
Your family probably does think you look fine, or even handsome. In my experience, when you care about someone, you like the way they look. I've known plenty of people who I've thought were plain or unattractive when I first met them, but once I got to know them and like them as people, I started to really like the way they look. I come from a pretty big family, and I don't think of any of them as unattractive. But realistically, at least a couple of them would probably not be considered good-looking by most people. The flip side of the coin is also true. People who I really despise always seem ugly to me.

Anyway, my point is that people who honestly care about you will like the way you look. But like Bluey said, if doing something about your appearance will make you feel better about yourself, then more power to you.
 
Chris,

I am so very sorry for the pain that you have had to endure in your life. As far as your family goes, sometimes it's easier for people to deny a problem by not talking about it. Do you think that it hurts them as well seeing their child in pain?

What is the medical term for your condition? May I ask? There are doctors that help some uninsured/low income people with facial deformities.
 
Naleena said:
Chris,

I am so very sorry for the pain that you have had to endure in your life. As far as your family goes, sometimes it's easier for people to deny a problem by not talking about it. Do you think that it hurts them as well seeing their child in pain?

What is the medical term for your condition? May I ask? There are doctors that help some uninsured/low income people with facial deformities.
Click to expand...

I don't see why they would start caring for me now. As year of loneliness I told them I have no friends and stuff and all they told me is do your homework. Education is what gonna get you into a good college and job later on in life. Friend are just there to stop you and make you do bad stuff. This coming from my mom, and except that she speak in my native tongue. They could care less if i was in pain or not, as they often yell at me for being sad. Does my mom care about me? yes but how would she react? I have no idea.

I don't want my medical term of my condition is, can't smile, maybe jarbone structure is not fully develop? Face deformities, Idk

I wish I only knew. I look up many site online, no one seem to know what my problems is, and I don't either.
 
Perhaps you just need to exercise the muscles in your face and teach them now to smile?


One day over a decade ago I got it into my head that I had to be able to wink either eye by itself without winking just one side or both and I trained my eyes so I could wink either side. I can still do it. Before that I think I could only wink my right eye or both.
 
Chris 2 said:
Naleena said:
Chris,

I am so very sorry for the pain that you have had to endure in your life. As far as your family goes, sometimes it's easier for people to deny a problem by not talking about it. Do you think that it hurts them as well seeing their child in pain?

What is the medical term for your condition? May I ask? There are doctors that help some uninsured/low income people with facial deformities.
Click to expand...

I don't see why they would start caring for me now. As year of loneliness I told them I have no friends and stuff and all they told me is do your homework. Education is what gonna get you into a good college and job later on in life. Friend are just there to stop you and make you do bad stuff. This coming from my mom, and except that she speak in my native tongue. They could care less if i was in pain or not, as they often yell at me for being sad. Does my mom care about me? yes but how would she react? I have no idea.

I don't want my medical term of my condition is, can't smile, maybe jarbone structure is not fully develop? Face deformities, Idk

I wish I only knew. I look up many site online, no one seem to know what my problems is, and I don't either.
Click to expand...

Chris,
I want you to know that I care about you and what happens to you. I think there are others here who care as well.
Big Monster hug for you!!!!!

((((((((((((Chris))))))))))))
 
Dude, I'm not going to be a callous ******* and say that I know what you're going through, but I have had an experience pretty eerily similar to yours. I have hated myself off and on since I was 5 years old when someone called me a "dirty n*****." When my parents weren't around, I would put talc all over my face and pretend I was white and handsome. Eventually, the crazy went into hibernation. As I grew up, I seemed normal, but my self-esteem was on a slow decline. I hated the color of my skin, my dark hair and eyes, my big bottom lip, my eyebrows, my round face, etc. Then I got glasses. And braces. I was at the top of my class, but I hated everything about myself. People were brutal to me- I was always picked last and teased. My parents, relatives, friends, etc told me I was handsome, but I was convinced they were lying to me. I mean, your parents have to at least pretend to like you, right? In high school, the crazy came back. I would spend hours nitpicking over my appearance and trying on clothes. I spent exorbitant amounts of time and money on my appearance. I picked up alcohol and drugs. My grades tanked and I became the loser that I felt like all my life. I never thought I looked human. Just like you said, I didn't look like I came from any race, and I've always looked like a kid. I thought I looked like a freak. Then acne happened. I would refuse to go out of the house and/or literally rip my face off almost obsessively. As a result, I MADE myself scarred and even uglier than I was. It finally hit me that this was it. My life was messed up, my face was messed up, and my mind was the most messed up. I made a lifestyle change and started doing really well in college, exercising, eating right, quitting bad habits, and I stopped being vain- at least for a moment.

So I apologize for boring you with all the messed up details of my life, but I'm about to come to a point. In reality, you can't just stop being vain. People around me and the media never let me forget how "worthless" ugly people are in society. Of course, that's bullshit, but what did I know? It got to me. I decided to get plastic surgery on my nose and I started going to an esthetician for treatments on my face. No, I didn't end up looking like Michael Jackson. In fact, the results were really good. However, I am no happier, socially adept, or desireable because of plastic surgery, just like I was no happier wearing nice clothes or grooming for hours. There is not a day that goes by without me feeling so guilty for spending so much money and most of my life pursuing a quest with no end. I was looking at some old pictures of myself the other day and I realized that I really was handsome before all of this. I never needed anything, except therapy. And it was such irony, because in my quest for good looks, I had ended up MAKING myself uglier.

