Very turned off by on-line dating and even scared of it.

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Alonewith2cats

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I'm on OK Cupid. I don't like it. I want to get off that site. I'll either do it myself or wait for the one who is going to take me off that site by removing me from the singles "market" whichever comes first. I get too many stupid messages from very young men who want to hook up with an older woman. And I'm not flattered. I'm turned off by the fact that it takes so much courage to give total strangers on the internet a chance, and that feeling of "Are you serious? I'm supposed to give out my phone number and accept dates blindly with complete strangers without any trust?" In fact, I feel like a scared rabbit.

While I am aware that there are so many men on OK Cupid for one reason and one reason only, to get laid without a relationship I am also on there for one reason and one reason only but a different one. I'm there in case of the rare possibility that I might be one of the occasional on-line success stories, one of the small percentage of users (I don't know what that is) who actually met someone special on-line. Like my former co-worker, now face book friend who met her husband on OK Cupid and is happily married. But if it is unlikely to happen then I would like to delete my account. I am just afraid that if I do it I'll shrink my dating options to almost zero because it is really hard for me to meet people, as much as I try to put myself out there into the world.

Does anyone have any knowledge about the likelihood of meeting someone special on OK Cupid based on others experiences or if you know people who were successful or had nothing but bad luck or just nothing at all? Is it even worth it for me to stay on there?
 
I think many of those sites are crocks of honeysuckle. OK Cupid, Plenty of Fish... I'll never understand why people actually use them.
 
I don't do online dating, so I suppose you can see that as a plus...

I dunno anything about it, sorry.
 
VanillaCreme said:
I think many of those sites are crocks of honeysuckle. OK Cupid, Plenty of Fish... I'll never understand why people actually use them.

For these reasons:

1. They're free.
2. Some people have trouble meeting people to date off-line.
3. Some people actually do get lucky. I know one person who met her husband on OK Cupid. They make an adorable couple.

I have a friend who doesn't have the money for match.com and she has been on Plenty of Fish for a few years. She is in her 40s and wants to find someone to marry and have kids with before her biological clock runs out. She uses Plenty of Fish to see if she might get lucky. She has met some people and been on some dates, sure. She gets a lot of messages but most of those men just want to have sex with her, they're not relationship minded. She's still single of course.

I am not like her, I don't want to have kids.
 
Well one of my friends met his first girlfriend on a dating site, and they are still together. Been so for about, maybe 8 years now? They are happy. It does happen, but it's rare. But it's kind of like real life there, in the sense that, well, there are real people on these sites, with real brains and desires. I don't think it matters whether people are online or offline - the majority of them wont be right for you.

No one can say the likelihood of it working out for you, but I guess it depends on how happy or unhappy it's making you being on there. Whether or not you can be bothered to wade through the honeysuckle in the hope of finding something sweet. Only you can decide that. Treat it as an option but don't put too much faith into it. It's quite likely not going to give you what you need, but it might.
 
I do online dating but, like yourself, have not had much success with it. If I didn't do it though, I would have no dates. Like with you, it is the possibility, however small, that I might be one of the lucky few (very few) who do meet someone this way and who goes on to a happy relationship and marriage, which keeps me doing online dating.
I don't know if I should say that you should carry on with it or stop, as this is a choice only you can make. Online dating can be demoralising, depressing and heart breaking, but so can being alone. I intend to carry on with it as however hard it is, being alone in the world is even more so. I hope that, if you do carry on, that you are one of the lucky ones who finds someone special.
 
i am also on OKcupid, in 4 years I received a number of sex offers from almost minors, chatted with a few time wasters, had 3 really bad dates (one was only half bad, with this charming new age rainbow-clothed guy who was 20 years older than his declared age, actually that was awesome compared to the others) and several messages of the kind : "hey beautiful, I am visiting your city tomorrow, wanna hook up for a drink, say around 10 pm?" (really, guys, try to be a bit more classy).

Just yesterday I got really pissed off and I declared at length on my profile how I am looking for love etc, I mean, really corny. I assumed that this at least would make the time wasters run. Instead, today: surprise! 7 messages (I receive maybe two or three per week max) and all from time wasters, this means that seeing a chick looking for love makes them really aroused or something.
I still think though that it is like buying the lottery ticket: the chances are really really small but the prize is huge, so it's worthwhile to try.
PS I do know this woman who met her super gorgeous model-looking PhD/scientist husband (who was supershy, that's why he was still available) on OKcupid, they are just expecting their second child, so I have an example there.
 
