GUYS - Would You Date a Fat & Ugly Girl

If this is legit... I'll just say two things: One, believe it or not, there are guys who prefer bigger women. And two, there's someone for everyone.

First, you are NOT ugly. Actually, I think you are rather pretty

As for the weight, you are trying to lose it and that's what matters. Keep trying, don't give up and if you are determined, you will get there. BUT, don't rely on losing weight to make yourself feel better about yourself. It doesn't really work that way. When the weight is gone, you will find something else you don't like about yourself.

of course you are dateable !

I would stop calling yourself fat and ugly as well.

Here Have A Cookie said:

...I have to get clear about something first, though. I really don't want any of those cheesy self-love lectures, I don't want any "it's what's on the inside that matters" bullshit. I just want to know if I'm dateable or if I should just go home and hide under my bed covers. Please be honest!!

Click to expand...

All right...As a 42-year old woman who has been through all of the above crap that you are currently feeling about yourself...yes...you are dateable.

Do not go hide under the covers...Instead, get out, get living, get laughing and have fun.

I'll try offer the frank and unbiased opinion of 22 year old guy - myself:

First of all, I don't think you're ugly. Actually you got a pretty face. Secondly, it's true that the 'slender type' seems to be attracting the majority of younger guys. But maybe it's just peer pressure/social standards, I don't know. If you feel uncomfortable about your weight there are just two ways: Gain confidence or lose some weight. In any case, I don't think you are what you call naturally unattractive.

But I don't want to bore you with the old beauty is in the eye of the beholder thing either - losing a few pounds could probably improve your attraction to the general population. No guarantees though. Why? Because a lack of self-confidence about your body might be much more of a dead giveaway than the body itself.

Personally I don't mind whether a girl is skinny, chubby or somewhere inbetween - whatever terms people use these days. But she should be comfortable with herself...and that simply starts in the head.

I can't give an answer to the date question though. I have never dated (as in taken out) anyone in my whole life and it would be pointless to use me for referencing.

Is that a Pantera shirt?

Dateable.

You know, I often wonder about these things. Fat people, ugly people, very short people, very tall people, people with mental or physical conditions... all kinds of people. Underneath, we will all have our preferences, and, although they differ, would we date people with the same afflictions that we ourselves have? Would you, Here Have a Cookie, date a guy (or girl!) that had the traits you dislike in yourself? If yes, then there is someone out there that also would date you. If no, then you can't really complain I guess.
It's just going to be harder for you to find that relationship, because yeah a lot of people are going for the bombshells. But are they happy. Does it work for them. Do they get married and have perfect lives. Why am I deliberately avoiding question marks at the end of my questions. No reason really, I am just a bit silly.
Honestly? I love natural people. Natural hair colour and less makeup is beautiful to me. If you and I clicked and I thought you were an awesome person aka not a ******* idiot then yes, I would date you.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Don't be afraid to smile and don't assume everyone sees what you see. You deserve to be loved and kissed and cherished just like the rest of us. I know what you mean with the self-love bullshit, but honestly it's kinda true. People say to never judge a book by its cover but fresia it I do it anyway, and when I see a beautiful soul I also see a beautiful body, even if it's not the kind you'd see on some horrid glamour magazine. Cliche'd phrases are there for a reason - often because they're true. So don't dismiss me saying "beauty comes in all shapes and sizes" as some kind of half-assed attempt to make you feel better. I don't know you, I have no reason to lie to you, but the saying is very true for me. I've dated someone your size, who also felt the same about herself as you do. It was a great relationship, and you can have it too one day.

[video=youtube]

Triple Bogey said:

I would stop calling yourself fat and ugly as well.

Click to expand...

Yea, I'd start here too. I can relate, I used to think I was ugly for years. And I can also relate specifically about the hair. But those are all solvable problems.

First, what specifically has been your plan to lose weight? I have several friends who dramatically changed their appearances, and health, for the better. They lost A LOT of weight. It can be done. Their main methods, I believe, were simply portion control. Also, they cut down on snacking a lot, and only ate at mealtime - breakfast, lunch, and dinner. No snacks in between. It can turn into a habit to eat when you are not truly hungry. I have this habit too when I am not being careful.

They also started doing more cardio. Running, bike riding, roller blading, swimming, even going for a daily walk is better than doing nothing. The key is consistency. Every day (weather permitting). Don't give up because you may not see results tomorrow. It's hard to press on when you don't know when the results will come but I've seen this first hand.

I am no dietician, but I've heard that in terms of food, fats are not the problem as much as sugars. That's not to say you should stop eating fruit, and a treat every once in a while is fine. A good place to start is by eliminating soda from your diet. That's the thing that sneaks up on a lot of people, but it is very beneficial to eliminate or at least reduce. Drink water instead.

