Hilarious Dates, pre-dates and mismatches

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jaguarundi

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I was reminded by our own Lady Eve's texting adventures with 'Wake Guy' about how sometimes, dating just goes wrong. But - it's sooo wrong it's funny. What they did, what you did.. Anyone feel like sharing an amusing experience?

To begin. A friend set me up on a blind date with a guy she knew. She wasn't really interested in him, but she thought he and I might have a few things in common.

Anyway, I went for a drink with him, and a meal. We really seemed to be hitting it off. We did share one or two interests, he could hold his own in a conversation, and wasn't bad looking - not handsome, but sort of manly and rugged. He was an Australian, solvent, worked in engineering and construction. It all seemed to be going really well.

Anyway, I noticed he had very smooth skin, his legs and arms (it was summer) were quite hairless, so I asked him if he was a swimmer or into cycling, as guys into seriously into that often wax....

..... But no. It wasn't that. Turns out that every few weeks he would visit a special club, and spend quite a lot of money being made over into a Pageant Queen (evening-wear section of the event). Full make-up, wig, nails. Sequinned gown, panty-hose..The works.

On balance, I declined a further date. Not that I had a problem with what he was doing, per se, but I felt that if anyone was going to prance around my house in 4inch heels and a sash, it was going to be me. .. And in any case, his Jimmy Choos would be rather too big for me to borrow.

And guess what - my friend knew about his little hobby all along. It was why she wasn't interested in him in the first place....
 
Hey I'll take his Jimmy Choos!!!!!

LOL..way better than the Wake Guy story! :p


From: Marcus
To: Eve
Date: Sun, Mar 9, 2014 7:43:00 PM
Subject: A note from Marcus

Marcus wrote:
Hello Sweetie,
How are you doing ? My name is Marcus, I'm Single, and i am looking for a honest woman in my life.I'm a very passionate and romantic man. I am very clean and like seeing things and people clean as well. I Believe that a strong relationship is not based only on sex life but that a strong relationship builds a strong love life that leads to a strong and great sex life.
Do u care for private Emailing?
.................................................

My reply, right or wrong, good or bad, but it's what I thought when I read his message, lol.
And please, no one think that I'm making fun of the guy, because I'm not. He's either what they call a "shot-gunner" or he's not very good at approaching females (initial contact messages should NOT contain opinions on sex in my opinion - yes, it's my opinion but it was a message to ME so I can say it :D)

subject: Re: A note from Marcus

No offense, Marcus, but you may want to keep the word "sex" out of your initial message to females on line. Just so you know, most of us will draw a certain conclusion from that, even if it's not accurate.

I hope you find what you're looking for.

Regards,

D.



..................

And from this morning... :club:

lol, I don't think Im doing very well at this on line stuff. :p

he said:
I woke up thinking of you and I feel frisky! Wanna hook up?

you said:
Nah....not really a "hook up" kinda girl.


he said:
Ok. I guess I'll go run a few miles down at Savanna Rapids instead! Too much energy to channel. ...


he said:
You got quiet.


you said:
Well, yeah. I thought the "I'm not the hook up kind of girl" pretty much said what needed to be said.
 
I'd have gone with Marcus. .. At least after a hook-up he might have hoovered the house and done the washing up😹
 
I woke up thinking of Friskies too.

5wma76.jpg


Turned out that it was just the cat sitting on me.
 
^^ LOL, Minus!!! :p

Oh, and here is the next message (to which I will not reply) from the Frisky Guy...


RE:
Yea yea! I can understand a girl holding out for the right guy... but I am not used it. I always think i am the right guy


*chuckles* Big ego much? :p
 
EveWasFramed said:
^^ LOL, Minus!!! :p

Oh, and here is the next message (to which I will not reply) from the Frisky Guy...


RE:
Yea yea! I can understand a girl holding out for the right guy... but I am not used it. I always think i am the right guy


*chuckles* Big ego much? :p

Mr Frisky sounds like a perfect gent. I don't know what yr problem is, D.. *😹explodes laughing😹*
 
And Eve's adventures in on line dating sites continue with this gem....


<insert rambling diatribe about personal interests here>

.... Well, I guess I'll close for now. If I've said anything that caught our attention, send me an e- mail ! I really would like the opportunity to get to know you better! I think your pictures are just awesome! I really hope to hear from you soon!


My reply:

Hi there.