I have never done online dating. I think though, if I were to, I would pay for the privellage, I reckon it would weed out the free for alls, and a less serious mindset. At least If I were to pay, I would be more serious.

Good luck.
 
The problem with pay sites is that they have automatic subscription renewel, otherwise I would join one today. I had problems when leaving my former ISP-I phoned to say I was cancelling their service, then I got mail from them asking why I hadn't paid and when I called again my message of cancelation hadn't got through. This went on for several months, with my calling them to cancel and them saying 'yes, it's cancelled'; and then writing to ask why I hadn't paid etc etc. Because of this, I decided to avoid any automatic subscription renewal situations as far as possible.
 
Tiina63 said:
The problem with pay sites is that they have automatic subscription renewel, otherwise I would join one today. I had problems when leaving my former ISP-I phoned to say I was cancelling their service, then I got mail from them asking why I hadn't paid and when I called again my message of cancelation hadn't got through. This went on for several months, with my calling them to cancel and them saying 'yes, it's cancelled'; and then writing to ask why I hadn't paid etc etc. Because of this, I decided to avoid any automatic subscription renewal situations as far as possible.

Thats good to know.
Oh God, I bet that did your head in though. sorry Tiina.
I have had that myself with some service providers too.
 
I have mixed feelings. I met someone I really loved and cared for on OKC. While it didn't last, it was mostly a good experience.

On the other hand, I hardly ever get responses to messages so it seems almost pointless. I think part of the problem is that most guys on the site (and in real life really) are only looking for sex or are just creepy in general and that leads to most other guys being dismissed early.

That said, I am not in a position to leave online dating. I don't have social skills. I can be very shy and awkward initially. Until I fix that, I need online dating.
 
Well, a few success stories for you:

My mom met my stepdad online
My dad met my stepmom online
My aunt met my uncle online

I haven't had an luck, and some horror stories and awful messages from guys. I just ignore them and move on. I got on one because I moved to a new area and don't have that opportunity of being either "hooked-up" or meeting people through mutual friends yet. I think people have mix reviews and reactions of online dating. I'm not a fan, but I have a profile, just in case. You never know how might message you.
 
Alonewith2cats said:
I'm on OK Cupid. I don't like it. I want to get off that site. I'll either do it myself or wait for the one who is going to take me off that site by removing me from the singles "market" whichever comes first. I get too many stupid messages from very young men who want to hook up with an older woman. And I'm not flattered. I'm turned off by the fact that it takes so much courage to give total strangers on the internet a chance, and that feeling of "Are you serious? I'm supposed to give out my phone number and accept dates blindly with complete strangers without any trust?" In fact, I feel like a scared rabbit.

While I am aware that there are so many men on OK Cupid for one reason and one reason only, to get laid without a relationship I am also on there for one reason and one reason only but a different one. I'm there in case of the rare possibility that I might be one of the occasional on-line success stories, one of the small percentage of users (I don't know what that is) who actually met someone special on-line. Like my former co-worker, now face book friend who met her husband on OK Cupid and is happily married. But if it is unlikely to happen then I would like to delete my account. I am just afraid that if I do it I'll shrink my dating options to almost zero because it is really hard for me to meet people, as much as I try to put myself out there into the world.

Does anyone have any knowledge about the likelihood of meeting someone special on OK Cupid based on others experiences or if you know people who were successful or had nothing but bad luck or just nothing at all? Is it even worth it for me to stay on there?

Well, I can offer the dude's perspective if that helps. I'm in my mid-20's, and have been using (mostly) OkCupid on-and-off for a few years. Generally, I try to avoid the profiles that have mostly underwear pics of women, since those scream "I have STDs!" to me :D . I won't say that I'm looking for a permanent life-long relationship at this point in my life (too many variables going on right now), I'm also not looking for a hookup either.

You talked about feeling like a scared rabbit, and being nervous about giving out your contact information. I can understand why this would make you nervous, especially if the guy seems a bit 'off' (though that could just be him trying to hard to impress you with humor :p ). I'm curious, at this point, have you only been contacted by the 'crazies'? Have any normal dudes gotten through?
 
Maybe it's worth it to try one of the paid dating sites. Like x-porious said. It's gotta weed out a lot of the crap right?

Will hopefully weed out the people that are just there for attention or just there to message 1000 people with generic crap. The monthly fee would make things seem a little more serious and I'd want to get my value out of it.

Oh...also helps weed out the broke people if that is something you're concerned about.
 
