Virginity . . . My private shame

JeremySaidHi · Mar 16, 2014

Hey folks,

Idk if anyone has every posted anything like this (I'm sure someone has) but anyway; I'm 25 years old currently finishing an associates degree and for the past 8 years of my life my experience with the opposite sex has been, well non existent. I mean all through out high school my friends made it look so easy to talk to girls and even start relationships with them.

I believe most of junior high school & an experience I had in high school caused me to shut down in regards to women. College for me was no picnic either, there were so many women I felt attracted to but I never could find the courage to even spare a passing glance out of fear of rejection. I avoid social events and social interaction. The few times I have gone out with friends (accompanied by female counterparts no less-making me the odd loner out) were fruitless endeavors. At clubs and bars I would find my spot on the wall and commence in my night of watching others have fun.

In the past 3 or 4 years I have only told two people in my life I am still a virgin (oddly they both were shocked by this) and it made me feel a little bit better about it. In truth I feel mostly ashamed of my virginity, I feel like I'm not where I am suppose to be in life and love. My friends have relationships and lives and I'm stuck in my room at my folks house alone, afraid of the world, angry at myself, angry with my life, angry at god, angry at everyone around me and ashamed.

Everyone says "Don't be ashamed of being a virgin, be proud.", but I feel they can't understand me cause of course they are usually not a virgin themselves. I try not to be ashamed but its kinda hard when kids younger than me can say they have connected with someone on such an intimate enough level they could share in one another. I'm afraid I'll end up being a real life 40 year old virgin and I simply don't know what to do about at this point.

daughter of the moon · Mar 16, 2014

"I'm afraid I'll end up being a real life 40 year old virgin and I simply don't know what to do about at this point."

So what?? Trust me, if you rush into it "just to get it over with", you're going to regret it for the rest of your life. If instead you remain a virgin until you're 53, but are lucky enough to do it then with the love of your life, you're going to be proud of yourself until the moment you die.

25 is NO age at all to still be a virgin. Many people on here are older than that and remain untouched. But even if you were the only one in the world, it still wouldn't make it "bad" in any way. It should be something to be cherished. People should generally wait much longer until they feel they are truly with the right person.

"I try not to be ashamed but its kinda hard when kids younger than me can say they have connected with someone on such an intimate enough level they could share in one another."

But you don't seriously believe the "have connected with someone"-part, do you? I'm very sure in most cases it has nothing to do with connection at all. What do you think, how many of the sexual partners those people had in their 20-25's will they actually remember 15 years from now?

Exactly.

To most people, it means nothing. Don't become one of them just because society says so.

Groucho · Mar 16, 2014

JeremySaidHi said:
I'm 25 years old currently finishing an associates degree and for the past 8 years of my life my experience with the opposite sex has been, well non existent.

If it makes you feel better, I'm the same age and likewise. So don't feel like you're the odd one out or anything.

I concur with daughter's view. I think if I hopped at the first opportunity I would regret. But the real issue I ask myself is where do I find someone who is suited to the uniqueness of my situation?

murmi97 · Mar 16, 2014

I'm almost 25 and still a virgin myself - not quite waiting for "connection" as you say, but I still feel the shame and missing out that you do. I'm sure things will change for the better as long as we keep striving to change for the better.

Melsaldi · Mar 16, 2014

no worries. i'm 36 and still a virgin

Nicolelt · Mar 16, 2014

I don't really have any other input besides don't be ashamed.

But maybe this will make you feel better.

http://bossip.com/836158/celebrities-who-were-virgins-until-their-20s39204/

Triple Bogey · Mar 16, 2014

don't be ashamed and also don't mention it to people. It's nobodies business but yours.

Heisenburger · Mar 16, 2014

I'm at the same age with almost exactly the same situation. Though in my case the lack of bedroom Olympics is largely brought on by indifference.

When you're out I'd say have a few drinks to loosen and just simply talk to women- if you make a fool of yourself it's not like you'll see them again. Ask them questions, let them do most of the talking. Tease them, make fun, give vague answers to their questions, etc. Keep an eye on your body language (stand up straight, maintain eye contact, when sat down lean back and take up plenty of space, don't hold your drink in front of your chest, etc) and act like you don't give a **** about being rejected. Hell, if I can do this stuff anyone can, lol. Getting your own place wouldn't hurt, that's something I need to do myself.

I know all that is easier said than done so I'd suggest reading some ebooks on the above subjects. Not just once but over and over again.

Midnight Sky · Mar 16, 2014

Yeah I'm a virgin, and I stopped caring about it.

kamya · Mar 16, 2014

I lost mine at 21. Turned out a few weeks later that the girl thought our relationship was a "just for fun" thing and ended it. Yay me. Four of my good friends are still virgin, the oldest being 30 now. They are cool people and their lives are turning out pretty awesome imo. It doesn't really change anything so don't worry about it too much. There are other more important things to worry about.

