What to do when I feel like I'm born to lose?

The title pretty much says it all. Sometimes I do feel some optimism about my future and my chances. Sometimes I do believe I am smart and can learn to get good at my creative goals even though I'm not a kid anymore and learn how to make money and learn how to become an attractive guy and have a relationship with a girl I actually like and want.

But other times the pendulum swings the other way. I get this deep, unshakable "knowing" feeling, that I'll never get out of this rut I'm in. And when my mood swings towards the negative, it is EXTREMELY strong. I just start feeling a firm conviction that I'm born to lose - that I'll never be able to get a well-paying job, never escape poverty and live well, never achieve any level of success at my creative goals, and only at best find a girl who is mediocre at best - most likely I'll just never find anyone at all. I get a feeling like I am just fated to be stuck in this negative life, and that there is nothing I can do about it because that's just who I am. Some people are eagles and others are mice, and I'm a mouse.

It's terrible because it causes a lot of friction both internally and externally. Even when I feel that I'm hopelessly destined for failure, I still WANT a good life and all the good things that go with it. But I feel that I just can't get it and it makes me very angry and depressed. Just today, I had another massive pessimism attack, about getting a job. I can't seem to find anything I'm qualified for that pays a middle-class salary, and when I'm in a low-paying job, I just know I'm going to be on a teeter-totter between enraged and depressed every day because I can't see any way out. I feel as if I'm being funneled into the hell of low-wage living. It makes me feel like either punching things, or just laying on the floor feeling miserable. I just HATE the idea of being poor, powerless, mediocre, a victim, a loser. Broken and beaten. Prey. But I feel like that is my destiny and it makes me all the angrier as I feel trapped and there's no escape. And it caused a terrible argument between me and my mother today, which I feel bad about because we've had lots of arguments over the last 10 years and I worry about the toll it's taken on her health. Not to mention my dog, who can't go anywhere else when people are arguing here.

Anyway, what should I do when I have these strong pessimism attacks? Anyone ever have anything like this? They are truly terrible.

EDIT: I know these things aren't rational either. They are like a mix of panic/anxiety attacks, extreme pessimism, and ultimately temper tantrums. But I feel like the negativity is reaching out and grabbing me, like some kind of monster. And I can't break out of its grip.

You are not born to lose.

Defining unhappiness by the amount of money you don't have or by an only 'mediocre' girlfriend (a bloody stupid comment if ever I heard one fishtale, although I will let you off a bollocking this time) is a recipe for NEVER being happy. Thinking like that means nothing will ever be good enough for you. No job,woman,salary, house ... Not ever. You will always be looking for greener grass.

Its time to grow up and stop being a child. If that means taking a lower paying job then do it. What makes you think you will be stuck in it? When things pick up a bit, who would I want to hire? A kid who lay around bemoaning his fate or someone who took a job and grafted as hard as he could while continuing to look for something else?

As for depression, I don't get how working hard at anything means you will be 'broken, beaten a loser' etc, and it is insulting to people who do so. Again, saying this is stupid and you deserve a thick ear for saying it. I that's what your mother gave you, then you deserved it

You have to keep on trying, you have to man up and get a **** job, earn some money and your own self-respect. Do it. Listen to your mother....

I worry because I've seen lots of people get stuck in low-wage, no-success lives. They never get out no matter what they do. For example, my own parents may be nice enough people, not drunks or substance abusers or criminals. But they never seemed to figure out how to be successful either, never had any special abilities, no ambition, they never clicked with that and were thus stuck. I'm really afraid that I will live just as poorly, if not even worse than they have.

But after having some time to cool off, perhaps you're right. Anything I say to the contrary, I guess would just be me defending staying in my rut.

You are in a rut right now. Basically any move out has got to be good.

I certainly believe that you could start in a lower paid job but show the right attitude, work hard, ask about management training schemes, all of that, get promoted. Or keep trying for other jobs.

Don't despair.

Do something.

TheSkaFish said:

and only at best find a girl who is mediocre at best

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As in a 5 instead of a 9? Why did you have to include that?

Okay...had enough. What is it with guys and these fucknuckle sort of statements. That sabotages the validity of the topic by dispelling the idea/illusion that you're some genuine good guy down on his luck character. Sorry but it's got to be said.

ardour said:

TheSkaFish said:

and only at best find a girl who is mediocre at best

Click to expand...

As in a 5 instead of a 9? Why did you have to include that?

Okay...had enough. What is it with guys and these fucknuckle sort of statements. That sabotages the validity of the topic by dispelling the idea/illusion that you're some genuine good guy down on his luck character. Sorry but it's got to be said.

Click to expand...

No. I meant someone that I only have a lukewarm interest in, where there is no real connection and thus no real romantic feelings. But that's not even what this thread is about. It's about feeling a general sense of failure in all things.

---

Anyway I feel better now. This problem has passed.

TheSkaFish said:

I worry because I've seen lots of people get stuck in low-wage, no-success lives. They never get out no matter what they do. For example, my own parents may be nice enough people, not drunks or substance abusers or criminals. But they never seemed to figure out how to be successful either, never had any special abilities, no ambition, they never clicked with that and were thus stuck. I'm really afraid that I will live just as poorly, if not even worse than they have.

But after having some time to cool off, perhaps you're right. Anything I say to the contrary, I guess would just be me defending staying in my rut.

