S
silver birch leaves
Guest
Contacted by someone from the forums I'm back again. The last year hasn't been bad. I have no good reasons to complain, but I still have felt somehow lonely and depressed missing old friends. I have a lovely wife, old good but now rather remote friends, some people I can have a small or deeper talk, a job I love and I finally started my nursing training.
Studying nursing doesn't really help. I meet my peers mainly during lectures, and although working often in smaller groups, we are kept apart again during often and long hospital placements. As I commute from quite far and have to work to keep up with bills I don't really see others often and miss the big part of student social life. Would I make use of it is another question, because being in one's thirties changes a lot. Anyway, I sometimes regret I didn't decide to study at my local university.
Also, being a foreigner (Eastern European expat or immigrant) doesn't help either. I don't want to, but in a subtle way I'm often made to feel different, sometimes unwanted. The recent lurking hostility towards immigrants in England and tensions between different groups, although understandable, really hurt. People assume that others come here for obvious economic reasons only, like to take rather than give, and this hurts even more. Things are rarely that easy. I'm fortunate enough and I have never experienced open xenophobia or rasism though. People I meet are extremely polite, nice and hospitable. For many reasons, I can't really imagine better place to live, but while reading newspapers or picking fragments of talks or looks, I do feel like a real alien; a constant reminder that I don't belong here. These are the small things after all but they make me feel even lonlier. I'd felt lonely often before though.
It's a sort of a rant, but I hope I don't sound too bitter. I guess I just need someone to listen and understand; a friend really. Sometimes, it's so so hard to find a place in the world without someone who knows you. But well, had my minute and it's time to get on with this strange life
Studying nursing doesn't really help. I meet my peers mainly during lectures, and although working often in smaller groups, we are kept apart again during often and long hospital placements. As I commute from quite far and have to work to keep up with bills I don't really see others often and miss the big part of student social life. Would I make use of it is another question, because being in one's thirties changes a lot. Anyway, I sometimes regret I didn't decide to study at my local university.
Also, being a foreigner (Eastern European expat or immigrant) doesn't help either. I don't want to, but in a subtle way I'm often made to feel different, sometimes unwanted. The recent lurking hostility towards immigrants in England and tensions between different groups, although understandable, really hurt. People assume that others come here for obvious economic reasons only, like to take rather than give, and this hurts even more. Things are rarely that easy. I'm fortunate enough and I have never experienced open xenophobia or rasism though. People I meet are extremely polite, nice and hospitable. For many reasons, I can't really imagine better place to live, but while reading newspapers or picking fragments of talks or looks, I do feel like a real alien; a constant reminder that I don't belong here. These are the small things after all but they make me feel even lonlier. I'd felt lonely often before though.
It's a sort of a rant, but I hope I don't sound too bitter. I guess I just need someone to listen and understand; a friend really. Sometimes, it's so so hard to find a place in the world without someone who knows you. But well, had my minute and it's time to get on with this strange life