As far as the hair goes - I have really thick hair myself, only it is really straight, not curly. It is hard to make it look good, or for that matter, it is hard to make it look any way other than how it wants to lay. But I have found, from looking at other people with my hair type, some things that can be done with it. I realize that my hair compliments my head shape best when it is kept short - long hair doesn't really work for me. So I try to have more regular haircuts, and use product to give it a more appealing shape.

I'm not saying YOU should do exactly as I do, I think the long hair is nice. But I'm saying, try to look into it more. Try to find what other people with your hair type are doing with it to get some ideas. I thought there was nothing I could do with mine for the longest time, and i was wrong. You have to discover it.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

As long as a persons health is not at risk by their weight, there is no problem (in my view).

As for your question, If I was your age I'd date you, but it depends on what your into & how laid back you are :3

You are NOT ugly. You are pretty To be honest, I prefer woman who I can give a hug rather than break, if you know what I mean. You look good. If I'd meet you, like .. lived near you, I might just ask you out on a date. And if this is you without make-up .. you have NOTHING to worry about. Do not forget: You are only 17. I have not had many girlfriends in my life, I'm 20 myself ... and I do have quite some negative thoughts about myself but hey .. you're only 17 and it's not like every guy has the same opinion about you, there WILL be people out there .. there ARE people out there who are interested in you.

Those people who aren't, just don't know what they're missing Also you may be shy but I think you're a nice person. Being shy doesn't need to be a bad thing. Introvert people may be more .. introvert, but it's certainly not bad.


Also just so you know: You do not need to wear make-up to be pretty. People don't know what they miss

overweight - maybe

ugly - are we kidding? I see beautiful features, really nice hair, and I am sure when you smile you look even better. A good percentage of guys like round girls, and weight has little do to with beauty, especially if it is healthy.

One day when you will be old and (ok, not ugly but… old…) like me you will look back and you will think "was I crazy?" Don't mean to sound patronizing, sorry, that was my experience, and of some other people I know.

As someone else writes, you have two choices: gain confidence or lose weight, they are both fine

Dateable now? I am not a guy but I have eyes and I would say: definitely

I'm finding so difficult to find the right words of what to say to you! I wanted to reply to your post because I use to be quite overweight and understand exactly where your coming from, I lost weight for all the wrong reasons and was still miserable as fresia being slimmer! Don't think losing a bunch of weight will solve all your problems, you need to address why you got to the size in the first place and re -condition yourself into making better decisions for your mind and body.

This is going to be a long process so don't look for a quick fix, I still see a counsellor now and still have days where I eat like gluttonous pig but I'm not so hard on myself (lol). Life is for the living and all that rubbish! You just need to know your not ugly! Let me give you a scenario, all the self critical things you say about yourself imagine, you were saying them to your confident best friend, just continuously yapping in her ear about how ugly and fat she was. What would that make you? And how would she feel about herself after a month of you just following her around saying all these horrid things?
Would she even try and succeed at anything? Would she even try and be happy?

So why are you doing it to yourself? Why are you being your worst own enemy, constantly bullying yourself? You even did it in your post by using the members of the forum as your mouthpiece to insult yourself! Theses things need to stop or you will always have an issue with your appearance.

I could give you tips on how to lose weight, but I'd much prefer to help you with how you have conditioned your mind into believing you are not good enough to be loved, I'm no way the 'love guru' and some might say I could do with losing a good 14lbs or so, but fresia those fucks (I like a little junk in the trunk lol) and I still have issues with these subjects myself but I'm learning and willing to help others on my way. I don't think I'll ever truly be happy with my body but I know some day I'll be happy with my mind and you never know maybe my body will follow suit! PM if you want to chat

Firstly you are really pretty.

Not to sound patronizing but you are at a difficult age where your friends and people around you all have this ridiculous standard of what perfect is and you would find that a lot of the guys of your age group wouldn't even date slim girls who didn't have some type of attribute that they consider to be perfect.

Just be you and try and be happy and healthy and don't worry about other people and their damage. I know that sounds easier said than done but you don't need their crap or their approval.

I just wanted to chime in on what the others have stated...you are not even close to being ugly. You just happen to be in an awkward stage of your life, where looks seem to matter most to people in your age group. Luckily, that will fade fairly soon.

Personally, I like your hair and I think you would look cute with bangs. Then again, I like when women have bangs...yeah, I'm weird, but they do look cute on a woman *I'm sure one of the women on this forum will say I'm crazy, but oh well...*

I suggest you try to gain more confidence, don't care what others think and start marching to the beat of your own drum. Believe me, in the long run you'll come to like yourself much more than you ever imagined.

