Hey all, new here :) (probably a novel)

I'm sure hoping this is an open minded bunch I promise you all, I have a good heart..... just my thought processes are often somewhere out in left field. LOL

So I saw the post that asked, "Do you fear you will be alone forever" ?
Uh... well, it's almost more of an assurance, than a fear.

And here's the kicker, I actually know the 93 problems that cause this.... okay, maybe fewer, but BIGGER problems. We will get to that.

I'll be 50 years old in a couple months. I've had ADHD my whole life... so, before they even coined the term ADHD.

Also, OCD.... and yes, I do some of the stuff like check the door lock 5 X's, and still not sure, but for me it's more often where, I get something crazy stuck in my head, and I just throw the whole rest of my life out the window, putting ridiculous time and effort into that one thing. I've done it with fishing. Photography. And now, health and fitness. Needless to say, every time I've ever done this, I super excelled at that one thing.... while the whole rest of my life went on stand bye.

Ah.... my hand / eye coordination situation Such a freaking HUGE source of frustration in my life. Ya' see, I was born STRONGLY left handed.... but my old school parents thought life would be easier if I were right handed, so they, with the help of my teachers, proceeded to completely whack out my hand eye coordination, by forcing me to use my right hand.
As a kid, I was tormented relentlessly for being dead last, out of how ever many hundreds of kids in the school played sports. Couldn't throw, kick, or hit a ball to save my life. To this day, competitive sports give me a sick feeling.
I absolutely could NEVER learn to use a smart phone, texting, tweeting, and all that BS.... Heck, after using a PC for like 18 years, I still one finger peck it... So yes, this post will probably take me an hour and a half ! Ridiculous, right ?
I can't write... only print... and it looks like a second grader wrote it.
I literally get stuck, and have to fight my way through it, every time I sign my own name.

I've had the same menial job for 18 yrs, and can never retire from it. It's truly a dead end, and I'm so worn into that trench, its almost impossible to see a way out. Yet completely beyond burnt out.

But now hold on for a second.... while all of this ^ is absolutely true...
by this point, you might find it surprising that I scored 151, on a legit 200 question IQ test a few years ago. I have 4 years of College, with a 3.8 GPA
I can strike up a great conversation with a stranger, and I think most times they walk away thinking, "Wow, he seemed like a cool guy that really has his honeysuckle together" Ha ! I sure fool em' LOL If they only had an inkling of how eff'ed up I am !

But I mean, come on... what are you supposed to say, "Hey , how's it going ? My life is a psychological train wreck" How about you ? LOL
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Looks. LOL Ya' know what's funny to me ? I give myself about a 4... maybe 5 on a good day, when smiling. Or 2 or 3, if I just got up for work. Yet, I don't consider looks to be anywhere near one of my biggest problems.
I think their are a whole bunch of guys out there, 6 X's as ugly as I am that still "Have a partner" ! So I guess that's not it.
But here's the truth of it; It's not that I look so downright ugly, but rather, I look meaner than honeysuckle, and scary ! Which is so eff'ing misleading.

And the ironic thing about this ^ is, I here so many people saying, "maybe if they could just lose some weight, and tone up a bit.....
Ha ! Yea'. Maybe them. Especially if they are a smaller guy, with a thin or average frame.

But me ? {this really could be a whole other novel, which I will probably post later} In a nutshell, 5 years ago, and for nearly all my life, I took zero care of myself, to the point that, at age 45, my health was a trainwreck... obese, severe IBS, Fibromyalgia, super high BP, cholesterol, etc, etc, etc....

And then one day in late Oct, 09, something clicked in my head, and my OCD took off with health and fitness. I've since lost 140 lbs of fat, and put on... I guess with my legs building lately, 50 lbs of lean muscle ? Anyway, I'm 6ft, 215@10% BF, + bald, and tattooed.

So you know that thing where they say, "You should feel good about yourself, and be proud of your accomplishments" ? Okay... sure I am.
Problem is, all of my new found health and fitness just makes a guy that "already stands out like a big bully, or an axe murderer" just 10 X's worse

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Okay, is all of the above not really insurmountable ?