While I do appreciate you taking the time to message me, I must point out that (according to your profile) there are a number of things that you might not have noticed.
I am 2 inches taller than your maximum height requirement. I also do not meet your educational requirement (Bachelors degree). Nor do I meet your financial requirements or "spiritual" requirements. Also, I drink on occasion and and that's a "no way" for you.
I also don't care for hunting and watching football or golf.
I think the biggest difference is that I'm agnostic. I'm pretty surprised that, given how strongly you feel about your belief in God, that you didn't notice that I'm not spiritual AT ALL - again, Im agnostic.

Again, I thank you for the interest, but based on your requirements, we wouldn't suit at all.

I wish you much luck in finding what you are searching for!
 
Oh my gosh.

I normally don't respond to men who cannot form a complete sentence (bare minimum: Hi, how are you?) or message me first with a distasteful message. But last night I was curious, and feeling sassy, so I decided to message an awful message back. (Yep, I am a terrible person)

The first thing he send me was this (I hope I don't offend, but please, gentlemen don't message a lady this first.)

Him: Hmmmm

Me: Hmm?

Him: ur a hottie

Me: Thanks, I guess.

Him: ur welcome. i like ur profile.

Me: Thanks.

Him: i'm _____.

Me: Cool, I'm (uses fake name because I'm creeped out)

Him: do you like sex? (Now I am happy I used a fake name)

At this point I am not at all interested. I mean if a witty pick-up line and a hi, how are you came after the "hmmm" maybe. But I am creeped out, and really? You ask me if I like sex? Yuck! So I decide to be sassy to the creeper. (I know I'm a bad person, but some might find this funny.)

Me: No.

Him: what??????? i love sex.

Me: That's nice. I don't.

Him: what????? why not.

Me: Because that is how babies are born, not for recreation.

Him: that dont make sense.

And I haven't messaged him back. I normally don't do this, and am pretty honest with my dating messages, but this one was so ridiculous, I could not help myself!
 
This thread is both funny and mildly depressing for me, because I've had a go at internet dating..... and if this is my general competition......... How on earth do I barely get any replies? lol

Eve, here's a club... keep going until I can't remember my name.
:club:

(I'd add some of the rubbish replies I get... but they're not funny, just like... the conversational skills are really weak.)
 
Nicole, I would snort with laughter, but I already inhaled half my face on another post earlier today... But naughty you Nicole my dear. It isn't kind to make fun of the mentally challenged lol 😹
 
Nicolelt said:
Oh my gosh.

I normally don't respond to men who cannot form a complete sentence (bare minimum: Hi, how are you?) or message me first with a distasteful message. But last night I was curious, and feeling sassy, so I decided to message an awful message back. (Yep, I am a terrible person)

The first thing he send me was this (I hope I don't offend, but please, gentlemen don't message a lady this first.)

Him: Hmmmm

Me: Hmm?

Him: ur a hottie

Me: Thanks, I guess.

Him: ur welcome. i like ur profile.

Me: Thanks.

Him: i'm _____.

Me: Cool, I'm (uses fake name because I'm creeped out)

Him: do you like sex? (Now I am happy I used a fake name)

At this point I am not at all interested. I mean if a witty pick-up line and a hi, how are you came after the "hmmm" maybe. But I am creeped out, and really? You ask me if I like sex? Yuck! So I decide to be sassy to the creeper. (I know I'm a bad person, but some might find this funny.)

Me: No.

Him: what??????? i love sex.

Me: That's nice. I don't.

Him: what????? why not.

Me: Because that is how babies are born, not for recreation.

Him: that dont make sense.

And I haven't messaged him back. I normally don't do this, and am pretty honest with my dating messages, but this one was so ridiculous, I could not help myself!

What a complete wuss!!! A guy with any degree of dignity or class would've said "Y'all wanna screw?" instead of "do you like sex?" :D
 
Nightwing said:
This thread is both funny and mildly depressing for me, because I've had a go at internet dating..... and if this is my general competition......... How on earth do I barely get any replies? lol

I know! 80% of the time I never get a reply. They just look at my profile and move on.

jaguarundi said:
I would snort with laughter, but I already inhaled half my face on another post earlier today... But naughty you Nicole my dear. It isn't kind to make fun of the mentally challenged lol 😹

I know....I'm driving the bus to hell if anyone needs a ride. lol.
 
yeah, sure, like that guy that on the third short exchange of messages felt the need to share that he didn't know who his father was, and after 2 more messages insinuated that also my father "wasn't the real seed shooter".
Pure crazy, indeed
 

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