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Being falsely accused of cheating....how did it make you feel ?
#1
Just came out of a relationship which lasted for 7 years...half way through my ex partner chose to split up with me ( i was 3 months pregnant with our daughter ) and have fun with another woman . Somehow we got back together ( big mistake ) just before our daughter was born. For the next 3 years and a half we had our ups and downs but never thought i ll end up living a nightmare.
A month ago , he decided, i cheat on him...It didn't matter that it was absolutely untrue, and there was no evidence; he has imagined it, so it was totally real to him. So real, that he started to make up all these horrible stories about me.
I have to mention that all these years we were together i was working ( still working ) like a slave ( had times when i was working 6 days out of seven, heavily pregnant or more recently, 55-60 hours per week ) ... I always been the only one who done the housework - cleaning, washing, cooking , baking, ironing, shopping - and looking after our daughter. For a month now, i go through the lowest time of my life...he managed to destroy me emotionally and mentally...kept insisting i have to confess when actually i haven't done anything...i offered him the chance to save our relationship...counselling , lie detector, offered him the chance to check up mobile phone and landline bills, check my iPad, PC, my email, Skype account or Facebook account...His answer was NO...because he knows better...i challenged him to bring me the evidence and he never done it... He pulled me down with false accusations and tried hard to hold my head high and walk past him.It's a damnable thing, but the truth always has a way of coming to the surface...i really hope so...
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#2
From what experienced older folks tell me, when you have a partner suddenly get so suspicious of you it's because they feel guilty about cheating themselves. They want to try to prove that you were cheating too so that they don't have to feel as guilty about what they've done.
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#3
Sorry to hear about your situation. I wish I had some good advice for you. I've never been accused of cheating, but I have several times been falsely accused of trying to steal my friends' boyfriends and ruin their relationships. Many of my friendships with men and women have ended over false accusations, and it still hurts when I think about it. It's caused me to shy from new friendship a bit, but I try not to let the bitterness make me an angry person.
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#4
I'm so, so sorry to read this, Cosmicblue. In an echo to what kamya wrote, your partner is trying to level the playing field. He already cheated, so to even the score, he makes up charges about you. When people have a cheating mentality, they become very distrustful of everyone around them because they fear the very thing they inflicted upon others happening to them. They also think that everyone cheats because it justifies their own bad behavior.

However, I will go one further: Your partner is cheating you a second time. Not via infidelity, (although he may be doing that as well,) but cheating you out of the truth. He is creating a "straw man argument" that you are a cheater, and he's using this argument to denigrate you. It's illogical to those who value truth, but he's not operating under the same ethics as you are. Lying about your fidelity benefits him because he can tell all of his friends that he is not the sole person acting in an undesirable manner. He is stealing your identity, in a way. He's like the tabloid press spreading lies about a celebrity.

The interesting thing is that guilty people never go to the lengths you have offered to go in order to prove your innocence. Usually, guilty people fear a polygraph detecting their lies, or phone records showing unsavory activities, etc. You seem to be going out of your way to show that you are honest.

And guess what? I'll bet you anything that he KNOWS you are honest. He doesn't want you to prove yourself to him because his mission is NOT to know the truth. His mission is to discredit you for his own sake. If he succeeds in doing that, it elevates him in the eyes of your friends, and perhaps, a judge.

I don't know if you two are nearing another split, but if you are, please protect yourself by getting legal advice. You deserve to be represented for the sake of your daughter. If you are not nearing a split, my only suggestion is joint counseling. If he is not in favor of this, I would recommend counseling for yourself to get the tools to survive this difficulty.

Again, I'm very sorry that you're experiencing this. I has a wife who cheated on me specifically to get me to divorce her because she was a drunkard, so I feel I can relate on a certain level to your plight.
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#5
No one should put up with that bullshit. If my guy ever accused me, I'd take the sharpest heel I could find and stick it straight in his asshole. That how I'd feel about it.

I hope your truth does come to surface, and he realizes how stupid he was to not only accuse you, but treat you the way he did. Plain stupidity.
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#6
Hey Cosmic, I'm so sorry to read all that you've been through. You've stayed so strong throughout all of it. Also, I feel you - I've experienced it myself and it just sucks, there's no point trying to get them to prove it cos they won't and there's no way you can prove it to them, even if you can prove it - they just won't and refuse to see it.

I agree with what kamya said. I also think that he was just trying to make it an excuse to leave you.

My dear Cosmic, I honestly think you'd be better off without him. By the sounds of it, he's not really supporting you and your kid. I wish there's more that I can do to lend a helping hand than just words on this forum, it just breaks my heart that you have to carry all that on your own. I hope you're okay though. Please stay strong and talk to us here if it can at least unload some of the burden on your shoulders.

Hope you'll be all right. *hugs*
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#7
I think the others have pretty much summed up my thoughts, so sad you had to go through it when you had done nothing wrongs.

Keep that truth close to your heart and let it give you strength.
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#8
[quote='Edward W' pid='631040' dateline='1404804582']
I think the others have pretty much summed up my thoughts, so sad you had to go through it when you had done nothing wrongs.

Keep that truth close to your heart and let it give you strength.
[/quote]

It is really difficult to keep sane in this situation...and the one who gives me strength is my daughter...she is an amazing child and so understanding for her age ( just 3 years and 7 months old ) .
I just wish i had my family around ... They are very supportive but they live far away.

[quote='ladyforsaken' pid='631037' dateline='1404803422']
Hey Cosmic, I'm so sorry to read all that you've been through. You've stayed so strong throughout all of it. Also, I feel you - I've experienced it myself and it just sucks, there's no point trying to get them to prove it cos they won't and there's no way you can prove it to them, even if you can prove it - they just won't and refuse to see it.

I agree with what kamya said. I also think that he was just trying to make it an excuse to leave you.

My dear Cosmic, I honestly think you'd be better off without him. By the sounds of it, he's not really supporting you and your kid. I wish there's more that I can do to lend a helping hand than just words on this forum, it just breaks my heart that you have to carry all that on your own. I hope you're okay though. Please stay strong and talk to us here if it can at least unload some of the burden on your shoulders.

Hope you'll be all right. *hugs*


I cant figure out why did he make my life a living hell lately.At some point i thought he might be mentally ill. I still believe that, taking into consideration the fact that he said he could hear voices, he knows that i had something to do with our neighbours, tradesmen, men who just simply pass by and look at our window. He even went that far to say that someone forces me into prostitution and that i bring men into the house while i work, having sex with them around our daughter and other children i work with. DISGUSTING. All these years we been together , i worked so much...even more after i had my daughter. Many times i used to fall asleep ( on the floor ) trying to put her to sleep...i was constantly exhausted due to the amount of work i had to deal with, and when i asked him to help me a little bit, he said it doesn't come natural to him to help me. At the end of the day we are not a couple anymore...we share the house at the moment...he says , for ours daughter s sake...i have no idea what the future will bring...
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#9
^ Well the sooner you are apart I'd say the better, for your sake and your daughters, I'm not sure why it is for your daughters sake if he does nothing, how does that actually help?

I am a husband and father and I do my fair share, (I hope! Toungue), today before work I have ironed, washed up and tidied up. It's what most couples living together do, (well I always assumed so).

I hope things imporve soon.
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