Then let me go on, with my history of loneliness.
I have had two relationships. One for 4 years (that girl was a violent maniac.... but hot, with a nice body, and I was a stupid 18yo)
The other, I lived with for 7yrs. When she left me, I was devastated, as I KNEW I would be alone the rest of my life. Of course all of my parents, and friends told me what everybody tells everybody in these situations..... "Oh, you will find another girl.... their are plenty of fish.... and all that bull honeysuckle
But I knew better.
So here we are 18 VERY eff'ing LONG years later..... and so uh... when they were telling me all of that ^, how many decades did they mean to say this would take ? I mean, I hate to say it, but so far, it really kind of looks like they were all FOS.

The REAL truth why women are not interested in me, is because women, and men, are attracted to average people. People who blend well with the crowd. And totally NOT an oddball out in left field somewhere... like myself. Maybe a smaller, nicer looking, less intimidating guy.... and totally not a big ass scary gorilla.

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Ahhhh.... but here's the fun one > That wonderful little Herpes Simplex Virus 2. I've had it for 28 years. Hell, 20% of American's have it, more if you include type 1 {cold sores}
Which means, that a good number of members here have it too, whether they have talked about it or not. Heck, its possible to have it, and even spread it, while being completely asymptomatic.

But if you would please, I want you guys to all think about this carefully.....

Does everyone here not agree, that sex with your monogamous partner, should be fun, carefree, stress relief, and basically, just a 100% positive, love bonding thing ?
So ask yourself, how could this possibly happen, if one partner has HSV and the other does not ???
I'm sorry to say, but for myself, the answer is > it could not possibly happen, and I would not let it.
As far as I'm concerned, if my woman and I wanted to have an 8 hr sex marathon > without stinking condemns (which never have fit me worth a $#%$ anyway ) We should be able to > without a care, or concern in the world.

I totally would not care if a woman was "okay" with it.... that's BS. I'm not. End of story.
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So now let me ask you guys, how do you think this might turn out ?

Hypothetically, after 18 years of loneliness beyond belief, I meet this hawt blind girl .... no, I'm sorry.... JK
I meet this hawt little woman, and I'm just like instantly sprung on her, and Holy $#!+ ! She actually acts like she's sprung on me too !
We have all of these things in common, she's fitter than I am (and I hope, much prettier LOL)
It just looks like the match made in heaven.... but all the while, I know the odds of this going past that "talk" are only about 1 in 5. So it's pretty likely it will go like this:
Okay look, please do not try to tell me your okay with this, because that's not important to me. I have HSV, and if you do not, then I'm sorry to have wasted your time, because this can go no farther.
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Now, I want you guys to think about what this ^ would do to a guy who's life hangs just to the right of center, as to whether its worth continuing on, or not ? To have something like this ^ in my hands, and be forced to just throw it away ?

I'm sorry guys, but I just don't think I have this in me

And therein lies the catch.....

I mean, you want me to get hit by an Amtrack ? Just let me get half way attached to a woman who does not have HSV......

Like I tell my friends all the time, I don't expect to be alive another 5 years anyway (in spite of my fitness) as my life hangs by a thread. If I lost my job (the menial job I've done for 18 yrs, and couldn't do much else, if I tried) If I got any kind of hard-core cancer.... Don't worry Doc. I have a cure for that. Prison, ha ! Like I'm not lonely enough already ?
In a nutshell, I still have a few pretty good days, taking fantastic photos, stomping up mountains, working out, etc.....
However I just feel like I'll eventually end up having 1 really bad day, followed by no more loneliness, no more worries, no more nothing. Forever. And I really don't think that will be such a bad thing.

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One more thing; Somebody will probably mention HSV dating sites.
Okay, I tried one of the biggest on the net + I live right in the most populated part of Nor Cal...... and I found NO active members in my area that would work for me (in fact, none in my area period... okay, a couple guys, but I'm straight) . Heck, even spreading out to the whole ef'ing country, I only had one or two women I PM'ed with... and neither one of them said anything like they wish they were here or anything really exciting. Just nice women, being nice.

