Question about social intuition

I have seen some talk on here lately--in the public forum--that appears to be a condemnation of folks who have difficulty socializing. The talk seems to go something like this: if someone doesn't know how to project themselves in a "proper" way through body language or otherwise seems unsure of how to interact with the opposite sex, etc, then they are said to be lacking intelligence or even mentally challenged, or something like that. As someone who experiences some issues with socializing, I tend to find these judgments both insulting and simply incorrect.

I suppose I could put it down to a very off-color and highly exaggerated style of writing, but at this point it looks like it's an actual judgment: as if the chronically shy or the slightly awkward are seen as aberrations, or something.

My question is for those who believe such things... why do you have such disrespect for those who don't seem to have a firm grasp on "social intuition" or whatever you call it? Have you been personally harmed by such an individual, or perhaps you have insecurity about your own social shortcomings? I'm just curious really, and not trying to start a war of words.

It takes a long time to relax with people, so I empathize. Those who define awkwardness as unacceptable in any degree will probably say that they're only offering advice.

I suspect, Batters, that they just aren't thinking about it too much. It is meant as a bit of a joke and I don't think it's supposed to be either personal or hurtful.

So don't over think it yourself, or take it too personally.

But it is interesting to note how what we say can be interpreted by other people. The trouble is, where does a bit of a joke end and disrespect begin?
Sometimes it's easy (we know not to use the 'n' word ... I hope) but other times it can be less straight forward?

And if someone is offended it is easy to say the other person was just being over sensitive, or it is political correctness gone mad. But is it?

Not much of an answer my friend. But on this one I am thinking there may be some shades of grey about an answer?

Perhaps with things like this, disrespect can be somewhat confused with genuinely not understanding.

Well, intelligence isn't just maths. There are many types, like emotional, physical, interpersonal, social intelligence. Being streetsmart. Having a good head for business. Not everyone has them all. Think of Autistic musicians - terrible with people but so **** intelligent.So I believe it's OK to say a person lacks one of these types of intelligence, as long as it's not too derogatory.

I can't help but feel this thread is part aimed at me. Whether it is or not, I want to say that I in no way condemn people with any of these issues, I just disagree with some of the advice given to them.

Hello Batman-I can't say that I have noticed that attitude on here (though of course I might have read different threads than you have) but I have certainly noticed that, in life generally, this attitude is sadly all too widespread. Like you, I am socially awkward and I have been seen as not particularly intelligent in several environments because of it.

There's a general attitude towards shy people as being 'less than' and those who have a certain social charism or A type personalities as being 'better'. Thats generalizing but in my experience I've been called boring million times because I'm not a loud show-offy type of person.
The thing about getting along with other people is that it comes naturally to some and for others its a struggle. Thats why one person may think a conversation about body language is interesting andd helpful and someone else might think its unnecessary. I would think advise like " you should brush your teeth before going on a date" as being unnecessary but there are people out there who would go "really ? Okay".

Right from the start kids are taught how to get along with other kids, how to behave in public. Whats exceptable behaviour and what isn't. So if you or I don't fit into what is 'normal behaviour' then we're thought of as anti social or a jerk or whatever, in r/l, I'm not talking about in this forum.

I've never heard such a thing said before. I wouldn't say it shows lack of intelligence at all. Mentally, that may have to do more with the persons ability to socialize than any actual disabilities. I hope. Now you have me wondering if people ever think that of me...I don't mind going out in public but if it is a social gathering or a busy place...well actually I'm shy either way even if it isn't busy. I don't make eye contact with people, I try to keep focused on where I am going and keep my head down slightly so no one notices me. It's funny though because when I'm at a checkout I will make eye contact with the cashier and strike up a conversation with them, but not people in line.

Okay, now I'm really freaked out and pondering this B-man...thanks...

I dunno, maybe people who say that don't have an understanding of what it is like to be socially awkward, it is foreign to them.

painter said:

Well, intelligence isn't just maths. There are many types, like emotional, physical, interpersonal, social intelligence. Being streetsmart. Having a good head for business. Not everyone has them all. Think of Autistic musicians - terrible with people but so **** intelligent.So I believe it's OK to say a person lacks one of these types of intelligence, as long as it's not too derogatory.

I can't help but feel this thread is part aimed at me. Whether it is or not, I want to say that I in no way condemn people with any of these issues, I just disagree with some of the advice given to them.

Click to expand...

Maybe this was fueled by some of your comments, maybe it wasn't.

I can see your point about some advice for the "shy, sensitive, and awkward" becoming deceitful, as people like us cannot blindly absorb these techniques without some confusion or contradiction occurring, which could work against us. And for some like me, some advice goes against principles. But I could personally do without the part that says the advice is for folks with "half a brain" or whatever it is you've said before.