My career is over (and so is my life)

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ladysigh

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Hi everyone, it's been a long time since I last logged in here (a few years, in fact). Can't believe how bad things have gotten for me...

I'm 46yo, I was a graphic designer for the past 17 years. Combining that with my early office admin/typist work I have 27 total years of work experience along with my two degrees (BS in business admin, one in design). But I've learned that this is all worthless in the new economy as I find myself permanently jobless. Over the past ten years I have only been able to find stupid contract work, never a permanent job (one contract lasted 3.5 years with no perm offer ever). Looking back I can see that Boston was the worst place for me to try to forge a design career, as the job postings were always few and far between; even Ohio has more design jobs appearing on Indeed right now which I find rather strange...I should've acknowledged there was something wrong with the job market in this city and moved while I was still young.

Two years ago I landed a dingy part-time remote contract gig while I searched and searched for something permanent. Last summer that contract gig finally dried up and I still had no prospects for work (perm or contract). Out of desperation I made up a new resume that barely mentions my design career and began applying for every lowly office job that presented itself: data entry, secretary, receptionist (the type of work I did 20 years ago). During one 8-week span I sent 150 applications. I did not get ONE response. I *finally* landed an entry-level data entry job in October, temporary (of course), which paid less than what I earned in 1992. That ended in January. I'm now going on nearly three months of existing like a zombie with no income and no reason to wake up in the morning. I had some savings that kept me sane but now that's starting to run out.

If I go on living, my only option for employment is minimum wage at Wal-Mart or Target or maybe scrubbing toilets for some hotel chain (and I'm starting to doubt I'd even qualify for that). There is something seriously wrong here.

But I'm done trying to make sense of it. I'm done with crying endlessly every single stinking day to the point where my eyes permanently burn (heck, I'm crying now). I'm done with being afraid of starving and being homeless. I'm done with being sad about what a disappointment my life was. I'm done listening to people telling me I should be "grateful" for the opportunity scrub toilets should it arise. I'm, just, done. My birthday is going to be it for it (that's when my savings are expected to run out).

I spend my days teetering between sadness, anger and shock. Sad about my mom and three cats that I'm leaving behind. Anger because nobody ever told me this was my future -- nobody told me 30 years ago that I would be too old for a good job at 45. Shocked that the only job I could find to apply for today was a delivery driver job that pays $10/hour (closer to what I earned in 1986).

When I was young, I had such dreams, dreams of being happy "someday," but after 30+ years I have to conclude "someday" is never going to come. And that's probably the most painful part, remembering how hopeful I was as a teenager, thinking about the future, and all the "great things" I was going to accomplish. I was going to meet a great guy and have the family I always wanted. I was going to be happy. Now here I am, divorced, childless, officially "too old" for anything, facing losing my home and applying for a delivery driver job @ $10/hr.

[Although, to be fair, on the very first night of my very first design class the instructor told us in her very first lecture, “When you turn 40, you can forget about finding work in this field.” Of course, all of us twentysomethings dismissed her, saying it’s probably because she’s not a very good designer (she wasn’t the greatest teacher). But now, 20 years later, here I am (my favorite job descriptions are the ones that say they’re looking for someone “fresh”). So, yeah, I guess I'll have to accept the blame here. But never did I think I'd be completely locked out from any kind of office job.]

Thanks for listening, folks. I'm not even sure why I came here, as nobody can do anything to help me. Nobody even needs to respond to this. (One hard lesson I've learned these past few years is that the world doesn't care.) I just hope younger folks out there read this and it makes them think through their career/life choices much more carefully than I did. Concentrate on finding someone wonderful to marry and have kids with while you're young (I have no real friends, haven't been on a "date" with a man in eight years), and be sure to avoid the field of graphic design entirely (and the city of Boston which has no decent jobs at all for educated women over the age of 45).
 
I've never heard about this issue before but apparently it's very common. What an odd, very unfortunate, end-all for someones life work. I can't imagine being middle-aged, educated, practiced, and having to deal with such a rude standard for something so necessary as employment. A lot of these people feel your pain. I wish I could give some kind of crutch or enthusiasm or positive reassurance your way but I can't imagine having the cards stacked as high as they are against you. I do hope you figure something out; anything.
 
This advice may be as silly as it gets, but I´ll give it a shot.
Move to central or eastern Europe.
There is a shortage of jobs in here as well, but graphic designers may get luckier in here (I was trying to find a job in the marketing field as a copywriter so I saw it), as there is always ads that the companies are in search for a graphic designer/senior graphic designer, art team director and alike.
With that, the rent may be considerably cheaper, so you may prolong the life under a roof in here. But the wages are smaller too at the same time I guess.
And also, the last thing that may be used to your advantage, is that you would be a foreigner, American. Having diplomas also helps.

