Do you have a fear of being single for the rest of your life?

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Wanderer145

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I have only ever had one serious relationship that lasted a year... and I have never been in the position of seeing someone or having the odd small relationship here and there.

I have begun to think after my 3rd year of being single and, that means not seeing anyone or anything like that as in completely alone, that I may end up single and in my 30s or 40s. It's a horrible fear and I want to make sure that even if I ever got to that place 10 years from now single or something that I'd survive it.

What is it that I place so much importance on another person? I have done so much the last year to be more social to go out and explore and see things not for anyone else but me. Maybe its the solitude which has prevented me from meeting people it might be my inability to keep friends, thats its so ingrained in my life that I don't even know where to begin to meet someone.

I also know its wrong but being in your mid 20s and watching many people you know get engaged when I can't even get a date going here shouldn't be affecting me...but sometimes it does and I don't even want to get married its more of the companionship thing.

So I guess the question is, is it a matter of changing your outlook, attitudes and being more sociable that will change this way of thinking and actually make steps towards resolving this fear? What are your thoughts on the possibility of being single for your whole life?
 
I am in the same boat as you. My best friend is pregnant, and I have two weddings this year to go to of people my age. In reality, I love living alone, and taking care of myself. I will admit seeing everyone else moving on in life (marriage, kids, etc.) makes me think, "Well, what's next for me?" I kinda feel that I am standing still in my life when everyone else is rushing by.

I don't really have a problem with being single. I actually think I could handle it for the rest of my life. Yea, I would have some bad lonely days, but it happens. I would just consume myself in my hobbies and career instead of a relationship with a person. And I could actually do that. It just depends the type of person you are.
 
Nicolelt said:
I am in the same boat as you. My best friend is pregnant, and I have two weddings this year to go to of people my age. In reality, I love living alone, and taking care of myself. I will admit seeing everyone else moving on in life (marriage, kids, etc.) makes me think, "Well, what's next for me?" I kinda feel that I am standing still in my life when everyone else is rushing by.

I don't really have a problem with being single. I actually think I could handle it for the rest of my life. Yea, I would have some bad lonely days, but it happens. I would just consume myself in my hobbies and career instead of a relationship with a person. And I could actually do that. It just depends the type of person you are.

Same here, Nicolelt, although I'm not going to the two weddings. I'll be 26 in September, and although I'm not single, if I was, I'd have no problem with it. Being single doesn't kill people. And I've very much learned how to be happy with myself. I appreciate the little things in life, and after a few years of never really being by myself, I actually really look forward to the alone time I do happen to get.
 
When I originally joined this forum in 2007, that was my fear. It is still my fear and it is only getting worse.

I have only had one serious relationship and it only lasted 6 months... I am age 29. One of the reasons that it has devastated me so much when it ended - other than the way it was ended and the deep love I had for her and her daughter - is that the odds seem to be against me finding another mate who understood, accepted, and loved me. It seemed like my only chance to escape being single and thus loneliness. I failed. I failed hard.

I am sure there is some virtue in being happy enough with oneself that you needn't a partner. That is probably the healthiest, more ideal way of being. It just isn't where I am at this point in life and I am not likely to ever be content being single forever.

I freely admit that I have a need for companionship that is probably not healthy. For much of my life, I hadn't found much motivation to strive, let alone live - except for in a committed relationship. People have remarked that they have never seen me like that - so motivated, so enthusiastic, so strong. The weakness is back.
 
I wonder that myself sometimes. I've been single for a few years and all I see is wide open space in front of me. But it's a fallacy to believe that the way your life is now is precisely the way things will be forever for the rest of your life. If you know exactly how your life will turn out, what is the point of getting out of bed every day?
I'm in my 40s and, yes, you will survive being single, however long that may be. In fact, you can even thrive because you're single, not in spite of it. :)

-Teresa
 
No, I'm not afraid of being single. Not anymore that is.

There was a time when I thought that a relationship was the most important thing in life and the goal everyone should strive after. That was before I ever was in one though. After some experiences I learned valuable lessons about myself and that it might be better to stay alone. For my own safety and the safety of others. I can be quite cruel and stubborn when people start putting pressure on me to fulfill certain expectations of the emotional kind.
 
I worry that I will be alone for the rest of my life. All Ive ever wanted was a family of my own, a boyfriend or husband and a couple of kids. I see all the people I went to school with getting married and starting families and it makes me sad thinking I might never have that. Ive been single for a long time and I cant see that changing any time soon.
 
I think its very normal to feel fear about being single. And the reality is that it will be difficult to try and remain positive about being single. Even if we ignore social pressure, most of us do want companionship and intimacy. And it can be scary to think about dying alone.

For me, I try to remind myself that most people don't get what they want or need in life so if being single is the worst thing that happens to me, then I'm OK with that. What would be worse is if I let that stop me from living a full life. I didn't always think this way, but I feel like it is helping with the loneliness now that I am =)
 
I consider it likely to happen, so i try to work on being able to live normally without a partner. To this day it still scares the honeysuckle out of me, but i know that such thoughts should be eliminated. There's more to life etc.
 
To the young people: you really cannot know how it goes, if you put yourself out there it is much more possible that you won't be single.