Then too, remember I can't text, or tweet, or do any of the smart phone stuff.... so that just keeps me all the more socially disconnected.

So this ^ my new friends, is why I believe I will be single for another handful of years, until it's all over.

hi there

I don't know how to address this but I'll try.
What's an almost 50 yo doing here? (no offense) I'm 18 but I guess if were about to turn 50 I'd like to do some more entertaining stuff, half a century doesn't come easy. You must stop thinking about it that way, it's not fair to you and you know it. I pretty much read, skipped few lines, read, skipped few lines but whatever, I'll just address what I saw. First of all, I guess this has to do with age difference, I find stupid that someone as smarter or as dumb as they are don't take care about sexual health. It's one of the most important stuff in the world. Taking care of your body, that's important. It's not about waiting until you're 50 to start taking yoga. It's about understanding what your body needs, and what a 50 yo body needs is a good 5 years planning before you reach 50, i.e., when you were 45. That's it. About relationships, it's NEVER too late. Age are just numbers. Just find whatever makes you happy and let it kill you. Plus, having high IQ or GPA grades doesn't count honeysuckle, it's just numbers. Age doesn't define maturity. What I would advise is: after reading this, take a deep breath, count to ten, look around you, smile then reply to this. Life is a lot more fun than to just sit on your ass complaining. Go out there and get an iPhone. Try doing new stuff. You have nothing to lose.
Welcome. Feel free to pm me anytime to chat about anything, about everything. Alright. Ceasing human interaction. Later

Hey Mountain stomper, just wanna welcome you to the forum. Hope you'll find what you're looking for here.

Drama said:

hi there

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We are all looking for connections. You and I have some similarity. Well yes of course, that's because we are human. IQ's that fit us in the not quite genius category. Smart is good. I can figure out most stuff. I am glad I am not so smart that I am beyond most people. That's good. Those 200 folks have real difficulties. I do feel like I am a little complicated at times.
College was a good pace to be. I wish I had a masters. I love my profession, but it's limited. With the economy a 4 year is overqualified some things and just not enough for others.
Mountain Stomper. I live in the mountains here in So Cal. It limits social opportunities. You like the mountains or actually live in mountains? I mean I am a dog lover, but actually own a cat. That's a long story.
People 50 and over are now the biggest pool of dating singles in America. A lot of men date younger women and men die younger. That women have an even smaller selection to choose from.
I am familiar with attention deficit inattentive and hyperactive. I am a psychology major. I wouldn't be more or less likely to date a person with either or both types (combined).It would be helpful to know, just like knowing you have an allergy. I would consider an allergy before we made dinner plans right? I would consider things that we could do in what kind of environment we could do them in and for how long. And just like any other person I would want there to be something that held both our interest.
I have low thyroid and was told I was a borderline diabetic. I took that to heart. I changed diet, moved to the mountains and lost 100. I also took to heart the education I give clients for mental health Meditation, goal planning, positive environment ( that includes no negative people). I have a better outlook now.
I do wonder if I'll be alone as reality is that single women over 50 are all looking Being pretty enough, smart enough and educated just don't guarantee anything. I can't take that personally. We all want to connect.
I don't see a thing wrong with you.You seem like someone I might like. It is better to be alone that with the wrong person. I do have people in my life, but I still long for that right guy.

Did you spell Mountain Stomper with one p on purpose?

thelonegamer said:

I don't know how to address this but I'll try.
What's an almost 50 yo doing here? (no offense) I'm 18 but I guess if were about to turn 50 I'd like to do some more entertaining stuff, half a century doesn't come easy. You must stop thinking about it that way, it's not fair to you and you know it.

Click to expand...

Funnily enough I was going to ask what an 18 year old kid was doing here? (no offense) I'm 47, when I was 18 I was carefree and irresponsible having a great time and didn't bother questioning or trying to give advice to someone with many more years life experience than me. I probably skipped a few lines of what you wrote and maybe missed something worth considering as it was exceedingly difficult to read your drivel with any degree of seriousness....

