Case
Well-known member
Shunning attention has been the mantra of my life to a large extent. In almost every area in my life, I have diminished myself, become invisible, slipped into the shadows, dressed as boring as I could to blend in, (but not TOO boring,) all to avoid the dreaded eyeballs of certain embarrassment. If I stood out in any way, I felt small. I didn't want to show my distinctiveness. That wasn't for others to see because it opened me up for ridicule, disgust, and... Oh, man. Attention. Ugh. If I had eyeballs on me, that was fear-personified, and I did everything I could to avoid those beady eyes, to avoid being looked at, being recognized, or being seen, scrutinized, inspected, and detected by anyone.
Unfortunately, you do this long enough, and you get good at it, but you tend to realize that no one's watching when you do something good. Even with all of that fear, you desire just one person to stand up, look your way, point at you, smile genuinely, and acknowledge your existence.
When I was a teen, I worked on high school plays, but I wasn't the stage performer. No, ma'am. Instead of acting or singing, I did the stage decorations, the lighting, and other tasks that are all required for the audience to see the show, but don't require the audience's collective evil eye on me, ever. (shiver) In truth, the spotlight, no matter where it came from, petrified me.
I ran from attention like it was an alien space slug out to destroy me. My brain treated attention like it was a horrible disease without cure, and if I ever found myself in the middle of the spotlight, I thought I would surely DIE from its melting rays.
I never understood why I expended so much energy on avoiding attention. Was I really that shy? Probably. Was I really so petrified of making a mistake? Maybe. What about looking stupid, talking like an idiot, or making people laugh at my ineptitude? Yes, yes, and OHHHHH yes.
Of course, over the years, I've amended my behaviors to crave some attention now and again, but it's not much. Usually only from one person at a time. Maybe two. And while I am much better with multiple or even many eyeballs on me at any one time, I still find myself trying to get all stealthy and avoid any possibility of a limelight.
Now, in keeping with this thread's title, I throw the attention back onto you to share your own experiences about attention, either wanting it or not, craving it or avoiding it.
I'll just be in the shadows, thank you.
Unfortunately, you do this long enough, and you get good at it, but you tend to realize that no one's watching when you do something good. Even with all of that fear, you desire just one person to stand up, look your way, point at you, smile genuinely, and acknowledge your existence.
When I was a teen, I worked on high school plays, but I wasn't the stage performer. No, ma'am. Instead of acting or singing, I did the stage decorations, the lighting, and other tasks that are all required for the audience to see the show, but don't require the audience's collective evil eye on me, ever. (shiver) In truth, the spotlight, no matter where it came from, petrified me.
I ran from attention like it was an alien space slug out to destroy me. My brain treated attention like it was a horrible disease without cure, and if I ever found myself in the middle of the spotlight, I thought I would surely DIE from its melting rays.
I never understood why I expended so much energy on avoiding attention. Was I really that shy? Probably. Was I really so petrified of making a mistake? Maybe. What about looking stupid, talking like an idiot, or making people laugh at my ineptitude? Yes, yes, and OHHHHH yes.
Of course, over the years, I've amended my behaviors to crave some attention now and again, but it's not much. Usually only from one person at a time. Maybe two. And while I am much better with multiple or even many eyeballs on me at any one time, I still find myself trying to get all stealthy and avoid any possibility of a limelight.
Now, in keeping with this thread's title, I throw the attention back onto you to share your own experiences about attention, either wanting it or not, craving it or avoiding it.
I'll just be in the shadows, thank you.