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Maybe your parents are content with what they have so don't really worry too much about making more money. I know a few people that have been working low paying jobs for years just because it pays their bills, they aren't interested in material things as much, and they enjoy the simplicity and extra free time they have.

If you want more than that, which I think you do, I think you will be fine too. You'll get there eventually.

I'm not gonna even gonna say much about the girlfriend comment but I think other people have got that covered.

kamya said:

Maybe your parents are content with what they have so don't really worry too much about making more money. I know a few people that have been working low paying jobs for years just because it pays their bills, they aren't interested in material things as much, and they enjoy the simplicity and extra free time they have.

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Yea. That's exactly what it is. I don't like trash-talking them really, because like I said they are decent people. But I would like a little more. I understand there isn't much point to having more toys than you have time to play with, or than you even know you have. But a little more would be nice. Guess I gotta take things a day at a time.

Ok Madfishy, so you are feeling a bit better and possibly a bit embarrassed about the outburst? No emotion is invalid - they are all telling you something- emotions like anger are only a problem if you hold on to them. So now that it has passed, what was your anger telling you? That you are not content with your current situation. You are also feeling powerless to change it.:rolleyes2:

The first is OK, the 2nd is not true. You are in a rut, and you won't take a lowly job because - you are afraid of being stuck in a rut. Do you get the irony of that? Do not think of it that way. Think of it as taking on a job so you can earn some money to pay your way and have some self-respect. And also to put something in the gaps on your C.V.

I repeat, as someone who occasionally used to look at C.V's and interview people, I would be very unlikely to take someone on who had been sitting on their arse for a few years instead of doing something. Hell, at the least do volunteer work somewhere to show you have some guts. And you can learn from any job you do. Which helps you get through a job you don't like much, and works in your favour in interviews or covering letters for 'better' jobs. As follows.

Let's say you get a retail job - you learn how to get on with members of the public, influencing skills, sales techniques and dealing with difficult customers. You can also learn more about the business, about how they market their goods, how they mark them up, how and when they discount them..... get it?

- Teamwork - always a good skill to have and a lot of jobs have that.

- working under pressure to tight deadlines(pretty sure there are 'menial' jobs out there that involve a lot of that)

- telemarketing - well coping with rejection I should think lol, also how management motivate and reward people doing that job..

- And you always, always learn to have a greater respect for the people who do the job day in day out. Because you should.

Always find a positive - never say you only did it for the money and you hate it. And you do not just spout this stuff at an interview, you really do learn it, you really do try and find the positive. . . Anything you can learn, anything you can find out to take you up to the next level, the next job. Whatever. People and management skills are transferable. Learning about the business shows initiative and is actually quite interesting.

You can always PM me for advice about this if you want to.


Added later after my Art group
PS CALL YOUR MOTHER and apologise - if you haven't done so already....

Just to focus on the career thing...

I suppose it's a bit of an obvious statement, but most of the people in high-paying, professional jobs (doctor, lawyer, etc) had a very clear idea of what they wanted to do, and pursued that goal. It MIT be worth considering in very practical terms what jobs you think you'd be suited to.

If you find a job like this, break down into very small steps what you'd have to do to land the job. Accept that you'll have to be patient, and make sacrifices - but also know that by doing so you'll be breaking free of your rut already, which has gotta be pretty exciting, no? If you make a plan, and stick to that plan, you WILL get to where you want to be eventually.

This is hardly revolutionary stuff, but it works. If you come across any difficulties this, post em here and I'll nag you into realising they're not unbeatable

GirlwithCuriousHair said:

Just to focus on the career thing...

I suppose it's a bit of an obvious statement, but most of the people in high-paying, professional jobs (doctor, lawyer, etc) had a very clear idea of what they wanted to do, and pursued that goal. It MIT be worth considering in very practical terms what jobs you think you'd be suited to.

If you find a job like this, break down into very small steps what you'd have to do to land the job. Accept that you'll have to be patient, and make sacrifices - but also know that by doing so you'll be breaking free of your rut already, which has gotta be pretty exciting, no? If you make a plan, and stick to that plan, you WILL get to where you want to be eventually.

This is hardly revolutionary stuff, but it works. If you come across any difficulties this, post em here and I'll nag you into realising they're not unbeatable

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^ This is what I did, and it keeps my mind off being alone.

The best thing you can do is to see future transits and see if there is a period for you when you will be lucky. I do that and it helps me a lot when it comes to important decisions.

TheSkaFish said:

I worry because I've seen lots of people get stuck in low-wage, no-success lives. They never get out no matter what they do. For example, my own parents may be nice enough people, not drunks or substance abusers or criminals. But they never seemed to figure out how to be successful either, never had any special abilities, no ambition, they never clicked with that and were thus stuck. I'm really afraid that I will live just as poorly, if not even worse than they have.

But after having some time to cool off, perhaps you're right. Anything I say to the contrary, I guess would just be me defending staying in my rut.

Click to expand...

I have "special abilities" i.e. talent in something but it's not something that's likely to make me much money. :rolleyes2:

If you take it literally, everyone is born to lose, since everyone will eventually die. In that sense, nobody wins or loses more than anyone else.

I posted this thingie somewhere else too but anyway:
"There are two important days in you life. One is the day you were born and the other is the day you get to know why." - Mark Twain
There is definitely a purpose as to why you were born.. It is the mystery that u gotta solve.. Put the pieces back together and u learn that life is not that boring anymore..