This is long, but at least I've organized it, apologies!
Part I: I love my parents
I feel like I turn people away from me because my decisions are always based on my parents. Most people at my age are concerned with moving out and living their own lives; they are finished with their post-secondary education. Whenever we get together, the ice breaker is always: 'So what are you guys going to do now?' I would love to do camping trips, road trips, move to the middle of nowhere, move to another country and work for awhile, but how can I leave my parents? I feel like I am also being professionally disadvantaged because of this.
1) They are too worried about my safety and me running into bad people.
I am quite accident prone and gullible. I understand where their concerns stem from, but I find that I can't go anywhere out of town (or even in town!) because it'll just cause them to be worried and stressed the entire time that I am not home.
2) They'll feel like they've been abandoned.
It has already been vocally expressed that this is something they feared. I had a distant relative to was left in a nursing home and rarely received any contact from her kids and it was all really sad.
3) They are starting to be physically ailing
My parents are working class people who do physical labour and nowadays, I can see that sometimes they have trouble just walking around a grocery store or up the stairs. We don't have any nearby relatives that can help care for my family. Because of the health concerns, the community that I am living in right now is the best community for my parents.
All of my friends have expressed how they are ready to leave. One even stated that their parents need them but they don't care; they are going to live the way they want to. My parents have lived through genocide, carpet bombings, being stranded at sea, starvation... I can't imagine just leaving and living my life for just myself. That just seems wrong.
Part II: Being ignored
Back to that question that comes up at every get-together: 'So what are you guys going to do now?' I answer honestly that I wish I could travel and explore the world, but I can't because of my family. I am incapable of lying even if it is life-or-death, even if it's a rule for a party game.
1) It's no fun hearing about people's difficulties
Of course my blunt answer is social no-no. I may be honest, but I have no tact. Should I learn to lie about my life? No one wants to meet to hear depressing news, everyone has their on struggles to different degrees. It's natural that no one wants to be around me because of this.
I don't like listening to people's life difficulties either. However, I do sit and listen to people when they start talking to me about how they are unhappy with something in their life for hours. Even if I am very tired and need to be alert for the next day and it's late in the night because it can help the other person. Am I wrong to mention my unhappiness? Maybe it's because I am not allowed to go out as much (due to my parents) with them. I certainly can't say that I've let them stay in my home in times of trouble, or go out with them late in the night and enjoy life. I guess am not close enough with anyone for them to care. Recently, someone I barely knew had took his own life, and there was an out-pour of comments about him being missed and loved. This is helpful for the family left behind, but a part of me couldn't help but think, if only people would have shown this kind of simple concern or said 'hello!' before it was too late.
2) Sometimes I am just plain invisible
Whenever I am not with a person one-on-one, I feel like I'm not there. I am the unessential friend. The side character. The auxiliary component.
After sitting quietly waiting for my friends to finish their conversation, I would start to say something. Halfway through my sentence, I would get cut-off. I wait patiently for my turn again but the same thing happens. Whenever I cut someone off unintentionally, I would apologize at the end of my talking and ask them what they were going to say, but this happens rarely the other way around. I even tried to invite someone to a gathering that I thought they would enjoy, but ultimately couldn't because I would never be able to say anything without being cut-off.
I was advised to call out the person who cut me off in the form of a joke to get myself heard. However, it feels even worse to call out a person 8 times before getting noticed because what I wanted to say (eg. a joke, a relevant comment) was ultimately brushed off with a simple "Okay sure." Sometimes I would get to talk, but people would just be texting on their phones.
To Conclude:
I don't think anyone would want me as a friend or partner who is:
1) Overly concerned about my parents that I won't compromise my parent's happiness to suit theirs.
2) Socially awkward, stupidly honest about myself, unable to hold back my negative feelings about myself.
3) Doesn't have any interests other than eating and the internet because I don't understand what to do in life. I enjoy board games, walking, sleeping, taking pictures of scenery and eating and that's about it.
How do I stop wallowing in self-pity?I had always lived life feeling that I didn't need friends, but I've found that I am the happiest when I am with other people face-to-face and having a good time (usually one-on-one). I take solace in knowing that I personally know some people in worse situations, but that doesn't bring happiness.
I was told by someone that if I didn't change that I would be used and stepped on over-and-over again in life. I was told by someone else to be-the-change that I want to see, and what I want to see is people being honest and supporting each other and not abandoning anyone...