So Chris2, please don't make the same mistake I did and believe that whatever "defect" you have or think you have is holding you back from life. I realized that my mind was the real problem. I can safely say that I had and still probably have body dysmorphia. It's a really debilitating disorder- people have lost their lives over it. As a fellow Southeast Asian American (I'm Indian), I have seen that this is a too-common problem in people like us. Embrace your difference, regardless of what people say. I learned too late that I traded true beauty for the artificial kind. Sorry for rambling, but I hope you think a little before going through with surgery.
 
20years2many said:
Dude, I'm not going to be a callous ******* and say that I know what you're going through, but I have had an experience pretty eerily similar to yours. I have hated myself off and on since I was 5 years old when someone called me a "dirty n*****." When my parents weren't around, I would put talc all over my face and pretend I was white and handsome. Eventually, the crazy went into hibernation. As I grew up, I seemed normal, but my self-esteem was on a slow decline. I hated the color of my skin, my dark hair and eyes, my big bottom lip, my eyebrows, my round face, etc. Then I got glasses. And braces. I was at the top of my class, but I hated everything about myself. People were brutal to me- I was always picked last and teased. My parents, relatives, friends, etc told me I was handsome, but I was convinced they were lying to me. I mean, your parents have to at least pretend to like you, right? In high school, the crazy came back. I would spend hours nitpicking over my appearance and trying on clothes. I spent exorbitant amounts of time and money on my appearance. I picked up alcohol and drugs. My grades tanked and I became the loser that I felt like all my life. I never thought I looked human. Just like you said, I didn't look like I came from any race, and I've always looked like a kid. I thought I looked like a freak. Then acne happened. I would refuse to go out of the house and/or literally rip my face off almost obsessively. As a result, I MADE myself scarred and even uglier than I was. It finally hit me that this was it. My life was messed up, my face was messed up, and my mind was the most messed up. I made a lifestyle change and started doing really well in college, exercising, eating right, quitting bad habits, and I stopped being vain- at least for a moment.

So I apologize for boring you with all the messed up details of my life, but I'm about to come to a point. In reality, you can't just stop being vain. People around me and the media never let me forget how "worthless" ugly people are in society. Of course, that's bullshit, but what did I know? It got to me. I decided to get plastic surgery on my nose and I started going to an esthetician for treatments on my face. No, I didn't end up looking like Michael Jackson. In fact, the results were really good. However, I am no happier, socially adept, or desireable because of plastic surgery, just like I was no happier wearing nice clothes or grooming for hours. There is not a day that goes by without me feeling so guilty for spending so much money and most of my life pursuing a quest with no end. I was looking at some old pictures of myself the other day and I realized that I really was handsome before all of this. I never needed anything, except therapy. And it was such irony, because in my quest for good looks, I had ended up MAKING myself uglier.

So Chris2, please don't make the same mistake I did and believe that whatever "defect" you have or think you have is holding you back from life. I realized that my mind was the real problem. I can safely say that I had and still probably have body dysmorphia. It's a really debilitating disorder- people have lost their lives over it. As a fellow Southeast Asian American (I'm Indian), I have seen that this is a too-common problem in people like us. Embrace your difference, regardless of what people say. I learned too late that I traded true beauty for the artificial kind. Sorry for rambling, but I hope you think a little before going through with surgery.
Click to expand...

Thank you 20 year 2 many, I enjoy reading all of your post. It mean a lot to me when someone post a long reply. Well I do need surgery regardless because I can't smile, and that no excuse. You can see from my second picture that I really can't smile. I don't how I would feel if I get surgery, but I do believe I would feel more confidence if everything work out. I'm still scare about the idea of surgery, but I don't see myself you know like on TV or in anything (my pt) as I can't bare what I look like, it hideous. I don't know what you look like, so I can't comment on why you got surgery. But I know deep down it would change my outlook on life, and how people view and treat me. People say plastic surgery is wrong, but look at other people, they were born lucky enough to look good right? So if we got plastic or I that make me look good, how is that a bad or immoral thing? Am I suppose to like the face that GOD has given me? But GOD also gave other people a nice way so why shouldn't I. Now that you think of that question, it make lot of sense. It not like everyone is ugly, and me fixing is wrong, but that is far from the truth.

I hope you get where I am coming from
 
Don't get surgery. Your life will be fine without it man. What makes you so worried about the way you look anyways? You look like a normal person. I needed braces and I never got them. I have buck teeth and a small dent in the middle that is about as thick as a quarter. No one judges me for that, no one honestly cares.

If you are worried you will never find love because of how your face looks, then you are lying to yourself. People who judge by appearance are shallow, poor human beings who probibally won't lead a great relationship because of that. The only way I judge by appearance is body fat, if someone is obese to the point where they can't function normally then I won't go for it.

Surgery will NOT fix your issues. If you keep thinking like this then my guess is that you won't be satisfied even after the surgery.
 
I don't like the way I look sometimes too, that is why I'm so shy, but for what I lack in my look, I make up for with my personality.
 

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