9006 · Mar 16, 2014

The advice about how you shouldn't be ashamed of being a virgin doesn't make it less true whoever it comes from. Ultimately it's only you who's bothered about it. As Triple Bogey said it's nobody else's business, this applies more as you get older & more mature; in fact you'll probably appreciate it more when it does happen for you.

Cavey · Mar 17, 2014

There are a lot more 'mature' virgins out there than you'd imagine. I don't think it's a big deal at all. Being a virgin does not define you as person - it's just a tiny little thing that you're obsessing over. One day, you'll meet some and it'll be gone, then you'll wonder what all the fuss was about.

MadMonkè · Mar 20, 2014

kamya said:
I lost mine at 21. Turned out a few weeks later that the girl thought our relationship was a "just for fun" thing and ended it. Yay me. Four of my good friends are still virgin, the oldest being 30 now. They are cool people and their lives are turning out pretty awesome imo. It doesn't really change anything so don't worry about it too much. There are other more important things to worry about.

Yeah dude, what you said. Right on brother.

But on the other hand, if being a virgin is really that bothersome to think about, is it worth it save up and hire an escort?

Or would it be degrading to some folks? I am actually kind of curious.
I myself dont think its degrading at all, I actually think its totally worth it. You can easily blow the same amount or more on other crappy hobbies or getting wasted.... But I have never gone through it either... (sorry for the thread hijack - I am interested in OP's opinion)

kamya · Mar 20, 2014

You can go for it if you want. Just prepare to be disappointed when nothing really changes. =P

At least you can say you aren't a virgin anymore I guess.

ladyforsaken · Mar 20, 2014

kamya said:
I lost mine at 21. Turned out a few weeks later that the girl thought our relationship was a "just for fun" thing and ended it. Yay me.

What a biatch...
But this seems to be a normal occurrence nowadays.

VanillaCreme · Mar 20, 2014

I just don't see the shame in being a virgin. It doesn't determine where your life is, or where you're going to go. Hugh Hefner lost his at, what, 22? There's no shame in it at all, in my opinion.

nerdygirl · Mar 20, 2014

The age when you first have sex (assuming, of course, that you are of legal and ethical age) is not as important as the emotions involved. Without close emotional involvement, most people who have sex for the first time end up being disappointed and fail to see what the big deal was. Meanwhile, people who have sex with partners who share a connection often find the experience is better than they'd expected.

Forever Misanthrope · Mar 20, 2014

JeremySaidHi said:
Hey folks,

Idk if anyone has every posted anything like this (I'm sure someone has) but anyway; I'm 25 years old currently finishing an associates degree and for the past 8 years of my life my experience with the opposite sex has been, well non existent. I mean all through out high school my friends made it look so easy to talk to girls and even start relationships with them.

I believe most of junior high school & an experience I had in high school caused me to shut down in regards to women. College for me was no picnic either, there were so many women I felt attracted to but I never could find the courage to even spare a passing glance out of fear of rejection. I avoid social events and social interaction. The few times I have gone out with friends (accompanied by female counterparts no less-making me the odd loner out) were fruitless endeavors. At clubs and bars I would find my spot on the wall and commence in my night of watching others have fun.

In the past 3 or 4 years I have only told two people in my life I am still a virgin (oddly they both were shocked by this) and it made me feel a little bit better about it. In truth I feel mostly ashamed of my virginity, I feel like I'm not where I am suppose to be in life and love. My friends have relationships and lives and I'm stuck in my room at my folks house alone, afraid of the world, angry at myself, angry with my life, angry at god, angry at everyone around me and ashamed.

Everyone says "Don't be ashamed of being a virgin, be proud.", but I feel they can't understand me cause of course they are usually not a virgin themselves. I try not to be ashamed but its kinda hard when kids younger than me can say they have connected with someone on such an intimate enough level they could share in one another. I'm afraid I'll end up being a real life 40 year old virgin and I simply don't know what to do about at this point.

What? Virgins are awesome. I wouldn't date/screw someone who wasn't myself. You're not nasty, nor crawling with other people's funk. That's a good thing, so quit complaining and give the person who cares about you your first. If it doesn't happen, then no big deal. You're not a freak.

ardour · Mar 21, 2014

There's nothing seriously wrong with Steve Carell's character in 'The 40 year old virgin', he's a decent guy. Better that than some low-life who does whatever it takes to lose virgin status. Those guys get rejected a lot before finding women with suitably low self-esteem.

Triple Bogey · Mar 21, 2014

apart from online, nobody has ever asked me. So I have never talked about it. It is nobody else's business. I wouldn't worry about it.

Virginity . . . My private shame

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