What's your view on arranged marriage

Do you think it's a good thing to get over loneliness? I'm from the biggest delta in the world (that's a quiz for you find out ). In my country, relatives help you to find a spouse for you. Would you take the help from the relatives or you would be reluctant?

I am in favor of it. With obvious provisos. I think we have kind of gotten so obsessed with the "true luv" idea that we can't get out of our way when really all we should be looking for is a true friend you can live your life with. I kind of wish someone would take the time to think about getting a spouse for me.

Depends on the relatives - are they thinking of your happiness or more about money/business/face. Depends on the degree of compulsion involved - how free to turn prospects down would one be.

If the family are out for happiness, and don't compel obedience to satisfy position wealth and so on, then I don't see why an arranged marriage might not work as well as non-arranged ones.

jaguarundi said:

Depends on the relatives - are they thinking of your happiness or more about money/business/face. Depends on the degree of compulsion involved - how free to turn prospects down would one be.

If the family are out for happiness, and don't compel obedience to satisfy position wealth and so on, then I don't see why an arranged marriage might not work as well as non-arranged ones.

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^ This. I wouldn't want it for myself, but I've got nothing against it if it's what someone else chooses for themselves.

Ummm, Hell No...!!! I don't like arranged anything let alone a marriage... If it goes south, who do you blame? Lol, I mean, I know that doesn't sound right & if something goes wrong with the marriage, ultimately 2 people are responsible... But you can't help it but to wonder... I got hooked up once, blind date, that went horrible... I know the guy who hooked me up with the girl he knew didn't mean anything bad to happen... But he felt horrible after the girl & I went our separate ways...

Definitely against it, if I'm going to spend the rest of my life with someone then the decision should be in my hands. I wouldn't trust my family enough with a decision that big. Even if you are happy with the person they set you up with, what if she doesn't feel the same way as you, the love has to be mutual. ^^

btw, Ganges delta? (Bangladesh) :O

Honestly? I think it's ridiculous, just like non-arranged marriages. Marriage itself is such a deluded, narcissistic pile of honeysuckle, totally unnecessary not to mention unnatural for us. If you have to get married for citizenship or something then fair enough... but hey whatever makes people happy I guess. If you really feel the need to be the centre of attention and have this stupid-ass big day all about YOU because you have no real hobbies and your birthday isn't enough to satisfy your ego, or even if you want something low-key with few/no people just to "secure the bond" or whatever then go for it... I still think it's a bad idea and you're paying money into something pointless like a robot. Commitment doesn't have to be shown through this bizarre ritual; can't we just say "I love you" and mean it?

I'm against arranged marriage because I hate to sound negative, but what are the chances that it'll last and what others see as being an ideal partner may not be a match in your own opinion. (you may not feel attracted to them in any way)

I don't like the idea of being paired off with anyone; in fact I'd probably rather remain alone.

I personally would not like the person my family would set me up with.

Aside from the monetary benefits of marriage, marriage in general is pointless. A piece of paper doesn't determine whether or not you love someone. If two people love each other, they'll stick by each other no matter what.

I'm generally against marriage of any type or arrangement.

Yeh I guess I have come to see that "marriage" is just a financial relationship. If you love someone you don't need to get married.

But if you get married society gives you a whole bunch of benefits. Including better tax rates, societal acceptance, work benefits, privacy benefits... etc.

I have a friend from India (originally) who is in an arranged marriage. They seem very happy because they accept what the marriage is for. Not the be all and end all of passionate love... but a stable partnership. I find passionate love rare so...why not have a stable financial relationship in the meantime.

I'm against it. I'm all for freedom of choice so one should have the right to choose the person THEY want to be with forever (or for a long time). If you let someone else do it, you're putting someone's fate into someone else's hands and could turn out very badly.