I haven't tried it but I've browsed the sites several times. It's just...disappointing, the sameness of everyone on there. Food, drinks, sports, gym, movies, and that's about it for most people right there. Occasionally you could add guns and mudding to the list as well. And as far as looks go, I haven't found anyone on there who was truly striking. It's just a lot of "meh" inside and out. I've found no one on there who could make me feel alive.
 
I'm on both POF and OKC, and I've connected with some awesome women.
I'd say hang in there, but can understand it's trying for women from what I've heard.
I like to think I'm a decent guy. Bet there are others as well.
Keep at it!
 
TheSkaFish said:
I haven't tried it but I've browsed the sites several times. It's just...disappointing, the sameness of everyone on there. Food, drinks, sports, gym, movies, and that's about it for most people right there. Occasionally you could add guns and mudding to the list as well. And as far as looks go, I haven't found anyone on there who was truly striking. It's just a lot of "meh" inside and out. I've found no one on there who could make me feel alive.

What websites have you checked?
For something like OKCupid, you have to join up and answer questions to find people similar to your tastes.

I see many, many beautiful women - inside and out - in the chicagoland area on OKC. Many. Of course my tastes might be different than yours. I imagine that if you actually filled the profile and answered some questions, you will find some pretty similar ladies. Their algorithm works pretty well.
 
You have to put up a picture for everyone to see, so that means I'm out. No digital, online records of my face please, I don't wanna break the internet.
 
VeganAtheist said:
What websites have you checked?
For something like OKCupid, you have to join up and answer questions to find people similar to your tastes.

I see many, many beautiful women - inside and out - in the chicagoland area on OKC. Many. Of course my tastes might be different than yours. I imagine that if you actually filled the profile and answered some questions, you will find some pretty similar ladies. Their algorithm works pretty well.

I've looked on OKCupid and POF. I haven't ever really made any profiles though, just browsed. Maybe the reason I'm not finding anyone I would like is that I haven't made a profile. I check every now and again just to see who is here, and it's always a bummer.

Taste might also have something to do with it. I don't know what your own tastes are and I don't mean to sound like a jerk but my standards have only increased with time because of the girls I've met on different sites (not the dating sites).

I've also looked at some niche sites based on my interests, and was severely disappointed. Almost everyone there was, well, they looked very unhealthy. It's hard for me to be into someone like that, when I met someone once who was into all of the "nerdy" (don't like using that term, but it gets the point across) things I liked and the not-so-nerdy stuff too, and was actually gorgeous. She could have modeled if she wanted to. And this was someone I was on friendly, speaking terms with after having been on the same forum for years and thought well of the things I said there, not someone who had no idea who I was. And this isn't even the same girl I've been ranting about. I look at the guy who wound up with her and again, I'm thinking...what gives? Why not me too? But I digress. Yea. Haven't found anyone exceptional around here.
 
TheSkaFish said:
I've looked on OKCupid and POF. I haven't ever really made any profiles though, just browsed. Maybe the reason I'm not finding anyone I would like is that I haven't made a profile. I check every now and again just to see who is here, and it's always a bummer.

Without answering OKC's questions and filling out the profile sections, no one will look at your profile and contact you. (Yes, sometimes women will email you, but it's not common.) You also won't know if anyone matches your ideals and values.

In contrast, I have a full profile, but not too long, I have five photos, I've answered over 1300 questions on OKC, so I have a good idea of who is a match and who isn't.

That being said, the last woman I met who had a 99% Match with me was completely incompatible with me as a social creature. We didn't click at all. So, those Match/Enemy numbers are dubious. Use them as a thumbnail, not as a scientific certainty. One friend of mine suggested that I aim for around 75 percent Match score because a 99% means you're trying to date yourself. Maybe she's right. lol

I have a sneaking suspicion that if I had all of my past relationships enter their info into OKC, that the site would claim that none of them were compatible. It's just a gut feeling.


kamya said:
Maybe it's worth it to try one of the paid dating sites. Like x-porious said. It's gotta weed out a lot of the crap right?

Will hopefully weed out the people that are just there for attention or just there to message 1000 people with generic crap. The monthly fee would make things seem a little more serious and I'd want to get my value out of it.

Oh...also helps weed out the broke people if that is something you're concerned about.

I've been on pay sites before, and the downside is that IF you thought OKC and POF have picky people, a pay site makes them even MORE picky because now they are paying for it and they demand a higher quality of match. I found it harder to find a match on a pay site than I ever did on OKC. (I've never actually met anyone off POF.)

That's why real life is great. If I meet someone, and they're not a judgmental person, all they know about me is based on my clothing style, my hair style, what I say, and how I act. With online sites, users are FAR more finicky, I think.
 

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