Salutations

Hello everyone.

My name is Frostburn. Well, it isn’t my real name naturally, but I rather let my name remain hidden for now. Paranoid that people I know would find me and start to ask questions that I wouldn’t wish to answer.

So why and how I have ended up here? Finding this place wasn’t hard. Googleing ”lonely forum” gave link to this place on first hit. As for why.. Well I perhaps better tell something about myself to make it more understandable.

I am 18 year old male. My interests consist of gaming, philosophy, religion and roleplaying games.Typical nerdy guy. I don’t have any major fallacies in my life. I have parents that are interested in my life, friends to spend time with and my academic career is on right track. What is wrong here then? Total lack of love life.

Some of the older people would be dying to say in this point ”You are still young, you will find someone”. Perhaps it is true, but there is still big part of me that denies it. I don’t have any female friends, never had a girlfriend and never had any real physical contact with a girl. All of my friends have been in a relationship or are currently in one. Yes, I know teen relationships are rarely anything serious and I can agree with that, but it kinda makes me feel inferior around my friends when I am the only one with zero experience of the opposite sex.

This wouldn’t bother me much if would somehow be sure things would change for me when I grow older, but I am afraid of what will happen. I am quiet type of person and I get very highly agitated in any social situation with person I am unfamiliar with. Especially with girls, but that is something you might have already guessed. I fear when I move out from my home to a city where I have no friends I wont be able to build contacts with new people. Last time I had to independedly make new friends was at kindergarten so I am little rusty.. All the friends I have now are from that time or I have gotten to know through my old friends. I fear in time my friends will also forget me when they will have their own lives to worry about and I will be left totally alone. Without friends, without love.

My self-esteem is rather low. I have been overweight since I can remember, so all my life I have felt to be outwardly disgusting. Guess this reflects to my lack of love life directly. Luckily I have been able to reduce my weight somewhat recently. I also sometimes feel I just don’t have any sex appeal. I might be a decent friend, but that I lack anything that would spark deeper feelings in members of opposite sex.

Well anyway just something I wanted to vent out and perhaps make people learn something about me. Hopefully can exchange words with people in here.

What up what up.

Welcome to the joint. I only registered last month myself.

Your feelings are typical- lots of people have had them before you and lots of those folks have overcome them- which you'll eventually do also.

Just a coupla questions: you're 18, so I assume you're going to college next year? It sounds scary, but the sink-or-swim situation just might do it for you- especially freshman year and all that, everybody wants to know other people and so you're kinda forced to meet folks.

And the weight issue. It's good that you're working on it, because that seems to be where most of your self-esteem is lost. Women (and people and general, if you want to make friends) respond to confidence; fix your body image, and you will be on the road to being confident.

Once you lose the weight, get some fresh threads and get out in the field and work some wit. The more you force yourself outside of your comfort zone, the easier it'll be for you when you actually meet a hot chick. It's not gonna happen overnight, but don't feel like the only action you'll ever get a pixelated girl.

Anyways, welcome, like I said.

Hello Frostburn
That is such a cool pic on your post! Look forward to meeting you.

Welcome Frostburn.

Hey, Frostburn. You seem to be intelligent, articulate, and nice. Those are all terrific and attractive qualities. Give it some time, and maybe things will work out for you. I know it sounds like a bunch of platitudes, but it's what I'm hoping for myself as well.

Hi Frostburn. It's very nice to meet you. I hope you enjoy being here and you'll meet some really wonderful people. Great to have you with us.

Hi Frostburn, welcome to the forums

Hate to ask, but did you get your name from Diablo 2? I just can't get those frostburn gauntlets out of my head when I see your name. I loved those

Thanks all for the warm welcome. Looking forward to talking with people in here!

zraskolnikov said:

Your feelings are typical- lots of people have had them before you and lots of those folks have overcome them- which you'll eventually do also.

