Homage to Chuck Norris

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user 108508

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....just for you, Outcast!


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^ lmao, thanks MissGuided.


- There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

- Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.

- Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it

- Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
 
^You're very welcome....love the first one!

~ Chuck Norris can drive from the passenger seat.
~ Chuck Norris doesn't sweat. He forces the air around him to cry and uses its tears to cool himself.
 
^ The last one is pretty funny :).


- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

- Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
 
I like this one in my mother language, not sure about the proper translation:

When Chuck Norris falls into the water, he does not become wet, the water becomes Chuck Norrised.
 
^ xD

- Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

- Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
 
~ Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.

~ Life insurance premiums are based on how far you live from Chuck Norris.

~ Chuck Norris once played Minecraft, until he beat it.
 
- Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books. The words assemble themselves out of fear.

- Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

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Chuck Norris invented left and right just so he could roundhouse kick people in both directions.
 
- Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
 
I had a dream that I punched Chuck Norris. When I woke up my hand was broken.
 
* Chuck Norris doesn't have a chin under his beard, just another fist.

* Chuck Norris was born on May 6th 1945, Nazi Germany surrended on May 7th 1945. Coincidence!?

* Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number... You answer the wrong phone.

* If you have $5 and Chuck Norris has $5, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

* Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he takes oxygen hostage.
 
~ Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.

~ Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck’s gas tank as a joke….that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

~ Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris….the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.
 
* Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer... Too bad he's never cried.

* Chuck Norris died 10 years ago, the Grim Reaper is just too afraid to tell him.

* Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
 
- Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

- Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret

- Chuck Norris once had an erection while lying face down and struck oil.
 

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