jjessea
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- Jun 17, 2014
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I wanted to find out how many people are getting older and have never been able to start or maintain an intimate relationship. The older part is subjective; I just want to know if you feel like the time to make that connection has passed, or is passing you by.
There are people who spend their entire lives alone, without any significant connections, and I want to know why. I suspect that there are many reasons that contribute, and it's different from person to person, but I also suspect that there's one fundamental reason for the isolation, I just don't know what that is.
I know that it's a problem that can encompass both sexes, but IMO I think it's primarily a male problem. I have no evidence or experience to suggest this, it's just my sense of it. I think that women who have problems making connections end up, more often than not, getting into relationships with the wrong sort of men. I'd like to find out whether I'm wrong in this or not.
I suppose I'll start:
I spent most of my young life feeling alienated, and alienating myself from those around me. The connections I did make were those that felt outcast too. We set a little group up, and spent our late teens, early twenty's exploring what was offered outside of society; transiency, crime, drugs. I did not want to be a part of the world, I wanted to be outside of it, or even against it. I did not hate people, I hated myself amongst them. I saw, and still sometimes see, myself apart from them and not like them in any meaningful way.
The counterculture was just another form of belonging, another social structure, and once I saw that I was not really a part of that either, I abandoned it. I did feel close to a few friends that I'd made along the way, but once they were gone, I never made those kind of connections again.
To this day I still keep people at arms length. It's almost compulsive, like I do it as a reflex without thinking about it. I don't join social clubs, I rarely go out, I don't drink, and I don't like to watch sports(I put that in because it's amazing how much of the adult social structure that I'm in contact with socializes around sporting events, even though they're highly educated). It's honestly a few simple steps that I could take that would keep me from being isolated but I refuse to take them. It makes me uncomfortable and for the most part, I would be taking part in activities or events that either I wouldn't enjoy, or would have an ideological aversion to, such as church. I'm also not commonly a very friendly person, I am almost entirely unapproachable.
Despite my chosen behavior(I say chosen, but like I said, I often behave this way as a reflex, without thinking about it), I'm very lonely, and would love to make a connection to someone who's at least somewhat like minded in a few ways. I'm afraid that if I can't change the way I see the rest of the world, and more importantly the way I see myself, I'll end up being alone for the rest of my life.
There are people who spend their entire lives alone, without any significant connections, and I want to know why. I suspect that there are many reasons that contribute, and it's different from person to person, but I also suspect that there's one fundamental reason for the isolation, I just don't know what that is.
I know that it's a problem that can encompass both sexes, but IMO I think it's primarily a male problem. I have no evidence or experience to suggest this, it's just my sense of it. I think that women who have problems making connections end up, more often than not, getting into relationships with the wrong sort of men. I'd like to find out whether I'm wrong in this or not.
I suppose I'll start:
I spent most of my young life feeling alienated, and alienating myself from those around me. The connections I did make were those that felt outcast too. We set a little group up, and spent our late teens, early twenty's exploring what was offered outside of society; transiency, crime, drugs. I did not want to be a part of the world, I wanted to be outside of it, or even against it. I did not hate people, I hated myself amongst them. I saw, and still sometimes see, myself apart from them and not like them in any meaningful way.
The counterculture was just another form of belonging, another social structure, and once I saw that I was not really a part of that either, I abandoned it. I did feel close to a few friends that I'd made along the way, but once they were gone, I never made those kind of connections again.
To this day I still keep people at arms length. It's almost compulsive, like I do it as a reflex without thinking about it. I don't join social clubs, I rarely go out, I don't drink, and I don't like to watch sports(I put that in because it's amazing how much of the adult social structure that I'm in contact with socializes around sporting events, even though they're highly educated). It's honestly a few simple steps that I could take that would keep me from being isolated but I refuse to take them. It makes me uncomfortable and for the most part, I would be taking part in activities or events that either I wouldn't enjoy, or would have an ideological aversion to, such as church. I'm also not commonly a very friendly person, I am almost entirely unapproachable.
Despite my chosen behavior(I say chosen, but like I said, I often behave this way as a reflex, without thinking about it), I'm very lonely, and would love to make a connection to someone who's at least somewhat like minded in a few ways. I'm afraid that if I can't change the way I see the rest of the world, and more importantly the way I see myself, I'll end up being alone for the rest of my life.