So..This may be quite a desperate advice really. But if you really get that desperate, it may be a shot worth taking. Starting a new chapter in new direction I guess..
 
Mr.YellowCat said:
This advice may be as silly as it gets, but I´ll give it a shot.
Move to central or eastern Europe.
There is a shortage of jobs in here as well, but graphic designers may get luckier in here (I was trying to find a job in the marketing field as a copywriter so I saw it), as there is always ads that the companies are in search for a graphic designer/senior graphic designer, art team director and alike.
With that, the rent may be considerably cheaper, so you may prolong the life under a roof in here. But the wages are smaller too at the same time I guess.
And also, the last thing that may be used to your advantage, is that you would be a foreigner, American. Having diplomas also helps.

So..This may be quite a desperate advice really. But if you really get that desperate, it may be a shot worth taking. Starting a new chapter in new direction I guess..

That's not desperate at all -- I've already looked into emigrating somewhere/anywhere else. Unfortunately I've learned that you can't just "up and move" to another country. Work permit restrictions will stop you every time. I spent several months researching how to get a job in Europe (my dream was London, the strictest work permits of all). I learned it's pretty much the same everywhere, you need a company to sponsor you to get the work permit. It's a bit of a catch-22, because while you need the company to sponsor you for the work permit, a company won't consider you unless you have the work permit.

My mom comes from the former Yugoslavia (Macedonia), and I looked into whether I could apply for dual citizenship which would permit me to work anywhere in the EU, but guess what, Macedonia ain't a part of the EU (and won't be for probably another decade).

So, yeah, good idea, but not do-able. I started an application for a work visa for Australia but again I was told not to hold my breath.
 
Sorry to hear about your situation ladysigh...

I know some one who used to come here joined an intentional community and seems to enjoy it...

Twin Oaks specifically...

Not sure if that would be your thing or not, but it would certainly remove a lot of stressors and provide a community to be a part of.

I think also, a lot of people are willing to rent rooms in their house out to people for fairly cheap. You could perhaps do that and take a shitty low paying job and then work on stuff on the side maybe? I've seen a lot of rooms for rent on craigslist in my area, I'm sure it's much the same in many places...

At any rate, good luck to you, hope you find some peace of mind and figure things out... :/ I'm probably not the best person to give advice on such matters, but those are my thoughts. Take care...
 
Hey Ladysigh, sorry to hear about your hardship, I was (actually I still am, because the new job, although fancy, pays so little) in a similar situation and also in the same area, if you would like a chat and exchange ideas please send a pm. I live in the Netherlands, in an area where if you throw a stone you hit a designer, and they are all mostly employed, so there must be something that works out here. Have you been using linked in or social media? Don't need to know any personal details of course, just asking how you used these tools, because they are the ones that remind you and the rest of the world that you have other options than minimum wage, not that there is nothing wrong with that.
 
Wow. I am so sorry to hear what you have been going though. First, let me say that I am in Boston (area) too so if you need to reach out to someone here let me know.

Let me say I am close to possibly losing my job. And I am terrified. Though I am an attorney... EVERYONE IS... and my job has made it so I don't have a single reference for my field. I haven't practiced law in 10 years and so, I would drop to the back of the field after 20 somethings. If I was to lose my job I would really be in trouble. I took this job because it was a government job and it was unheard of that you would ever be laid off. But, it is looking possible and the worst part, I took this job and didn't make the money I was worth ONLY because I knew you are washed up at 46. My dad suffered at 53 when he could no longer get a job. So that wasn't going to happen to me. I got a law degree AND I got a government job. So I thought I was safe. But still here I am possibly going to lose it all.

So let me suggest to you a few things.

Is there any chance you could either get a roommate OR be a roommate. Honestly, I will put it out there, I am looking for a roommate. I don't want to do it but if I get laid off I will.

There is a website called "task rabbit" and several others that allows you to get paid for silly little chores that others who have money are too busy to do.

Can you move to another part of the country? I just looked the other day and the cost of living in North Carolina is so much less. I don't want to move down there but, imagine a rental at 500 per month!!!

Can you just give up this field and train for another one? Become a pharmacy tech or something?