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Yes I sometimes feel that way too, that this is typical teenage angst that I feel, which will fade away and things will be alright. But I have my darkest moments when I just feel all hope is lost and that I should just accept the cold hard reality that I am not going to live the life I wish I could live. Life filled with happiness and people to care about.

zraskolnikov said:

Just a coupla questions: you're 18, so I assume you're going to college next year? It sounds scary, but the sink-or-swim situation just might do it for you- especially freshman year and all that, everybody wants to know other people and so you're kinda forced to meet folks.

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Not living in USA so it is slightly different. I am going to graduate next year from high school and then I will have one year or six months military service. From there I will try to get into university where I will study theology.

I have heard they offer atleast some activity for students in universities, but will see. If the activities are not to my liking then I fear my chances of meeting people will get slimmer. (Total drunk parties aren’t to my liking when I wish to meet new friends). Also I find it very difficult to approach people so unless someone comes and pulls from my sleeve, I might find myself being without social contacts.

zraskolnikov said:

And the weight issue. It's good that you're working on it, because that seems to be where most of your self-esteem is lost. Women (and people and general, if you want to make friends) respond to confidence; fix your body image, and you will be on the road to being confident.

Once you lose the weight, get some fresh threads and get out in the field and work some wit. The more you force yourself outside of your comfort zone, the easier it'll be for you when you actually meet a hot chick. It's not gonna happen overnight, but don't feel like the only action you'll ever get a pixelated girl.

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Yes I am happy for my weight finally starting to be under control, but I have also other qualities that make me feel unconfident about myself. One being my slow mind. I have some difficulty to process information quickly so speaking is little unpleasent for me. I either can’t come up with anything to say, or I say something that I regret second later. Mostly I regret when I managed to blur out something that makes me look like an idiot. But yes, you are very right that nothing will change if I only remain in my comfort zone and be haunted by my own demons. Practice makes perfect in this case too.

I atleast personally don’t have much problem the way I dress. I buy regulary new cloths. While I don’t bother or wish to follow any fashion trends I wear clean cloths when I go spend time with other people. Mainly walking with jeans, t-shirt and leather jacket at this time of the year and don’t feel I look horrible because of the choice of cloths.

Naleena said:

That is such a cool pic on your post!

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Dragons have always had special place in my heart.

Elaeagnus said:

Hey, Frostburn. You seem to be intelligent, articulate, and nice. Those are all terrific and attractive qualities. Give it some time, and maybe things will work out for you. I know it sounds like a bunch of platitudes, but it's what I'm hoping for myself as well.

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Hopefully things will work out for both of us. I feel though that my ability to articulate and show intelligence is only a vivid illusion that I manage to create when I have more time to think how I express myself. In real social situation these qualities become less visible when I make myself look like a retard. Why can't real world be like a internet forum or a chat?

Jeremi said:

Hate to ask, but did you get your name from Diablo 2? I just can't get those frostburn gauntlets out of my head when I see your name. I loved those

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Hehe, actually got the name from Oblivion when I remember word "frostburn" mentioned in one mage guild quests. But I am familiar with Diablo 2 and those gauntlets. Good times, good times.

Hey Frostburn, welcome to the forum.

Hey Frostburn, and welcome.

Hi Frostburn.

Hehe, thanks for the welcomes! Even though I should be the one giving welcomes to you all since I have been here for a while now.

Hi there Frostburn and welcome

Congrats on the weight loss. Keep it up if you can and am sure you well get to where you wont to be there.

I am one of the older ppl that is going to say your still young and you well find someone, Errrrr sorry for that. I bet your sick of ppl telling you that. I would be. Well I Guss at any age all you can do is keep being friendly with everyone you know and hopefully at one point you well meet someone that you have that spark with.

You should not feel disgusted in yourself. Beauty begins with how we feel about our self.

A site that I come accrues you might fined interesting.
http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Good-Looking
Its all obverse stuff really but I still found it interesting.

You ever just felt good in certain cloths. I think if you think you look good then you do. This would explain why some ppl look good in anything. Its not so much the cloths that they buy but there confidence that makes them look good in any old rag.

