ready to give up

i read over this and this is really scattered, sorry.

i know you will say my age is too young to be ready to give up, or that i am just complaining for no reason etc etc, but i figured i might try and tell someone that would listen.

i am sorry for all the grammar mistakes and spelling etc. i honestly do not care. i wish i did.

i'm 15, and i have no friends. i go to school and sit with people at lunch but i only ever get to say 2-3 words. i look forward to school though because i get to see them. however, they always tell me to just shut up and go away. i consider these my friends because this is the best ive gotten all my life. at least they let me sit with them.

i am extraordinarily lonely. when the people i sit and watch at the table talk, they talk about great lives and all the neat things they've done. i have nothing to say as i feel stupid whenever i say anything and am normally told to shut up. i try and find other people but they won't even let me be near them.

i think part of the problem is my IQ. i have a high IQ and have always made good grades. i have won nearly every competition in school. i like winning them because i get attention. this all changed in the eighth grade when i became aware of what people thought of me. ever since then i have cried every night, and have gone to sleep crying. my grades tanked then because i just didn't care anymore. i just want a social life.

i have 10 numbers in my phonebook. one is someone that is out of my family. i regard her as my best friend. but she rarely talks to me and i am too afraid to talk to her on the phone. i have had a crush on her since the 8th grade too. its the summer now, and i always ask her to hang out but she never wants to hang out with me it seems. i don't know if its just coincidence or not but she always seems to have an excuse. she also says a lot of mean things and calls me a loser and a lowlife. but shes my best friend so i accept it.

i really want a girlfriend. i think this would help me. someone to talk with and hangout with. i see people my age with relationships and my cousin tells me i am a loser because i don't have one (he just married after dating one girl since freshman).

i dont go anywhere and i try and care for myself decently but it is quite saddening to get all dressed up only to get back on the computer and sit there on myspace trying to find someone, anyone to talk to. most people block me or tell me to go away, just like at school.

i have tried making friends outside of school and that didnt work, at all. they responded to me the same way as everyone else. i have tried becoming closer to my family but they even tell me to sit outside while they sit inside. they shun me and i don't get presents for christmas anymore.

i am reluctant to even post this here as over the last year or so i became involved in another online community for a game called day of defeat source. the people there are really my friends even though i only know them by their last names and what they tell me. however, many of them tell me noone likes me.

i really do not understand it. i now have an aversion to talking to people face to face and on the phone. i prefer to type things out over text or over the computer. when i do talk, i say sorry a lot. even on the computer.

i feel like a failure. i have all these hopes and dreams and i know i will never accomplish them.

i want help.

if you need more info or anything let me know. i am sorry if i didnt post enough, i really am.

-jay

Oh You posted plenty.

Not having a GF at 15 or at any age dos not make you a loser and the ppl that are telling you this really in my opinion need to get a life.

You should not take any notice of this ppl. You know if every one around me was saying things like that to me I would say something like, "You know what, that really is quite hurtful and you should be ashamed of yourself" then simply walk away. it might make them realise that it is hurting you. I say this cos I Guss that most of the ppl that say this things to you do it jokingly and don't realise how much it dose hurt you.

I have to tell you a friend would not tell you to shot up. A real friend would always wont to hear what you have to say. School can be hard. I know a few other ppl that are really smart academically and it is a curs for them also. I admire any one that can get high grads at school cos I never did. But I can understand what you mean. Now it well seem important to have a school life and it is important. But when you leave school ppl think differently and its not always one big popularity contest.

Just be your self and when you leave school you well meet new ppl that well not have an opinion on you. I think sometimes ppl change but the ppl around them do not see it cos there so used to a person being a certain way. this normally is ppl that have always known you at school or just for a long time. I think reading fro your post this is maybe whats happened to you.

And for your own sacks don't give up on the school work. You can be smart and popular as well. Not doing so good in the grads well not make you moor popular. Meeting good friendly open minded ppl well. just there not many of them at school normally. Give your self a chance. I mean your 15 so you not got long tell the end of school.

You describe a life where everyone tells you to shut up and go away, or blocks you on the computer. The person you consider to be your best friend calls you a "loser and a lowlife" and has no time for you. Even your family shuns you and your efforts to get closer to them.