Part I: I love my parents
I feel like I turn people away from me because my decisions are always based on my parents. Most people at my age are concerned with moving out and living their own lives; they are finished with their post-secondary education. Whenever we get together, the ice breaker is always: 'So what are you guys going to do now?' I would love to do camping trips, road trips, move to the middle of nowhere, move to another country and work for awhile, but how can I leave my parents? I feel like I am also being professionally disadvantaged because of this.
1) They are too worried about my safety and me running into bad people.
I am quite accident prone and gullible. I understand where their concerns stem from, but I find that I can't go anywhere out of town (or even in town!) because it'll just cause them to be worried and stressed the entire time that I am not home.
2) They'll feel like they've been abandoned.
It has already been vocally expressed that this is something they feared. I had a distant relative to was left in a nursing home and rarely received any contact from her kids and it was all really sad.
3) They are starting to be physically ailing
My parents are working class people who do physical labour and nowadays, I can see that sometimes they have trouble just walking around a grocery store or up the stairs. We don't have any nearby relatives that can help care for my family. Because of the health concerns, the community that I am living in right now is the best community for my parents.
All of my friends have expressed how they are ready to leave. One even stated that their parents need them but they don't care; they are going to live the way they want to. My parents have lived through genocide, carpet bombings, being stranded at sea, starvation... I can't imagine just leaving and living my life for just myself. That just seems wrong.
Part II: Being ignored
Back to that question that comes up at every get-together: 'So what are you guys going to do now?' I answer honestly that I wish I could travel and explore the world, but I can't because of my family. I am incapable of lying even if it is life-or-death, even if it's a rule for a party game.
1) It's no fun hearing about people's difficulties
Of course my blunt answer is social no-no. I may be honest, but I have no tact. Should I learn to lie about my life? No one wants to meet to hear depressing news, everyone has their on struggles to different degrees. It's natural that no one wants to be around me because of this.
I don't like listening to people's life difficulties either. However, I do sit and listen to people when they start talking to me about how they are unhappy with something in their life for hours. Even if I am very tired and need to be alert for the next day and it's late in the night because it can help the other person. Am I wrong to mention my unhappiness? Maybe it's because I am not allowed to go out as much (due to my parents) with them. I certainly can't say that I've let them stay in my home in times of trouble, or go out with them late in the night and enjoy life. I guess am not close enough with anyone for them to care. Recently, someone I barely knew had took his own life, and there was an out-pour of comments about him being missed and loved. This is helpful for the family left behind, but a part of me couldn't help but think, if only people would have shown this kind of simple concern or said 'hello!' before it was too late.
2) Sometimes I am just plain invisible
Whenever I am not with a person one-on-one, I feel like I'm not there. I am the unessential friend. The side character. The auxiliary component.
After sitting quietly waiting for my friends to finish their conversation, I would start to say something. Halfway through my sentence, I would get cut-off. I wait patiently for my turn again but the same thing happens. Whenever I cut someone off unintentionally, I would apologize at the end of my talking and ask them what they were going to say, but this happens rarely the other way around. I even tried to invite someone to a gathering that I thought they would enjoy, but ultimately couldn't because I would never be able to say anything without being cut-off.
I was advised to call out the person who cut me off in the form of a joke to get myself heard. However, it feels even worse to call out a person 8 times before getting noticed because what I wanted to say (eg. a joke, a relevant comment) was ultimately brushed off with a simple "Okay sure." Sometimes I would get to talk, but people would just be texting on their phones.
To Conclude:
I don't think anyone would want me as a friend or partner who is:
1) Overly concerned about my parents that I won't compromise my parent's happiness to suit theirs.
2) Socially awkward, stupidly honest about myself, unable to hold back my negative feelings about myself.
3) Doesn't have any interests other than eating and the internet because I don't understand what to do in life. I enjoy board games, walking, sleeping, taking pictures of scenery and eating and that's about it.
How do I stop wallowing in self-pity?I had always lived life feeling that I didn't need friends, but I've found that I am the happiest when I am with other people face-to-face and having a good time (usually one-on-one). I take solace in knowing that I personally know some people in worse situations, but that doesn't bring happiness.
I was told by someone that if I didn't change that I would be used and stepped on over-and-over again in life. I was told by someone else to be-the-change that I want to see, and what I want to see is people being honest and supporting each other and not abandoning anyone...