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Online Relationships versus Real Life Relationships
#1
I am going to give you guys a confession right here and now.

I prefer to talk to someone who is out of state than local. I prefer online/text companionship (I wouldn't go as far to say relationships though) over real life companionship. I think this stems from my super busy life and my inability to give up time for a potential significant other (which I know, very selfish). From November 2013 to February 2014 I gave dating a try. It was disastrous, to say the least. I don't know if dating has just gotten worse over the years. Or if I just fell into a bad pool of men, but it was unlike any dating experiences I ever had (3 guys in a row). So now, I have resorted back to seeking that long distance companionship that I prefer over real human touch....

How about you? And why?
Would it be excessive of me to ask you to save my life twice in a week?
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#2
Online friendships I like very much and I have a few that mean a great deal to me.
Online relationships I don't like at all. My experience is they are fake and not real.
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#3
I think "dating" is a really ridiculous concept tbh. I really can't understand why 2 people who don't even know each other would voluntarily spend any amount of time together in a social setting and then be surprised when it doesn't work. Sort of off topic though...

I've had some internet relationships. 2 of these became real life ones. Online relationships and "real" ones are very similar in the fact that each has its share of + and - points. Each can be great or frustrating. No one to fight with over the bed covers but no one to keep you warm at night. I think online ones are just easy to fall into, especially if you're a good talker/thinker. Plus there's the fact that our circle is not limited to who we see in our small little towns or daily routes to work. Our circle becomes the world, our chances of finding a better match increased significantly. We're much more likely to stumble into it this way, as long as there isn't some constant writer's block going on with you.

Honestly, I'm sick of both types of relationship. But it wont stop me falling into them, should they occur. Perhaps neither is very healthy for me. Online ones give me more excuse to sit at the computer in all my free time and be antisocial, real life ones leave me a suicidal wreck for years after they fail. But I think I prefer the real ones. Being able to actually show each other the places in the photographs, to feel the same weather, smell the same smells, to be able to just shove your head down there and eat it without having to type or hold a phone to your head and talk about how much you want to do so.
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#4
(05-13-2014, 05:38 AM)Triple Bogey Wrote: Online relationships I don't like at all. My experience is they are fake and not real.

My experience is that it doesn't matter online or offline. But I'm pretty sure I'm unluckier than most.
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#5
(05-13-2014, 05:13 AM)RockerChick Wrote: So now, I have resorted back to seeking that long distance companionship that I prefer over real human touch....

I have never craved online friendships more than offline ones, which is why I dumped Facebook. I want more meaningful offline relationships, and that would include the dating kind. I still cherish my online friends, of course, but my priority is cultivating more offline companions in the hope that I can once again have the real-life, monogamous, intimate relationship I desire.

Why do you think you prefer online relationships over offline ones? Also, why the emphasis on "out of state" companions? Is this because you wouldn't want to meet them in real life? I'm curious.
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#6
(05-13-2014, 05:59 AM)Case Wrote: Why do you think you prefer online relationships over offline ones? Also, why the emphasis on "out of state" companions? Is this because you wouldn't want to meet them in real life? I'm curious.

I am an incredibly social person. And the oldest of 5 children. I have a large circle of friends and my family is very close. I have an incredible backing of support when needed, from family to friends to old military buddies to high school friends that I haven't seen in 15 years! Honestly, human emotion is completely existent in my life. I couldn't be alone in this world, even if I tried. With that being said, honestly Case, I go 100 mph until I hit the bed. Full time job, single mom, kid sports, I play tennis, cooking, cleaning, working out... (I could go on and on but I think you get the drift). When there is someone on the other side of my messenger that I barely have the time for but will make the time.... that "quiet" conversation is nice. And relaxing. And open. I feel like people feel more free when hiding behind a computer so communication is a lot more vivid and a lot less awkward. I like that. You know, I would want to meet in real life. But for me, it's more meaningful when there is enough distance that we actually not only get to know each other, but have a crazy amount of desire to see one another.

For example, when I meet locals through a dating website, they want to meet RIGHT NOW!!! When I meet someone online who is not local (through dating website or forums), there is conversation. There is getting to know them. There is a forced desire to want to know about that person's day and looking forward to the end of the day when you get to find out.

