Not very confident

Not very confident, neither in real life nor on internet. I don't know what to do about it either and my friends have no advice. Any help?

It's kinda hard to give any advice or help unless we know more about you. Like... could you explain to us in what ways you feel you're shy? Like specific examples?

Then perhaps we could give our opinion of the situation or something, but... without a bit more detail, it's kinda hard to know what to say.

Well, as I said, I am not outgoing that much. I do have a few friends, but even when I am around them I stay in the background and rarely communicate. Even when I go out to high school reunion I am mostly silent. My friends usually have to look after me in one way or another.

This usually happens even online. I hide behind others and rarely step up. This is mostly because I am weak.

In my high school there were some who caught onto my weakness and started bullying me because of this. Even when I stood up to them, this bullying only took root. I had bad grades back then, so this fact only contributed towards being seen as weak.

I tried to avoid them by keeping to myself, but they didn't give up. If I kept to myself, they then bullied me verbally.

Now that I am in university, I steer clear of any friends, both in real life and on internet, because I am afraid they'll betray me.

Angela said:

Now that I am in university, I steer clear of any friends, both in real life and on internet, because I am afraid they'll betray me.

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Why would your friends betray you?

When you were bullied in high school, did your friends betray you then? Having close friends is a great way to keep the bullies away, isn't it? Or did your friends not try to help you out?

If your friends don't help you out with things like bullies then they aren't really friends in my opinion.

There's nothing wrong with being shy at all.

This certainly doesn't make you weak in any way and you shouldn't tell yourself that.

I'm sorry to hear that you've been bullied and that you've had bad experiences with friends. Its not easy to recover from that kind of thing. But you're reaching out for ways to feel more confident, and feel better about yourself so that's a good sign. Its a good step forward.

Being a victim of bullying and social isolation by peers can definitely affect one's self esteem, and I think the first step towards building confidence is realizing that although your experiences have made you feel weak, that you really are not. Perhaps to start feeling stronger, you can do the things that make you feel good. Hobbies or charity work or working out etc. Sometimes setting goals for yourself and achieving them can also help build confidence. Like being able to do say 50 push ups in 3 months etc. You can slowly work yourself up to doing more challenging things like eventually talking to stranger at a cafe or something. Even if you mess up, don't give up...keep going and slowly you will start to feel more self assured.

And the sad truth is that there are a lot of mean, selfish people out there who wouldn't think twice to hurt/betray you. But there are also a lot of wonderful people. And to meet the good people, you have to meet a lot of not so great people as well . But it will be worth it!

Perhaps you could try volunteering or joining a club to meet some new people?

Being shy is cute not weak :3 but being more confident takes time, just keep pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, until your comfortable there. Like communicating more and peeping out from the "background" as you put it more often, its a place to start.

*Electronically Transmitted Hugs*

Trust me I can relate to this: I was bullied in High School too and I was very quiet myself. I've made a few friends in High School and I believe a few of them betrayed me and talked behind my back. I forgave a few of them but it's hard to talk to them now especially since I live far away from them. Moved away after I graduated and I haven't visited them since I moved away. One seen a few of my true friends since than and it's hard to try to communicate with them now cause so much has changed since than. You can read a few self help books: they seem to always help me out.

Here's one I suggest that you read:
http://www.amazon.com/Confidence-Ov...id=1398291456&sr=1-7&keywords=low+self+esteem

Angela said:

Not very confident, neither in real life nor on internet. I don't know what to do about it either and my friends have no advice. Any help?

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Confidence, shyness & low self-esteem are 3 very different things... They all can lead a person to feeling another... Lack of confidence can lead to low self-esteem because you never feel you're good enough... Not feeling good enough can lead you into shyness or shying away from people because you don't wanna be made fun of or appear as being the weak one... They are inter-connected feelings so you can work on all by working on one of them... Easiest one I found to change is confidence... You have to be good at something to feel good about yourself, hence the higher self-esteem... When you're sure of yourself, you'll feel more comfortable around people... Don't get me wrong, it's gonna take some work... Here are some things I used to do for myself...

1 - I try to find something simple to do that I know I'll get good at once I practice... I'm not too good with cars... I don't know much about them & I still don't... But I started looking up things & learned terminologies... Looked up some of the more popular things relating to cars... Once I learned enough about them to at least hold a simple conversation, it got me more involved with people... I understood the conversation better & in turn, made me feel better...

2 - Most people are eager to help... That's one way for them to feel better about themselves... I know I do... People find it easier to help others with what they know best... More they know about something, more likely they're either willing to help or have a conversation about it... If you're not sure of something, don't be afraid to ask for help from people who are around you... I see you're in University... What's your major? Ask people in your classroom... Go to cafeteria & ask someone from your class if they understood the lecture or there's something you're confused about the lecture... It's a very informal setting & people won't be as up tight as you might think... I'm sure there are people out there willing to help...

3 - Speaking of up-tight... I'd say more than half, which technically makes it majority, of the people you see walking around feel the same way or very close to how you feel... I'm not trying to minimize how you're feeling... I'm just saying, people are people... They're not that different than you & I... It may be different combination of those 3 feelings but everybody at one point or another feel those feelings... There's nothing more comical than watching 2 shy people staring at each other, both wishing the other will start the conversation but ending up going separate ways thinking that person doesn't like the other... It might just take simple, "Hi, I've seen you in my **** class... How do you like it?"... If they ignore you or give you a funny look, then walk away... That simple... I know, easier said than done... But over time, it'll get easier...

I am sorry to hear about what happen to do but maybe it's time you face life...it's not good for you to live like this. You know sometimes your horoscope sign can help you figure out why you are shy. I was the same so I looked online for my sing's traits and how I can become more confident and now I don't have problems. It's great.

If you want to build up confidence you just need to stand at your mirror, stare at yourself, point out every single detail you love about you: hair, eyes, personality, the way your laugh sounds, how funny you are, how kind you are. Then point out every aspect you think is wrong and can improve. Therefore you shall have already estabilished a difference between you and what's not you. Then carry on!
Hope it helps. Best of luck. Pm me anytime. Later