Self Esteem has gone M.I.A.

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LordofLosers

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im lost, confused and have no idea where my self esteem has gone... oh wait i know, once i hit 40 it went MIA... i knew once i hit 40 my dating days were all over and done... because no woman wants a guy who lives with his mother, has a beat up truck and a income of disability... dont forget a alcoholic and a drug addict to boot... tell me what self respecting lady would want that sort of piece of honeysuckle in their life? NONE, and rightly so.... cause guys like me at my age are worthless... so yea, im going to die alone and probably by a self inflicted injury... i cant take this honeysuckle anymore... going to therapy wont help my cause... it will just make me worse... YES i know this to be true, because i have already been through it for 20 years.... i hate the fact that im not good enough for anyone... because society has brainwashed everyone and told us what is proper to date and what isnt... every time im asked about my personal life is sets me right off... because im sick of these ignorant aholes throwing their wonderful relationships in my face... like they even give a honeysuckle about me... anyways, i know my destiny, to be dead in a ditch somewhere alone... now can anyone relate to that? 100 bucks says, nope...
 
You can send me the 100 via Western Union when you get a chance, thx...
 
jjessea said:
You can send me the 100 via Western Union when you get a chance, thx...

and you call that support huh? what is the deal with this place? do you give a **** or not? typical internet bull...
 
I give a ****, but moreover I'm always up for a bet. Especially one I know I'll win.

Sorry to be a bit of a troll man. I aint got nuthin to live for either, and no hope for my future. I also kinda don't know what to say to you. What you describe sounds pretty bleak, and I feel for ya.

I did meet a man the other day who was just like you 20 years ago. No hope, getting old, and an alcoholic. His mom died when he was 45 leaving him completely isolated and without support. After a suicide attempt he decided to join AA. Once he cleared that out of his life he turned it around. He's still lonely, and still kinda sad, but he seems at peace with it. He hikes the same place I do, that's how I met him. It's mostly families and tourists out there so he peaked my interest, and I introduced myself. He made me sad but kinda hopeful at the same time. You see he seems really balanced, like he's leveled out, and it's admirable.

He'll prolly die alone too, but for now he has peace, the sun in his morning walks, and his dog. It's a good dog.
 
how can being alone feel great? IMO that is the lowest point of anyone's life... so because of the shallow people around the world, us older guys are pretty much screwed... this is why i hate society and never deal with people anymore... because they judge you and its sickening... id rather eat a bullet... but who cares...
 
If you're at that point man I don't know what to tell you. It just doesn't seem bad enough to me to take action like that, but I'm not you. I wish I could help but I can't. Just know that you're not the only one.
 
The sad truth is, the only person that can help you is yourself. Radical change...the kind that reinvents who you are at the very core is something that comes from within. I cannot give it to you. No one can.

The question is...how bad do you want it? Do you want to change? Do you still believe that it is possible for you to get what you want in life?

It's kind of a cruel thing. You're in a prison cell. You feel as though your life is finished. You think you are a dead man. That you'll never be free. You'll never be good enough again. You will never be alive again.

The cruelest thing about your prison cell, is that the door is not locked. The door is open. It has been open all your life.

Want me to prove it to you? Could you imagine for 1 second, for one moment what it would feel like if you no longer cared about what other people thought about you? Could you imagine what life would feel like if you didn't care about the judgements of others? If the judgements of others did not exist for you?

Is it possible to live like this? Is it possible to experience a life free from the judgement of others, regardless of your flaws and assets?

If it is possible - how?

I offer the door to you here. The cruelest thing about your life is that your perceived obstacles are merely illusions.

The cell door is open. You just have to have the courage to walk out.
 
^Sigh...

A decent post and reasonable advice ruined by marketing.
 
jjessea said:
^Sigh...

A decent post and reasonable advice ruined by marketing.

Did you actually read what I linked? Nowhere in the link that I offered does it ask you to pay for anything. It is entirely free.

