Worrying about older family members

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TheSkaFish

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Every year seems to pass faster and faster, and it seems that all of a sudden most of my family is really old. I have been finding myself worrying about certain family members, in particular my parents, my grandmother, and my dog. They are all getting on in years, and since the start of 2012 or so I've been finding myself worrying almost constantly if today is going to be the day I will lose somebody. My parents, like most of my family, does not drink or smoke, but what they also don't do is exercise nor watch their diet. My grandmother I worry about simply because of her age. And my dog has had some health scares in the past, and I also worry about him for his age too.

I know that there is nothing I can do to stop time, and that there isn't much I can do to improve their health except to cause as little stress on them and be as good to them as possible. But the worry is in the back of my mind almost all day, every day. What can I do about this? Does anyone feel the same, and how did you handle it?
 
Unfortunately death is a part of life. Some would say not unfortunately, because it is that which should make us appreciate what we have while it is there for us.

I don't feel that old (although I know I am to some of you) but I have lost my Mum, 3 good friends, several beloved pets, quite a number of acquaintances - and there will be more to come.

My lovely dog is now 13 years old, and one of my cats is getting up there as well. You just have to love them, be happy with them while you can and not dwell on the future. Or nag your parents to be healthier, if they don't want to be.

That's all you can do, really. :)
 
Yes, I don't want to be a downer but "welcome to hell"... :) or what me and my brother called the years my parents were elderly. Concerning pets.. I have always felt that our pets have a set life and the only goal is to make them as happy as they can be while they are alive. Whether their life is 13 years or 17 years... it is going to be shorter than yours.

As to your grand mom and parents I suppose something you could do is get adept at the resources in the area. What hospitals are the best ones? What social services are available (usually there is an elder agency that can coordinate these things). Finally if they haven't gotten their affairs in order make sure they have. A power of attorney, a health care proxy, a will, make sure these things were in order. When my dad was hospitalized the first time he was really unable to direct his health care. We thought they would just listen to us... HA... nope.. without that health care proxy. Fortunately a nice nurse looked the other way while we forged it.

Be prepared. That is all you can do.
 
Hi there,

It may sound corny, but spend good quality time with them. I lost my Mum six months ago and obviously I miss her so much, but I pine for her company at certain times we enioyed. My Dad and I have always been close, but since my Mum died we have become even closer and I really enjoy our time together. We have also spent that time doing pleasant things that my Dad couldn't do when he was caring for my Mum. I wish I could have had morenwith my Mum.

If you worry about their lack of exercise and diet, how about you suggesting a family dinner andnyiu cook something healthy and have a nice time with all the people you love. You ask if they fancy a walk, doesn't need to be everyone but having one on one time while getting out in the fresh air? I have to saybthat I am sure they would be thrilled atbthe opurtunity to do this with you too.
 
^^ Great ideas LD and GB - wish I'd said that!:) Its a good thing to consider the practical things you can do, and it can help calm the worries a bit. And if you have more family you can spread the load a bit if when it comes to it, (assuming other family members will pull their weight, which I know from other people's experiences may not be the case).
 
jaguarundi said:
You just have to love them, be happy with them while you can and not dwell on the future. Or nag your parents to be healthier, if they don't want to be.

That's all you can do, really. :)

I try to. But the thoughts really bother me sometimes. We had a terrible health scare with my dog 2 years ago, ever since I've been constantly hoping he is okay. Now, he just turned 11. I also worry about my grandmother, who is set to turn 90 this year. I already feel lousy for having wasted time being unhappy when they are still here. I was not unhappy with them but with my life - still, I don't want to have spent all our time together feeling sad when I could have been happy and shared it with them.

I spent the weekend watching my dog and my Grandma stayed with us too, while my parents went to my brother's graduation far away. I cooked and attended to them and tried to engage them both as much as possible to make them feel lively and happy, and they said they had a good time. I figured the happier they are, the more they will feel like keeping on. I try to comfort myself by saying that any day we are all still here is a good day.

I feel my parents could still turn it around, and I really hope that my dog and Grandma will just continue on living. But I worry sometimes about just how many more years we will have together. I hate those thoughts but they bother me daily, I can't get them out of my head.

How can I stop these nagging thoughts about the future?
 
I think about that a lot myself, especially with recent events. Live in the now, the future isn't written yet and can change at any moment as it happens. Don't pass up opportunities to spend time with them while they are here. If you're not sure what that is then look to the future with them gone and ask yourself, what you wish you had done while they were still here, or what your regrets might be and see to them before it is too late. You can't really stop them but you can use them to your advantage.
 
Stoicism is probably the best way of tackling these kinds of problems. Basically, you can't control what happens in the world around you, but you can control your reactions to it. Maybe reading some of these will help? They helped me a couple of years ago.

Seneca - Letters from a Stoic
These are letters of advice that Seneca would write to his friends about dealing with problems in life.

Meditations of Marcus Aurelius
These are the journals of Marcus Aurelius who, at the time, was the most powerful man in the world. How often do you get to see into the mind of someone with so much power? He was constantly reminding himself of all the bad things and terrible things that can or will happen so that he could prepare to deal with them and not let them have a negative affect on his life. He would try to see some virtue in everything and use any negative experience as a chance to practice virtue. It's pretty interesting to read his thoughts.
 
Try to accept that death is the price we pay for living; nothing in this world comes for free. Others have already posted some great answers here. Definitely see to the legal stuff--that durable health power of attorney is something you must have as your parents may well be incapable of making their own decisions later on. Putting everything in place can contribute to one's peace of mind.
 

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