Basically I hear you. Something has gone wrong. Why can't I get a single competent person at the store or something but everyone I know is unable to get work. It almost feels like a conspiracy. My brother is laid off right now. Thankfully I have paid my student loans but I have a mortgage.

Sometimes I think jail actually wouldn't be so bad. Imagine not having to worry. Imagine getting food, getting health care. Gosh would lack of freedom really be so bad? I don't know. Seems like work makes it so I have a lack of freedom right now.
 
LadyDaria said:
Is there any chance you could either get a roommate OR be a roommate. Honestly, I will put it out there, I am looking for a roommate. I don't want to do it but if I get laid off I will.

There is a website called "task rabbit" and several others that allows you to get paid for silly little chores that others who have money are too busy to do.

Can you move to another part of the country? I just looked the other day and the cost of living in North Carolina is so much less. I don't want to move down there but, imagine a rental at 500 per month!!!

Can you just give up this field and train for another one? Become a pharmacy tech or something?

Basically I hear you. Something has gone wrong. Why can't I get a single competent person at the store or something but everyone I know is unable to get work. It almost feels like a conspiracy. My brother is laid off right now. Thankfully I have paid my student loans but I have a mortgage.

Sometimes I think jail actually wouldn't be so bad. Imagine not having to worry. Imagine getting food, getting health care. Gosh would lack of freedom really be so bad? I don't know. Seems like work makes it so I have a lack of freedom right now.

I've considered all of those options. A roommate wouldn't cover more than one-quarter of my expenses.

Moving -- I've been applying everywhere (most are in NY and CA) but its the same thing, I get no response.

Training for a new career: I've spent lots of time reading the Indeed forums, and conclude there is nothing I can do at my age, there are tons of threads about those "second career" jobs (including pharmacy tech, med asst) lots of negative comments about discrimination, bad treatment and really low wages. And I can't be taking on debt at this point, especially for a job that doesn't pay that much more than a delivery driver.

I just don't want to spend 20 to 30 years scraping by, worrying what I'll do tomorrow for money. That's not living, that's just existing. And I just keep asking, why bother...
 
ladysigh said:
I just don't want to spend 20 to 30 years scraping by, worrying what I'll do tomorrow for money. That's not living, that's just existing. And I just keep asking, why bother...

Well I am with you on the why bother. Truely I see people on welfare or disability and I wonder why I just don't get with the program and lie to get on these programs. These people have such great lives. From my point of view. In terms of conspiracy it does almost seem like it is a conspiracy to turn those who want to work into people who think "why bother" and just become dependent on the state.

Why are there no jobs? Because I will tell you... there aren't any. For attorneys or anyone. Though I know age is a massive issue... I know many young people who have been out of school for years and have no full time job.

It feels like we are getting squeezed. Like something is trying to make people give up and either leave the country or roll over and become dependent on the government. (via disability/ subsidies / welfare or whatever). Where is this money going? To the people who have jobs who just keep paying themselves more and more.
 
I'm sorry that you sound severely depressed. Sounds like you've done just about everything you possibly can to find a decent job. The Great Recession has ripped many people to shreds.
I agree with the idea of possibly moving, though. My brothers recently lived in Charlotte, NC and I hear the economy there is relatively good and a reasonable cost of living. I'm in northern CA; I moved here from back east in '99. The job market here has been horrible but it's starting to get better. The cost of living is sky-high though! Although it's worse for single parents like me.

Welcome back to the forum and I hope you stick around this time. We need more 40+ members here!

If I may offer some advice, I would take up LadyDaria's offer to meet up if you two live close by. She sounds like a nice lady and frankly, it might help to talk with a kindred spirit.

-Teresa
 
LadyDaria said:
Though I know age is a massive issue... I know many young people who have been out of school for years and have no full time job.

^ I'm one of those, and I'm at my breaking point. I really feel you on these issues and I have more than once descended into very dark thoughts because of this, not least of all "I have no future." It's soul-crushing. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm so stuck. Obviously I have no advice, but I really hope we all manage to find our way out of this soon. I wish you all the best.
 
When the economy crashed a few years ago I was made redundant too, I was lucky, I found a contract job for a year, and then my current full-time job (albeit on less money).

It's a hard world we live in at the moment, I'm so sorry for your situation. I hope something comes up for you.

Good luck.
 
Reading this was heart-breaking ladysigh. I'm feeling a bit more appreciative about my mid-forties change to another career after going through some of what you described for a few years. I was pretty shaken by what I experienced, I think it would have been soul-destroying to be in the position you're in.

Thank you for reminding me. Good luck.
 

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