Without a solution offered, my post is about as useful as some nice words sprinkled on a birthday card. It looks pretty, but it doesn't offer anything concrete.

It is the only thing that I know. There may be other ways, but this is the way I went. It changed my life, quite drastically. I can only share my experiences with others.
 
I read it. You have a store. It sounds like you mean well and I liked what you posted, but I always meet advice that is coupled with possible monetary gain with skepticism. I apologize if your intentions are otherwise. I also understand that making money is an unfortunate necessity.
 
so this guy Nethic is trying to get my money and doesnt really care? see how i hate the world?
 
jjessea said:
I read it. You have a store. It sounds like you mean well and I liked what you posted, but I always meet advice that is coupled with possible monetary gain with skepticism. I apologize if your intentions are otherwise. I also understand that making money is an unfortunate necessity.

Alright, suppose for a moment that this were true (it is not, I am not affiliated with Nathaniel Branden in any way, though I am a life-long devotee).

Why exactly would me owning a store matter to you? Even if I did make money off of it, It's not about my end-game.

What are you actually here for? Is this a thread where you just talk about your life problems with each other, agree that absolutely no solution exists and that you're all screwed anyway and you might as well kill yourselves?

What is your purpose here? What is it that you really want to achieve from this thread?

Do you want someone else to pat you on the back and say "aw, yea, it sucks so much that you're going through this...i have it bad too, here are my stories..."?

At least you're not alone right? You're not suffering alone? Is that what you want out of this thread?

I can understand the allure of such a response. You're validated in your problems, but the problem is that such a response only keeps you in the same exact place.

You're still in the cell. You're safe, in your prison cell. The first person to walk up to the door of your cell and give you a viable solution by telling you "hey...this door is open", and what do you say? You tell the messenger that he is a liar...a crook, that he is just trying to con you into buying into something.

I understand where you are coming from. As I said before, I can't do more than just lead you to the door. You're the one that has to open it.

The way I'm visualizing this is like this: I see two men, prisoners, siting together in a medieval looking cell. They look like they have been in there for quite some time. I am standing outside of the prison door, looking in. I see you two chatting about all your problems. I tell you, "GUYS, the door is open! I can't open it from the outside, but the inside has a nob, if you turn it it will open!". And you two, so defeated by life itself, say amongst yourselves: "Don't listen to him, he's just a crook trying to sell something! People have to earn money some how (says the other)".

The cruelest part about your prison, is that it is an illusion. And you have just proved it to yourselves with your reaction.
 
Nethic said:
What are you actually here for? Is this a thread where you just talk about your life problems with each other

Yep

Nethic said:
At least you're not alone right? You're not suffering alone? Is that what you want out of this thread?

Yep




We're responsible for our own problems, our own lives, and our own choices. We can make these choices, we should make them, good or bad. It makes us who we are. We don't need a self help guru to define our perspective.

Our personalities, our lives, our qualities and our faults, color our lives with variety, and paint the picture of humanity. We do that with success and we do it with failure, even if it's miserable.
 
jjessea said:
Nethic said:
What are you actually here for? Is this a thread where you just talk about your life problems with each other

Yep

Nethic said:
At least you're not alone right? You're not suffering alone? Is that what you want out of this thread?

Yep




We're responsible for our own problems, our own lives, and our own choices. We can make these choices, we should make them, good or bad. It makes us who we are. We don't need a self help guru to define our perspective.

Our personalities, our lives, our qualities and our faults, color our lives with variety, and paint the picture of humanity. We do that with success and we do it with failure, even if it's miserable.



Understood. As long as the choice to be miserable is conscious, I can respect your decision.

I wish you both good luck.
 
The choice to be myself is conscious. If it be a miserable self, then so be it. If it's failure then it's failure.

However, I liked your prison metaphor, I just distrusted your intentions. I wasn't trying to censor or disagree with you.