Outcast said:

Definitely against it, if I'm going to spend the rest of my life with someone then the decision should be in my hands. I wouldn't trust my family enough with a decision that big. Even if you are happy with the person they set you up with, what if she doesn't feel the same way as you, the love has to be mutual. ^^

btw, Ganges delta? (Bangladesh) :O

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yup. Your answer is right!

ordinaryDude said:

Do you think it's a good thing to get over loneliness? I'm from the biggest delta in the world (that's a quiz for you find out ). In my country, relatives help you to find a spouse for you. Would you take the help from the relatives or you would be reluctant?

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Having your relatives finding a potential spouse for you is not the same as arranging a marriage for you. To me what you are saying is that you still have a choice to say yes or no, you just want your family do help give you leads. In this case, it's just a more reliable blind date.

However, if you are talking about the real definition of arranged marriage.. No, It's not okay. It's just "sold and raped" in a very 'proper' way.

To all those saying that marriage is nothing but hot air. I ask you. Do you believe only in words? Would you believe them if they said they love you, then go out to have fun on their own? Barely ask you how you are doing. Barely does anything for you. Stay at home 24/7 while you slave away.

Regumika said:

I ask you. Do you believe only in words? Would you believe them if they said they love you, then go out to have fun on their own? Barely ask you how you are doing. Barely does anything for you. Stay at home 24/7 while you slave away.

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Actually historically marriage wasn't about love. Originally it was a property distribution. Men had girl babies they could do nothing with but take care of, unless, some man took her off his hands. To avoid a lifetime financial commitment they would pay suitors dowerys so that they would take the girl. Later when that got out of fashion they made it about arranged marriages for mutual family benefit. It is only recently that it has become about "love" which is frankly a joke since 50% of marriages end in divorce. And fidelity is... a joke. To me so much bad comes out of todays "love" standard that it is almost worth investigating some blend of the two (love and arranged marriage).

I would even argue that many people today DO marry for purely societal gain purposes. And it is these marriages that last. I say to this day that many Hollywood marriages ARE completely just for mutual benefit. Though no one will admit it. There was a show a few years ago that was about the "underbelly" of hollywood and they had a storyline about this.. leading me to believe it was one of those "wink" nod things that everyone in Hollywood knows is true.

But even look around.. the big power brokers are always married to mutually helpful people. For example John Kerry is married to Theresa Heinz. You really think that just *happens* and is *love*. No way. If they are an important person if you look enough you will find out the hubbie is someone else of importance.

I also think that it is more likely to "grow" to love someone for a long relationship than to act on initial passion which may fade.

I think we should move to an arranged marriage hybrid... where you set up a marriage by a certain age. If you were to back out of the marriage perhaps a financial payment could be made. It would make everyone less anxious because they *have* someone if nothing works out.

Regumika said:

ordinaryDude said:

Do you think it's a good thing to get over loneliness? I'm from the biggest delta in the world (that's a quiz for you find out ). In my country, relatives help you to find a spouse for you. Would you take the help from the relatives or you would be reluctant?

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Having your relatives finding a potential spouse for you is not the same as arranging a marriage for you. To me what you are saying is that you still have a choice to say yes or no, you just want your family do help give you leads. In this case, it's just a more reliable blind date.

However, if you are talking about the real definition of arranged marriage.. No, It's not okay. It's just "sold and raped" in a very 'proper' way.

To all those saying that marriage is nothing but hot air. I ask you. Do you believe only in words? Would you believe them if they said they love you, then go out to have fun on their own? Barely ask you how you are doing. Barely does anything for you. Stay at home 24/7 while you slave away.

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Of course, I meant the first way, second way is not acceptable by any means.

It's not really for me, although I do have a friend (a guy) who's doing the first kind and he seems happy enough.

ordinaryDude said:

Of course, I meant the first way, second way is not acceptable by any means.

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So, the first way, is NOT an arranged marriage.

It sounds bad to say this.. but a relationship is a lot like owning a business.. You need someone to eventually run the business with you. It's hard to find the right one for the "job". And, it's always better to have a referral from a trusted source than to blindly hire people hoping they can fulfill the position, or waste your time during the interview.

^ It's a good point. If you have people who know you drawing up a decent list of possibles, it must save quite a bit of time. After all, for a lot of people, they know you better than anyone else does.