Always looking... for that next thing to solve the problem

So I moved from my small 600 square apartment oh I was going to be able to do this or that... I was going to have friends over.. I was going to entertain.. I was going to get furniture... people would
love me... and while some have some have come over I can't escape the unmistakable conclusion nothing has changed. I just have a bigger home with more space, but same old same old lonliness. Don't have anyone to greet me at the door... no one to say hi too...well,

Looking for "things" to fill the lack of humanity.

Perhaps I am wrong... perhaps this place will open me up to have friends stay with me when traveling or get a roommate or a dog or just have neighbors who are interested in visiting each other.

I know how you feel. In the years since I split up with my wife, I've tried to preoccupy myself with different things. I tried computer games - didn't help; I spent so much time playing that there was little to no time for anything else. I tried drinking - definitely didn't help. I tried food - that just led to me being massively overweight, but still feeling strangely empty.

In the end, I finally realised that I was using all these things to avoid facing the pain I was feeling at the loss of my marriage and the loss of the future I thought I'd have. I realised that I had to start trying to address the real issue: I'm lonely.

I started going out, talking to people, trying to build friendly relationships with people. I started losing the weight and exercising regularly. I found my way to this forum. My life isn't great, but it's a lot better than it was a year ago and I'm no longer hiding away from my problems.

I hope things work out for you in the end - perhaps coming here is the first step...

I know that feeling. Before my kiddo came along, I used to have a visceral dread of weekends and the long empty spaces on Saturdays and Sundays. Long holiday weekends were the worst. And that was before the advent of Facebook; nowadays, everyone else can post how fabulous and un-lonely their lives are.

I did a lot of volunteer work back then. An adult literacy program, mentored a girl in foster care, etc.
I think getting a dog is a great idea

Congrats on your house, by the way! How did your move go?

-Teresa

SofiasMami said:

I used to have a visceral dread of weekends and the long empty spaces on Saturdays and Sundays. Long holiday weekends were the worst.
Congrats on your house, by the way! How did your move go?

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I know most people at work take long weekends off but I take like Wednesdays. I hate long weekends... by the end of the weekend I am anxious and lonely. Often even people on line are off "doing stuff" on a long weekend so they aren't there.

The move went ok but my cat is acting up making it so I am sleep deprived. I think due to the change in place he cries now at 3 AM. I can't seem to break him of the habit. If I could get him to do it later 5 AM... that would be fine, but I can't. Everyday I try something new... and every day it kind of fails.

I ordered a product called SSScat which lets out a puff of air in response to movement. Hopefully that will freak my cat out enough to stop crying and trying to get into my room at 3 AM.

I suppose I realize that the new home is a start as it gives me options but there is a lot more that needs to be done.

I once bought new stereo speakers for the same reason.
Congratulations on buying a house, that must feel awesome to own your own home.

Regarding your cat, I haven't closed a bathroom door in years, as soon as I do the cats are there scratching to get in.

Grackle said:

Congratulations on buying a house, that must feel awesome to own your own home.
Regarding your cat, I haven't closed a bathroom door in years, as soon as I do the cats are there scratching to get in.

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That must be tough on showers.

Ahh it doesn't feel so good to buy the place. It feels completely overwhelming and I wonder if I need any of it. I constantly feel torn should I buy stuff for it or... save for retirement. What if I save for retirement and then die in a year... but then I feel guilty buying stuff that is largely stuff I won't ever see a return on investment.

Then, on every level I am on complete "different" overload. Everything is different... at the moment I am kind of miserable.

I would save for retirement but thats me being a minimalist and a little concerned about what life will be like during retirement. I'm trying to put 10% of my take home pay into a savings account, thats the easy part. The hard part is not touching it when an emergency arises.

I hope you will become accustomed to your home soon and everything will work out as your planned.

LadyDaria said:

Grackle said:

Congratulations on buying a house, that must feel awesome to own your own home.
Regarding your cat, I haven't closed a bathroom door in years, as soon as I do the cats are there scratching to get in.

Click to expand...

That must be tough on showers.

Ahh it doesn't feel so good to buy the place. It feels completely overwhelming and I wonder if I need any of it. I constantly feel torn should I buy stuff for it or... save for retirement. What if I save for retirement and then die in a year... but then I feel guilty buying stuff that is largely stuff I won't ever see a return on investment.

Click to expand...

During my last move in October, a friend told me a saying - One move equals two fires. Very true! (now I have to move again!!! )
That move was completely my choice but it was traumatizing. I felt so lonely & out of sorts afterwards, I came back here after an absence.

Give it time to settle in and then definitely buy things that you love. You don't need to get a monetary return on home decor if it's something you really love and will keep for decades. I don't have a lot of tchotckes but the things I do have are special and have little stories behind them.

-Teresa

SofiasMami said:

Give it time to settle in and then definitely buy things that you love. You don't need to get a monetary return on home decor if it's something you really love and will keep for decades. I don't have a lot of tchotckes but the things I do have are special and have little stories behind them.

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The thing is that I have noticed that each space really needs its own thing. For instance the couch I have now is fine but it is a color and style that doesn't match the space. So it seems like wherever I go I would have to get new stuff.

Though I know I had to do it, and though I know someday I will feel so safe and comfortable here... I can't believe how every single thing is different and in need of work. And yet, I kind of don't have any further fun because I am still alone.

I really am giving serious thought to that roommate thing. At the very least, if the roommate is horrible at least I will get my "love" back for being alone. When I was a kid I grew up in a very cramped 2 bedroom home. My parents slept in one room and my brother and I kind of switched off sleeping in the other room / on the couch. We were always on top of each other. And I literally lived there on top of each other until I was 32 (we both went and lived elsewhere and came back on and off) / my brother too. So I longed to be alone. And that worked great for about 10 years when I finally hit that point where it had gone the other way.

Now I see all the good things that happened.

Maybe if I got a bad roommate I would get another 10 years of loving life alone.

Reading this made me think of my near move Congratulations anyway, and yes, I think having guest rooms can definitely improve loneliness, roommates are great if you can find a good one (if not… not great). In the meanwhile, have you ever tried airbnb, or couch surfing? with airbnb you can even get a bit of money..
Sorry for your cat, poor sweetie, does he have some boxes to jump in?

SofiasMami said:

I know that feeling. Before my kiddo came along, I used to have a visceral dread of weekends and the long empty spaces on Saturdays and Sundays. Long holiday weekends were the worst. And that was before the advent of Facebook; nowadays, everyone else can post how fabulous and un-lonely their lives are.

I did a lot of volunteer work back then. An adult literacy program, mentored a girl in foster care, etc.
I think getting a dog is a great idea

Congrats on your house, by the way! How did your move go?

-Teresa

Click to expand...

the best thing I ever did was buy a pc in 1999. The internet has given me a whole new lease of life. I look up stuff and learn things.

Before then ? god knows what I did ? Listen to records or read. Or lay on the couch and look at the ceiling until it was time for bed.