Coming out of a relationship for the worse

Shop on amazon
Find deals on ebay
Advertise with us!
Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.
R

ryk

Active member
Joined
Jun 20, 2011
Messages
37
Reaction score
0
Location
steak
It's been a long time since I last came to these forums, and I never thought I'd come back again, but... well... here I am.

My girlfriend just broke up with me. It's been really tough. We'd lived together for pretty much the entire year at college, and just a few nights ago, almost out of nowhere, things happened between us that really shook her up and she decided she didn't want to continue.

I guess there are a few things I want to ask and mention.

First, without her in the room all the time, things have felt really empty and just not like home. It's been bothering me a lot, and I don't know how to deal with it. What can I do to just... live again?

Second, I realize now that by living with her all this time, I haven't been going out to do things, meeting friends, hanging out, getting to know people. I'm not the type that makes friends very easily, or at all (I'm not that socially amazing). By now it's definitely more difficult to do so since it's been a year since everyone's arrived at college (I'm a freshman). I feel the need to get out and see some faces OTHER than hers for once, but I have no idea where to start... And I have no idea if it's even worth it so late in the school year. Where do I start? Any suggestions?

Third, well this is the tricky part... she did come back a few nights ago to spend a small amount of time before leaving again, then asked if I wanted to have lunch with her the next day. She said it didn't feel like home anywhere else, with anyone other than me, which is why she came back... but she insisted that she didn't want to continue, at least for the time being, especially since she's with someone else right now (too sudden? Not really. Her "messing" with someone else had been a big point of friction between us in the last couple of weeks, and I guess she just followed up on that). She told me that we could try again after a few months, if she feels like we can.

I'm just really confused about that. Whether she really means it, or if she's just trying to ease things before she leaves, or if she only felt that way in the moment. Is it worth even having the hope that she might come back, even if it's far into the future or something? I really don't know what to think.

I just don't know what to think or what might help. It's been an awful week for me. I was extremely lonely once, but I somehow eventually crawled myself out of it over the years... now though, it's all coming back to me in a new environment and it's just... scary.
 
ryk said:
First, without her in the room all the time, things have felt really empty and just not like home. It's been bothering me a lot, and I don't know how to deal with it. What can I do to just... live again?
Click to expand...

It may be a bit early to start with that question. Especially if this just happened just a few nights ago. For now, I think you should set this aside and just feel your way through things. It's OK to grieve over the relationship. It's OK to be sad for a while instead of immediately focusing on moving past it. So... if you need the time to deal with it emotionally, then do yourself a favor and take the time.

ryk said:
Second, I realize now that by living with her all this time, I haven't been going out to do things, meeting friends, hanging out, getting to know people. I'm not the type that makes friends very easily, or at all (I'm not that socially amazing). By now it's definitely more difficult to do so since it's been a year since everyone's arrived at college (I'm a freshman). I feel the need to get out and see some faces OTHER than hers for once, but I have no idea where to start... And I have no idea if it's even worth it so late in the school year. Where do I start? Any suggestions?
Click to expand...

This is a pretty big warning sign that you were in an unhealthy relationship. When you focus on your loved one to the exclusion of all else then there's a possibility that you may be pouring too much of yourself into the relationship or the loved one. A healthy relationship shouldn't require you to sacrifice your friends or all of your time to make it work.

I'd suggest starting with your classmates. Ask if anyone wants to partner up for study or offer to help someone with their notes or something. Ask the guy/girl sitting next to you what they thought about the lecture or test. You might be surprised at how a simple move like that can blossom into a friendship. You don't have to immediately jump into hanging out with them at a bar or the bowling alley or whatever. Start simple, let things build naturally.

ryk said:
Third, well this is the tricky part... she did come back a few nights ago to spend a small amount of time before leaving again, then asked if I wanted to have lunch with her the next day. She said it didn't feel like home anywhere else, with anyone other than me, which is why she came back... but she insisted that she didn't want to continue, at least for the time being, especially since she's with someone else right now (too sudden? Not really. Her "messing" with someone else had been a big point of friction between us in the last couple of weeks, and I guess she just followed up on that). She told me that we could try again after a few months, if she feels like we can.

