Community rejection

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Boreal

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I'm curious if anyone has ever felt rejected from communities?

I've tried to involve myself with GLBT communities several times throughout my life, and every time I left feeling misunderstood or out of place. I was happily dating the same sex all the way back in freshman year, but the last piece of the puzzle is only now falling into place and I've been facing a lot of internal conflict over how I fit into the world around me.

While I can live with these feelings day-to-day as I try to reach a state of balance, reaching out to others "like me" and having no one understand only makes things worse and causes me to worry that I might actually just be mentally ill (and that the non-GLBT friends who are trying to help me are doing something akin to enabling psychosis).

I'll admit I've been kind of depressed... and I really don't know where to turn when "my people" haven't been supportive.
 
Hi, Boreal :)

I can only surmise that one of the reasons some of us are here on this site is because we feel left out, forgotten, unwanted, etc. Regardless of the reasons for everybody, I think we all have in common the conclusion that we have nobody close to confide in and share our hearts with (if I haven't spoken for everybody, I apologize. That is just the impression I get from reading through a variety of posts here.)

I hope that you can feel safe and accepted here no matter what you want to share. Regardless if anybody here is "like you" (maybe there are, I don't know) we can still understand the internal conflicts and out of place feelings.

I also hope in time you can find a person or community of persons with whom you can identify and connect with in person. Keep looking while in the meantime doing some soul searching to find out better what makes you who you are and how you might fit in to the world around you. Maybe some here can help you with your search while you continue to participate in this community.

In answer to your initial query, I haven't felt rejected by communities so much as I rejected communities because I felt like I didn't fit in. The other people didn't reject me, they were nice enough; I rejected myself from being among them. You see, I have my own searching to do. ;)
 
mónos said:
Hi, Boreal :)

I can only surmise that one of the reasons some of us are here on this site is because we feel left out, forgotten, unwanted, etc. Regardless of the reasons for everybody, I think we all have in common the conclusion that we have nobody close to confide in and share our hearts with (if I haven't spoken for everybody, I apologize. That is just the impression I get from reading through a variety of posts here.)

I hope that you can feel safe and accepted here no matter what you want to share. Regardless if anybody here is "like you" (maybe there are, I don't know) we can still understand the internal conflicts and out of place feelings.

I also hope in time you can find a person or community of persons with whom you can identify and connect with in person. Keep looking while in the meantime doing some soul searching to find out better what makes you who you are and how you might fit in to the world around you. Maybe some here can help you with your search while you continue to participate in this community.

In answer to your initial query, I haven't felt rejected by communities so much as I rejected communities because I felt like I didn't fit in. The other people didn't reject me, they were nice enough; I rejected myself from being among them. You see, I have my own searching to do. ;)

I don't think that describes everyone, but it does seem to be the norm around here. I have a couple close friends, but I'm mostly lonely for a sense of wider community and belonging because I'm not a conventionally social person. When I was growing up I was part of communities for gaming or music, but I'm not involved in those anymore. I keep thinking that it would make me feel like part of the world around me instead of like a chess piece on a Monopoly board, but I'm always finding out that I don't belong in communities like GLBT.

I know who I am... I just can't manifest that in the world, either because the world outright rejects it or because I don't quite know how to do it yet. :p

I do think that there's a shadow self or selves that exists in people consisting of what they actively repress in themselves or fear becoming, and that I've been encountering that. I had dreams of talking to old men and women in my dreams about how to live with my own monsters, and I've had a lot of resulting changes in my perspective about my own negatives. I'm still a chess piece on a Monopoly board, I just upgraded from pawn.

I might have a place with other outcasts who aren't shown love by the communities they turn to for help, because that's worked out well in the past. I think I spent 6 years in one community without ever meeting anyone like me except one of my close friends, and he spent years searching himself and only met me before giving up and leaving. On a less personal level, there are probably many people who wind up feeling left behind.

One of my favorite quotes right now comes from Cracked.com...

Coming out publicly is a great way to break free from a box that has dictated what behavior is "acceptable" since birth. But as soon as you join the gay community, they're immediately like, "Here's your new box!" It might be a snappy shade of purple and have sharp sequins, but it's still a goddamn box. Let me out.
 
Hi, Boreal. Unfortunately, I've never been a joiner, so communities aren't really my thing. Any time I have attempted to join a group, I've felt like a square peg in a round hole. So, if anything, I've typically rejected the communities myself. I've only felt rejection from individuals and small groups, but nothing as large as you are talking about.
 
I'm a little weird when it comes to this sort of thing. There's a part of me that relishes being the center of attention and hanging out with a group of friends. Then there's the anti-social part of me that doesn't care and just wants to be left alone for long periods of time. This is probably one reason why I'm mentally kind of a mess these days. :(
 
Boreal said:
I'm curious if anyone has ever felt rejected from communities?

I've tried to involve myself with GLBT communities several times throughout my life, and every time I left feeling misunderstood or out of place. I was happily dating the same sex all the way back in freshman year, but the last piece of the puzzle is only now falling into place and I've been facing a lot of internal conflict over how I fit into the world around me.

While I can live with these feelings day-to-day as I try to reach a state of balance, reaching out to others "like me" and having no one understand only makes things worse and causes me to worry that I might actually just be mentally ill (and that the non-GLBT friends who are trying to help me are doing something akin to enabling psychosis).

I'll admit I've been kind of depressed... and I really don't know where to turn when "my people" haven't been supportive.

May I ask why exactly you feel rejected or, what does the community do, as a whole, that is rejecting you? I am involved in the LGBT community and it is a very clicky community, but as a whole, I'm unclear what you mean...
 