Bluey said:

A site that I come accrues you might fined interesting.
http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Good-Looking
Its all obverse stuff really but I still found it interesting.

You ever just felt good in certain cloths. I think if you think you look good then you do. This would explain why some ppl look good in anything. Its not so much the cloths that they buy but there confidence that makes them look good in any old rag.

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I found it interesting too thx bluey sometimes I need to read the obvious,lol

Bluey said:

Hi there Frostburn and welcome

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Hi and thanks!

Bluey said:

Congrats on the weight loss. Keep it up if you can and am sure you well get to where you wont to be there.

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Thank you. I have slown down with the progress though since summer has made me a bit lazy and hedeonistic. Trying to get things back on track and luckily school will start so I will have something to give me routine to my days. Currently I have managed to drop my weight from about 253 pounds to 236. I try to aim 176 pounds, but little more or less wouldn't hurt. Will see what weight I feel comfortable with. I am about 5' 11'' tall by the way. Still got long way to go, but I have rest of my life time to get it down. Though would really like to be in decent shape before I have to serve my time in the army. To honor my grandfather who served in war with full service, rather than some easier version they give to those who have too much weight.

I suppouse if someone wishes I could write something here in the forums about weightloss and excersizing since I have read alot about it and have had quite few personal experiences aswell. To avoid other people making the same pitfalls I did when I was younger.

Bluey said:

I am one of the older ppl that is going to say your still young and you well find someone, Errrrr sorry for that. I bet your sick of ppl telling you that. I would be. Well I Guss at any age all you can do is keep being friendly with everyone you know and hopefully at one point you well meet someone that you have that spark with.

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Hehe, I don't hear it often enough for me to be annoyed, I just feel sometimes it is a white lie to make me feel better rather than the truth. But my vision is clouded by shadows I create myself, it is hard for me to be objective about these things. I sometimes also feel that I am not bad person and I wont have trouble being friends with people, but that I just lack any sort of ”spark” so women would consider me boyfriend material.

Bluey said:

You should not feel disgusted in yourself. Beauty begins with how we feel about our self.

A site that I come accrues you might fined interesting.
http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Good-Looking
Its all obverse stuff really but I still found it interesting.

You ever just felt good in certain cloths. I think if you think you look good then you do. This would explain why some ppl look good in anything. Its not so much the cloths that they buy but there confidence that makes them look good in any old rag.

Click to expand...

Hmm, I read the stuff in the link you provided. Thank you for it. Rather basic stuff that I have heard before, but still haven't fully accomplished these. I never smile unless there is something to smile about for example. Though that is not uncommon behavior in here. Finnish social culture is rather reserved when it comes to emotions, especially regarding men. My level of hygiene is decent I guess. I shower atleast once a day, mostly twice. I use deodorant, brush my teeth etc. I don't use lotions or such stuff, except for my face to help me get rid of my acne. I wash my hands always when I remember to do that (still trying to get used to it, I neglected my personal hygiene alot during my secondary school years).

What causes main problems is being myself. I don't feel I have an identity. Not something solid atleast. Something small I can grasp, like my view on morality for example, but I still feel there isn't something I can lean on fully. I guess that is one reason why I have had hard time to build confidence to myself when I don't even know who I am. I have tried to do lot of soulsearching, but without much results. Guess I just need to wait untill I grow older.

Frostburn said:

Thank you. I have slown down with the progress though since summer has made me a bit lazy and hedeonistic. Trying to get things back on track and luckily school will start so I will have something to give me routine to my days. Currently I have managed to drop my weight from about 253 pounds to 236. I try to aim 176 pounds, but little more or less wouldn't hurt. Will see what weight I feel comfortable with. I am about 5' 11'' tall by the way. Still got long way to go, but I have rest of my life time to get it down. Though would really like to be in decent shape before I have to serve my time in the army. To honor my grandfather who served in war with full service, rather than some easier version they give to those who have too much weight.