I'm just really confused about that. Whether she really means it, or if she's just trying to ease things before she leaves, or if she only felt that way in the moment. Is it worth even having the hope that she might come back, even if it's far into the future or something? I really don't know what to think.
Click to expand...

I'm going to be blunt, and this is only my opinion, but...

...she's stringing you along. She's not quite sure she's doing the right thing by leaving you for the other guy, so she's intentionally attempting to keep you emotionally invested in her while she tries things out with the new guy. I'm not necessarily saying she's either good or bad by doing that... that's a judgement you'll have to make for yourself. Plenty of men do that as well.

I will tell you that I wouldn't personally put up with that. I would let her know (in no uncertain terms) that if she leaves me for another guy, she needs to move on and leave me alone. I would suggest you do the same, but I'm not you. I guess you'll have to figure the situation out for yourself, but... even if she does come back to you, she's already shown that she's capable of flirting with other guys. And this situation will always be a dark mark in your past when you're with her.

*shrug*

Welcome back to the site. I hope things go well for you.
 
I definitely wouldn't just wait around for her, just sitting and thinking about it will start to really bother you. Since you're in college meeting people in your classes shouldn't be that difficult, just try to involve yourself more with your classmates. Id advise getting into some extracurricular activities so you can meet other people and start getting out a little, their should be some over-summer courses you can do. If right after you break up she's with another guy than that's a sign she was messing around like you said, and the reason she showed up probably just means she still has some feelings for you and is just having trouble letting go, but still I'd try an put her in the past and meet new people.

Break-ups can be rough so take some time and try to heal, being single isn't a bad thing either and you don't always need to be in a relationship to be happy, its a matter of putting the past, in the past.
 
ryk said:
First, without her in the room all the time, things have felt really empty and just not like home. It's been bothering me a lot, and I don't know how to deal with it. What can I do to just... live again?
Click to expand...

It gets better. I swear. I lived with my ex for a year. It's weird when you have no one to cook with, watch tv with, or sleep with. But then you get use to it. And then you realize you like it, because those annoying habits are gone.

And there is this funny thing about life, it goes on! You will live.


ryk said:
Second, I realize now that by living with her all this time, I haven't been going out to do things, meeting friends, hanging out, getting to know people. I'm not the type that makes friends very easily, or at all (I'm not that socially amazing). By now it's definitely more difficult to do so since it's been a year since everyone's arrived at college (I'm a freshman). I feel the need to get out and see some faces OTHER than hers for once, but I have no idea where to start... And I have no idea if it's even worth it so late in the school year. Where do I start? Any suggestions?
Click to expand...

This was hard for me. I pretty much abandoned my friends to be with him. And do his things. I broke it off in the summer, and had no one. It was hard. So I took "Me" time and did everything I couldn't or wasn't allow to do when I was with him. Then when school stared back up, I became involved in clubs and activities, and I "remade" friends. My old friends came back around, and were happy to see me.


ryk said:
Third, well this is the tricky part... she did come back a few nights ago to spend a small amount of time before leaving again, then asked if I wanted to have lunch with her the next day. She said it didn't feel like home anywhere else, with anyone other than me, which is why she came back... but she insisted that she didn't want to continue, at least for the time being, especially since she's with someone else right now (too sudden? Not really. Her "messing" with someone else had been a big point of friction between us in the last couple of weeks, and I guess she just followed up on that). She told me that we could try again after a few months, if she feels like we can.
Click to expand...

I agree with BJD, she is somewhat hurt as well. She is leaving her comfort zone of living with you, and is stepping out to find something new, but she wants to leave one foot in with what she knows. Don't be a doormat for her. If she is messing with someone else, don't share her, you don't deserve that.

It sucks, I know. A lot of us have been there. But I will tell you this:
1. You will live.
2. It gets better.

Welcome Back :)
 
Just as an idea, you could make a few small changes around your home so that you don't come back to the exact same place you shared with someone else every day. For me at least, visual reminders have always been a pain.

Badjedidude said:
I'm going to be blunt, and this is only my opinion, but...

