obssesion, fear and constant anxiety of loosing my boyfriend.

Hello
I hAve been in a long distance relationship with this guy for over a year, I love him so much and used to constantly obsess about him, and do everything I could to make him happy even when it meant going out of my comfort zone. I used to feel really sad in the beginning because I wasn’t getting the attention I needed. I tried to understand that it was because he was broke, jobless and needed to get his life on track. I found myself analyzing everything including my own words and actions, wondering what I would have done or said to make things better. With some will power I no longer obsess about what his doing like before but it’s still there. Some days I feel strong but most times I feel so scared and insecure that I will lose him to another woman, I have played a significant role in his success, and most times he involves me in whatever he is doing. He is not the perfect boyfriend but he tries. I know he loves me and he has also asked me to marry him. He got a job few weeks ago in an 8 hrs drive state from mine and I was so troubled and scared to death because that place is surrounded by beautiful women. Within few days he got a better job and I was happy, but got scared again when I realised that there were even more beautiful younger girls there. These are the reasons am scared of losing him:
The sex is really good, he make me feel like a woman and I feel like a slave to his sex. It could kill me just knowing he is making love to someone else
I just feel so insecure with myself, am 26 yrs and still in college struggling with a course I no longer want so it seems I look to him to feel up the empty space I feel these days.
Am not pretty and don’t like any part of my body (but am quite intelligent and vast even though I current have a CGPA of 2.18). Am scared he will find someone younger and good looking. He is such a great catch
He is hot, sexy, has a great penis, clean, calm, the kind of guy that commands respect and makes you want to behave yourself. I don’t think I can do better than this.
Am so scared that he will fall in love with someone else which might be easier considering the fact that it’s a long distance relationship. This long distance factor also kills me too. Am so tired of worrying and obsessing about what he is doing when he doesn’t call me or chat with me. He has not called me to day and its driving me off the edge becos I feel like his having fun were he is. I keep letting him affect my mood and emotions. Sometimes I try to get him jealous about other guys that are interested in me and it makes me feel good when he does. I just don’t want to be like this anymore, he has so much control over me. I have not heard from him today and its driving me of the edge because I feel like he is having fun. I know you are going to say I should work on finding happiness within me but how can I? My career path I used to look up to now seems blur and am no more happy about it, age is no more on my side to take a step back and fix the things I am not happy about, (as a Nigerian,, the society already sees me as a matured woman) I don’t even know what I want anymore, I don’t feel a sense of direction, I hate my body and skin. Am not pretty, nothing excites anymore I don’t even know what I am passionate about so you tell me how I can be happy. I am such a mess! Currently I am writing exams but things are not going the way I hoped. And am scared to death I might fail. He was always said my academics are the most important thing in our relationship and I should sit up and work on my grades. I cry almost everyday, am not happy with my life.

To add a few things. I Got sick one time and he was meant to come but could because sometin happened at work which could make him lose his job if he was not there. I Got upset that he couldn't come, he tried to reassure me constantly that he wanted to but his hands were tied. But I made it hard for him and he said I was putting him under pressure and not being supportive. He also said he loved me and was doing his best to fight temptations. He confirmed that there were beautiful girls where he was but I should be scared and that if I continue I might be putting him to test.

This obsession and focus on him will destroy who you are, what you should become and eventually your relationship.

It doesn't sound healthy.

You need to think more about yourself, what you are going to do with your life and, as they, say 'you need to get out a bit more.'

Work on YOU, your self-esteem, fear of abandonment. All of it.

If he loves you, it's time for him to help you. . . If you love him its time to help yourself, as well.

Well there is beautiful women everywhere! If he really loves you he will not betray you and seeing as you are in a long distance relationship I'm assuming he loves you LOADS because LDRs are much harder to maintain than normal relationships in my opinion.

I don't think he spends most of his time thinking "there's handsome men everywhere!! what do I do?" - he trusts you and you should too.

Just trust in him and work on yourself.Too much of anything is bad,too much obsession is worse.You're destroying yourself and scaring him away,if things go on like this it will destroy your relationship.Everytime you bring this up you're actually driving him to do what you DON'T want him to do.

"He has not called me to day and its driving me off the edge becos I feel like his having fun were he is." So what? Let him have fun and have some ''guy time'' if he needs to.You should realize he,like everyone,needs time for himself and he cannot focus his attention to you every second of every day.He has his own life and (SO SHOULD YOU) the fact that you're in an LDR makes it harder to maintain.

Maybe not all of your life is terrible and there is something that can drive you to be better.Something OTHER than your boyfriend.Find it.

He obviously thinks of you and your future and cares for you.You should do the same,making things harder will ONLY push him away.

Find a source of inspiration.All you need is a spark even in the darkest of times.You cannot base your whole life around someone no matter how much you love them or they love you,it's just harmful.Live and let live,you've got a whole life ahead of you.Why waste it crying and worrying about him? He's not worrying and he's not crying and he obviously isn't the kind of person your anxiety makes him up to be?

jaguarundi said:

This obsession and focus on him will destroy who you are, what you should become and eventually your relationship.

It doesn't sound healthy.

You need to think more about yourself, what you are going to do with your life and, as they, say 'you need to get out a bit more.'

Work on YOU, your self-esteem, fear of abandonment. All of it.

If he loves you, it's time for him to help you. . . If you love him its time to help yourself, as well.

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From my own personal experience, exactly what Jag said here. Really.