As all the fearful things, when it happens it's not so bad as one expects, and in any case 40 is the new 30 :p
 
I am 40 years old and I am single and I am definitely afraid of being single for the rest of my life and I don't want to be. I'm lonely enough based on the fact that I live alone and spend much of my time alone. You are in your 20s, you have an advantage over someone who is older. And if you want to find love and companionship you can find it if you actively pursue it. You have to put yourself out there and meet as many people as possible, along the way you can have a social life and friendships which can help ease loneliness until you find love. I am not going to give up. I know that being alone for the rest of my life without love, companionship and intimacy is not a life I can accept so I have to pursue it. I have not been single my whole life. I have been in relationships before, including a long term relationship that ended after 11 and a half years. My advice to you while you are young is to choose your partner carefully. Stay single until you find the right person. If you spend too many years with the wrong person, then age and become single again, then it does get harder as you get older. Well for women anyway. Not so much for men. I don't even want kids but I still have to compete with women younger than me who are of reproductive age and therefore naturally more sexually appealing to the opposite sex. If this fate does happen to you and you shouldn't worry about it in your 20s, then find relationships in the form of friendships and spend as much time with your family as you can. Human beings are not meant to be completely alone.
 
Peaches said:
To the young people: you really cannot know how it goes, if you put yourself out there it is much more possible that you won't be single.

As all the fearful things, when it happens it's not so bad as one expects, and in any case 40 is the new 30 :p

Love this :cool:
 
VanillaCreme said:
Nicolelt said:
I am in the same boat as you. My best friend is pregnant, and I have two weddings this year to go to of people my age. In reality, I love living alone, and taking care of myself. I will admit seeing everyone else moving on in life (marriage, kids, etc.) makes me think, "Well, what's next for me?" I kinda feel that I am standing still in my life when everyone else is rushing by.

I don't really have a problem with being single. I actually think I could handle it for the rest of my life. Yea, I would have some bad lonely days, but it happens. I would just consume myself in my hobbies and career instead of a relationship with a person. And I could actually do that. It just depends the type of person you are.

Same here, Nicolelt, although I'm not going to the two weddings. I'll be 26 in September, and although I'm not single, if I was, I'd have no problem with it. Being single doesn't kill people. And I've very much learned how to be happy with myself. I appreciate the little things in life, and after a few years of never really being by myself, I actually really look forward to the alone time I do happen to get.

That bolded part caught my attention. It seems to me that it's one of the biggest issues with human beings. We want it, but we don't (or in another words, we want the best of both worlds). Take employment for example. If you're unemployed (Or like a stay at home wife) then you wish you had a job, you miss working. When you have a job, you don't want to work, you miss your days off.

But if we were to look it that way.. do we really "miss" it? To miss it is to say we still hold it with [high importance] right? We want to work, but we don't want to work. We want a relationship (or friends) because we don't want to be alone, but we want to be alone. We all want many things in life, once we get it, we don't want it anymore. Once we don't have it anymore (lose it, gave it up, or whatever the reason) we want it again.

--

As for being single. Nothing hurts more than having no one to really think you matter. There are gaps in all of us that can only be filled by a partner. The fear is natural.
 
I haven't had a relationship so far in my life. But with being 22 I guess it isn't too late to get started with this.
But yes, I am actually afraid of being single for the rest of your life.

Somehow I can't really imagine myself being in a relationship in the future.
 
I am 46 now. I will probably be single all my life which is disappointing but not the end of the world.
Am I going to meet somebody now after all these years ?
Will they put up with me ?
Can any woman look at me and feel anything ?
Not sure, I will surprized if I suddenly meet a nice woman and everything goes really well.
 
I worry about being single forever too. I'm 27, and will be 28 this year. I know there are certain things I need to do in order to make me more interesting and appealing, but that's only half the battle. There's just no one I like around here, no one who stands out to me physically, no one who shares my interests, no memorable conversations, whole lotta nada. My friends host parties sometimes, and sometimes there are girls there. But it's never anyone who makes any kind of impression on me. I try to stay optimistic because being negative has never helped me, but I just don't know.
 
I'm not afraid. I've been in relationships before. Some good and some not so good. So, I have the ability to maintain a relationship if I want it and if the right person comes by. I try not to pressure myself into finding someone or setting unrealistic goals about having a relationship. It happens if it happens, and until that time, I will try to enjoy the life I have with the few friends I have.
 
To those saying we're young or we have an advantage it's really not that simple sure if you put yourself out there and grow wider social circles you will meet more people and the likelihood of meeting a potential partner increases too. However the competition is so fierce and not many people I know are actually single or if they are they're doing a good job of not saying anything about it or are enjoying the brief moments of intimacy whether thats a small relationship or even just casual sex they have something in between singledom that allows them to accept it. What if you just don't have that?

Also to those saying they're not afraid too much of it is it because you've had a number of relationships before to look back on that have made you realise that being single is not such a bad thing? I'm not saying it is bad as it opens up so many doors and freedoms you can't have while in a relationship, but as time goes on and you don't meet anyone you start to think well what should I be doing? After time it does get to you and you want to change it because time just seems at a standstill and its so easy to fall into a cycle of not getting anywhere with people. I know its happening to me right now.
 
i am currently in the only relationship worth living for because i was suicide and drank heavily until not too long ago. I guess it took around 40 years for me to think me being loved by another human was even possible. I never understood other people. They were nothing but drinking buddies to me for all my life.
 

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