Despite my comments above, I'm not a fatalist. You carry who you are with you, but where you're headed can change. I mean, if we're gonna talk allegory and metaphor here then lets continue.
 
LordofLosers said:
im lost, confused and have no idea where my self esteem has gone... oh wait i know, once i hit 40 it went MIA... i knew once i hit 40 my dating days were all over and done... because no woman wants a guy who lives with his mother, has a beat up truck and a income of disability... dont forget a alcoholic and a drug addict to boot... tell me what self respecting lady would want that sort of piece of honeysuckle in their life? NONE, and rightly so.... cause guys like me at my age are worthless... so yea, im going to die alone and probably by a self inflicted injury... i cant take this honeysuckle anymore... going to therapy wont help my cause... it will just make me worse... YES i know this to be true, because i have already been through it for 20 years.... i hate the fact that im not good enough for anyone... because society has brainwashed everyone and told us what is proper to date and what isnt... every time im asked about my personal life is sets me right off... because im sick of these ignorant aholes throwing their wonderful relationships in my face... like they even give a honeysuckle about me... anyways, i know my destiny, to be dead in a ditch somewhere alone... now can anyone relate to that? 100 bucks says, nope...

I don't think it's too late to start making some changes. 40 is still young in my opinion. Trust me, I see people getting together at your age or even later. It's a matter of mindset, and lifestyle I guess? If right now you think you're not gonna make it and find what you want, you're not. But if you believe and set your mind to it, changes will likely happen, whether in your favour or not, but they will be changes that you will need or maybe even want, in order to have a better life.

Don't give up just yet. It's not over. But the change has to start within you.. from you.. for you, first. You have to start believing in yourself and believe that you can do this. And then keep working on things until you get where you want to be. 40 is not too late. Even with your situation. I mean, even jjessea's example shows that someone can still turn their life around at your age.

Good luck, just don't give up just yet. You're the driver of your life. You choose where you wanna go, what you wanna do. If there are limitations, you try to find ways.. if you can't do it how you want, then you learn to make do with what you have and see how you can improve things up to that extent. It's not easy, it's not simple, it's worth the effort though.
 
When people ask you about your life, how are they ignorant ********? What is it those supposed '********' ignore? It sounds as though a glitch in the matrix has been found and that no one but you can see the truth about life. As for your situation regarding a disability, I can often relate to that as I have a disability myself, however along the way, I find more and more people who don't give a honeysuckle whether or not I have a disability. But you shouldn't blame others for your feelings or problems.

Also, you call others ignorant ********, but who's ignorant here? Your opening post kinda gives me an impression:

- Whatever we say, it won't help because no one will like you anyway
- Whatever a therapist says, it won't help you even after 20 years, because no therapist is good enough for you and they are so unskilled at what they do. There is more than just a handful of therapists in the world.

- Whatever other people say, they are ignorant ******** because they have a relationship and you don't. Well let me tell you, not everyone with a relationship and a supposedly happy life is an ignorant *******. That's just one of the most shallow-minded things I have ever heard.

How are we supposed to help you in the first place, when you're going on about suicide in your opening post already ('self inflicted injury')? There's no 'room' for us to help. Only thing we could do is cry with you on how utterly bad the world is and how honeysuckle your life is. There can't be anything worse in the world than you, who has a computer, a family member to live with and money every month? I mean yeah you have a disability, so have I. But still .. people get killed every day, millions are underfed and whatnot. Your situation is not the end of the world.

Why do you want to kill yourself anyway, because you can't get a partner? Have you tried online dating? Have you made an effort in the first place? It seems as though you have been sulking in your bedroom for the last 20 years.

Thing is, if you have not got the mindset to change, it is not going to happen anyway.
 
this post is almost a year old and nothing has changed... not because i havent tried to change, its because SOCIETY is full of shallow people and IM FORCED to be alone... so dont preach to me about changing, cause its bullshit...
 

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