Age difference outside my comfort zone.

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Alonewith2cats

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I just got this message on OK Cupid.

"Apart from the description on your profile,
Are there any other prerequisites for me to apply and be considered as one of the potential candidates to be your partner?"

It's charming and he looks cute but I'm 40 years old and he is 24. That's a whopping 16 year age difference! I would feel weird about it, like I am robbing the cradle. I don't know if I should respond. I like younger but this is on the extreme spectrum of younger.
 
Alonewith2cats said:
I just got this message on OK Cupid.

"Apart from the description on your profile,
Are there any other prerequisites for me to apply and be considered as one of the potential candidates to be your partner?"

It's charming and he looks cute but I'm 40 years old and he is 24. That's a whopping 16 year age difference! I would feel weird about it, like I am robbing the cradle. I don't know if I should respond. I like younger but this is on the extreme spectrum of younger.

This message fails my #1 requirement for a response: Mention one thing from my profile.

This is a spam email, in my opinion.
 
I'm too chicken to reply anyway. 24 years old, too young, I can't do it. And I got another message from a guy who is 36, age is right for me but he has an empty profile and he wants me to call him without chatting with me on-line first. This fails my #1 requirement which is to know something about the person before letting him have my phone #.

I may be keeping myself single but I have standards and I can't lower them.
 
If you think the first guy is an actual person, do the dating scene a favour and at least tell him "sorry, you're too young for me". Unless it's already stated in your profile that he doesn't meet the minimum age.
 
I can understand your feelings. 16 years is a big gap for a relationship. You are at different stages of life.
 
Give him to me. :) No it probably is just some sort of spam. I have noticed lately I seem to be the hot ticket among young guys.. sometimes it does freak me out. But I find them so kind, unencumbered, and generally well meaning. It scares me sometimes when they say something just really nice and you can see that they mean it.
 
Ummm... 16 years is not all that much of an age difference in my opinion... I've dated a woman who was 28 years older than I was for little over 2 years & it was one of the best relationship I was in... We even talked about moving in together but things happened & we ended up going our separate ways, which had nothing to do with our age difference... I know everyone has "cut-off point" somewhere... Apparently, my "cut-off age difference" rage may be wider than a lot of people...
 
Tiina63 said:
I can understand your feelings. 16 years is a big gap for a relationship. You are at different stages of life.

I agree with this, but he is a grown adult. Surely he knows what he likes, and surely he knew the person of his interests was older by however many years.
 
I wouldn't be so sure Vanilla, gotta be careful even someone who is 24 can still actually be quite immature in several ways it depends on the person, a lot of people that age still haven't really found their way in life, I think generally speaking people are a bit more mature 26+. It is possible that he could be just after sex so keep that in consideration Alone, whether you want a relationship based on that is up to you of course. The message does seem like spam, I agree.
 
painter said:
If you think the first guy is an actual person, do the dating scene a favour and at least tell him "sorry, you're too young for me". Unless it's already stated in your profile that he doesn't meet the minimum age.

My profile says I'm looking for guys age 30 to 45 so it does state this but I can write him that.

Like many women on dating sites. I don't usually respond if I'm not interested because I don't enjoy sending rejection messages. I think those can be more hurtful than no response. But I can tell him he is too young for me. It's not as bad as saying "Sorry, I'm not attracted to you" which is something I would never write to them because I realize they are actual human beings and hurting feelings is not something I enjoy.

It's a website full of strangers. I don't believe I have to talk to all of them. It's not like they walked up to me in public. I have had plenty of men who I messaged not reply to me either and I don't get mad about it so we're all equal.
 
ShybutHi said:
I wouldn't be so sure Vanilla, gotta be careful even someone who is 24 can still actually be quite immature in several ways it depends on the person, a lot of people that age still haven't really found their way in life, I think generally speaking people are a bit more mature 26+. It is possible that he could be just after sex so keep that in consideration Alone, whether you want a relationship based on that is up to you of course. The message does seem like spam, I agree.

I'm very aware of this. This is the main reason why I'm filtering out people this young. Also I am uncomfortable with this large of a gap in age. The youngest I would consider is maybe 27 (I kind of go by the guideline take half your age and add 7 and don't go any younger, I realize of course this is just a guide, not an absolute rule) but I really prefer a guy to be at least 30. That doesn't mean I don't still think guys in their 20s are cute but I'm not going to be somebody's toy and I do believe most men in their 20s who pursue older women like me are looking for sex toys. They're still boys after all. Grown ones, legally adult ones but still boys who like a certain type of mature sex toy, a woman to play with. No thanks.
 
