lifestream
Well-known member
So I'm house hunting with my best friend and her boyfriend right now.
Two days ago, my best friend insisted that I go to a viewing at one o'clock the following day, on the southwestern edge of the city where we live, even after I explained to her that I had an important interview that same afternoon which was on the exact opposite side of town from this viewing. She gives me the address, which I promptly memorise, I triple-check it on Google Maps so I don't get lost, make sure to find a bus route that passes by the general vicinity of the address, etc. I knew the timing would be a close thing so I make sure every task that day is strictly choreographed in advance. A military procedure by any definition.
The next morning comes, I walk the thirty minutes I need to walk to catch the bus to get there. She texts me at about half-past eleven, just as I'm arriving at the boarding stop, asking "what's going on?". I explain the situation, me traveling there on my own and meeting them at the place, what have you, and get no reply. I sit through a forty minute bus ride, arrive at the place I'm supposed to be, still no word from her. I walk around the neighbourhood, which is fairly disreputable and has been on the national news several times because of high rates of knife crime, but I can't find the correct road name anywhere. I walk around this neighbourhood for thirty minutes. It's a quarter to one before I hear from her boyfriend explaining that my best friend can't make it (because of a bad period, which seems to be every month with her :/), that she didn't bother to tell him I was travelling out to the viewing on my own, that the address she gave me was somehow incorrect and that he's going to come out on his own but will be late. One o'clock rolls around and I'm still waiting, five minutes past, ten minutes, until he finally shows up at a quarter past... By which point the estate agent has obviously given up the ghost and the house is empty. And we can't even call him because my best friend has the contact details but turned off her phone to go to bed. Her boyfriend makes her excuses for her and generally acts like her publicist, or something. I am not amused by any of this. I leave for my interview immediately, a journey which takes the guts of two hours, taking the time to call another friend and tell them about what happened. This friend is aghast at the situation. And it's hard for me to argue with that reaction.
To clarify, I agreed to do this house hunting thing with them a long time ago, figuring that it would never happen as my friend has always been more of a talker than a doer. It was a nasty shock for me when their current living circumstances changed (due to their own carelessness, I might add) and I was suddenly being pressured into making this massive life change to accommodate them. Now that we're doing it, I find myself marginalised at every turn. Any suggestions I make are promptly disregarded in favour of their own fairly subpar ideas, my needs are tertiary to theirs and yet I'm told again and again and again that I have to compromise. Yesterday is the perfect example of this circumstance. I make a massive effort to meet them halfway and somehow I'm left feeling foolish and embittered.
I am not a demanding person. I try to be unselfish and charitable. I try to make the best of things. I try to be a good friend to the people I love. I try to compromise but I seem to be the only one in this arrangement who's trying, though. I know that I've put myself in this situation, but it's getting to the point where I'm wondering if I've made an even bigger mistake than I'd ever predicted by allowing myself to be drawn into this circumstance with these people.
Do I have any right to be angry, despite putting myself here?
Two days ago, my best friend insisted that I go to a viewing at one o'clock the following day, on the southwestern edge of the city where we live, even after I explained to her that I had an important interview that same afternoon which was on the exact opposite side of town from this viewing. She gives me the address, which I promptly memorise, I triple-check it on Google Maps so I don't get lost, make sure to find a bus route that passes by the general vicinity of the address, etc. I knew the timing would be a close thing so I make sure every task that day is strictly choreographed in advance. A military procedure by any definition.
The next morning comes, I walk the thirty minutes I need to walk to catch the bus to get there. She texts me at about half-past eleven, just as I'm arriving at the boarding stop, asking "what's going on?". I explain the situation, me traveling there on my own and meeting them at the place, what have you, and get no reply. I sit through a forty minute bus ride, arrive at the place I'm supposed to be, still no word from her. I walk around the neighbourhood, which is fairly disreputable and has been on the national news several times because of high rates of knife crime, but I can't find the correct road name anywhere. I walk around this neighbourhood for thirty minutes. It's a quarter to one before I hear from her boyfriend explaining that my best friend can't make it (because of a bad period, which seems to be every month with her :/), that she didn't bother to tell him I was travelling out to the viewing on my own, that the address she gave me was somehow incorrect and that he's going to come out on his own but will be late. One o'clock rolls around and I'm still waiting, five minutes past, ten minutes, until he finally shows up at a quarter past... By which point the estate agent has obviously given up the ghost and the house is empty. And we can't even call him because my best friend has the contact details but turned off her phone to go to bed. Her boyfriend makes her excuses for her and generally acts like her publicist, or something. I am not amused by any of this. I leave for my interview immediately, a journey which takes the guts of two hours, taking the time to call another friend and tell them about what happened. This friend is aghast at the situation. And it's hard for me to argue with that reaction.
To clarify, I agreed to do this house hunting thing with them a long time ago, figuring that it would never happen as my friend has always been more of a talker than a doer. It was a nasty shock for me when their current living circumstances changed (due to their own carelessness, I might add) and I was suddenly being pressured into making this massive life change to accommodate them. Now that we're doing it, I find myself marginalised at every turn. Any suggestions I make are promptly disregarded in favour of their own fairly subpar ideas, my needs are tertiary to theirs and yet I'm told again and again and again that I have to compromise. Yesterday is the perfect example of this circumstance. I make a massive effort to meet them halfway and somehow I'm left feeling foolish and embittered.
I am not a demanding person. I try to be unselfish and charitable. I try to make the best of things. I try to be a good friend to the people I love. I try to compromise but I seem to be the only one in this arrangement who's trying, though. I know that I've put myself in this situation, but it's getting to the point where I'm wondering if I've made an even bigger mistake than I'd ever predicted by allowing myself to be drawn into this circumstance with these people.
Do I have any right to be angry, despite putting myself here?