I'm sure it sounds silly. Really I'm not even sure if I am rationalizing it appropriately. But I am willing to travel. And travel to me is very much a part of the fun of it.
Would it be excessive of me to ask you to save my life twice in a week?
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#7
I can understand the busy lifestyle scenario. But I'll share my experiences with both: -

Real Life: - I found a person who was just perfect (in my view, was with her for 5 years) and nothing could compare to the experience, we had to brake up a few months before our wedding as her family disowned her (as they hated me for not being a christian) so things came to a depressing end. There was no hate or arguing involved between us, we were both pretty placid, so all I can say is I am happy to have met and been in a relationship with her and I only wish she can be happy. (and yes It took a couple of years to get over... mostly xD)

Online: - Well this is a rough topic, never had an online relationship but I've had strange experiences, When I was younger I used to game, a lot. I played a lot of WoW (my younger brother begged me to play it when it came out and he later got bored and I continued) and not to bore anyone but went into 'hardcore-gaming'. A person I used to raid with regularly had a bit of a thing for me (I was 14 at this point and she was 38). It went on from there to an internet stalking, emailing me lets call it 'stuff', and so on (It got to the point where I made a facebook account when I was 17/18, years after I had no contact with her, and she continued to stalk me (Deleted my FB account days later)). To me, Internet relationships are either strange (from my experience) or if both parties were 'normal' it rarely lasts from what I hear. Online Friends however, totally works! Big Grin

I don't game or socialize much anymore, I just work eat and sleep. So I can fully understand and appreciated an online friendship, whether it can go as far to covering companionship is debatable :3
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#8
(05-13-2014, 06:11 AM)RockerChick Wrote: When there is someone on the other side of my messenger that I barely have the time for but will make the time.... that "quiet" conversation is nice. And relaxing. And open. I feel like people feel more free when hiding behind a computer so communication is a lot more vivid and a lot less awkward. I like that. You know, I would want to meet in real life. But for me, it's more meaningful when there is enough distance that we actually not only get to know each other, but have a crazy amount of desire to see one another.

Your life is a 180 degree shift from mine, as I don't have anywhere near the kind of support you have in your life. But I can see why a non-committal, informal online chat can be a nice respite from the day's 100mph hectic schedule.

I was just curious because I've never seen anyone prefer online chats to a F2F meeting. I understand the fact that online chats slow things down by circumstance. And if that's the preference, it's a good solution.

I am starting to understand more about what is best for me with respect to dating. I need to know a person long before the intimacy is even an issue. I need to be intrigued by her, interested in her ideas and feelings, there needs to be some common likes and dislikes, and only after I've felt a rapport between us and a sense of connection does that intimate pull toward infatuation and love even occur to me.

I don't know. Maybe I should reassess how I meet people. Your way might be better for me, as well.
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#9
(05-13-2014, 06:58 AM)Case Wrote: I am starting to understand more about what is best for me with respect to dating. I need to know a person long before the intimacy is even an issue. I need to be intrigued by her, interested in her ideas and feelings, there needs to be some common likes and dislikes, and only after I've felt a rapport between us and a sense of connection does that intimate pull toward infatuation and love even occur to me.

Case, this is it exactly. And every time I have a first F2F date, I am put in the awkward "let's go back to my place and have sex" position. I hate it but probably for reasons that you are not thinking. I am not a prude. I've never had a bad sexual experience. Nothing like that. I am in my prime and I do love sex. But at this point in my life I would just love to connect with someone on an emotional level. I've dated guys from the age of 25 to 48. Honestly, there is not much of a difference on a dating level between those ages. Hell, I would venture to say younger guys are less physically demanding. But I don't want to date young guys.

I guess I am using the internet to cope with my desire to have an emotional bond that I don't carry in real life, and not for a lack of trying.

There is so many webs to this, now that I am thinking on it, and reading what everyone else is writing and asking. It's hard to put on screen what I am thinking in my head.
Would it be excessive of me to ask you to save my life twice in a week?
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#10
(05-13-2014, 08:32 AM)RockerChick Wrote: And every time I have a first F2F date, I am put in the awkward "let's go back to my place and have sex" position.

Wow. I can honestly say I have never done this. I'm sorry you had to deal with these men. It probably feels like you wasted your time. Kinda like I felt last week with a woman who paid no attention to anything I had to say. It was disappointing, to say the least.

(05-13-2014, 08:32 AM)RockerChick Wrote: I guess I am using the internet to cope with my desire to have an emotional bond that I don't carry in real life, and not for a lack of trying.

This is actually my #1 reason for dating. I have a few really close, important friends, but I miss the closeness of someone I an intimate with, who I know very well and who knows me, and we have each other's backs. To me that closeness and emotional bond is the most important part of finding someone to be intimate with. The sex can always wait.

RC, I really hope you find that connection. I sense a frustration in your post that I have felt before myself but in slightly different circumstances. But you deserve that connection on your terms. If online chats are the way to achieve it, then I hope you find it there.
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