Alonewith2cats said:
ShybutHi said:
I wouldn't be so sure Vanilla, gotta be careful even someone who is 24 can still actually be quite immature in several ways it depends on the person, a lot of people that age still haven't really found their way in life, I think generally speaking people are a bit more mature 26+. It is possible that he could be just after sex so keep that in consideration Alone, whether you want a relationship based on that is up to you of course. The message does seem like spam, I agree.

I'm very aware of this. This is the main reason why I'm filtering out people this young. Also I am uncomfortable with this large of a gap in age. The youngest I would consider is maybe 27 (I kind of go by the guideline take half your age and add 7 and don't go any younger, I realize of course this is just a guide, not an absolute rule) but I really prefer a guy to be at least 30. That doesn't mean I don't still think guys in their 20s are cute but I'm not going to be somebody's toy and I do believe most men in their 20s who pursue older women like me are looking for sex toys. They're still boys after all. Grown ones, legally adult ones but still boys who like a certain type of mature sex toy, a woman to play with. No thanks.

Well, I'm 25, and I can assure you that last year I was just the same as I am now. I'll wait for September to see if I change any after moving into being 26.

But, 2cats, if you're not comfortable with the age (and it is a real person), you've every right to tell him. Regardless of anything, if you're not comfortable, don't do it.
 
VanillaCreme said:
Well, I'm 25, and I can assure you that last year I was just the same as I am now. I'll wait for September to see if I change any after moving into being 26.

But, 2cats, if you're not comfortable with the age (and it is a real person), you've every right to tell him. Regardless of anything, if you're not comfortable, don't do it.

:p Yes it depends on the person like I mentioned. I am sure she is aware of it, but I was just pointing out the issue as it is something that should definitely be considered when looking for a proper long term committed relationship.
Agree with what you said to Alone, if she doesn't feel comfortable with it then it may not be best to go ahead with it. If she feels just unsure about it though, the best thing to do really I suppose is to have some long chats with the guy, maybe even over skype or phone, take things slow... If you seem to gel well after you get to know each other a bit and you feel comfortable talking, then perhaps suggest a meet up. :)
 
I'm in the same boat, I'm 45 and in the past I have dated someone 9 years older than myself. But we went our seperite ways, but not because of age diffence. Right now, I had a 32 year old contact me, and I was very reluctant....wasn't sure how together they where. The age difference does seem to bother me, in the back of my mind.
With your situation, I would feel that that is a little too young - but some can be more mature for there age. Guess it depends on the individual. I would think there would be more chance of, well......games and such, or whatever else they are after..lol
 
VanillaCreme said:
Alonewith2cats said:
ShybutHi said:
I wouldn't be so sure Vanilla, gotta be careful even someone who is 24 can still actually be quite immature in several ways it depends on the person, a lot of people that age still haven't really found their way in life, I think generally speaking people are a bit more mature 26+. It is possible that he could be just after sex so keep that in consideration Alone, whether you want a relationship based on that is up to you of course. The message does seem like spam, I agree.

I'm very aware of this. This is the main reason why I'm filtering out people this young. Also I am uncomfortable with this large of a gap in age. The youngest I would consider is maybe 27 (I kind of go by the guideline take half your age and add 7 and don't go any younger, I realize of course this is just a guide, not an absolute rule) but I really prefer a guy to be at least 30. That doesn't mean I don't still think guys in their 20s are cute but I'm not going to be somebody's toy and I do believe most men in their 20s who pursue older women like me are looking for sex toys. They're still boys after all. Grown ones, legally adult ones but still boys who like a certain type of mature sex toy, a woman to play with. No thanks.

Well, I'm 25, and I can assure you that last year I was just the same as I am now. I'll wait for September to see if I change any after moving into being 26.

But, 2cats, if you're not comfortable with the age (and it is a real person), you've every right to tell him. Regardless of anything, if you're not comfortable, don't do it.

Vanilla, you're not a guy on the internet looking to score. Big difference. I'm not going to date him.
 
Yah, don't date him if you don't want to. Age gaps are difficult to deal with and not everyone is up to it so to hell with it.
 
I've never considered huge age difference as a terrible barrier and been always fascinated by older than me people. Certainly I wouldn't have minded to have one of my lecturers as a partner or even a wife/husband, but Tiina63 mentioned different life stages and I guess it's something important to keep in mind. I can see a huge difference between now, when I'm close to 40, and when I was in my early twenties. I'm not sure whether younger I would be ready to understand fully me, my choices and problems without being a part of the same times and seeing a bit more. But I do believe that this could work anyway.
 
A lot of young guys have a thing for older women, he might just be fishing or a spammer but then he might be sincere as well and just not know what else to write. It can be intimidating on line to try and write something to a stranger.

If it were me, given it is all online you could just chat to him for a while, provided you keep it online he can't do anything to you if he is a fake and if he isn't well you never know.
 

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