Shortest internet date ever.

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Tiina63

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I have just arrived back from a first meeting which lasted all of twenty seconds and am feeling half totally worthless and half angry. We had arranged to meet at a local visitor's centre where he had offered to buy me a cup of tea and we both arrived at the same time. I approached him and asked if he was Pete (not his real name) as he was obviously looking around for someone in the way you do when meeting a stranger and because I recognised his glasses from his photo. He said that he wasn't Pete. Then he came up to me a minute later and said that he was Pete, that I didn't look like my photo and that it wouldn't work. (Other dates I have met have recognised me from my photo). I feel completely worthless because he thought I wasn't good looking enough for him (like many women, I don't have much confidence in my looks) and also very angry with him for going so much on looks in the first place and for being so abrupt. I have met some people on internet dates who I haven't liked for various reasons, but I have at least had the decency and the manners to see the meeting through. It has left me feeling really sad and down on myself.
 
Well metaphorically fresia him then. Pete is an *******. Personally, I would be too afraid to go on dates like these, for the fear of something similar happening to me. Although you feel terrible now, I still think you should be proud of yourself for doing it in the first place. Don't let this bad person and his lack of manners make a big impact on your confidence, he's just another brick in the wall who, hopefully, is also going to be alone tonight.
 
yuuuuuuck!!! what kind of people are there on dating sites? sorry you had this bad experience
 
Tiina63 said:
I have just arrived back from a first meeting which lasted all of twenty seconds and am feeling half totally worthless and half angry. We had arranged to meet at a local visitor's centre where he had offered to buy me a cup of tea and we both arrived at the same time. I approached him and asked if he was Pete (not his real name) as he was obviously looking around for someone in the way you do when meeting a stranger and because I recognised his glasses from his photo. He said that he wasn't Pete. Then he came up to me a minute later and said that he was Pete, that I didn't look like my photo and that it wouldn't work. (Other dates I have met have recognised me from my photo). I feel completely worthless because he thought I wasn't good looking enough for him (like many women, I don't have much confidence in my looks) and also very angry with him for going so much on looks in the first place and for being so abrupt. I have met some people on internet dates who I haven't liked for various reasons, but I have at least had the decency and the manners to see the meeting through. It has left me feeling really sad and down on myself.

Sorry that's happened to you, it must have been horrible !

Try to think you have dodged a bullet because he sounds dreadful and he isn't worth knowing.
 
Yep, wholeheartedly agree with the others - chin up! This person is not worth the upset one little bit, what an ass. You are lucky he showed his true colours right away.

Big hugs, sorry you had such a crappy meeting...
 
Yup. Once you get over the upset of this, I think you will realise that 20 seconds in the company of PeckerHead Pete (or whatever his real name is) was 20 seconds too long.

Not all men are like that - keep on looking for the ones that are actually worth more :)
 
Thank you for your replies.
I agree that I have avoided what could have been an awful relationship. Being with someone like him would have been so destructive. However, although I think this intellectually, on an emotional level it is much harder. And if I go on another online date, part of me will be wondering if the same thing might happen again. Hopefully though I will find someone decent, who would never dream of behaving in such a manner.


Ringwood-thank you for your big hug. I feel the need to have someone hug me now and wish that I wasn't at home on my own. But your virtual hug is very welcome.
Peaches-there are some awful people on dating sites, and it can sometimes feel well nigh impossible to find the right one. If I wasn't so lonely, I would have stopped looking ages ago, but my loneliness keeps me looking for someone.
Painter's radio-thank you as well for your words of comfort.
Nightwing and Jagarundi-I agree that he is not worth being sad about, but I am still sad and am hoping that the same thing will not happen next time.
TriupleBogey-than you for your sympathy, too.
 
Wow, that's horrible! I guess the good thing about it ending so fast is that you didn't have to spend any length of time with a guy who seems to be a bit of a dick.

*hugs*
 
Argh what a complete jerk!

Screw him Tiina. I don't know what you look like, but it doesn't matter because you're a lovely person and that's the only kind of beauty one should be concerned about.

As for this horrible man, lets say its a good thing he showed his true colours at the very beginning and spared you your time and energy.

I know its not easy to recover from something like this, especially as you said, a lot of women grow up with insecurities about their looks, but I hope you're able to see that you're a beautiful person despite what such people say.

Hugs
 
I am sure it doesn't feel like it but i think you lucked out. I agree with painter's radio, the guy is an ******* and he just shortened your exposure to him.
 
it's an horrible example of why I hate internet dating.
I prefer the old fashioned way of meeting someone normally
 
Pretty funny that he initially lied to you and walked away for a minute. Like he had to work up the courage because he knew what he was about to do was douchey.
 
Thank you, Veruca, for your very kind words. This has shaken me up quite a bit and your empathy is much appreciated.
Minus, I agree that I have been lucky, though it doesn't feel that way. I still feel in shock, in a way, sort of numb and unable to believe that someone could behave in such a manner. I know I am well rid of him though. If he is like this to someone he hardly knows, what would he be like to someone he knows?
Triple Bogey-it is also one reason why I hate internet dating. At least in real life, if someone is not attracted to you at all, they will not approach you in the first place, so this sort of situation would not occur. I just wish that it were easier to meet someone the 'natural' way, because then I could forget internet dating. I am wondering if speed dating might be an option, though have yet to see any speed dating events for my age group (over 50's.)


Murmi-I think it is odd that he denied being himself at first as well. And I agree that he was probably plucking up the courage to be really douchey.
I mean, I am not Miss World by a long way, but objectively I am not bad looking. Although I can get really down on my looks and think I am hideous and ugly, I know that in reality I am ordinary-looking, like most people. I once caught sight of my reflection when not expecting it and, before realising it was me, just thought that it was another normal looking woman who you pass in the street.
 
There's a high probability of meeting people like this from a popular dating site. Yes there ARE people like this, but when you wake tomorrow you'll feel less angry at least, best to put it behind you and move on.
 
My guess?
He a pervert.
Let me explain. I doubt you are bad looking. At least, you are average looking, to say. And he has some fetish that was satisfied by your photo that he saw. Maybe a color of hair, the way you dress, maybe just some small detail.
And it seems he only dates those who fit in this little category of his. So I dont think its a knock on your looks, rather just acknowledgement of you looking differently than he thought you would.

That´s the first option.

The second would be he did this on purpose. There are some hateful people that are taking their anger on the other gender, finding ways to bring someone down. Misanthropist I think is close to it, but there is a word for those who hate women I think, but I can remember what it is. He may fit that category.
He may have done this to help his ego of hurting women. He then may walk away with a smile on his face, how did he turn someone down and hurt him (her in your case).

He´s an ******* regardless. Screw him.
 
Wow that sounds like a selfish type of guy. I met guys however who weren't into me either. It used to hurt me in the past but you deserve a man who won't judge you like that. He seems very shallow. You should be glad it didn't work out, you deserve a sweet man who will love you for who you are.
 
What a jerk. If for whatever reason I wasn't interested in someone, I would have been polite about it and seen the meeting through.
 
What a tool. I'm sorry you were exposed to him, even if it was just for 20 seconds.

It's possible, though, that the issue was to do with his attitude and nothing to do with you and how you look. Maybe a first date after a bad divorce, or he's widowed, or maybe he has some form of social anxiety. It could be that he discovered with a bang that he wasn't ready for dating. Some people like to hit you from the beginning with the "it's not me, it's you" line so there's no chance you can think there's something wrong with them.

Regardless of why, you're still better out of there. Best of luck with the next one. :)
 

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