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You are doing well, I think what most ppl have a problem with when they are overweight is self confidence. witch is unfortunate cos you need self confidence in order to loss the weight. Once lost you well hopefully have moor confidence in how you look and feel. I know ppl that well not go swimming or to a jem cos of being overweight. Crazy relay cos that's exactly the thing that they should be doing. But I Guss it don't help every one in them placers seem to be like 2 pound mach sticks. Well if I seen someone who was overweight working out at a jem I would think good on you mate. So if you wont to do that I think you should. plus if you joined a jem you might make some friends.

I only say this cos I could never diet. My mum is always doing the diet thing, poor women only has to look at a carrot and she puts a pound on where as me and me dad are one of the lucky ones that can eat and eat and never put a pound on. The only thing I could do to loss weight is exercise. Well it is something I do not suffer with and hope I never do have to but I admire anyone that can lose weight. It sounds like you have the right attitude to get to where you wont to be. Keep strong and have faith and confidence in your self and you well achieve it am sure.

Frostburn said:

I suppouse if someone wishes I could write something here in the forums about weightloss and excersizing since I have read alot about it and have had quite few personal experiences aswell. To avoid other people making the same pitfalls I did when I was younger.

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This might be helpful to a lot off ppl. I am not sure how many ppl here would fined it help full but ye if your ever at a loss end and in need of something to do I think that would be a nice thing to do.

Maybe put it here in this forum

Frostburn said:

Hehe, I don't hear it often enough for me to be annoyed, I just feel sometimes it is a white lie to make me feel better rather than the truth. But my vision is clouded by shadows I create myself, it is hard for me to be objective about these things. I sometimes also feel that I am not bad person and I wont have trouble being friends with people, but that I just lack any sort of ”spark” so women would consider me boyfriend material.

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Ye I think we put a lot of barres in our own way sometimes if that's what you meant.

I know what you mean about girls tho. Easy to fined ones that you can get on with. Its not so easy to find ones that would look at you as boyfriend material. I hear that.

Frostburn said:

Hmm, I read the stuff in the link you provided. Thank you for it. Rather basic stuff that I have heard before, but still haven't fully accomplished these. I never smile unless there is something to smile about for example. Though that is not uncommon behavior in here. Finnish social culture is rather reserved when it comes to emotions, especially regarding men. My level of hygiene is decent I guess. I shower atleast once a day, mostly twice. I use deodorant, brush my teeth etc. I don't use lotions or such stuff, except for my face to help me get rid of my acne. I wash my hands always when I remember to do that (still trying to get used to it, I neglected my personal hygiene alot during my secondary school years).

What causes main problems is being myself. I don't feel I have an identity. Not something solid atleast. Something small I can grasp, like my view on morality for example, but I still feel there isn't something I can lean on fully. I guess that is one reason why I have had hard time to build confidence to myself when I don't even know who I am. I have tried to do lot of soulsearching, but without much results. Guess I just need to wait untill I grow older.

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"Do not lose yourself. Trying to fit in and be good looking doesn't mean you should throw away who you are. Keep the old you somewhat in tact. Remember, happiness is in accepting who you are."

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Ye this bit here I think you may be on about. Well this is the most difficult thing I think. Finding an identity that we like and are comfortable with. After all we have to live with our self 24/7. If where not happy with ourselves then where going to have a pretty unhappy life.

I think for me I have to come to terms with am not perfect. Never well be and never have been. But its this imperfections that make us us. And let me tell you I have a loooot of imperfections. But this is what gives us the character we have. I think all we can do is try and get a look that suites the character we have and vase er verse.

I think when we have had to combat certain things in life like being overweight as a child it can give us a bigger character then what we would have had with out it. I think one day you well have moor confidence then most. You just have to get there. That's the fun bit And hopefully you well have some fun and make some friends on the way as well. Its all about having the right frame of mined and sticking with it with a smile on ye face Do that and I think you well think of your self as a pretty amazing person and so well other ppl.