That is puzzling because at least from what little i can see from your writing here there is nothing about you that should prompt such a reaction, not that it is ever justified. You come across as a decent person who happens to be hurting. Around that age and somewhat younger, some people are just outright cruel for the heck of it. You seem to know to many of these cruel people.

It sounds like to some degree you are still around people even though you do not have the social life that you would like. Hopefully someone will come into your life that will treat you with the respect that you deserve because i would have to question how good a friend is that would call you a "loser and a lowlife".

stanley said:

i feel like a failure. i have all these hopes and dreams and i know i will never accomplish them.

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While i have no doubt that you may feel like a failure you are not a failure though it is sounding like some of the people around you may have failed you. I have no idea what your hopes and dreams are but unless you had a deadline of accomplishing them before you hit 15, then you still have a shot at accomplishing them.

You family shuns you too? They don't give you presents for christmas? If that's true, that's messed up.

Do you have any idea why people can't stand to be around you? From what you're telling me, it sounds like everywhere you go (including in your own home) people are annoyed and sometimes disgusted by your presence.

This is not hopeless. You just need to figure why everyone can't stand you. Then we can work from there and get this honeysuckle sorted out.

zraskolnikov said:

You family shuns you too? They don't give you presents for christmas? If that's true, that's messed up.

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I think that I would recommend you go and talk to a teacher about all this.

Really your family should love you no matter what.

stanley said:

i'm 15, and i have no friends. i go to school and sit with people at lunch but i only ever get to say 2-3 words. i look forward to school though because i get to see them. however, they always tell me to just shut up and go away. i consider these my friends because this is the best ive gotten all my life. at least they let me sit with them.

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It sounds like you've simply found a group of jerks that just happen to let you sit with them. You'll eventually have to ask yourself whether having "friends" that treat you this way are worth having.

stanley said:

i think part of the problem is my IQ. i have a high IQ and have always made good grades. i have won nearly every competition in school. i like winning them because i get attention. this all changed in the eighth grade when i became aware of what people thought of me. ever since then i have cried every night, and have gone to sleep crying. my grades tanked then because i just didn't care anymore. i just want a social life.

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High school is hard enough, but it's even harder when you're smart. People often feel threatened by anyone that seems smarter than them and many show their disaproval by being a complete dick. It happens everywhere.

Don't let your grades slip just because of other people. If you decide to go to college you'll need those grades. Besides, the atmosphere is different in most universities. Everyone is a little more mature and often appreciate someone with knowledge. In other words, that's where the smart people get their revenge.

stanley said:

i feel like a failure. i have all these hopes and dreams and i know i will never accomplish them.

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I'm sure you'll accomplish some of them at least. Very few people ever accomplish EVERYTHING they want to do in life. I'm not going to tell you to have "faith" or "keep hope alive". Just stick around and do your thing...eventually things change for the better.

stanley said:

i think part of the problem is my IQ. i have a high IQ and have always made good grades. i have won nearly every competition in school. i like winning them because i get attention. this all changed in the eighth grade when i became aware of what people thought of me. ever since then i have cried every night, and have gone to sleep crying. my grades tanked then because i just didn't care anymore. i just want a social life.

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Hey Stanley keep those grades up you never know it could lead to a high paying job, lord knows I'll never earn that much money but just think, those grades are going to pay off one day and the great thing is, is that you earnt every penny

stanley said:

i feel like a failure. i have all these hopes and dreams and i know i will never accomplish them.

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Your only 15 there's many more years to come, keep hoping and dreaming.

I can't believe it, Im really not alone! I've had one friend in like the fifth grade, and now I'm just ignored. I cry myself to sleep every night, and have sliced myself once. I have nobody to turn to, I'm trapped inside my head, and theres no way out. Im slacking off in school because my mind is racing to try and escape, so I can live a normal life. All my confidence was eaten alive by everyone ignoring or picking on me. I just want to put myself out of my misery. But for now, im trying to hang in there.

ok first off good grades doesnt mean high IQ, and if your ready to give up then why post it on some random forum? because your searching for approval and acceptance through unsafe means, and by the sounds of it, the reason you dont have many friends is that your not opening up enough about things that they can relate to,