WildernessWildChild said:

thelonegamer said:

I don't know how to address this but I'll try.
What's an almost 50 yo doing here? (no offense) I'm 18 but I guess if were about to turn 50 I'd like to do some more entertaining stuff, half a century doesn't come easy. You must stop thinking about it that way, it's not fair to you and you know it.

Click to expand...

Funnily enough I was going to ask what an 18 year old kid was doing here? (no offense) I'm 47, when I was 18 I was carefree and irresponsible having a great time and didn't bother questioning or trying to give advice to someone with many more years life experience than me. I probably skipped a few lines of what you wrote and maybe missed something worth considering as it was exceedingly difficult to read your drivel with any degree of seriousness....

Click to expand...

Ha, mate, the secret is simple: I just don't give a fresia. Whether or not I shouldn't be here giving advice to people older than me or doing what normal people my age do doesn't concern you! Grades don't define intelligence and age don't define maturity. Something people like you ought to know

Welcome to ALL

thelonegamer said:

I don't know how to address this but I'll try.
What's an almost 50 yo doing here? (no offense) I'm 18 but I guess if were about to turn 50 I'd like to do some more entertaining stuff, half a century doesn't come easy. You must stop thinking about it that way, it's not fair to you and you know it. I pretty much read, skipped few lines, read, skipped few lines but whatever, I'll just address what I saw. First of all, I guess this has to do with age difference, I find stupid that someone as smarter or as dumb as they are don't take care about sexual health. It's one of the most important stuff in the world. Taking care of your body, that's important. It's not about waiting until you're 50 to start taking yoga. It's about understanding what your body needs, and what a 50 yo body needs is a good 5 years planning before you reach 50, i.e., when you were 45. That's it. About relationships, it's NEVER too late. Age are just numbers. Just find whatever makes you happy and let it kill you. Plus, having high IQ or GPA grades doesn't count honeysuckle, it's just numbers. Age doesn't define maturity. What I would advise is: after reading this, take a deep breath, count to ten, look around you, smile then reply to this. Life is a lot more fun than to just sit on your ass complaining. Go out there and get an iPhone. Try doing new stuff. You have nothing to lose.
Welcome. Feel free to pm me anytime to chat about anything, about everything. Alright. Ceasing human interaction. Later

Click to expand...

Being 50 means you can't be lonely? Um, who decided that? Everyone has problems, everyone has a reason for being lonely. You don't even have to be alone to be lonely. You don't know the OP, so to tell him he shouldn't be here (or imply it anyway) is just wrong and rude.
And to say you didn't read all of what he wrote...well, maybe you should before you start lecturing people about what they should and should not do....

thelonegamer said:

Ha, mate, the secret is simple: I just don't give a fresia. Whether or not I shouldn't be here giving advice to people older than me or doing what normal people my age do doesn't concern you! Grades don't define intelligence and age don't define maturity. Something people like you ought to know

Click to expand...

'I just don't give a fresia'- hardly an original battle call for a teenager, it's a very overdone cliché....

Welcome Mountain Stomper! I hope you like it here!

WildernessWildChild said:

thelonegamer said:

I don't know how to address this but I'll try.
What's an almost 50 yo doing here? (no offense) I'm 18 but I guess if were about to turn 50 I'd like to do some more entertaining stuff, half a century doesn't come easy. You must stop thinking about it that way, it's not fair to you and you know it.

Click to expand...

Funnily enough I was going to ask what an 18 year old kid was doing here? (no offense) I'm 47, when I was 18 I was carefree and irresponsible having a great time and didn't bother questioning or trying to give advice to someone with many more years life experience than me. I probably skipped a few lines of what you wrote and maybe missed something worth considering as it was exceedingly difficult to read your drivel with any degree of seriousness....

Click to expand...

Seriously,

Ehh..

"What is a 50 year old doing here?"
"Age are just numbers"

You're kinda destroying your own points here, thelonegamer.
Anyhow, I pretty much agree with WWC, although I'm 19 myself.
(but I don't question why people are here..)