Finally, if that is a Pantera shirt...it just has to be...then you are already on the road to awesomeness

because you used the words: fat&ugly

in this book there is a chapter called : how to stop a Fat&Ugly attack (ps_ I love this book)

http://www.amazon.com/When-You-Refr...&sr=8-1&keywords=refrigerator+pull+up+a+chair

Here Have A Cookie said:

So...today has been really hard on my self-esteem and confidence (not like I've ever had very much of that, anyway). I've come to the conclusion that I am too fat and ugly to date. I'm 17, have never had a boyfriend, never been kissed or even held hands with a guy. I'm convinced that the reason for this is because I'm so ugly and fat. I'm extremely shy, but I've had friends ask guys out for me and the answers are always the same. It's either "I'll think about it" or "Sorry, I'm not interested" Which, come on, we all know those are nicer ways of saying "I would never date you". So now, today I've been thinking about past rejections. I have never gotten anything other than total rejection from guys and now I know it's all because I'm fat and ugly.

I don't know what to do about it, either. I've been trying to lose weight, which hasn't been going so good. And besides, even if I did lose weight, I doubt that anyone would go for me still because, in my opinion, I am naturally unattractive. And it isn't like I haven't tried making myself look better. I've tried wearing makeup, but the simple fact is that I actually look worse with makeup. There's no colors or anything that really compliments me. Besides the fact that I can't stand the way it feels on my face. I've also tried working with my hair, but honestly, there's really nothing you can do with my kind of hair.

I have a lot of complaints about my physical appearance. The two ties for number one on my list are my weight and my hair. I'm overweight, which by itself is something that makes me very ugly to guys. My hair...it has a personality of its own. It's very thick and curly, and using any hair products at all will make it look dirty. Other things on my list have to do with my face (I won't even mention these). But anyway, all this is making me feel too ugly to date anyone. Quite frankly, I don't see why anyone would want to date me anyway. It seems like guys only want the pretty ones for girlfriends, and the girls like me are only wanted 'as a friend' or 'like a sister'. It's been getting me really down because I want to get out there an start dating, but I have zero confidence that there's anyone out there willing to date a fat and ugly girl. I feel like because of the way I look, I'm always going to be alone.

Anyway, here's a picture of me so you can see how ugly I am. This is me with no makeup, no hair products, no special effects, filters, touchups, or anything at all to make me look better. It's just me, plain and simple. Now, I want to know, guys (or girls), if any of you would ever be willing to date that. (I bet all of you say no.) I have to get clear about something first, though. I really don't want any of those cheesy self-love lectures, I don't want any "it's what's on the inside that matters" bullshit. I just want to know if I'm dateable or if I should just go home and hide under my bed covers. Please be honest!!

Click to expand...

I think you are beautiful exactly the way you are. If you weren't half my age, I would ask you out in a heartbeat.

I think you are very pretty.

ringwood said:

Here Have A Cookie said:

...I have to get clear about something first, though. I really don't want any of those cheesy self-love lectures, I don't want any "it's what's on the inside that matters" bullshit. I just want to know if I'm dateable or if I should just go home and hide under my bed covers. Please be honest!!

Click to expand...

All right...As a 42-year old woman who has been through all of the above crap that you are currently feeling about yourself...yes...you are dateable.

Do not go hide under the covers...Instead, get out, get living, get laughing and have fun.

Click to expand...

I agree with ringwood (heck I'm even 42 too! )
All of us women have had the same thoughts and self-doubts at one time or another and probably guys too for that matter.
You're not so bad looking. I think things will get better for you. None of us here peaked when we were 17 (thank goodness for that! ) Finish your education, find out what you're passionate about. I know you don't want cliches but my signature holds true for many things in life.

-Teresa

Actually, like everyone else, I think you are rather pretty. I'm also 17 and ALSO never even kissed a guy before so I definitely know how it is a kick in the self-steem when everyone else your age is way past the "first kiss" stage and you are still stuck in it, but don't let that get to you. If you run and hide, it will only make things difficult. Have some faith in yourself!

I wish you good luck

I think you're pretty. Prettier than me too! I love your hair, and the natural curls. Some women really want that. :O

Also, as I've said in my post in your welcome thread, there are men who prefer bigger women over skinny women. It's a fact - I've met these guys, I know these guys. So yes, definitely dateable, if I was a guy, I'd have a crush on you cos I think you're cute and I really like your hair. (Hope this isn't sounding too creepy :S )

Don't be too hard on yourself, Cookie. And for a start, as what the others have said, stop calling yourself fat and ugly. I admit I do that to myself too, a lot more before but less now because honestly, why must you be the one so mean to yourself and your being? You should be taking care of it and praising it and loving it the way you are because that sort of confidence, will definitely shine and be one of your many attractive traits - believe me.