...she's stringing you along. She's not quite sure she's doing the right thing by leaving you for the other guy, so she's intentionally attempting to keep you emotionally invested in her while she tries things out with the new guy. I'm not necessarily saying she's either good or bad by doing that... that's a judgement you'll have to make for yourself. Plenty of men do that as well.

I will tell you that I wouldn't personally put up with that. I would let her know (in no uncertain terms) that if she leaves me for another guy, she needs to move on and leave me alone. I would suggest you do the same, but I'm not you. I guess you'll have to figure the situation out for yourself, but... even if she does come back to you, she's already shown that she's capable of flirting with other guys. And this situation will always be a dark mark in your past when you're with her.
Click to expand...

Seconding this. If someone decides a relationship isn't working for them and leaves, the relationship is over. Couple status has ceased. Obligations have ceased. The other person has their own life and emotional well-being to worry about, and can't sit there with their emotions and dating life on hold, twiddling their thumbs while their "ex" comparison shops.
 
ryk said:
It's been a long time since I last came to these forums, and I never thought I'd come back again, but... well... here I am.

My girlfriend just broke up with me. It's been really tough. We'd lived together for pretty much the entire year at college, and just a few nights ago, almost out of nowhere, things happened between us that really shook her up and she decided she didn't want to continue.

I guess there are a few things I want to ask and mention.

First, without her in the room all the time, things have felt really empty and just not like home. It's been bothering me a lot, and I don't know how to deal with it. What can I do to just... live again?

Second, I realize now that by living with her all this time, I haven't been going out to do things, meeting friends, hanging out, getting to know people. I'm not the type that makes friends very easily, or at all (I'm not that socially amazing). By now it's definitely more difficult to do so since it's been a year since everyone's arrived at college (I'm a freshman). I feel the need to get out and see some faces OTHER than hers for once, but I have no idea where to start... And I have no idea if it's even worth it so late in the school year. Where do I start? Any suggestions?

Third, well this is the tricky part... she did come back a few nights ago to spend a small amount of time before leaving again, then asked if I wanted to have lunch with her the next day. She said it didn't feel like home anywhere else, with anyone other than me, which is why she came back... but she insisted that she didn't want to continue, at least for the time being, especially since she's with someone else right now (too sudden? Not really. Her "messing" with someone else had been a big point of friction between us in the last couple of weeks, and I guess she just followed up on that). She told me that we could try again after a few months, if she feels like we can.

I'm just really confused about that. Whether she really means it, or if she's just trying to ease things before she leaves, or if she only felt that way in the moment. Is it worth even having the hope that she might come back, even if it's far into the future or something? I really don't know what to think.

I just don't know what to think or what might help. It's been an awful week for me. I was extremely lonely once, but I somehow eventually crawled myself out of it over the years... now though, it's all coming back to me in a new environment and it's just... scary.
Click to expand...

As for your room, try re-arranging all the furnitures... It might give you a fresh look to your room that might have a different feeling to it... A lotta times, a relationship can lead people into isolation just as well as being alone... When a couple start to do their own thing, they tend to leave out people they used to hang out with... One of my ex & I ended up like that... We pretty much moved away from our previous friends & hung out exclusively by ourselves... Didn't plan it that way, just happened... If you just wanna start out with being around people, how about cafeteria? Take a lotta things you do to cafeteria, like doing home work, reading, just listening to music & stuff... Third, something about making your bed & sleeping in it... She made her choice... Now she's gotta sleep in it... Next time she asks you to hang out with you, tell her you'll have to think about it & you'll get back to her... Get the control over your life back in your hands...
 
Hey thanks, everyone. It's been a rough week, and I appreciate the replies.

Finals are coming up next week, and I just hope I'll be able to focus...
 

Similar threads

SophiaGrace
Looking for Sierra Lynn
Replies
0
Views
197
SophiaGrace
SophiaGrace
U
Is she not really interested in me
Replies
12
Views
681
LonelySgt
LonelySgt
U
A Recent Date
2
Replies
39
Views
1K
homelessincheshire
homelessincheshire
okidoke
  • Locked
I'm at a loss
Replies
6
Views
543
okidoke
okidoke
isthatso
She was
Replies
2
Views
264
Minus
Minus

Latest posts

Back
Top