RockerChick said:
Boreal said:
I'm curious if anyone has ever felt rejected from communities?

I've tried to involve myself with GLBT communities several times throughout my life, and every time I left feeling misunderstood or out of place. I was happily dating the same sex all the way back in freshman year, but the last piece of the puzzle is only now falling into place and I've been facing a lot of internal conflict over how I fit into the world around me.

While I can live with these feelings day-to-day as I try to reach a state of balance, reaching out to others "like me" and having no one understand only makes things worse and causes me to worry that I might actually just be mentally ill (and that the non-GLBT friends who are trying to help me are doing something akin to enabling psychosis).

I'll admit I've been kind of depressed... and I really don't know where to turn when "my people" haven't been supportive.

May I ask why exactly you feel rejected or, what does the community do, as a whole, that is rejecting you? I am involved in the LGBT community and it is a very clicky community, but as a whole, I'm unclear what you mean...

Because of the rarity of what I identify as, I'm largely invisible unless I'm receiving trivializing "advice" that I can explain in private if needed. Everyone else can swap a number of personal stories on their experiences, but there are few of us and very little available concerning the nitty-gritty (which is why I'm writing a piece on my childhood, teens, and adult years along with the steps I've taken to live a better life).

There are also people who aren't friendly towards "my type", which is non-binary. The time I spent among them actually made me feel worse about myself and less able to live a normal life.
 
I haven't actively tried to involve myself in any community. But I doubt that there's a community in existence that I would not be either outright rejected from, or exist only on the margins of.
 
Speaking of community rejects, does an entire country count? I came to U.S at a fairly young age... That was 30 years ago... Iguess I've become accustom to the way of life here... I went back to my "mother country" & people treated me like a foreigner... I still remember when I came to U.S for the first time & feeling out of place... Even now, I'm not naive enough to believe racism doesn't exist... So there are times when I feel like I'm being rejected by both countries, even my own home country...
 
sk66rc said:
Speaking of community rejects, does an entire country count? I came to U.S at a fairly young age... That was 30 years ago... Iguess I've become accustom to the way of life here... I went back to my "mother country" & people treated me like a foreigner... I still remember when I came to U.S for the first time & feeling out of place... Even now, I'm not naive enough to believe racism doesn't exist... So there are times when I feel like I'm being rejected by both countries, even my own home country...

I saw a documentary about Arabian citizens after 9/11 and how they were treated like crap and discriminated against by Americans, mostly saying "Go back to your country!" and how their home country also treated them like crap, called them Americans and also mostly saying "Go back to your country!"

It was very sad. Most people don't realize that once Americanized, even foreigners are rejected by their own countries.
 
I don't think there's anything wrong with you. LGBT people are just like anyone else, and in my opinion, holding a community for alternate lifestyles is no different than holding a community of any other type. There is going to be the inner clique, the vast majority that is involved but does their own thing, and then the group that feels like outcasts. At the same time, though, there are a lot of closed-minded bastards in the world and I can understand why the community exists for support. If you aren't getting the support and understanding you deserve, the community isn't serving it's purpose.

I'm from a small town originally and I kind of know what community rejection feels like. In a town of 300, people know everything you do and judge it mercilessly. I was always an outcast too. It sucks, and it just made me lose faith in most people.

I'm sorry you feel this way, but I can assure you that sexual preference says nothing about who you are as a person. As a person, you deserve understanding and inclusion, perhaps even more so because of your rejection. There is certainly nothing to back up the idea of you being mentally ill.
 
I would want to know specifically a couple of things that happened. In detail. What was said, done, etc that made you think you were not accepted. When we have details we can help you better.

I am part of the vegan community. I belong there but often I don't feel I belong. That is because I don't drink, have spiritual interests and am not leftist like they are. I know I am not a lone but most do drink, are on the left, and do not like anything spiritual...so it makes you a bit of an outsider.
 
RockerChick said:
sk66rc said:
Speaking of community rejects, does an entire country count? I came to U.S at a fairly young age... That was 30 years ago... Iguess I've become accustom to the way of life here... I went back to my "mother country" & people treated me like a foreigner... I still remember when I came to U.S for the first time & feeling out of place... Even now, I'm not naive enough to believe racism doesn't exist... So there are times when I feel like I'm being rejected by both countries, even my own home country...

I saw a documentary about Arabian citizens after 9/11 and how they were treated like crap and discriminated against by Americans, mostly saying "Go back to your country!" and how their home country also treated them like crap, called them Americans and also mostly saying "Go back to your country!"

It was very sad. Most people don't realize that once Americanized, even foreigners are rejected by their own countries.

I'm sure you're aware of a lot of racial derogatory terms... "Twinky" being one of them... You know, yellow on the outside, white on the inside... Growing up, never realized what that meant till I went out to my own country, lol... When I was a freshman in high school, one of the teacher pulled me aside & introduced me to a new kid in school... He was Korean... Teacher told me to show him around so I did... About 3 month into it, he called me that... I know he said it as a joke & like most of the guys do with their friends, making fun of each other, I took it as that & never thought anything of it... When I went back to Korea, I remembered few snacks I used to eat as a kid... I went into a convenient store & asked the cashier how much something was, she got this look on her face... And the next line out of her mouth was, "Your Korean is pretty good for a foreigner..." I'm sure she meant that as a compliment but I was just floored... I couldn't stop laughing... When I told her I was in fact Korean, she couldn't apologize enough... I told her it was ok but basically that's where it started & the whole time I was there, everybody treated me as such, a foreigner...
 

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