I recently threatened suicide.

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Red914

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And I meant it more than I admit. My friend called the police, and they had to take me to a hospital so I wouldn't actually do anything to harm myself.

I do believe that I'm alone in the world now. I've met some kind people here, but it's not likely I'll ever meet any of you in person. But I appreciate everything, really.

Don't worry -- this is not another suicide threat. But I'm in huge need of tenderness right now. I do feel like the world is better off without me. I don't have anything to offer anyone. I'm without love.

My heart just literally started aching as I typed the last sentence. I just -- I realized that I have no one. I want to give up, completely. I hurt too deeply, and I just can't take it anymore.

Recently, all the mistakes that I've ever made have come crashing back on me. I've been reminded about what a horrible pollutant I am upon the world. I'll never have any friends that I can hold onto. I'll never have someone who loves me romantically. And my mom, the only person who can help me, may honestly not be around for much longer. I don't know how to talk to her about any of this, and honestly I don't have the energy.

Many of you will read this post and see that I'm being vague. It's very true, but I'm just so out of energy. And I'm so embarrassed about how much of a worthless human being I am. There's nothing left in my heart. Nothing.

And I know I'm being very, very pessimistic. But I do just want to shut myself away from the world. No one would come to visit me anyway. The people who have pretended to be my friends don't actually give a half-ounce of honeysuckle about me.

Anyway -- here I am again. It's a weird experience to be drawn into my world, so I'm sorry for bringing my suffering on all of you like this. But I need to reach out. I don't know how to continue, except that once again this is not a suicide threat, but I want to just drop everything and accept that I'm not going to be happy. I want to just embrace my heartbreak now and just feel the emptiness and cry.

However, hugs are always great. Thanks again.
 
What's so bad about you, really? You don't have to be some super awesome Scientist or Doctor or mega charity event organiser to be on this world. Contributing is great and all, but no one should be forced to do it. Bad attitudes and actions can be changed. I see you feel remorse for some bad decisions/mistakes you may have made, at least you are human then.

I don't know you or what you have done in your life, for better or for worse, but I know where you are right now. I have been there too. It's one of the most genuine feelings I've ever felt.
 
Red914 said:
I do believe that I'm alone in the world now. I've met some kind people here, but it's not likely I'll ever meet any of you in person. But I appreciate everything, really.

I have met many fantastic people online and some of them I know I could never have gotten to where I am without having them in my life. They are all different people and all of them offer me different types of comfort, but they all offer me friendship, understanding and love.
Although I have met up with a few of them, I don't know if I will meet any of the people I've become the closest to. Just knowing they are there and will listen when I need a shoulder is enough to know, that while they can't give me physical comfort, they are there for me and they always will be.
Don't think about not meeting them, that's not the important part. What is important, is knowing that somewhere out in the world, people care about you.


Red914 said:
But I need to reach out. I don't know how to continue, except that once again this is not a suicide threat, but I want to just drop everything and accept that I'm not going to be happy. I want to just embrace my heartbreak now and just feel the emptiness and cry.

However, hugs are always great. Thanks again.


Never accept that you won't ever have something. There are so many possibilities in this world, but the worthwhile ones are not easy to obtain. Accept your present situation, but never give up hope that someday, you will find someone to care for you. I honestly believe there is someone out there for everyone. That person could be right here on ALL...or another forum, or across the street. One thing I do know, is that you will never find what you are looking for if you give up. So, don't give up.
You are reaching out for help here and I know that likely wasn't easy. Cry and grieve what you think you've lost, but don't let it hold you down for too long. When you fall, you have to get back up. When you fail, you have to try again. You have more strength than you realize, we all do.

*hugs*
 
Red, you know I'm here for you and is always here to hear you out and talk to you when you want. I won't say anymore for now - it might not mean much, but really, I'll be here in support all right? *hugs*
 
One part of the mindset of people who are on the ends of suicide is that their consciousness says "I'm missing this, I don't think I can get it, so I want to die". But anything, any feeling, is easier to get than one might think. In this case, you said you're missing tenderness. You can find that.

No one wants you to die, dude. I'm sorry your situation is bad, but let's not start with 'What's so bad about your life?' He's depressed, therefore that's enough. Pain is pain.
 
Hi, I'm glad you didn't go through with it and you are still here. I'm not sure exactly how to help you, but I hope just being here helps and you can PM me if you want. Maybe just having someone listen will help?
 
Red914 said:
And I meant it more than I admit. My friend called the police, and they had to take me to a hospital so I wouldn't actually do anything to harm myself.

I do believe that I'm alone in the world now. I've met some kind people here, but it's not likely I'll ever meet any of you in person. But I appreciate everything, really.

Don't worry -- this is not another suicide threat. But I'm in huge need of tenderness right now. I do feel like the world is better off without me. I don't have anything to offer anyone. I'm without love.

My heart just literally started aching as I typed the last sentence. I just -- I realized that I have no one. I want to give up, completely. I hurt too deeply, and I just can't take it anymore.

Recently, all the mistakes that I've ever made have come crashing back on me. I've been reminded about what a horrible pollutant I am upon the world. I'll never have any friends that I can hold onto. I'll never have someone who loves me romantically. And my mom, the only person who can help me, may honestly not be around for much longer. I don't know how to talk to her about any of this, and honestly I don't have the energy.

Many of you will read this post and see that I'm being vague. It's very true, but I'm just so out of energy. And I'm so embarrassed about how much of a worthless human being I am. There's nothing left in my heart. Nothing.

And I know I'm being very, very pessimistic. But I do just want to shut myself away from the world. No one would come to visit me anyway. The people who have pretended to be my friends don't actually give a half-ounce of honeysuckle about me.

Anyway -- here I am again. It's a weird experience to be drawn into my world, so I'm sorry for bringing my suffering on all of you like this. But I need to reach out. I don't know how to continue, except that once again this is not a suicide threat, but I want to just drop everything and accept that I'm not going to be happy. I want to just embrace my heartbreak now and just feel the emptiness and cry.

However, hugs are always great. Thanks again.

My brother killed himself. He told hospital staff he had no family. He overdosed alone one night in December. I know what that is like when I work with people om mental health. Suicide is tough group to facilitate without personal experience. Wanting to die is not uncommon, but you can not imagine the void left. I have always told clients that if you go the chances of someone who knew you killing themselves goes up dramatically. Christmas was so hard for me.
First of all you won't feel this way forever. Next find a support group.Others who ate safe to talk to and not just professionals. Most important find a support buddy. That can be anyone. Let them know before you are in full blown crisis what they can do for you. What makes you feel best. Can they just sit. Do you do better in a qyiet place or will a car ride be good. Spell it out. Also can they pick up a phone and respond at anytime. Nothing is so horrible as two am thoughts that torture.
I recommend a crisis plan. What happens if you feel a need to go back to hospital. Who will be there and who will hep when you go home again, Write out what you want from which people. Let your doctors know where you want to be. What you can tolerate in the hospital. If there are meds, or therapies that wok or don't work for you. Make it part of an advanced directive.
I also recommend meditation. It is daily exercise. You have to exercise or practice to get good. You will feel calmer and more connected. Clearing the mind takes practice. Meditation for dummies is a good nook to learn.
The four Agreements is another one. It teaches good principles to live by and how you should insist others treat you in a positive way.
One day at a time. Things will be better
 

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